MrXxx
Moderator/Enigmatus Paradoxius
Joined: May 12, 2010
Posts: 5678
Location: New England
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 Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:11 pm Post subject: Re: How does eye contact make you feel? |
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| Transhuman wrote: | | As the title says, how does eye contact make you feel? |
Depends on the mood I'm in. If I'm not in the mood to "connect" with anyone while I'm out and about, it's not a problem because I just avoid it when I'm not in the mood for it. If I am, it's because I'm feeling fairly positive. Those times can be funny because that's when I notice that Autistics aren't the only people with eye contact problems. It amazes me how many people avoid eye contact when I feel like connecting with others. I have noticed that when I feel positive and intentionally look around to make contact with other people, most of the people who reciprocate are pretty positive themselves. It's cool when it happens.
If I'm not in the mood though, and somebody insistently tries to make eye contact, I find it invasive.
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MrXxx is taking a long sabbatical, and no longer moderating. |
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kx250rider
Educated Musclehead
Joined: May 16, 2010
Posts: 1948
Location: Dallas, TX and Ventura County, CA
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:20 pm Post subject: |
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Invasive, accusatory, assaulting, might be words I'd use to describe how it feels to me... Maybe with the exception of when my wife makes that special kind of eye contact with me.
Charles |
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khaos
Toucan
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 267
Location: Michigan (aka Hell)
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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It depends on who it is. But most of the time is is very uncomfortable! I don't want to look into their eyes, but then I feel like if I don't they will notice something wrong, think I am not listening, and that makes me anxious, nervous and conflicted on what to do. If I do look, then it is only for a second. Then I do have a hard time listening to what they say because I am now preoccupied with how they are perceiving me and I get VERY anxious and nauseous and I drift off.
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Your Aspie score: 180 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 27 of 200
Autism-Spectrum Quotient is 48
AS, OCD, ADHD - Diagnosed
<"May the Gods have mercy on you for I shall show none..."> |
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ZipoCXG
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Dec 22, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 30
Location: Somewhere
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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| I have a very hard time making eye contact with just about anyone, even someone I am close to. I've had therapy for years to correct this and it is slowly getting better, but it is still hard regardless. Sometimes it helps if there is no body else in the room except the person I am talking/listening to. |
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Squirsh
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 18, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 499
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Uncomfortable. It's almost like somebody's shined a flashlight in my eyes for a moment, although not quite. It's the closest comparison I can think of though. It's like other peoples' eyes are just too intense. I can make some eye contact with my mother though, and sometimes make myself look at peoples' eyes during a conversation so I don't seem rude. Mostly though I just look at their mouth, neck or just to the side of their face. |
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Wobbuffet
Sea Gull
Joined: May 19, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 232
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't like it...I feel like I'm being interrogated, like I'm on NYPD Blue or something, and the other person is trying to win the stareout to prove I'm guilty. |
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dancing_penguin
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 07, 2011
Posts: 177
Location: out of the loop
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:04 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not really sure what to do with eye contact, so I guess it makes me anxious. Since reading about asperger's, I find I am able to be much more comfortable talking to people if I just accept this general difficulty (because often people do try to force eye contact during conversation, or if they are explaining something to you, and maybe trying to just deal with that made me more socially anxious). If I'm staring at the nearby wall or another object during the conversation, this is because I am focusing on processing what the person is saying (i.e. actually listening), although I do try to make some eye contact if it's more important to make social contact that to hear everything.
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Rainmanonrockwiz
Emu Egg
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Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 5
Location: Sydney Australia
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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| It makes me feel awkward all the time, because one doesn't know how much of it or how little is right social etiquette. |
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eigerpere
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 371
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Fidgety and embarrassed when I'm unable to come back with a quick response. |
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AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 5863
Location: Mountain View, California, United States
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 5:55 am Post subject: |
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I hate it when people say "look at me when Im talking to you"  |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:19 am Post subject: |
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| I do it. It just doesn't feel natural. |
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qwan
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 194
Location: Great(!) Britain
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:45 am Post subject: |
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| Rainmanonrockwiz wrote: | | It makes me feel awkward all the time, because one doesn't know how much of it or how little is right social etiquette. |
I like to think it's quite flexible.
Some people talk to you without looking at you, so if they listen without looking, you don't think it's so rude.
Others stare at you, some even lean in and stare which is a bit creepy and probably not socially correct, but others just have to deal with it. They might complain but I don't think the starer needs to change their ways if they can't converse without doing so, just as aspies don't really need to change if it's actually that helpful in so many ways.
It's nice to meet somewhere in the middle, but I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I either stare or don't look at the person enough, but I think they get used to it. They may even pick up that if I'm looking at them sometimes I pick up on less of what they're saying. *shrugs*
As I said in my earlier post, I think employing other tricks to show you're listening when not looking helps, like saying yes, or humming (humming can be done while they're still talking so it's much easier, and by what I can tell, timing doesn't even seem to be too important) and nodding slowly can indicate deep concentration on what they're saying. As long as you throw little cues in that you're listening it can help.
Especially if you're looking somewhere like you're hands, rather than someone behind you... |
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goodwitchy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Posts: 785
Location: Interplanetary
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:19 am Post subject: |
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I haven't analysed all of my feelings in connection with it., but...
I learned to make some eye contact when I was around 30 yrs old, but even now, when I see someone at work, I'll make eye contact for a second or two (like when I say "hi") and then my eyes just automatically look down at the floor.
Sometimes when they say "hi" back or start a conversation, I'm still looking at the floor, and my body is already walking away.
But then there are some people who I've learned to talk with and feel a bit more comfortable with, and with those people I can maintain eye contact for a little longer (a few to several seconds continuously), but during a conversation, my eyes still drift away. Some people make me feel like they're looking through me and can see my soul - I don't like that at all.
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Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19
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throat
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 26, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:31 pm Post subject: |
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people say to keep eye contact with people while talking so I have a system where i look in their eyes for 3 seconds then look away for 7 seconds and repeat this untill the conversation is over.
I dont mind eye contact with close friends or close family though. |
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VicSage
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 54
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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If I know the person and I like them its ok. If not it's uncomfortable. I try to force myself to do it anyway even though it feels unnatural. My therapist seems to think it's because I have have low self-esteem but I think has to be at least partially related to NVLD.
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