NeueZiel
Señorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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 Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 11:19 am Post subject: |
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Probably highschool. I was always different and people gave me a hard time but I always attributed that to where I lived and the fact I had a very educated upbringing thanks to my parents. Always had strange problems and issues but I never really thought too much about "well maybe something is actually wrong with me" until those ages. Most of the time I was too busy playing video games or getting excited about airshows or the summer to think too much about myself. Had meltdowns but it didn't reach such a terrible point until 9th and 10th grade, before that I had largely been given the benefit of the doubt, being the child of a well-liked, yet eccentric teacher and being merely a strange kid who had potential to be really intelligent. Once I was in highschool stuff got a lot harder and many of my coordination problems and social issues reared their ugly heads. Oh I had them throughout elementary school but when I would receive a little bit of special help, had a guidance counselor I talked to when I had meltdowns and she would let me doodle on paper and talk to her. Middleschool was even easier because my dad was the 8th grade teacher and a lot of the people at the school had known me since I was a baby, so again, people were assholes occasionally to me but my dad was so loved as a teacher most people didn't give me a hard time. I was allowed to get away with a lot and was very ignorant of any problems, hell, I thought I was normal then almost. Highschool was a totally different ballgame for me, it was brutal emotionally on me and I had frequent bouts of severe depression, started hurting myself then and truly becoming self-loathing for the first time in my life. People started picking on me, asking me if I was disabled or slow and I was eventually taken out and home schooled in the 10th grade.
A doctor diagnosed me with aspergers when I was very young but my parents were terrified and immediately took me to another doctor just so he would say I was normal, something they tell me they still regret. I received my official diagnosis of ASD (and mild OCD) a couple of months ago. |
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Dismentleman
Butterfly
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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First day of preschool at age 3. First sight of my peers. Was not easy to figure out what their preoccupation was with chaotically running around, yelling at each other, snatching each others food, pooping in the pants, crying because of it, attempts at insulting each other, crying for mom and dad even when they clearly said goodbye as they transmitted the screaming-out-of-betrayal toddlers to the kindergarten teacher, and last but not least, taking each other serious because of this. 
( Still no answers... moreover, the matter has shifted along with the evolvement of my peers, and is now gone 'sub-zero' but still very active, making them behave as though the Others are the one with the flaws, 'not me!'.) 
Before age 7 being aware of having paradoxical thoughts. Things that should be discussed in philosophy class or subjects for movies, i think. 
Age 13 I found myself asking my older sister: Is there anything weird or special about me? The way people look at me is like I stand out or something? Should I be ashamed of anything wierd? (nope, nothing remarkable about you, maybe they like you) 
The Realization, the moment I really felt I had no chance to become this or that, and always be the 'me' only I could realy understand, I was 15.  
But the feeling persist mostly in interaction, and is a lifelong thing so far.
_________________
today is a new day is a cliché |
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AnActualRailfan
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 31
Location: United Kingdom
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| Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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Compared to some other users on this thread, I took quite a long time until I understood myself as being 'different'. I was aware of peer rejection ever since I started going to playgroup at the age of three, and I started to experience active hostility from peers when I was about seven. However, rather than seeing this as an indication that I was different, I came to the conclusion that this happened because I was immoral or unlikeable.
I'm certain that I'd started to see myself as different by the time I reached the age of eight. I remember watching a cartoon about a boy who discovered that he was actually a robot, and thinking 'Well, that must be what's wrong with me - it'd explain why I'm not like other people'. Perhaps I'd already developed a sense of feeling different by that point, but that's my earliest memory of having those feelings.
I remember getting upset about my social rejection from when I started playgroup at the age of three, but, as I said earlier, I attributed it to different causes; until I started to view myself as being different, I was very preoccupied with becoming 'more moral' or 'more likeable'. After I came to the realisation that I was different from other children, I became more self-accepting for a year or so; I felt that, rather than being morally inferior, I was 'just me' - no better, no worse. However, as I approached my teenage years and I started to get bullied more frequently, I grew to loathe my differences and the effect they had on my life.
I was diagnosed at age seven, but I didn't find out until I was ten. Finding out about Asperger's didn't have much of an impact on my feelings about my differences; it just gave them a name, really. |
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