keerawa
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2009
Posts: 129
Location: Seattle
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 Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 10:39 am Post subject: |
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| Accidentally hurting people's feelings, especially the ones I love. |
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conundrum
seeking harmony in an imbalanced world
Joined: May 26, 2010
Posts: 2107
Location: third rock from one of many suns
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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| AmberEyes wrote: | | For instance, these two words seem to elicit perplexing responses such as: "You're on a journey...", "You should be proud of yourself", "You have an extreme male brain", "You show a failure...for your appropriate developmental level"... |
"You're on a journey..."--isn't everyone, regardless of neurological status?
"You should be proud of yourself"--again, this is highly subjective; many people of all neurological (and other) "types" may (or may not) have reason to be proud of themselves.
"You have an extreme male brain"--I prefer to view mine as "androgynous."  Besides, the social definitions of "male" and "female" are always changing.
"You show a failure...for your appropriate developmental level"--What exactly is "appropriate", anyway? It's like trying to use the word "normal" outside of a statistical or scientific context (e.g., chemistry).
Blarg...dealing with ignorance...tiring, isn't it? 
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17 |
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8233
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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I don't like the way society puts Autistics down and say that we are the ones who lack understanding for others - when NTs are just as bad towards us with the lack of understanding. If NTs were all so full of understanding of other people all the time, and can ''read'' all these hidden feelings of other people and what they're thinking, and they have all this social imagination of how other's may feel, then why do Aspies and Autistics still get teased, ignored, looked upon, misjudged, (the list goes on) all their lives? Surely, if NTs were all of the above, they would then be able to look at us and think, ''ohh dear, I can put myself in their shoes easily, because I'm NT with excellent understanding skills, so I can really see what it's like for them'', or, ''oh that girl over there has a blank face and looks a little weird....I'm not going to judge her. Instead, I might try to imagine how she could be feeling at this very moment. Perhaps she's feeling nervous about something, or perhaps she feels a bit run down, or she might even be feeling depressed. I don't know her life circumstances - she could have lost her job this morning, or a close relative could have died'', or, ''I'm an employer, and although this boy has Autism, I'm still going to take him on and give him a try. He might turn out more reliable and punctual, and just because he's got a few difficulties doesn't mean to say he's retarded or anything. He wrote this application out all right, and he attended the interview well. Let's give him a chance,'' or, ''that girl over there isn't saying much. How would I feel if I were in her shoes, feeling lonely and awkward in a noisy crowded environment like this party I'm at? Maybe I will go upto her and talk to her. She might be really nice, and because I like being social, it will be a chance to add another friend on my list.''
Do NT strangers ever think of these? No. Some may, but most don't. So everybody, no matter what neurology, are as bad as eachother when it comes to this sort of thing, because Aspies find it hard to put ourselves in NT's shoes, but NTs find it just as hard to put themselves in Aspie's shoes. There is just an illusion that makes Aspies look like the ones who have a lack of understanding for others, because the majority of the population are NTs, so it does look like it's Aspies who are the problem with not understanding others. But in reality, if you think about it, NTs are just as bad. (Remember the examples above).
So we ain't going to understand NTs to the full extent, because we don't know what it's like to be able to join in conversations and have all these social cues come by instinct - the same as NTs aren't going to understand us to the full extent because they don't know what it's like to have sensitive ears and a firedrill will cause agony for us. Do you see?
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Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
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pokerface
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 22, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 596
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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The idea that woman with Aspergers have a mail brain is ridiculous as far as I'm concerned.
OK, I like logic and I'm quite skilled when it comes to the ability of logical thinking. I'm also reasonably skilled when it comes to maths, calculations and that sort of thing, but so are a lot of other woman who have not been diagnosed with Aspergers. The notion that people with Aspergers have an extremely mail brain is far too simplistic.
There have always been man and woman who have autism, so why should woman with Aspergers have a male brain all of a sudden? That doesn't explain the condition at all. Woman can be born with Aspergers as well at other foms of autism. The fact that somebody is male or female has got nothing to do with it!
There are so many misconceptions about Aspergers and autism in general.
One of the things that bothers me most is the believe that people with autism don't have empathy. That's total crap! We do have empathy and a lot of it! Maybe even more sometimes than people who don't have autistic characteristics. The only thing is, is that we don't always know how to handle our feelings and sometimes it's hard for us to show our emotions to the world. But that doesn't mean that we don't have them, come on! A lot of people who don't consider themselves autistic are very good in faking empathy, sympathy, sadness etcetera. People with autism don't tend to do that because we are simply more honest than many of the other hypocrites who populate this earth. That doesn't mean that people with autism are better. Autism can be a very difficult thing to deal with but we are worthy human beings, just as everybody else.
I am convinced that the emotions of people with Aspergers and other forms of autism may be even deeper and stronger than the emotions of people who call themselves 'normal'. However....when emotions get too strong and when they are too hard to handle the brain has a mechanism of shutting itself off to certain feelings and experiences and when that happens it may seem like you feel nothing for a short period of time. That's just a manner of coping with things. Let me give an example. Some people become very calm in stressfull and frightning situations, that's the same mechanism. Well that's my theory but I probably didn't make myself clear.
Besides, what is 'normal' anyway other than a useless classification.
When I a look at the state of the world I'm actually glad that I'm not classified as normal. Everybody is weird and crazy in one way or another and neurotypicals are no exception to the rule.
"It takes every kind of people to make the world go round."
Robert Palmer
Last edited by pokerface on Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:32 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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EmmaUK12
Spork
Joined: May 19, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 2748
Location: England
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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| The fact that it is not consistant, one day i will need to be social & others I need to be alone and become angry when I can't. It makes keeping friends very difficult. |
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8233
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
OK, I like logic and I'm quite skilled when it comes to the ability of logical thinking. I'm also reasonably skilled when it comes to maths, calculations and that sort of thing, but so are a lot of other woman who have not been diagnosed with Aspergers. The notion that people with Aspergers have an extremely mail brain is far too simplistic.
There have always been man and woman who have autism, so why should woman with Aspergers have a male brain all of a sudden? That doesn't explain the condition at all. Woman can be born with Aspergers as well at other foms of autism. The fact that somebody is male or female has got nothing to do with it!
I am convinced that the emotions of people with Aspergers and other forms of autism may be even deeper and stronger than the emotions of people who call themselves 'normal'. However....when emotions get too strong and when they are too hard to handle the brain has a mechanism of shutting itself off to certain feelings and experiences and when that happens it may feel like you feel nothing for a short period of time. That's just a manner of coping with things. Let me give an example. Some people become very calm in stressfull and frightning situations, that's the same mechanism. Well that's my theory but I probably didn't make myself clear.
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I agree with every single word you have written in this post, because it's quite similar to what I've posted above your's.
| Quote: | | The idea that woman with Aspergers have a mail brain is ridiculous for as far as I'm concerned. |
I may not be 100 percent feminine, but I am all female, if that makes sense. I may not be into shopping amd make-up, but part of me wants to be, but part of me doesn't have the confidence to bring out this beauty. I find it too much maintainence, and since I still struggle with remembering to do little tasks in the mornings, I think that suddenly turning myself into a beauty queen like all the rest will not do me much good. So it's not that I have a male brain. It's just that I have poor memory with these sorts of things that NTs would find automatic. The only reason why I don't like shopping is because I have a fear of crowds. So you're right - saying all AS women have a male brain does sound ridiculous.
| Quote: | There are so many misconceptions about Aspergers and autism in general.
One of the things that bothers me most is the believe that people with autism don't have empathy. That's total crap! We do have empathy and a lot of it! Maybe even more sometimes than people who don't have autistic characteristics. The only thing is, is that we don't always know how to handle our feelings and sometimes it's hard for us to show our emotions t to the world. But that doesn't mean that we don't have them, come on! A lot of people who don't consider themselves autistic are very good in faking empathy, sympathy, sadness etcetera. People with autism don't tend to do that because we are simply more honest than many of the other hypocrites who populate this earth. That doesn't mean that people with autism are better. Autism can be a very difficult thing to deal with but we are worthy human beings, just as everybody else. |
Like I said in my post above your's, if NTs had more empathy than Aspies, then there wouldn't be half the amount of ignorance as what we get from NTs. If NTs had empathy, we wouldn't be shunned, laughed at, misjudged, et cetera. So I agree with you 100 percent again.
| Quote: | Besides, what is 'normal' anyway other than a useless classification.
When I a look at the state of the world I'm actually glad that I'm not classified as normal. Everybody is strange and crazy in one way or antother and the neurotypicals are no exception to the rule.
"It takes every kind of people to make the world go round."
Robert Palmer |
The only mistake in this quote here you've made is a couple of typing errors. Otherwise, every single thing you have said describes exactly what I think. 
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Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
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JohnOldman
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 31, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 448
Location: Midwest USA (Switzerland is Where the Heart Is)
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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| I dislike that it is not more prevalent. |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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| JohnOldman wrote: | | I dislike that it is not more prevalent. |
I think it is but most high functioning autistics are in full NT emulation mode |
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rexirodkc
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 15, 2011
Posts: 19
Location: NC, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Amik wrote: | | 2. How other people react to me and avoid me or ignore me for being different. |
| bdubs wrote: | | I can't remember if I did a simply task like close the door so I have to go back two or three time to check. |
These. |
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jojobean
sacred clown
Joined: Aug 13, 2009
Posts: 3341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk
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| Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 12:54 am Post subject: |
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The most bothersome for me are in the order of severity
executive functiong dysfunction...I am practically crippled by it
sensory issues
trouble with verbal communication
saying stupid sh*t that hurts others unintentionally
_________________
All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin |
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LawsOfIllusion
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 09, 2011
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 1:24 am Post subject: |
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What I dislike the most is my inability to make "real" friends. I can do the chat here and there with someone from a forum online but meeting people and being able to have conversations and to do activities together just never happens. I have a very difficult time just talking to people on the phone. I tried for years to go out and meet people and make friends but gave up because those meetings never happened the way I wanted them to, or I would meet and friend people who were not at all good for me. I feel like an idiot for typing this but when people meet and take an interest in me I am instantly filled with all these delusions that we will might be great friends and so on, but most people who take an interest in me are just interested in themselves.
I have my husband and I love him very much and he is my best friend, but I still long for more companionship. |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:10 am Post subject: |
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| keerawa wrote: | | Accidentally hurting people's feelings, especially the ones I love. |
This is currently my highest concern, and one of the most important of all times. |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:32 am Post subject: |
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| LawsOfIllusion wrote: | What I dislike the most is my inability to make "real" friends. I can do the chat here and there with someone from a forum online but meeting people and being able to have conversations and to do activities together just never happens. I have a very difficult time just talking to people on the phone. I tried for years to go out and meet people and make friends but gave up because those meetings never happened the way I wanted them to, or I would meet and friend people who were not at all good for me. I feel like an idiot for typing this but when people meet and take an interest in me I am instantly filled with all these delusions that we will might be great friends and so on, but most people who take an interest in me are just interested in themselves.
I have my husband and I love him very much and he is my best friend, but I still long for more companionship. |
I feel similarly to you when I seek for a girlfriend. I indulge myself in fantasies such as how great couple we would make and how cute children we would have (I don't know which is more important to me), but when I have faced reality, I often felt rather poor and cheerless. Fortunately, friends have stuck by me during the decades of my life, none of them are typical average people though. I have only two "real" friends.
Maybe turning down expectations a little might help, for being too anxious all the time whenever you seek for friends might be really disillusioning in the long term, taking away all the good effort you make. Another thing to keep in mind that give and take or compromises always play a role. Sometimes friendships just happen, similarly to romantic relationships, maybe the intensity is the only significant difference between them, apart form the sexual aspect. |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 6:14 am Post subject: |
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This desire to get on well with others and not hurt their feelings, is totally preventable.
If NT knew what aspie was, if Autism Speaks was correctly advocating for us, NT would be much more understanding, more accepting, and more interested in aspie boyfriends and girlfriends.
Also, and more impotently, aspie is not being taught correctly.
When I was in aspergers support groups, no effort was made to reign in young males inappropriate raving and excessive verbal ranting. No correcting or input from support workers was seen by myself. I felt like a lion tamer with a whip and a chair all on my own... while those paid to improve our world seemed happy to leave us to it, as much as possible....
Good to see you back Ojani, I enjoy your easy way of writing 
Last edited by Surfman on Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:44 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Decade
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 19, 2011
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:21 am Post subject: |
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I live in a fairytale and get very nervous when the fairytale gets destroyed,
like someone appears to be different than I thought he/she was.
I get very scared when I read people wrong.
For the rest the anxiety, lots of different forms of anxieties
I can never relax , only when I'm with my girlfriend I'm relaxed or when on somekind of depressant.
When I was 16 I was a very shy and quit guy.
Now I (26) I can do the normal emulation made very well ( I need a little mental preperation unless when I'm very curious )
People don't think there is anything wrong with me, just a weird sense of humor and euh eccentric.
But I still need my alone time to recover ( analyse and place stuff ).
Everybody loves me when Im in emulation mode, but few people can handle me when I'm tired and I look like a puppet functioning on pure logic ... bye charm, bye wittiness etc
I get tension headaches and migraine very quickly. I hate certain kind of noises, then I go crazy but I hide it, I just die inside ...
And I have severe insomnia from overthinking things ...
I have a spasm I can control, probably from the stress that comes from acting normal/ feeling different or a lack of selfesteem don't know yet.
But I'm very happy with who I am and I learned to deal with most things and found tricks to deal with most situations ...
Next thing up: crack the nasal tone I sometimes have when not concentrating on my speach ( which is most of the time ... only when I'm in charming mode I don't do nasal )
I'm scared of doors I haven't opend yet. 
I'm probably the prototype of an escapist ... I live in movies and romantise every aspect of my life ( the fairytale ), it just makes me less nervous ...
And I'm a compulsive planner, if the plan changes I can freak out, only when very curious I don't care about the plan.
I also plan everything to hide my "limitations" when there are many new people I have to deal with I plan situations to meet them one by one and not in a group.
and so on ... ^^ |
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