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islandbabes
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 1
Location: Uk
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 Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:56 am Post subject: Parent of a Aspie |
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As a parent of an Asperger's twelve year old son, I have found it to be more of a challenge than my first born daughter. We have very stressful days, but a cuddle and a love you at the end of the day says it all!
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SueJ
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 10
Location: Herrin, IL
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 4:55 pm Post subject: HAPPY TO BE THE PARENT OF AN ASPIE SON! |
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Thank you CurtisD for your response...and everyone else too.
My son is the oldest of my two children...he's 16 and she's 14. She's very protective of her brother, altho they are typical siblings and act like they despise each other! I often wonder what my son will wind up doing/being when he's out of high school next year...but I always tell him YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU PUT ALL YOUR EFFORTS TOWARD YOUR GOALS AND OBJECTIVES!
No, my son was never a bed-wetter. He also gravitates toward older people, especially teachers. But just recently, he's been way more social toward guys and girls...it's GREAT!
Yes, I agree...my daughter will be fine...she's very supportive of her brother and takes care to help him out anytime he needs it. She's not an Aspie...
And yes, my son has had a hard time throughout his childhood...and still does...but not so much as when he was younger. He got picked on terribly, but always hung in there...and kept his wonderful, spirited self! He's such a happy, content kid...and I'm terribly proud of him, as I'm sure you can tell by this information I've provided.
As for him and friends...he says he's a loner and likes it that way. He does what he wants where that is concerned..that's his choice.
Guess that's all for now. I still appreciate the input, so keep it comin'! Take care...
_________________
AspieMom44 |
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Helen36
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 27, 2007
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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I have a ten year old son w/ Asperger's, has been diagnosed less than a year and boy has it answered lots of questions. There are good days and bad days. My son is very bright, creative and has lots of imagination. His passion is video/computer games, this is what he eats, breathes and sleeps. He is most definitely a "momma's boy" and prefers me over my husband. He loves going to the movies and loves to swim. He's very funny and I love to hear him laugh. On the flip side he is very easily irritated, frustrated and angered. That can be very challenging. In this state there is no reasoning with him. He will yell, tell us no, call us names, stomp around, and just basically lose all control. It's hard because
literally a minute later he will act like nothing happened and smile and laugh and start telling me about something from his video game etc. This is hard for me to understand. Though there are days when I don't think I can go another minute, I wouldn't trade it for anything because this is my son and this is the way he is and I love him no matter what. It makes it all worthwhile to hear him say "I love you" and give me a hug - and he does this alot |
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tracyinCA
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 06, 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 1:25 am Post subject: Re: What is it like to be a Parent of an Aspie? |
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| CockneyRebel wrote: | | Speaking as an Aspie, I'm currious as to what it's like to be a parent of an Aspie, or somebody else on the Spectrum. We've given you our input of what it was like to be a Child on the Spectrum and what would have helped us. Now it's your turn to show us the Other Side of the Coin. |
What I wish my 9yr old Aspie daughter could teach me is what am I suppose to say or not say when she is raging? I admit it, I am emotional so when she blows so do I.  I do my best to back off. My first reaction is to touch her whether it be rocking her, grabbing her arm or holding onto both shoulders so she can refocus. It makes me sad and mad when she yells and scream hurtful words. She is learning on her own to leave the situation to calm down in her room. She doesn't understand how to apologize after her rages, so I am never quit sure if she is OK. She appears ok.
My daughter is one of four. She is #3 and home-educated.
Any thoughts? 
I am reading anything I can get my hands on. My daughter wants me to to teach her social skills. |
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Lora
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 19, 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:00 am Post subject: What a wonderful article and it does give strength |
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| HDIGhere wrote: | I love literature. This essay describes some of my experiences.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland. |
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jolee
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 5
Location: I live in the middle of corn fields
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| Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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My son is now 11 and at 4 we knew he didn't have social anxitey disorder like the dr had said. By the time he was 6 we were told it was AS. It was a relief because I knew I wasn't being a bad parent. I was scared because I didn't know what to do next.
He did two years of kindergarten and first grade was great! Second grade was awful, but it ended. The last two years have been great. He is really into comic books and super heros which I love. He has this wonderful imigination that makes my head spin.
He does have his melt down moments. He gets mad if other people do not follow the rules. He get mad if he doesn't understand how to play the game in PE class. He hates going to church with us as a family, but I am so glad I have a son with AS.
He has taught me not to worry about the small stuff, and that just about everything is small stuff. He has taught me to give a bit of extra time to be able to express himself. He taught me to care so much about what I wear. Most importantly he taught me to not just smile, but also to laugh.
Our life isn't easy but it isn't hard. Our normal is our normal. It is normal for us to go on vacations during the off season so the crowd is smaller. He goes to his sisters band concert to watch her toot her flute and then leaves right away. He doesn't like to wash his hair so he is bald most of the time. He also is not so sure that he likes doing his chores, but he does them anyway.
I can't imagine my life without my son. He may learn in a different way than I do, but we get each other and that's alright with me. |
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sonshinesmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 02, 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:36 pm Post subject: Wow! |
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[i]
I just found this place and am in "AWE".
My son has AS.
Omg it is absolutely wonderful to be here and know we aren't ALONE!
~sonshinesmom~  |
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sonshinesmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 02, 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:39 pm Post subject: Social Anxiety |
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| jolee wrote: | My son is now 11 and at 4 we knew he didn't have social anxitey disorder like the dr had said. By the time he was 6 we were told it was AS. It was a relief because I knew I wasn't being a bad parent. I was scared because I didn't know what to do next.
He did two years of kindergarten and first grade was great! Second grade was awful, but it ended. The last two years have been great. He is really into comic books and super heros which I love. He has this wonderful imigination that makes my head spin.
He does have his melt down moments. He gets mad if other people do not follow the rules. He get mad if he doesn't understand how to play the game in PE class. He hates going to church with us as a family, but I am so glad I have a son with AS.
He has taught me not to worry about the small stuff, and that just about everything is small stuff. He has taught me to give a bit of extra time to be able to express himself. He taught me to care so much about what I wear. Most importantly he taught me to not just smile, but also to laugh.
Our life isn't easy but it isn't hard. Our normal is our normal. It is normal for us to go on vacations during the off season so the crowd is smaller. He goes to his sisters band concert to watch her toot her flute and then leaves right away. He doesn't like to wash his hair so he is bald most of the time. He also is not so sure that he likes doing his chores, but he does them anyway.
I can't imagine my life without my son. He may learn in a different way than I do, but we get each other and that's alright with me. |
Exactly what we thought my son had...at first general anxiety...social anxiety...
I never knew this place existed.
I feel like I have come home.
Other parents who have kids with AS and kids who have AS telling it LIKE IT IS...awesome!!! |
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Chupa-Thingie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 48
Location: CT, USA
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:32 pm Post subject: Re: Wow! |
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| sonshinesmom wrote: | [i]
I just found this place and am in "AWE".
My son has AS.
Omg it is absolutely wonderful to be here and know we aren't ALONE!
~sonshinesmom~ |
Very, very true! Welcome! I just found this place, too!
It is nice to know you're not alone. Hear from people with sons and daughters with AS. Sometimes I feel alone in dealing with it, even though my wife is supportive and does help too. My son is 17 and the stress of what awaits US after he graduates from High School is building on me daily. I even dream about problems, his worries. I think about him and his future when I should be working. The thought of him driving or dealing with the world outside school terrifies me.
......
He's a great guy. we like to watch movies together, and we both love video games. And history. He's intelligent and respectful, a great young man and I am so proud of how he works. We are building a new house and it will have an "in-law" apartment above the garage so he'll always have a place to hang his hat, but he won't feel like he lives with mommy and daddy. I am looking at some special post secondary schools for him. I wish I knew what else to do to help him. |
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jolee
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 5
Location: I live in the middle of corn fields
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 8:53 am Post subject: |
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| I am happy we all found this sight. I heard about again and again at a parents as support group. That group meets once a month this is here 24/7 how great is that! Anyway I am so glad that in this community we can help each other to understand we are not alone and we are GREAT parents, because we have to be. |
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aaawhite
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 5:16 pm Post subject: Parenting AS |
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| I just found this sight, too, and I am so thrilled to know that we can 'talk', as parents, and help each other out. My son is Aspergers and he is 15, but my husband has many traits similar, as does his brother, so I feel surrounded by totally socially dysfunctional people all the time! Sometimes I feel like I have to 'script' everything for everyone so that they can pull that information from their mental computer later on, but I get tired of doing it. I am always terrified that I am going to make some huge mistake with Andrew and BLOW IT BIG. Or with his siblings, who are 14, 10 and 5. We did just return a few weeks ago from a BIG family vacation, and it was a terrific success - I never dreamed when he was younger we would ever be able to go to SeaWorld and Disneyland and not lose him - but we did! And he agreed to what other people wanted to do, because we were deciding as a TEAM. It was very interesting. I work in Special Education at my sons HS, and there are days it is ALL SO OVERWHELMING! My husband tries to help and be supportive, but often it is hard for him because he needs things a certain way, too! Does anyone understand what I am saying? |
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Chupa-Thingie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 48
Location: CT, USA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 8:41 am Post subject: |
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| Definately. Sometimes I go to bed really early just because I am so worn out from being "up" and the organizer/whip for my family, especially my son. As he gets older and closer to graduation from High School, my stress level is going through the roof. |
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AussieBoy
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 05, 2007
Posts: 669
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 10:58 pm Post subject: |
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[
As his Mother I feel I have completely failed him these last 10 years, and that is not an easy cross to bear... I am utterly determined to make it up to him by supporting him into his future and gathering as much information as I can to help him.[/quote]
Hi! I'm Aussie Boy and my Nanna wants to talk to you
I really feel sorry for the way you have had to find a diagnosis for yourself. I hope it wouldn't happen in our schools in Queensland. (ex teacher speaking.
I hope you are no longer feeling a failure as a parent. In fact you are doing a wonderful job even though it has been so hard. You can only do the best you can at the time, and you've done that.
Jimmy and robyn |
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RhondaR
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Apr 14, 2007
Posts: 73
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 8:30 pm Post subject: |
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Hi...I'm Rhonda, and my son Gavin is 7. Gavin hasn't been formally diagnosed yet, but I feel CERTAIN that he is definitely an Aspie. When he was first born, he was about as happy-go-lucky as a kid could be. Something changed when he was about 2 and a half though. I went to pick him up from his crib one morning, and he screamed "NO!!!" at me and pointed for me to leave his room. Not long after that, it was Christmas and Santa came with the brand new ride-on truck that Gavin had been asking for. That morning, Gavin refused to come downstairs to see it. When we finally convinced him to come down that day - he wouldn't look at any of us, and ever since - he won't give his grandparents hugs or say hi or anything unless we prompt him...and even then, you can tell how uncomfortable he is by it.
I have an entire two page list of observed behaviors on him that I plan to take with us to the appointment we have with a Child Neurologist in June. It has been a difficult road thus far, but not necessarily because of Gavin as much as it's been because NO ONE seems to know what's going on with him. Originally he was diagnosed with ADD late last school year, but I just knew we were missing something. I just didn't know what. I've taken him to a psychiatrist on the advice of his pediatrician, but that guy didn't spend two seconds talking to Gavin or even observing him. He literally pulled out his RX pad and wrote a new prescription for Ritalin, saying that Gavin must have been on the wrong meds because he obviously doesn't have autism and he's "fine". Sure, he's fine for Gavin - but how do I help him be successful? How do I teach him how to pick up on social cues and be polite? How do I be a proper parent for him? These were all the things going through my head on that visit. So I get home, completely frustrated and concerned - and decide to start searching the 'net for an answer. I read, and read, and read - and in the meantime I have my best friend come out to visit. She's a special ed. teacher in Wisconsin (we live in So CA) and she evaluated Gavin like she would have any other kid that came to her school. I'll never forget the day she pulled me aside and suggested that I have Gavin evaluated for Aspergers - and to ignore that psych I went to for him. I had a NAME of something, finally!! Then the challenge of finding a doctor that would actually evaluate him began - and we're still in the cycle for that right now.
I'm learning that you can't give up. When a parent has that nagging feeling that there's something else going on - you HAVE to listen. I can't tell you how many times I would watch him at a park, at a soccer game, in school, and wonder why he wasn't acting like the other kids. I'd wonder where I went wrong as a parent, and I'd wonder what I had to do to help Gavin out. I felt like I was just throwing darts with a blindfold on to find what worked.
He has virtually every symptom there is for Aspergers - in varying degrees. He doesn't sleep at night (but for a few hours), he lives by a schedule, he insists on a routine (do NOT spring new things on him - he doesn't meltdown any more, but he certainly doesn't go with the flow either), he's OCD when it comes to keeping his fingernails and toenails short, he eats a very limited amount of foods - and seems to continue limiting them as time goes on, he doesn't hold eye contact with anyone - if he gives it at all - which is one reason why his teacher doesn't think he's paying attention, he seems to be very anxious at times (he runs whenever he's feeling "energy" building up in him - that's what he calls it), he's not very coordinated - he plays soccer, but has a hard time connecting his mind with his foot and the ball, he's not good with imaginative play, doesn't recognize facial expressions unless they are beyond obvious, LOVES video games, Pokemon, Naruto and Star Wars....and he's brilliant and talks like a little man. I'm not just saying that - he is.  I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea.
Last week, we went to lunch with a friend of mine whose son was just formally diagnosed with Aspergers. I hadn't seen her for a long time - and when we got together - it became apparently instantly that her son and mine were very much the same. Her son was Gavin as a 5 year old - and I just marveled at him. We spent the entire lunch looking at one another and nodding, and laughing - because it was a complete RELIEF to see that we weren't alone. I came home feeling so vindicated, because I KNEW. I finally knew.
The worst day wasn't when I knew Gavin had Aspergers (and in fact he hasn't gotten formally diagnosed - we're still working on that), that actually was the *best* day - because I finally had an answer as to what was going on. Now my job is help Gavin to be successful at whatever he wants his life to be about. I'm his mom, it's what I do.  My life is difficult and busy and crazy at times - but I'm not at all sure it wouldn't be even if Gavin were a completely non-aspie kid.
I love Gavin the way he is - my life wouldn't be the same without him, and he certainly wouldn't be Gavin otherwise. That said though - I have to admit that I've mourned the Gavin I knew prior to that morning I went to get him out of his crib. I don't know what did it, or why he changed, although I know that not long before that morning, we'd gone to the doctor for his immunizations...and I do admit that I wonder about that...and feel guilty because what if something I'd done out of protecting my dear son had actually harmed him permanently. It's a lot for a mom to carry around, I must admit. I try not to think about that though - and just go forward from here. As I've said - I'm a mom, and it's what I do. |
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tkdphoto
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 17, 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:21 am Post subject: |
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Hi all, I'm new here, and I have a 14 year old daughter with AS.
What's it like to have a child with AS - well, after they get past the frustration (elementary school) part - WOW the challenges are much less, I wouldn't change a thing! D's a great kid, how many mom's actually say they like their teenage daughter! Does she have her "issues", sure just like everyone else.
When the "Experts" told us she would never amount to anything, save for adult care, I got pissed, and made her learn everything! She is now a 3rd Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo! She has achieved Instructor Level! In 3 years, if ready (she will be) she will test for her 4th Degree which is a Master Level. WOW a Senior in High School and a Master in Taekwondo.
TKD has been her savior, that and her Grand Master. He made her believe in herself. When she gets frustrated, she meditates. She is making the honor roll in school. Helping around the house is lacking, but that is with all teens (so I hear).
The black and white issue is still present, and I still have to remember to be very specific. Also had to talk to some of her teachers, and they are GREAT about it. Instead of telling her she had to write 6 papers by the end of the quarter. I had him have her do one each week and with very specific instructions. She got an A- in the class!
I could go on and on and on about her! Good and Bad. Most of the bad is all past, and now the good is coming through.
I found this site for her actually, she likes posting on her "gaming" sites, but maybe this way she can relate to someone. We definately have socal issues. She is getting much better, but is refusing to go to school social events (her small group of friends - all guys, and they treat her like one of them - one of the guys) Yes she is a tom-boy. Too pretty to be one, but she is. So her friends even though they have no ambition in life - it's gaming only - they respect her and they may be "losers" (sorry, in mom's eyes) but they are her "losers" and is very protective of them. The also like having her around because no one will try to harass them.
Ok, done for now. I listed my photo site in my profile, if anyone is interested on TKD or photos of my kids doing it, they are on the site.
Glad you guys are here. Hopefully D will sign up and get interested in chatting on something besides gaming. I know she has tons of questions (99% she talks to me about) but I'm sure there are things she would like to talk to a peer about, and it's easier online than face to face for her. |
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