Obres
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1431
Location: NYC
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 Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:38 am Post subject: |
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In my limited experience anything the least bit serious was with someone close to my age. Though at this point I could maybe see myself dating someone significantly younger, as long as she's of legal drinking age  But older would be tough for me. I look young for my age and I'm a bit immature too, and probably not quite where I should be in terms of life experience or relationship experience at this age. It would be so weird to date someone who was in her 30s, and looked like she was in her 30s, and acted like she was in her 30s. But then maybe I'm just a little man-child  |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9732
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 2:00 am Post subject: |
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| Megz wrote: | I've always gotten along better with people older than me. Every guy I've ever been romantically interested in has been at least a year older than me. Current BF is 9.25 years older than me and it's going well. I draw the line at 12 years older than me, cause I don't want my significant other to be closer in age to my parents than me, that's just a little weird. If my partner was female, I'd be ok with her being a bit younger than me, but I wouldn't want a big age gap if I'm the older one cause I'd feel like a creeper.
Edited cause I screwed up the math and he called me on it lol. |
It made me feel smart but it was mostly because I wanted to be sure I had my math rite.
Anyways...
I'm very unique & I don't really feel I fit-in with most groups of people & I never did. In some ways I get along better with older people because I'm not into things that people my age tend to be into like partying. Older people tend to have more traditional values & we can have long conversations about how society is going downhill. In other ways thou I tend to get along better with younger people because I have some very immature interest. People my age are hard for me to relate to because they are into things I'm not & they are also a further stage ahead of me in life. My ex girlfriend was about 4 & a half years younger than me when I was 20(it was a mostly net thing) & we really connected in some ways; we liked the same TV shows, had the same sense of humor ect. I felt like a parent with her at times thou because she had some emotional & mental stuff that I was helping her deal with & she was doing some things that were risky/dangerous & it caused me worry about her. When looking for a relationship sense I was looking for someone younger because I felt they would be more compatible with me. I'm immature in some ways, I'm at a lower stage in my life. I'm very supportive & can help with the emotional/mental things younger people tend to have. I felt like someone my age or older would be very critical of me for not being on their level & like they would be a parent with me. I would of rathered feel like a parent than feel like a kid to my partner because feeling kinda like a dad with my ex encouraged me to grow up some in order to help her & I felt like I wouldn't be able to grow having someone mothering me. The weird thing about Megz is that she is very mature, responsible & independent compared to others around her age & more so than me but it does not feel like she's a mom to me or like I'm a dad with her. It feels like me & her are on the same level but in different ways that really balance out & compliment each other. I do not think of her as being 19 & I don't think of her as my age of 28 either; I think of her as the person who completes me
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anneurysm
Who needs birds when you have Lena Dunham.
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1881
Location: Barrie & Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 3:17 am Post subject: |
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I've can definitely say that Ive dated both older and younger. I've had 2 serious relationships...the first was 16 years older, and the second was three years younger, but he was really immature and acted like a teenager.
I can relate well intellectually to older men, but it just gets hard because I find 99.9% of them unattractive. I much prefer boyish 18-20 year olds for some reason...and older women. My best friend, who was my lover for a few years (before she found a stinkin' boyfriend!), is 12 years older than me, and a total babe. 
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Henbane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 05, 2011
Posts: 6061
Location: UK
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:56 am Post subject: |
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I think it all depends on the individuals concerned.
I've known men 10 years older than me who were far more immature than men 10 years younger than me.
I suppose it's more likely that people within a few years of each other will be more compatible, but it's not always the case. And as you get older, I think age matters less in a relationship.
Age is a state of mind as much as a biological thing. There are people my age ( 38 ) who seem to still be in their 20s, and others who look ready to retire. They've mentally aged before their time.
Last edited by Henbane on Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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hurtloam
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 28, 2011
Age: 38
Posts: 393
Location: the well-swept streets of Jackson Heights to the dockside drudgery
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:43 am Post subject: |
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I win, greatest age gap in a relationship was 19.75 years. It didn't work out. I was 23 and he was 42. I actually didn't feel like the age gap was that much of a big deal to be honest, but he decided that I needed someone my own age and ended things. We had alot in common and still keep in touch.
Although, years later now that I'm 36 and he's 55, I'm still youngish and he's heading for retirement I think he did the right thing... if only he'd been younger.
I always used to like older men, but now that I'm getting older I find guys my own age more attractive.
I think that the reason I was attracted to older men was that they didn't know that I wasn't cool. They saw me for who I am and didn't think I was weird because I didn't like the latest music or care about the latest fashions. We were on the same level that way. |
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AnonymousPasserBy
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 06, 2011
Posts: 396
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:10 am Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: |
Maturity doesn't always come with age. Some people never grow up. |
True, and there's probably plenty mature teenagers around too. But I just seem to get along better with older people because they're generally less shallow minded. |
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Ilka
Phoenix
Joined: May 08, 2011
Age: 41
Posts: 1365
Location: Panama City, Republic of Panama
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:12 am Post subject: Re: Age gap relationships |
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My Aspie husband is only 3 years older than me, and the friends he has are around his same age. He does not get along very well with younger or older people. My Aspie daughter def gets along better with younger people. She is only 11, but she is not into older people.
I do not think 10 or 15 years is a big difference (if no underage is involved), but I do think 50 years is a HUGE gap. Not even my mother is 50 years older than me. But then again if they are both happy (which I do not think is the case because of the beating), then its Ok. The problem is usually that happiness is pretty ephemeral. It cannot be otherwise if you are dating a person that is reaching the life expectancy (80 years for women). |
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em_06
Blue Jay
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 97
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:50 am Post subject: age gaps |
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| I don't have an issue with age gaps considering my boyfriend is 9 years older than me. If two people are in love whose place is it to judge when they have a gap between their ages. My parents also have a large age gap between them. |
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shadowchyld
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 25, 2011
Age: 31
Posts: 358
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:07 am Post subject: |
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| hurtloam wrote: | I win, greatest age gap in a relationship was 19.75 years.
I think that the reason I was attracted to older men was that they didn't know that I wasn't cool. They saw me for who I am and didn't think I was weird because I didn't like the latest music or care about the latest fashions. We were on the same level that way. |
Nope, I win LOL My b/f is 24 years older than me LOL. He's 54, will be 55 in December. I just turned 30 in June.
On that note, we've been together almost three years now, and though most of the time it's not an issue, when we do get in arguments, it tends to turn into a pretty condescending lecture on his part, where I get told that since he raised kids and was married for 27 years that he knows much more than me about life and relationships. I do respect some of his knowledge, but refuse to believe he knows more, he just knows different experiences. I was married four years and my ex was an abusive piece of crap, and I learned my own lessons with that. It's not my damn fault my boyfriend couldn't figure out to make his marriage work after 27 years, right? LOL At least I cut my losses early  Anyway, it's just a topic I figured I would drop in on, was getting ready to hit youtube, as I was getting bored here, and voila, a topic I know all about LOL. PS my boyfriend before him was two years older than he is. I think the biggest problem I face is the people who choose to look at me like I have daddy issues, which is the farthest thing from reality, as I have the best father I could ever wish for. I think the reason I end up with older men is mainly because I'm not the girl who does the "30 year old stuff" I much prefer the settled-down feeling of life at home, watching sunsets, etc, rather than the bar, billiards, movies, etc..... Meh, I don't know, I love him, and I don't love him for a number... |
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Keeno
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 09, 2006
Posts: 4948
Location: Earth
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:39 am Post subject: |
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| I suppose that for an age gap relationship to be able to come about, to be able to flourish, both parties would have to be in the habit of dating people outside their life stage in the first place, or get on best with people outside their life stage. Would that be right? Like I can't just go for an older woman just because she isn't my age, she'd have to be a bit unlike the crowd in that she'd also date a slightly different age stratum. |
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hurtloam
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 28, 2011
Age: 38
Posts: 393
Location: the well-swept streets of Jackson Heights to the dockside drudgery
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:10 am Post subject: |
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| Keeno wrote: | | I suppose that for an age gap relationship to be able to come about, to be able to flourish, both parties would have to be in the habit of dating people outside their life stage in the first place, or get on best with people outside their life stage. Would that be right? Like I can't just go for an older woman just because she isn't my age, she'd have to be a bit unlike the crowd in that she'd also date a slightly different age stratum. |
I'm going to say something really smooshy, but I think it has to do more with falling head over heels in love. Age doesn't matter when you love someone
I didn't purposely go out looking for an older guy, we just had alot in common and clicked. The warmth of his personality just drew me in. We enjoy talking to each other about everything. We both love music. We enjoy the countryside and dogs and art...
Hmmm, that little trip down memory lane makes me feel a little woeful. |
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DiabloDave363
Phoenix
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 647
Location: New England
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| Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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| i had just turned 17 wen i started dating my current girlfriend who was 14. yea ik it sounds f**** but she turned 15 a few months later. she was a freshmen and i was a junior. in my school those two grades r intermixed so it isnt looked down upon. im going to be 18 in 11 days at this point. shes still gonna b 15. luckily wen she turns 16 itll be legal. the age difference never affected our relationship in anyway at all. |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:48 pm Post subject: |
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I dated several older men (think 40's and early 50's) when I was 18-20,
and I swear, they stick out in my mind as being the closest to the kind of relationship I want.
Not once did I feel that I wasn't being listened to, or that I was primarily a breathing body with holes for a man's sexual amusement.
I've always been around older people, being an only child with no cousins, just parents and grandparents, until my brother was adopted when I was 12, and I always sat close to the teacher (now professors) in school because I respected their knowledge and, when I was younger, felt scared of the other kids.
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Grisha
Aspiring Crazy Cat Guy
Joined: Oct 16, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 8333
Location: LA-ish
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| Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | I dated several older men (think 40's and early 50's) when I was 18-20,
and I swear, they stick out in my mind as being the closest to the kind of relationship I want.
Not once did I feel that I wasn't being listened to, or that I was primarily a breathing body with holes for a man's sexual amusement.
I've always been around older people, being an only child with no cousins, just parents and grandparents, until my brother was adopted when I was 12, and I always sat close to the teacher (now professors) in school because I respected their knowledge and, when I was younger, felt scared of the other kids. |
Just sayin'
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blueroses
restless, but going nowhere
Joined: Feb 11, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 1598
Location: Lancaster, PA
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| Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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| sagan wrote: | | I really do not like guys my age. I generally go for a little older. |
Me, too. I once briefly dated a guy who was a few years younger than me and it was fun for a little while, but it wore me out and made me feel old. (I've heard people say dating someone younger makes them feel younger, but not me, lol). I also tend to crave stability in my life and many guys my age or younger are still getting settled into a career or going to school and not sure what direction they're heading yet, so that causes some friction. |
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