smudge
Your worst nightmare
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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 2125
Location: London
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 Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | | smudge wrote: | | bucephalus wrote: | | smudge wrote: | | Also, I've noticed that men only tend to show a friendly interest to women they're attracted to, even if the man or woman are taken. I've made male friends, only for them to stop talking to me after I've shown a disinterest in them romantically. It hurts me too, and that's why I tell guys repeatedly that I'm not interested in them as more than friends. I'm paranoid about it, and although it's sexist, it makes me resent men a bit, as a whole. |
I know where you are coming from with some of this. It's extremely annoying to discover that someone is only friendly because they're attracted to you. It undermines you as a person and is a little bit insulting. I suppose it is best to not take it personally, they have to react to the rejection somehow, and if creating distance is their way then let it be. |
Exactly. I feel completely objectified by it. It makes me question how interesting a person I actually am, if men only want to know me when they're after a relationship. It's as if when they woke up from their feelings, they discovered I wasn't worth knowing. |
Can't you kind of tell though? I mean if someone's following you around vs. enjoying a good conversation regardless, the kinds of things they want to try and do like almost force 'moments' rather than just let things go as they are, say hi and bye like its indifferent, etc.. |
How do you mean? I can certainly tell when a guy fancies me, and I can tell when they're manipulating their answers to smooth things along. If you're saying what I think you're saying, then yes, it has happened a couple of times that I've met a guy who didn't purposely choose or manipulate his answers to suit mine, and that I've had great conversations with. They both found a girlfriend in the end and stopped contacting me though. It is extremely rare for me to find a guy who is genuinely interested in the content of what I say. It's frustrating. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:17 pm Post subject: |
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| mv wrote: | | Tequila wrote: | | mv wrote: | | I have made men recoil when I was forward or assertive. It could be a generational thing, though (I'm in my 40's). |
It might well be because they're not interested in you, or they wonder that you might be desperate, or they just don't know how to handle the situation. |
That's fine, but I'm saying that women do approach men, and it isn't always received well. Especially the "desperate" part - if men would like women to approach them, and women do so, how does it benefit the situation for the man to consider her "desperate"? That just makes no sense to me. You can't have it both ways: you either have to accept that men HAVE to do the approaching (and thus any woman who does so is "unnatural" and "desperate") or you can choose to have men or women do the approaching, with no ulterior judgments.
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As I said earlier.. I'd never consider a woman desperate for asking me out. I'd actually consider her to have pretty good taste.. The problem is I seldom get asked out by women whom I find interesting/attractive. I'm sorry if that makes me one of the people whom Erisad has experienced. It isn't a matter of wishing Ill Will on these women or anything like that, in fact I really hope they find some one who appreciates them for who they are.. It just isn't going to be me. One of these days I'll either find my perfect person, or I won't. But I'm not desperate either, so I don't plan to settle. As I've said again and again, that isn't fair to either partner. |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
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Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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| smudge wrote: | | It is extremely rare for me to find a guy who is genuinely interested in the content of what I say. It's frustrating. |
I've been rejected by two men in the space of a week, for being "too intellectual", and "too politically-focused".
 
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Daemonic-Jackal
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Age: 27
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Location: Salford, United Kingdom
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: |
It might well be because they're not interested in you, or they wonder that you might be desperate, or they just don't know how to handle the situation. |
Isn't the reason men don't know how to handle the situation because the women don't do the asking out often enough?
| ValentineWiggin wrote: |
I've been rejected by two men in the space of a week, for being "too intellectual", and "too politically-focused".
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Sounds like the guys knew they were extremely out of their depth especially for saying you are "too intellectual"
As for being "too politically focused" well that's a strange one. I've never understood why some women consider it so important that their partners must have 'similar political thoughts'. But then I've never really cared much for politics, when it comes to the UK, all political parties are as bad as each other as far as I am concerned.
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Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:26 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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rabbittss, that was exactly my point, above. when women ask men out, it's usually because the guy doesn't ask. and he doesn't ask... because he's not interested in the first place. so in many cases there's not much point in a girl asking a guy out.
sometimes it does work, because maybe the guy just didn't think of a female in that light, so when she signals interest it makes him notice her in a new way. or he could be shy or insecure. but that is an exception - i have been rejected A LOT, and been told that my forwardness is frankly scary. i am no more aggressive than an average guy, but that is more than some men seem to be able to handle.
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | rabbittss, that was exactly my point, above. when women ask men out, it's usually because the guy doesn't ask. and he doesn't ask... because he's not interested in the first place. so in many cases there's not much point in a girl asking a guy out.
sometimes it does work, because maybe the guy just didn't think of a female in that light, so when she signals interest it makes him notice her in a new way. or he could be shy or insecure. but that is an exception - i have been rejected A LOT, and been told that my forwardness is frankly scary. i am no more aggressive than an average guy, but that is more than some men seem to be able to handle. |
And this was my point. Well said! |
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myth
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Age: 27
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:28 pm Post subject: |
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It's nothing more than societal norms. No other reason. According to current Western society standards, the man is "supposed" to make the first moves and most people adhere to this as gospel. You can argue all you want about all the perceptions that go along with it but it all hinges on the base premise.
(This probably applies many Eastern societies too since many of them don't encourage women to do anything at all but I don't know much about those so I'm limiting my comment to Western.)
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ValentineWiggin
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Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Daemonic-Jackal wrote: | | I've never understood why women consider it so important that their partners must have 'similar political thoughts'. But then I've never really cared much for politics, when it comes to the UK, all political parties are as bad as each other as far as I am concerned. |
a. Commonalities of political beliefs as a mating preference are not characteristic of women per se, nor uncharacteristic of men-
it is a preference like any other that some have and some don't
b. Insofar as political beliefs correlate with ethical worldviews and preferred lifestyles,
they can be very important- some people can't connect with those who have radically-different moral views
c. I'M not the one who rejected someone for having one political persuasion or the other;
I'M the one who GOT rejected for being too "into" political issues AT ALL
| Daemonic-Jackal wrote: | | I've never understood why some women consider it so important that their partners must have 'similar political thoughts'. But then I've never really cared much for politics, when it comes to the UK, all political parties are as bad as each other as far as I am concerned. |
Thank you for adding this modifier- I'd say some women do it for the same reasons some men do-
though what those reasons are is whole 'nother topic.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."
Last edited by ValentineWiggin on Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:32 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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smudge
Your worst nightmare
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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Age: 25
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Location: London
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | mv wrote: | That's fine, but I'm saying that women do approach men, and it isn't always received well. Especially the "desperate" part - if men would like women to approach them, and women do so, how does it benefit the situation for the man to consider her "desperate"? That just makes no sense to me. You can't have it both ways: you either have to accept that men HAVE to do the approaching (and thus any woman who does so is "unnatural" and "desperate") or you can choose to have men or women do the approaching, with no ulterior judgments.
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The problem is I seldom get asked out by women whom I find interesting/attractive. |
Are you sure it's that you're not put off women who ask you out in the first place? I realise I don't know you, but with practically all guys I've met, they don't seem to know what they want (as mv said). Having said that though, I think women do the same thing - moan about why they can't find the "right guy", then they find the "right guy" but there's no attraction as there's no chasing. There's always something really special about a person you have to work hard to get. |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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| mv wrote: | | That's fine, but I'm saying that women do approach men, and it isn't always received well. Especially the "desperate" part - if men would like women to approach them, and women do so, how does it benefit the situation for the man to consider her "desperate"? That just makes no sense to me. You can't have it both ways: you either have to accept that men HAVE to do the approaching (and thus any woman who does so is "unnatural" and "desperate") or you can choose to have men or women do the approaching, with no ulterior judgments. |
Depends on the manner of the approaching. The same applies with men approaching women too. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | mv wrote: | | That's fine, but I'm saying that women do approach men, and it isn't always received well. Especially the "desperate" part - if men would like women to approach them, and women do so, how does it benefit the situation for the man to consider her "desperate"? That just makes no sense to me. You can't have it both ways: you either have to accept that men HAVE to do the approaching (and thus any woman who does so is "unnatural" and "desperate") or you can choose to have men or women do the approaching, with no ulterior judgments. |
Depends on the manner of the approaching. The same applies with men approaching women too. |
that isn't the only reason some men don't like it - often the approach is irrelevant.
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Daemonic-Jackal wrote: | | But then I've never really cared much for politics, when it comes to the UK, all political parties are as bad as each other as far as I am concerned. |
You can have political thoughts but be effectively outside the political system. A lot of people are very interested in politics but often don't bother voting (or vote reluctantly, often for one of the main three or UKIP). |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:38 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | that isn't the only reason some men don't like it - often the approach is irrelevant. |
True, some men prefer submissive women. Some women prefer submissive men. What are you at? |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
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Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | that isn't the only reason some men don't like it - often the approach is irrelevant. |
True, some men prefer submissive women. Some women prefer submissive men. What are you at? |
that the situation is not that simple.
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | that the situation is not that simple. |
By Jove! She's got it! 
Last edited by Tequila on Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:40 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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