smudge
Your worst nightmare
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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 2125
Location: London
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 Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | a very wide range of men, really. not a certain type or anything. |
Ah, OK. If that's the case, some men within that wide range will be scared off by a very assertive woman. I know I would if it was too much. I'd wonder depending on how it was done if she was head-the-ball or something (there are enough of those about). |
She said she wasn't more assertive than the average man. I don't think I am, either. It's just that men view it that way because they don't expect a woman to ask. |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | | noname_ever wrote: |
Now consider that when dealing with someone who doesn't like or like to discuss politics. |
I guess I'd just sit there, if no one asked me anything about myself.
I never know what to ask people... 
"Soo...you're not real close with your sister, then?"
"What did you say your dog's name was?"
"Yeah, U of Whatever is soo expensive!"
Shoot me.
Now, please. |
If politics is your interest you need to find someone who enjoys it as well. Many people do not have a significant interest in it and some openly disdain it. Others like politics but will have stances opposite to yours. I've seen some of my "matches" on OK cupid require that people interested in them have simlar views (they don't want to spend their life with someone who will cancel their vote every election). Taking the libertarian position will cause both sides to want to drop the conversation in my experience.
Would you want to date someone who's views are significantly different than your own? |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| smudge wrote: | | It's just that men view it that way because they don't expect a woman to ask. |
I would be enormously grateful if they asked though but I'd feel absolutely appalling if I had to turn them down.
Still, at the end of the day:
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| noname_ever wrote: | | Taking the libertarian position will cause both sides to want to drop the conversation in my experience. |
Depends what kind of libertarianism I think. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1947
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry, on an iPad so it's too difficult to quote multiple posts but some of the women who've posted here have said that they've asked men out and been rejected.
But accepting that you will be rejected the majority of the time is part of being the pursuer. Aside from a very few lucky bastards men are rejected far more often than they succeed when asking women out. Ask yourselves honestly if you have asked as many men out as the average man asks women.
I don't know about the women here, but I do know women in real life who've approached maybe two or three guys in their lives, been rejected, and decided based on that that being the aggressor will never work for them.
This is no different than the guys who post here complaining, based on being rejected a handful of times, that no women at all are interested in them. The advice usually given to them, by men and women alike, is to keep trying.
| hyperlexian wrote: | | men don't want just ANY women asking them out, they want CERTAIN women asking them out. |
The reverse is true as well.
And, to those that've posted about hurt feelings when a guy seems no longer interested in friendship after being rejected romantically, I can understand the hurt feelings. But it must be kept in mind that not having ones romantic feelings reciprocated is embarrassing and, depending on the depths of those feelings, can be quite painful. It's not necessarily the case that the guy only wanted sex and does not see you as worthwhile without it. It is more likely that he is trying to spare his own feelings by avoiding the source of his embarrassment. |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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| mds_02 wrote: | But accepting that you will be rejected the majority of the time is part of being the pursuer. Aside from a very few lucky bastards men are rejected far more often than they succeed when asking women out. Ask yourselves honestly if you have asked as many men out as the average man asks women.
I don't know about the women here, but I do know women in real life who've approached maybe two or three guys in their lives, been rejected, and decided based on that that being the aggressor will never work for them.
This is no different than the guys who post here complaining, based on being rejected a handful of times, that no women at all are interested in them. The advice usually given to them, by men and women alike, is to keep trying. |
Indeed, and this is a very important point. Women seem to expect that because they are wimminz that they will not be rejected when they pursue others and if they are then they should never try. That's life; deal with it. Those of us with willies have to. Equality, innit.
Last edited by Tequila on Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:46 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | noname_ever wrote: | | Taking the libertarian position will cause both sides to want to drop the conversation in my experience. |
Depends what kind of libertarianism I think. |
Social liberal fiscal conservative. It pisses both sides off. |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26043
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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| noname_ever wrote: | | Social liberal fiscal conservative. It pisses both sides off. |
Not me it doesn't, though it depends what kind of fiscal conservatism you're talking about. Do you believe in a welfare state? |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Tequila wrote: | | noname_ever wrote: | | Social liberal fiscal conservative. It pisses both sides off. |
Not me it doesn't, though it depends what kind of fiscal conservatism you're talking about. Do you believe in a welfare state? |
I'm thinking quadrant 4 of the political compass. I believe in a limited welfare state where there is a safety net, but people have a responsibility to act responsibly and try to avoid needing it. The acting responsible part usually infringes upon some right each group (in the USA republican or democrat) thinks as inalienable. The best example would be admonishing people to think before reproducing and consider their situation and partner before reproducing. It seems that a majority of NTs in this country sees that as heartless and cruel. |
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Kjas
Onçinha
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 4895
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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Just going to point out something I have noticed with women who have approached guys. Most women who do ask out guys and get rejected are not ready, nor are they used to rejection on such a personal level from the opposite sex, and most of them don't seem to handle it very well. The same seems to be true when women initiate and are rejected sexually, they don't handle it that very well at all.
I'm not sure if that is due to personal, social factors or evolutionary ones. Maybe all of them come into play?
I have seen exceptions to that rule but they aren't common and most of those women are more assertive and approach guys more often and have probably developed a thicker skin because of it. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14832
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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| smudge wrote: | | techstepgenr8tion wrote: |
Can't you kind of tell though? I mean if someone's following you around vs. enjoying a good conversation regardless, the kinds of things they want to try and do like almost force 'moments' rather than just let things go as they are, say hi and bye like its indifferent, etc.. |
How do you mean? I can certainly tell when a guy fancies me, and I can tell when they're manipulating their answers to smooth things along. If you're saying what I think you're saying, then yes, it has happened a couple of times that I've met a guy who didn't purposely choose or manipulate his answers to suit mine, and that I've had great conversations with. They both found a girlfriend in the end and stopped contacting me though. It is extremely rare for me to find a guy who is genuinely interested in the content of what I say. It's frustrating. |
You're sure it was because they were into you though? I get the impression that a lot of guys, once taken, somewhat have to distance themselves a bit from female freinds. Its much like a ex-friend's ex-girlfriend who we were all really tight with who invited me over several months ago to drink and play cards, but she had to check with her new boyfriend and I never heard back (which, lol, she looks like Kate Beckinsale - I absolutely get why he'd say no). Its part of why its difficult for guys and girls to be straight social friends rather than...say...work acquaintances or something like that, two single people sure, one single and the other dating....well....they'd both have to be mutual friends but even then spending time alone with an opposite sex friend while you're taken is still not seen well and at least half the time people's suspicions with that still make sense based on a lot of things I've seen happen when people got too lax with that. |
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smudge
Your worst nightmare
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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 2125
Location: London
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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| To mds_02 and Tequila: OK, you both haven't read our posts properly. These were men we asked out when the men WERE interested in us, and showed very obvious signs that they were - flirting etc. I realise rejection is part of the whole game, and I've asked out more than a few men (for me personally, at least 10) who showed obvious signs they were interested in me. If you had read my posts properly, you would've seen that almost all of these men have been freaked out when I asked them out...men who showed definite interest at first. |
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Boxman108
"Oh...it's just a box."
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1392
Location: NH
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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Eh, I wish this would happen more often. Seems some just can't take rejection.  I'm completely clueless as to whether anyone's ever interested in me(probably because there hasn't been anyone), so it's really just taking shots in the dark. Never has any good results.
_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along... |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14832
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Boxman108 wrote: | | Eh, I wish this would happen more often. Seems some just can't take rejection. I'm completely clueless as to whether anyone's ever interested in me(probably because there hasn't been anyone), so it's really just taking shots in the dark. Never has any good results. |
I'm a bit the opposite - I can't take reject-ing well, especially when they're girls who I have a lot of respect for and where, on external social ladder, people might argue that I'm being pretentious to even pass them up. That's a big part of what made internet dating for me like getting my teeth drilled. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1947
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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| smudge wrote: | | To mds_02 and Tequila: OK, you both haven't read our posts properly. These were men we asked out when the men WERE interested in us, and showed very obvious signs that they were - flirting etc. I realise rejection is part of the whole game, and I've asked out more than a few men (for me personally, at least 10) who showed obvious signs they were interested in me. If you had read my posts properly, you would've seen that almost all of these men have been freaked out when I asked them out...men who showed definite interest at first. |
And most men, when they've been rejected, would say that the woman had shown obvious signs of interest, flirting etc. And being "freaked out" is not an uncommon response from women when men ask them out.
Also, "at least 10?"
That's not that many. Most men have to approach considerably more women than that to get even 1 positive response.
See, approaching women is something men have to practice at, sometimes for years, by approaching many many women. It takes time and effort to get good at it. You're certainly not obligated to be the aggressor, but after only ten tries the level of effort you've put in is just not comparable to the amount that the average man puts in.
I mean, when I was single, I'd try my luck with maybe 30-40 women in a single year and get only 5 or 6 positive responses. And before you mention that that's more than one in ten, and that you should thus have gotten at least one positive response, you also need to take into account the amount of practice that that gave me.
Last edited by mds_02 on Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:24 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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