noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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 Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Erisad wrote: | | noname_ever wrote: | | Erisad wrote: | | Tom5 wrote: | If you are extremely horny like me but not so attractive-looking then you just need to lower your standards.
Go for less attractive girls, you have nothing really to lose because we only live once. |
Right, because attractiveness is the only feature worth judging a woman on. "All the hot chicks are taken, so you'll do." Sorry, this mentality really pisses me off. Then you have an insecure girl who thinks you're only with her because that's all you can get but as soon as a hotter chick rolls around, you'll drop the "less attractive" girl like a rock won't you?  |
Dropping her like a rock would require him not to be happy with her. Most men I know in relationships are relatively lazy with respect to moving up relationships and it's not worth the time or risk. |
I know. But it sounds like he just wants someone to bang, since he's only judging by appearances. He wouldn't be happy to date someone who is "less attractive" but is just to get the sex. If a more attractive woman threw herself at him, he'd probably cheat on the less attractive girl in an instant, since appearance is all that really matters, right? :/ |
If someone is dating you strictly for sex (whether you know it or not) and isn't that happy with you, it's not a relationship beyond a friend with benefits. If a really attractive woman is throwing herself at you, it's not expending much effort. Therefore, if he isn't content with you to begin with and someone better comes along and there are few consequences or risks associated with moving on (it's not a case where it's cheaper to keep her), why wouldn't he move on? |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| fraac wrote: | | If you just want sex, get a prostitute. If you can't "get" a girlfriend you probably aren't ready for one. |
This is a fairly attractive option. The main problem is that it isn't legal in many places and the legal consequences suck. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:42 pm Post subject: |
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| fraac wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | Very normal girls are usually out of a weird guys league.
Just saying. |
The hottest girls aren't very normal. Only very beautiful girls have wanted anything to do with me. (Some people don't understand that but it's because they're beautiful - it makes sense when you think about it.) |
That isn't what I said. I said Normal girls are out of a weird guy's league, not beautiful girls.
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Wolfheart wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | Very normal girls are usually out of a weird guys league.
Just saying. |
Really? Because saying that is really going to give him confidence and trust in who he really is?
There is no such thing as normal, normal is subjective, people are individuals. If listening to one direction and Britney Spears is considered normal, I'll take the alternative. |
No, it was pointing out a flaw in his post. He is approaching "very normal girls", then he is saying they aren't out of his league. This isn't correct. There's more to "leagues" than looks.
I'm assuming "normal" in this case is the bell curve. There's no such thing as normal, but there is such thing as a bell curve.
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12502
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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| You guys do understand that no matter how much you discuss your opinions against others they are all simply opinions. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Erisad wrote: | | Wolfheart wrote: | | Erisad wrote: | | Tom5 wrote: | If you are extremely horny like me but not so attractive-looking then you just need to lower your standards.
Go for less attractive girls, you have nothing really to lose because we only live once. |
Right, because attractiveness is the only feature worth judging a woman on. "All the hot chicks are taken, so you'll do." Sorry, this mentality really pisses me off. Then you have an insecure girl who thinks you're only with her because that's all you can get but as soon as a hotter chick rolls around, you'll drop the "less attractive" girl like a rock won't you? |
I agree, I don't think many women would feel very flattered or appreciated if he is treating or viewing them like they are accessories, stepping stones or sexual objects.
However this is a very sensitive topic and perhaps he worded it wrong, maybe he has a point by saying that people can aim out of their league and that's why they lack success in dating. |
Yeah but it's rather insulting to imply that the only thing that define's a woman's "league" is how she looks. For men it's a variety of things, intelligence, humor, social skills, what job he has. Nope, doesn't matter if a woman has all those other things if she isn't pretty. |
You're 100% correct.
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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| noname_ever wrote: | | Erisad wrote: | | Tom5 wrote: | If you are extremely horny like me but not so attractive-looking then you just need to lower your standards.
Go for less attractive girls, you have nothing really to lose because we only live once. |
Right, because attractiveness is the only feature worth judging a woman on. "All the hot chicks are taken, so you'll do." Sorry, this mentality really pisses me off. Then you have an insecure girl who thinks you're only with her because that's all you can get but as soon as a hotter chick rolls around, you'll drop the "less attractive" girl like a rock won't you? |
Dropping her like a rock would require him not to be happy with her. Most men I know in relationships are relatively lazy with respect to moving up relationships and it's not worth the time or risk. |
"I'm with you because I can't be bothered wasting my time trying to find someone better, or risk losing my back up plan"
Really romantic. It's no wonder so many women are insecure about their looks.
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12502
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | Erisad wrote: |
Yeah but it's rather insulting to imply that the only thing that define's a woman's "league" is how she looks. For men it's a variety of things, intelligence, humor, social skills, what job he has. Nope, doesn't matter if a woman has all those other things if she isn't pretty. |
You're 100% correct. |
Yep, its insulting. But you cant turn around and blame men for every society related problem. Maybe if you start blaming the women that promote those things you might actually get something positive done instead of just a pissing match. |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | fraac wrote: | | hale_bopp wrote: | Very normal girls are usually out of a weird guys league.
Just saying. |
The hottest girls aren't very normal. Only very beautiful girls have wanted anything to do with me. (Some people don't understand that but it's because they're beautiful - it makes sense when you think about it.) |
That isn't what I said. I said Normal girls are out of a weird guy's league, not beautiful girls. |
Oh. Good point then. |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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| hale_bopp wrote: | | noname_ever wrote: | | Erisad wrote: | | Tom5 wrote: | If you are extremely horny like me but not so attractive-looking then you just need to lower your standards.
Go for less attractive girls, you have nothing really to lose because we only live once. |
Right, because attractiveness is the only feature worth judging a woman on. "All the hot chicks are taken, so you'll do." Sorry, this mentality really pisses me off. Then you have an insecure girl who thinks you're only with her because that's all you can get but as soon as a hotter chick rolls around, you'll drop the "less attractive" girl like a rock won't you? |
Dropping her like a rock would require him not to be happy with her. Most men I know in relationships are relatively lazy with respect to moving up relationships and it's not worth the time or risk. |
"I'm with you because I can't be bothered wasting my time trying to find someone better, or risk losing my back up plan"
Really romantic. It's no wonder so many women are insecure about their looks. |
Most people aren't stupid enough to say that out loud. Women do this as well. It's like saying that "you're better than nothing or my hand". |
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CrazyStarlightRedux
Fake Kiwi
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1028
Location: Manchester, UK.
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | Why don't you just try talking to women on here? Have long conversations with them. Build up 'practice' (although don't think of it like that or tell the person you're talking to that it is). Be honest with them.
I wish you the best of luck. |
Pretty much this.
Although I advice to enjoy life first before thinking about the woman.
I see many advantages over being with someone anyway. |
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Pengu1n
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 03, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 134
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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| lightening wrote: |
Wolfheart wrote:
Pengu1n wrote:
I just don't understand why it has to be this way for me, and why my straits are so dire in the romance department. It sucks so bad as I just can't "make it happen" with any girl for some reason. I can elaborate more, but for the sake of brevity, I'll wrap it up here and respond or elaborate if anybody has any thoughts on this for me.
Four girls? You say four and you're complaining about rejection? That's defeatist talk and you know it. It's about being able to create a good first impression to get a foot in the door, once you do, you can worry about maintaining relationships and the other stuff, you might be bad at relationships to begin with but that's just life, you'll learn from those experiences and grow as a person but don't worry about that at the moment.
Slow down, you're trying to run before you can walk. The only concern you should be worried about is creating a first impression, a good one, that will get a foot in the door with everything.
Seriously you're not approaching enough, you need to get out there and start approaching more people, In fact, talk to everyone, old people, people in the store, people on the bus, just start talking to people so you feel more comfortable socializing and build your skills in it.
Honestly I can't stand this kind of advice. If not for the fact thats its been said before millions of times, its almost the same as "GET CONFIDENCE". There is a reason why somebody like the OP or me doesn't go talking to random people out of the blue just for the hell for it. Not only is there nothing to say most of the time, it just isn't natural. I'm sick having to "force" myself to do this and do that. Sick of pretending.
When I leave the house and go to supermarkets, banks, even schools, downtown, etc I observe. I see most of the time, most people mind their own business. I don't see random people chatting up other random people just for the hell of it. Very rarely do I actually see this. And if it is happening its just a couple sentences and a joke and then that is the interaction and its over. If I saw more people doing that, I would have a better idea about how to do it.
To just go and start talking to random people everywhere you go sounds like a very bad idea. Not only are you going to look like a fool and not a confident person, you are going to realize that you look like a fool and its going to cause you further shut yourself off. Not to mention there are always some douche turd who takes a completely harmless thing you said and turns it around against you, causing further social embarrassment.
Maybe it worked for you, and that I can respect. Maybe you already had a decent social circle to build your foundations upon, and that gave you some initial confidence to talk to other people.
My guess is that OP really does want guy friends. He just really wants a girlfriend first because it is nagging away at him for so long. |
^ +1 to that. Frankly, I also hate the idea of randomly going up and soliciting people for "practice." It is just especially all wrong for me. I could see if I already had at least a nascent and small social circle on which to build by doing this, but its just not a possibility for me............ I don't see ANYBODY else ever do this any time i'm ever in public. How would it ever be "natural?" Lightning is right......... its just completely odd to run up to people and try and engage them for a prolonged chat, even if you are "practicing."
I guess the thing that eats at me is that I see lots of people who have "incomplete" lives who are still in good relationships. I don't see why the fact that I don't have a real social facet of my life should be that bad as to prevent me from having happiness? I think only a small percentage of people are "complete," to where they are totally well rounded (physically, socially, mentally, emotionally, professionally, spiritually, etc.) Its not like everybody has all of these things in their lives, but yet most people can still find a good relationship and be accepted despite things they lack as a human.
I just don't see why its that bad that even if I'm just behind in the social component; why is this such a handicap? I mean, you see people who perhaps physically aren't in the best of shape, but they get dates? So how come lagging socially is such a crushing killer? You would think I could still get a few dates even if I wasn't "perfect" in my delivery...... that someone would give me a chance.
I also would like guy friends, but I just never had that social circle for which to even build on going in to adulthood. I would not even know where to go look for friends of either gender tbh. If I had been able to do this when I was young and there were opportunities in public school, I might have had that foundation, but its just all hopeless.
Last edited by Pengu1n on Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:18 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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you ask for help, then reject that help - even after your own way didn't work.
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Pengu1n
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 03, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 134
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:24 pm Post subject: |
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^ Yeah, but I'm damn sure not going to run up to everybody in the grocery store under the sun, and go through a song-and-dance routine just to practice conversation? How awful is that?
I UNDERSTAND what Wolfheart is suggesting, about practicing conversation. Its just total rubbish as when do you see anybody going up to people in a public place for a conversation? You NEVER see it. I'd look like even more of a drooling idiot just trying to chat with random people out of the blue.
Sorry, but its crap. Its abnormal.
I think WolfHeart is just higher-functioning than me. I can see his point if you already have some friends and a foundation for me to build around.......... for me to do it, its just creepy and stalkerish.
Also, I'm not rejecting you advice, Hyperlexian, so get off your high-horse and pedastal as I've tried to do the things you suggest, but some people clearly live in the clouds. Perhaps you project your own high-functioningness on to me, but I'm not like you. For me, its not like my AS traits are just "unique quirks" that might endear someone to me. Its really crap, and i can't just "do stuff," like "get confidence." Its easy for HFAs like you to say stuff like that, but I can't do stuff like that, especially when I would be the only one like a moron running around in a shopping center trying to accost people.
I frankly don't know what idealistic planet one might live on to where they think a plan like that would work, especially when you see NOONE ever do this. I agree that you usually see someone crack a joke here and there, but that is the end of it. |
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Trigas
A bit crazy
Joined: Jul 14, 2011
Age: 20
Posts: 4143
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Pengu1n wrote: | ^ Yeah, but I'm damn sure not going to run up to everybody in the grocery store under the sun, and go through a song-and-dance routine just to practice conversation? How awful is that?
I UNDERSTAND what Wolfheart is suggesting, about practicing conversation. Its just total rubbish as when do you see anybody going up to people in a public place for a conversation? You NEVER see it. I'd look like even more of a drooling idiot just trying to chat with random people out of the blue. |
I personally took this route and began to improve my conversational skills by meeting strangers in public places. I find it helps you think on your feet a bit and is overall useful. As long as it's approached casually I don't see any harm in it.
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