| Should Aspies date NTs? |
| Of Course. We need someone to do the talking |
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16% |
[ 11 ] |
| Love is Blind. It shouldnt matter |
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76% |
[ 50 ] |
| No. They just don't understand |
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6% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 65 |
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y-pod
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 17, 2010
Posts: 802
Location: Canada
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 Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:39 am Post subject: |
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Well everyone I dated (except one) was NT. And they're vastly different from each other. If the NT person has a lot in common with you, like common interests, hobbies, food preferences, religion and political views, then your odds are pretty good. If you have nothing in common then it'll be very hard. I can't speak for NT people but aspies usually don't try too hard at making their relationship work. They don't feel the reward (relationship) is really worth the hard work.
So, sure you can date NT people, or marry them. If they're fairly compatible with you. If they're very very different then it's just too much work. Unless I have other strong motivations (say he's a billionaire) I would not bother.
I understand that after being with him for so long and have a kid, it's very hard to leave. I don't know how compatible you guys are of course. You can try to work it out, but do keep your options open in case it doesn't. Start saving some money in your own separate account and get your support network ready. Living with someone very different from you is hard, and it's not like he's the only guy in the world. Why deny yourself (and him) the chance of a happier relationship?
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Aspie mom to two autistic sons (11 & 9 ) |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:02 am Post subject: |
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This topic is always interesting to me, and although it's sad I can't write anything positive from my experience (yet), I fully enjoy reading about what others have!
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Another non-English speaking - DX'd at age 38
"Aut viam inveniam aut faciam." (Hannibal) - Latin for "I'll either find a way or make one." |
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Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:03 am Post subject: |
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| I never actually dated a diagnosed Aspie, so I guess the answer is 'yes, I would'. |
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Mithos
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 22, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 685
Location: Ponyville, Equestria.
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:05 am Post subject: |
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Dating is a mythological concept to me. I've never been on a date. I do wonder what it would be like though.
Edit: Oh yeah, I did go on a date once, It turned out it was a "School dare". Boy was I depressed after that, High School sucked...a lot.
_________________
{{Certified Coffeeholic.}}
I have Severe ADHD (Diagnosed), Tics and Mild OCD. [Fully Alert, Test Retaken.]
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Your Aspie score: 128 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie |
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naturalplastic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 27, 2010
Posts: 4581
Location: mid atlantic coast usa
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:47 am Post subject: |
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| Keyman wrote: | | naturalplastic wrote: | | it cant hurt. |
Very naive! |
Au Contrere
The other person already thinks of you as a wierdo.
There only three consequences of telling them youre an aspie
If they find out youre a aspie they will either (a) think the same of you because they already knew youre odd, or (b) think better of you.
The third (c) option of them rejecting you because they learned the redundant piece of information that they already knew that youre odd is less likely, but how would it be a problem if that did that?
If they did think less of you then theyre worthless and theyre doing you a favor if they dump you because you shouldve dumped them first.
But to answer the question in the OP- since NT's are over 90 percent of the population and fellow aspies are only one percent- there isnt alot of choice. If you date at all -if youre an aspie or not its going to be with an nt. |
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kx250rider
Educated Musclehead
Joined: May 16, 2010
Posts: 1948
Location: Dallas, TX and Ventura County, CA
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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The only problem is when the NT doesn't understand us, and gets hurt feelings when we don't pick up on their needs by body language, etc. They might think we're not attracted to them, or that we aren't liking what they're doing for us, etc etc. We Aspies must keep it a BIG PRIORITY to communicate in whatever capacity we can, with our significant others, and prevent hurt feelings. I would venture to guess based on my own dating experience, that 99% of Aspie/NT relationships which do not succeed, were doomed by misunderstanding after misunderstanding.
Charles |
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Keyman
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 399
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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| naturalplastic wrote: | If they find out youre a aspie they will either (a) think the same of you because they already knew youre odd, or (b) think better of you.
The third (c) option of them rejecting you because they learned the redundant piece of information that they already knew that youre odd is less likely, but how would it be a problem if that did that? |
(d) They tell the whole neighborhood that you are a certified weird-ball unsuitable for any mating purposes. Consequence of that is prejudgment when you meet another person.
| naturalplastic wrote: | | But to answer the question in the OP- since NT's are over 90 percent of the population and fellow aspies are only one percent- there isnt alot of choice. If you date at all -if youre an aspie or not its going to be with an nt. |
AS to NT ratio is approximately 1 to 1000 last time I read. |
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AllenVincent
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 70
Location: UK, South Yorkshire, Doncaster & Mum's near Canterbury
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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Didn't vote as to restrictive for me. Had some awesome gals in my time..... seriously hot, sometimes without even realising they liked me at the beginning lol but alas.... communication.... .damn communication....... one of my... someone I think of at some point almost daily for over ten years..... she left because "why are you not upset"..... " I don't want you to go, I'm screaming inside me, of course I am upset " ........ she thought I was not bothered.....wtf ! Then only found out in 2010 that my face does not display my emotions properly..... ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is a b***h sometimes! This person texts me sometimes that she hates me because she hasn't found anyone better than me ARGH!!!! |
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Keyman
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 399
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 5:20 pm Post subject: |
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| AllenVincent wrote: | | This person texts me sometimes that she hates me because she hasn't found anyone better than me ARGH!!!! |
So why don't she go back?  |
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AllenVincent
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 70
Location: UK, South Yorkshire, Doncaster & Mum's near Canterbury
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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She's Irish and Catholic.......... plus......she's had a kid since.... so rightly or wrongly... I know... I KNOW............I could not look at her kid as my own..... we all met up in London... mad times but anyway........ sigh... this girl was my angel... she was my.... that somebody to die and kill for......... she was no longer pure to me...... I KNOW I'm hurting myself more here..... she was probably the only one I was truly 100% loyal to and it is something I don't know how to put right BUT we've reached... some sort of peaceful compromise.... sort off..... We'll have a race on our gold plated zimmer frames if we're still around when we're 70 odd lol  |
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Keyman
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 399
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Find another |
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AllenVincent
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 70
Location: UK, South Yorkshire, Doncaster & Mum's near Canterbury
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:24 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm probably in some ways a male tart lol must be my nose lol At one point I was seeing a lot in one month.. it was a joke.... it was as if I lost the ability or confidence to decide who I liked the most so tried to keep all of them lol cowardly I know... stupid to as the quality of the relationships/flings were not great. Anyway going to bed now, nite nite everyone. |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't see why not. Everybody is a different individual with a different personality. Not to mention Asperger's Syndrome ranges on a very broad spectrum from lower functioning-higher functioning, like I said everybody is different. Whose to tell you who you can or cannot date. I can see pros and cons both way. If you're an aspie dating a NT, that NT might be more outgoing and social which may help you to bring out more of your social side. If you're an aspie dating an aspie you'd have somebody to relate to. Some people who have Asperger's Syndrome are really good at covering it up as well. |
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Venerab1e1
Toucan
Joined: Mar 07, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 278
Location: Kentucky USA
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Mithos wrote: | Dating is a mythological concept to me. I've never been on a date. I do wonder what it would be like though.
Edit: Oh yeah, I did go on a date once, It turned out it was a "School dare". Boy was I depressed after that, High School sucked...a lot. |
Kids can be cruel.  |
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