misswoofalot
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 13, 2009
Posts: 670
Location: London
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 Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 11:53 am Post subject: |
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I love being a mum. I had my son age 18. I. I read books and took classes on child psychology, socialising and development and took him to baby classes, toddler classes etc. I loved him instantly from the day he was born, through the closeness of breast feeding, the pre school and school years and contimnue to love him very much in to his teens. The maternal instinct was certainly strong in this one!
However, I never had many issues as an aspie and didn't even get diagnosed until age 30. I was confident enough to socialise with him and other children and followed the text books and loved him unconditionally. I had no problem with closeness, cuddles, as he was a part of me but I know some aspies have problems with this. I think if someone did it would be unfair to have a child.
My son is intelligent, loved me back. I was his friend, teacher, mother and father to him. It was truly wonderful and now he is a teen and I don't get two words out of him lol.
I also babysit regularly for my neices who are absolute HELL. I cannot begin to explain how difficult they are. I am very very patient with them , and love them , but then I get to pass them back at the end of the night, but they are on the naughty step regularly. I don't know how I'd be able to cope with them 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
Unfortunately you don't get to chose what your child is going to be like when it's born. I have been extremely lucky and it has been wonderful. And I would have done it alll over again if I was 18. Would I do it Now ???- Not a bloody chance.
If you can't handle stress then I wouldn't recommend it!
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When I am good I am very very good, but when I am bad I am better  |
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peaceloveerin
Toucan
Joined: Aug 06, 2011
Age: 25
Posts: 252
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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Isn't it kind of rare for an Aspie to become a parent at such a young age?  |
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misswoofalot
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 13, 2009
Posts: 670
Location: London
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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| peaceloveerin wrote: | | Isn't it kind of rare for an Aspie to become a parent at such a young age? |
MAybe... I don't know the statistics. My son wasn't planned. I suppose there must be a fair few undiagnosed aspie parents out there though who had kids young. I must say I really really couldn't handle going through it all now again though. I am pretty glad I had him young. However my mum didn't have me until she was in her thirties and I'm the eldest and she was a wonderful parent too so I suppose it's all a matter of opinion.
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When I am good I am very very good, but when I am bad I am better |
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franlikeskittens
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 11, 2011
Age: 28
Posts: 17
Location: Santiago
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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| oh, please, don't get me wrong. I love my child with all my heart, and I also love many things about motherhood (how simple things become the most wonderful ones...) and that's one of the reasons why not being able to be a WHOLE mom frustrates me. Maybe is beacause as a child I did everything by myself and school was so easy (i have a memory thing) and didn't seek for hugs and kisses I can't relate to what she is needing. Agh, is SO frustrating. I love my girl, I just wnat the best for her. |
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cleo
Blue Jay
Joined: May 05, 2010
Posts: 97
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:53 pm Post subject: I f You Want Them |
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If you really want a child, and can visualize yourself raising them, then yes. If the father is also AS then you may have a higher chance of having a more severely autistic child. Can you visualize yourself dealing with that?
My son is 25. He is only slightly AS compared to me. I waited until I was 29 to have a child. Before that I was focused on college, then grad school. But I'm not good at multitasking. In retrospect, I'm still not sure if I should have had another one? Two would be nice, when they are older and not around as much. One of the two might visit. But two small children would have made me doubly anxious??? I'll never know. I DO think it would be nice for my son to have a brother or sister. But at the time (even though I was not diagnosed) I "felt" as though one was all I could handle. I was petrified of screwing up such an awesome assignment. I lived many years constantly petrified of screwing up everything and anything. 
In retrospect, had I known exactly what was "wrong" (which YOU do), I could have made better, more specific choices in how I related to him. Not that I was a bad mother. But I was probably too nervous and over-anxious. I would have been more relaxed had I known exactly what was wrong, and where I had to make corrections. Instead it always felt like taking a stab in the dark.
My son is a fine young man, holds a job, not a drug addict, no police record, has friends and hobbies.
The father has some influence too, ya know!
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I am AS through and through. But living in a community that's 99%+ NT for over half a century, one picks up a few pointers. |
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Eloa
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 10, 2011
Posts: 603
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 6:47 pm Post subject: |
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I would not be able to raise children. I really wonder how you can do it and admire you for that and wish I could feel I could do the same.
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English is not my native language, so I will very likely do mistakes in writing or understanding. My edits are due to corrections of mistakes, which I sometimes recognize just after submitting a text. |
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