I feel cheated out of life...

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JohnnysEntertainmentFan
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14 Jun 2006, 3:53 pm

Fearless wrote:
"Some of us don't feel the rewards as strongly as we feel the punishments. We don't see life's beauty as clearly as we see the disorder. The comfort we receive doesn't cancel the pain. Suicide is the only relief from that kind of life." --Tom Day


Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm hearing from you quoting that is that you reject all of the advice and hints people have given you, and you aren't willing to try them. May I ask why?

I think (and I believe other people that have posted think the same as well), that the reason you posted, and keep posting to the forums about this issue is because you wanted help with it? Am I wrong? You seem to be against any thought besides suicide and think that your life will never change. I really don't understand it. Maybe you could explain it for me.



wobbegong
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14 Jun 2006, 8:59 pm

Who is Tom Day, when did he live and write?

I don't happen to agree with him.

Pain is pain, it isn't a reason to live or die. You can actually learn to tune it out if you want to, this is actually easier if the pain is only in your head and not caused by something more obviously tangible like a rat chewing off your leg. You can use drugs if you want to. Some people like pain and seek it out. Lots and lots of people live with pain of all kinds and don't feel suicidal.

Have you ever worked with a volunteer helping organisation like a soup kitchen or the salvos or the red cross or medecine sans frontiers or the rspca or the local hospital and focussed on people outside of yourself and your own problems whose problems may well be worse than yours. They're very inspiring. They make me feel better about myself and the world. They definitely give you more to think about than your own will to live or lack of it.

Have you thought about how suicide affects people who have to clean up the mess? Maybe you should spend some time with St Johns Ambulance or similar.

Have you thought that maybe you don't know everything there is to know that you need to know, that is important?

By the way, something I do find attractive in a bloke is one that is an expert in his field and can teach me new things. So you could become an expert in ballroom dancing perhaps? Never enough blokes. Or sewing, or hair dressing or baking - I do find a bloke who can cook nice food very attractive. My last bf specialised in roasts. Not very difficult, but very delicious.



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15 Jun 2006, 1:49 am

wobbegong wrote:
Who is Tom Day, when did he live and write?

I don't happen to agree with him.

Pain is pain, it isn't a reason to live or die. You can actually learn to tune it out if you want to, this is actually easier if the pain is only in your head and not caused by something more obviously tangible like a rat chewing off your leg. You can use drugs if you want to. Some people like pain and seek it out. Lots and lots of people live with pain of all kinds and don't feel suicidal.


Do you know loneliness does to the immune system? Someone who is alone has less then half the antibodies then someone who is happily married. Actually be single and depressed is worse then a drinker, smoker who is married and loved.

I would bet that they even have fewer antibodies then some who has to live in physical pain. It was only last week that one member of staff died of a hart attack, relatively young; he lived alone with his mother. Now I bet his mother will follow seen after. Sometime you can ague with what the mind does, but you cant with what the body decides to do. I know that I will not be worrying about making any social security plans for old age; I will probably not reach it unless I make other plans.



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15 Jun 2006, 5:49 am

JohnnysEntertainmentFan wrote:
Enigmatic_Oddity wrote:

I don't wish to encourage anyone to commit suicide. Regardless of whether people believe suicide is immoral or not, it isn't exactly desirable. Like you say, there is often life after depression, but there is nothing after suicide.


Ah, my bad. I thought you were defending the position of it, thus supporting it.


I accept that suicide and suicidal thoughts are normal and inevitable aspects of existence. Therefore I don't believe suicidal people are being immoral. But, as you say, I don't support suicide.



wobbegong
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15 Jun 2006, 8:50 am

Aspie Chav

That's true for men but not for women.

Being married - gives men a longer healthier life on average.

Being single - gives women a longer healthier life on average.

http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepubli ... n0615.html

Maybe fearless is right.

However I'd find sharing a house with someone else, but particularily a bloke - very stressful, and being stressed shortens your life. Every bloke I've shared with has made more work than he's done around the house.



JohnnysEntertainmentFan
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15 Jun 2006, 12:57 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:

Do you know loneliness does to the immune system? Someone who is alone has less then half the antibodies then someone who is happily married. Actually be single and depressed is worse then a drinker, smoker who is married and loved.

I would bet that they even have fewer antibodies then some who has to live in physical pain. It was only last week that one member of staff died of a hart attack, relatively young; he lived alone with his mother. Now I bet his mother will follow seen after. Sometime you can ague with what the mind does, but you cant with what the body decides to do. I know that I will not be worrying about making any social security plans for old age; I will probably not reach it unless I make other plans.



I believe this, but loneliness is absolutely something that can be changed. People can learn how to be social. I have made great improvements from where I was.



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16 Jun 2006, 12:15 am

JohnnysEntertainmentFan wrote:
I believe this, but loneliness is absolutely something that can be changed. People can learn how to be social. I have made great improvements from where I was.


I try to improve daily, but sometime I forget.



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16 Jun 2006, 12:30 am

I do believe that to a certain extent Aspies are immune to stress. The is a lot of stress associated with social climbing and all those game that NTs play. So whether they are high status or low Aspies level of stress would be the same.

I bought the wild-divine biofeedback machine, and my stress levels was low compared my sisters.



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16 Jun 2006, 12:57 am

aspie chav

I think I'd be fairly unstressed if I stayed at home and did nothing much but eat and read books all day.

I have noticed that blokes can be much less stressed than women at home. Especially blokes who don't mind living in a complete pig sty. I'm much less stressed when the bloke is not there.

Do you ever replace the toilet paper on the roll when you use the last bit? I know that's a petty example but if you're not the doing it every time you use the last sheet, you're making work and maybe stress for someone else. And it's cumulative.

I'd rather live alone.



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27 Jun 2006, 4:34 am

I think that action, even small actions, help lift depression.

I think sometimes if a person thinks about all the past and all the future they get bogged down and it seems too impossible to change. But the thing is just do what you can do in one day. Pick something to make yourself feel happier even if it is something small and not necessarily life changing. You don't have to get a high paying job, move out and find a girl all in one go... or even quickly.

Rather than think this will never happen... which isn't so... and by the way a lot of people take a long time to make these things happen and it's OK... Think of what you can do to have more fun today. Have fun, learn something new, etc. Don't blame yourself or beat yourself up for the past. Just think about today for now. What is a small thing you can think of today, to make something about your life better. Even if it's just dusting the room. Even if it's just having fun somehow.

Also I think something to think about in a positive fashion. Try to actively find books which will cheer you up. These things may sound silly but maybe give it all a try. Do not think past (beyond) today for a while... think about one thing to do that day. Then do your best to do it... something feasible. Something a person can pull off in one day. Before long you may feel up to a week long project. And I mean it doesn't matter if it is job or girl related. Just to get the feeling you can do it (complete a project of your choosing; there's joy in that).

Are you into creative things? Keep that going. That may raise your mood a bit. Is there a job you can train for online and do online? That may be a start. But don't put the cart before the horse. I think doing things you simply enjoy and doing things that give you a sense of completion... even if it is a game or a puzzle... are a good start. About making friends... there really is no 'normal"... a lot of NTs have trouble with this also. People move, change, are fickle. Most people have acquaintances, real friends are hard for anyone to find really. Don't feel as if it's 'you' on that point.

Have you tried counseling? That may help with your self image and with "learning" socialising and so forth. There are ways to make small talk, I guess. But remember not all socialising has to be at a party... some people meet others through common interests. Try online gaming maybe?? As a start.

I hope any of this has helped. You sound like a sensitive person. The world can always use those. Stick around.






Fearless wrote:
Anyway, long story short is that, I'm male almost closing in on 28 and I've been sexless a while and it's driving me nuts. Even when I was getting some when I was in my very early 20's it was for 2 years, and only maybe 4 days a month since it was a long distance relationship.

I was really depressed and suicidal after highschool and haven't had a job in 7 years since I broke up with my first and only girlfriend. I had social anxiety during highschool and it only intensified after I got dumped I self isolated permanently, I haven't left the house in nearly 7 years unless it was to visit people I met off the internet briefly. I dont know how to socialize or make friends normally.

I feel at a loss, I wasn't planning to live this long and my self-esteem was so shot from my upbringing I had given up all hope at anything, I was unhappy and ready to leave. I kinda had a wake up call this year and its like the last 15 or so years I've been in a trance from the trauma of my upbringing and I'm not sure what to do or where to go as I have no job and no money, and having no one in my life is starting to take its toll on my soul, I can feel it collapsing, I've been thinking about suicide a lot... since no woman is going to want to be around someone who doesn't talk and still lives at home with his parents... I dont think I'll make it. I've been alone and depressed to long and now I'm reaching mid life with nothing

I feel my heritage and painful upbringing has cheated me out of life, I was suicidal since about 12 years old... I feel sad and alone and I have no idea how to meet friends and build a social network at all without gaining a reptuation in the smallish town I live in... I feel like I'm in hell.