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Rhiannon0828
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2011
Age: 44
Posts: 434
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 Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:29 am Post subject: |
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I didn't think that it was disturbing. His "meltdown" really wasn't much more extreme than tantrums a lot of 3 year olds throw. And as a mom myself, I think his mom did a pretty good job. I think she used the paci trick well, although 3 is much to old for a paci. It's not a matter of "poor kid, he's autistic, let him have his comfort." It's a matter of the poor kid having to have braces because he's deformed his palate by using a paci for too long. My kids (and granddaughter) had to say goodbye to theirs on their second birthday, and many people thought that was late. It was rough for about a week, mostly at bedtime, and then they got over it. Parents have to make the tough decisions for children; the children certainly arn't going to make them, at least at pre-school age. I do wonder why she filmed this and put it on YouTube. It must have been to show someone what she was really experiencing with the child.
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MotherKnowsBest
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Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1191
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:12 am Post subject: |
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| I think the mother handled it very well. She eventually got her son to do what he was supposed and she kept her cool and humour about it the whole time. Don't forget, this isn't a one off for her. She has to deal with this sort of behaviours every single day. She deserves a medal. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:40 am Post subject: |
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| hanyo wrote: | I remember once seeing a video on a funniest video show where a parent videotaped their sick child sitting on a potty chair and moaning and complaining about being in pain. I was pretty disgusted by that. I started boycotting that stupid show after seeing a video on it that a parent made of their child's pet being snatched away to their death by a large bird. No one cared and they put it on the show because it was just a mouse.
If she is so worried about everyone looking maybe she shouldn't be putting it on Youtube. Everyone really is looking now. |
Yes including all the mindless nit-wits who think child abuse would be the best way to handle the situation...who are free to leave whatever comments they might feel like.
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:43 am Post subject: |
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| MotherKnowsBest wrote: | | I think the mother handled it very well. She eventually got her son to do what he was supposed and she kept her cool and humour about it the whole time. Don't forget, this isn't a one off for her. She has to deal with this sort of behaviours every single day. She deserves a medal. |
Well I don't think it was funny for the child...as humors as her, the person holding the camram, or anyone else might have found it. Also you have no idea if she deserves a medal based on one video, which in my personal opinion did not reflect the best way to handle it and the whole putting it up on youtube for all to see regardless of how her child might feel about all that publicity is well off putting in itself.
maybe she has to deal with behaviors, but I am sure that child has to deal with a lot to, being autistic and all...and I do hope the putting him on film when he's at his worst is not a common occurring.
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Last edited by Sweetleaf on Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:45 am; edited 1 time in total |
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cubedemon6073
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 1622
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:43 am Post subject: |
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| League_Girl wrote: | I think I would have been tougher than the mother. I see she did try putting him in the car but I would have held his arms and legs as I put him in it. I do the same with my son when he gets difficult, I hold his arms and legs and hold him down. My husband thinks I am so mean and rough with him  When I get mad or frustrated, I get tough.
Plus the boy looked bigger than three, older. I see he did listen when he lost his pacifier so the mother was able to put him in the car and he got it back. |
League_Girl, When I have eaten at McDonalds I have encountered kids behaving like that. It is very irritating and annoying to me. I hate screaming kids with a passion. I have major sensitivities to sound. I had to keep myself composed. I have walked out of establishments because of screaming kids.
Why parents let their kids is beyond me? It disturbs me and disturbs everyone else. If my child started screaming I would warn them once that they need to quit or we are going home. If they did it again I would take the child home and make the child go to his or her room until they can compose themselves. If the child is low functioning then I would just automatically take them home. It's disrespect to everyone else around. People are trying to eat and do their thing in peace. IMHO, it doesn't matter whether the child can help it or not. I would believe it was disrespect to those around me because I felt disrespected when parents let their children scream around me. I would say to my child after he was composed and was in his or her room for a while that most people do not like it when you scream and yell. It is annoying and it annoys me. I would give my child a demonstration if the child was cognitive enough to understand. I would scream and yell to mirror the child to show the child how others feel. This is a technique called mirroring.
With the kid in the car I would have picked his ass up and put his ass in the car myself. I would use a similar mirroing techique on this kid especially since he is autistic. Whether he is autistic or not he can't be allowed to scream and yell and disturb everyone around him. It's disrespect to the general peace. |
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AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 5893
Location: Mountain View, California, United States
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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Sometimes it makes me glad I never talked or thrown many tantrums at that age. Then again sometimes I wish they made dog whistles for kids just blow the whistle then instant quietness and calmness.
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MotherKnowsBest
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1191
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | MotherKnowsBest wrote: | | I think the mother handled it very well. She eventually got her son to do what he was supposed and she kept her cool and humour about it the whole time. Don't forget, this isn't a one off for her. She has to deal with this sort of behaviours every single day. She deserves a medal. |
Well I don't think it was funny for the child...as humors as her, the person holding the camram, or anyone else might have found it. |
I didn't say it was funny. I said she kept her humour about it. Humour can mean amusing but it can also mean a positive mood or state of mind. So if someone is remaining positive and calm in a stressful situation they can be described as keeping their humour.
| Sweetleaf wrote: |
Also you have no idea if she deserves a medal based on one video, which in my personal opinion did not reflect the best way to handle it |
In my personal opinion she handled it very well and therefore in my opinion she does deserve a medal because I do have first hand experience of situations like that and I do know exactly how difficult it is and I therefore do know how exceptionally well she coped with it.
| Sweetleaf wrote: |
and the whole putting it up on youtube for all to see regardless of how her child might feel about all that publicity is well off putting in itself.
maybe she has to deal with behaviors, but I am sure that child has to deal with a lot to, being autistic and all...and I do hope the putting him on film when he's at his worst is not a common occurring. |
Personally, I wouldn't want to put a video of my child in that state online either. I agree with you there. But other people see things differently. Maybe she thinks that the more people see these behaviours, the greater the awareness, the greater the support for people living with it. Unfortunately parents do have been publicising embarassing images of their kids since time began, regardless of whether they have autism or not. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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| MotherKnowsBest wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | MotherKnowsBest wrote: | | I think the mother handled it very well. She eventually got her son to do what he was supposed and she kept her cool and humour about it the whole time. Don't forget, this isn't a one off for her. She has to deal with this sort of behaviours every single day. She deserves a medal. |
Well I don't think it was funny for the child...as humors as her, the person holding the camram, or anyone else might have found it. |
I didn't say it was funny. I said she kept her humour about it. Humour can mean amusing but it can also mean a positive mood or state of mind. So if someone is remaining positive and calm in a stressful situation they can be described as keeping their humour.
Alright, fair point...I guess she was not making fun of him, well though I don't agree with the having filmed or taunting him with 'no paci, for whatever the name of the kid was where not exactly the best things to do.
| Sweetleaf wrote: |
Also you have no idea if she deserves a medal based on one video, which in my personal opinion did not reflect the best way to handle it |
In my personal opinion she handled it very well and therefore in my opinion she does deserve a medal because I do have first hand experience of situations like that and I do know exactly how difficult it is and I therefore do know how exceptionally well she coped with it.
I don't think she handled it horribly, but I think she certainly could have done better.......I mean there was no reason to do the two things I mentioned above in my opinion.
| Sweetleaf wrote: |
and the whole putting it up on youtube for all to see regardless of how her child might feel about all that publicity is well off putting in itself.
maybe she has to deal with behaviors, but I am sure that child has to deal with a lot to, being autistic and all...and I do hope the putting him on film when he's at his worst is not a common occurring. |
Personally, I wouldn't want to put a video of my child in that state online either. I agree with you there. But other people see things differently. Maybe she thinks that the more people see these behaviours, the greater the awareness, the greater the support for people living with it. Unfortunately parents do have been publicising embarassing images of their kids since time began, regardless of whether they have autism or not. |
And yeah that's true I guess, I am just hoping its support for her child as well she is concerned with.....not trying to give the messege of look at this horrible thing I have to deal with all the time, but I can see how she might just not have been thinking of the possible negatives of putting that up on youtube.
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13495
Location: My house
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:11 pm Post subject: |
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| cubedemon6073 wrote: | | League_Girl wrote: | I think I would have been tougher than the mother. I see she did try putting him in the car but I would have held his arms and legs as I put him in it. I do the same with my son when he gets difficult, I hold his arms and legs and hold him down. My husband thinks I am so mean and rough with him When I get mad or frustrated, I get tough.
Plus the boy looked bigger than three, older. I see he did listen when he lost his pacifier so the mother was able to put him in the car and he got it back. |
League_Girl, When I have eaten at McDonalds I have encountered kids behaving like that. It is very irritating and annoying to me. I hate screaming kids with a passion. I have major sensitivities to sound. I had to keep myself composed. I have walked out of establishments because of screaming kids.
Why parents let their kids is beyond me? It disturbs me and disturbs everyone else. If my child started screaming I would warn them once that they need to quit or we are going home. If they did it again I would take the child home and make the child go to his or her room until they can compose themselves. If the child is low functioning then I would just automatically take them home. It's disrespect to everyone else around. People are trying to eat and do their thing in peace. IMHO, it doesn't matter whether the child can help it or not. I would believe it was disrespect to those around me because I felt disrespected when parents let their children scream around me. I would say to my child after he was composed and was in his or her room for a while that most people do not like it when you scream and yell. It is annoying and it annoys me. I would give my child a demonstration if the child was cognitive enough to understand. I would scream and yell to mirror the child to show the child how others feel. This is a technique called mirroring.
With the kid in the car I would have picked his ass up and put his ass in the car myself. I would use a similar mirroing techique on this kid especially since he is autistic. Whether he is autistic or not he can't be allowed to scream and yell and disturb everyone around him. It's disrespect to the general peace. |
I so agree. But I know it's an unpopular opinion so I dare to not express it. Lot of parents of special needs kids are like "So we should leave him at home and never take him out?" Nope, no one said that. They are saying remove them from the situation if they can't behave. Plus parents of autistic kids are like "But they need to learn to deal with being in public or they will never learn" "If I remove them every time they have a tantrum/meltdown, then they are going to think it's okay and just do it when they don't want to be there." Parents of NT kids say the same thing too about their little ones.
But luckily it happened out in the parking lot, not indoors. |
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fragileclover
Velociraptor
Joined: May 22, 2009
Posts: 496
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not a parent, so I don't have much experience dealing with children in situations like this, but aside from posting the video on the internet (and we don't know her intentions), I thought she handled him very well. Dealing with that sort of tantrum every day must be incredibly difficult, and as others have mentioned, it's amazing that she remained in good spirits and didn't raise her voice.
As a child who was beaten for so much as leaving a dish in the sink, I think this mother is commendable for not giving in to frustration or anger.
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TechnoDog
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 17, 2012
Posts: 869
Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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Having a smile on ones face. While punishing or saying its inappropriate to use tantrums to get what you want.
& when they try to use it in the other way. You just reinforce it as “get what you want”.
Really smiling is not the signal you should be sending, even if they might not understand it or do. Trying to tell someone, that something is wrong while having a smile on your face is not going to go well.
IMO they both did not handle it well, for one a camera was on him, 2 they both were laughing & smiling. While saying don't.
Why do you guys associate humour with behaviour you don't want displaying or the “get what you want”.
Some people actually have a tantrum themselves as it shocks the kid. While the child has a bewildered look on they face.
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Kinme
Dinosaurlicious
Joined: Apr 14, 2012
Posts: 3223
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | My question is why would a parent put this on youtube?....I am really tempted to post a comment to the video and ask that. I mean I can understand maybe I might disagree with how she handled the situation in general but I can believe she's learning....and no ones perfect. But why put it on youtube for all to see? Somehow I am doubting the child consented to have a video of him having a meltdown or fit to be put onto the internet for everyone to see. |
That's what I was wondering. The mother was even smiling like it was some kind of joke. The boy was obviously very upset. Just awful. |
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StarTrekker
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Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 501
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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I'm really not certain what to make of this. On the one hand, I agree with the rest of you that it wasn't terribly good form to be posting that sort of thing on the internet for everyone to see (unless she was trying to make some kind of point about raising autistic kids, though I couldn't see any evidence of that), and it probably wasn't a good idea to be laughing in the face of whatever very real angst her son was going through, whether he understood the social meaning of her laughter or not, and it's especially not okay if she was laughing at a situation she wouldn't be laughing at if it involved a NT child, specifically because she knew her son wouldn't understand; that would just be cruel.
As for the paci thing, I'm fine with the kid having one (I still suck my thumb... and for the record, my teeth are naturally perfect), but, while withholding it was very effective, I'm not sure how I feel about her manipulating him with it. It's pretty underhanded to force someone into doing something you want by taking away their crutch. I honestly don't know what I'd do in her situation.
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Marcia
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Posts: 1479
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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Like just about everyone else, I don't know why she posted it on YouTube, but that aside I think she dealt with it very well.
Any child of that age could behave like that to be honest - autistic or not. He was a sturdy wee boy and could have really hurt her. I know from experience how impossible it is to get a rigid child into a car seat, and it's not as if she actually took the dummy from him. It fell out and he responded very quickly to her promise of getting it back when he was in the car.
As for smiling, well, as the saying goes, if you didn't laugh you'd cry. That kind of situation is very stressful and she stayed very calm throughout. |
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cubedemon6073
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 1622
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:29 pm Post subject: |
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| League_Girl wrote: | | cubedemon6073 wrote: | | League_Girl wrote: | I think I would have been tougher than the mother. I see she did try putting him in the car but I would have held his arms and legs as I put him in it. I do the same with my son when he gets difficult, I hold his arms and legs and hold him down. My husband thinks I am so mean and rough with him When I get mad or frustrated, I get tough.
Plus the boy looked bigger than three, older. I see he did listen when he lost his pacifier so the mother was able to put him in the car and he got it back. |
League_Girl, When I have eaten at McDonalds I have encountered kids behaving like that. It is very irritating and annoying to me. I hate screaming kids with a passion. I have major sensitivities to sound. I had to keep myself composed. I have walked out of establishments because of screaming kids.
Why parents let their kids is beyond me? It disturbs me and disturbs everyone else. If my child started screaming I would warn them once that they need to quit or we are going home. If they did it again I would take the child home and make the child go to his or her room until they can compose themselves. If the child is low functioning then I would just automatically take them home. It's disrespect to everyone else around. People are trying to eat and do their thing in peace. IMHO, it doesn't matter whether the child can help it or not. I would believe it was disrespect to those around me because I felt disrespected when parents let their children scream around me. I would say to my child after he was composed and was in his or her room for a while that most people do not like it when you scream and yell. It is annoying and it annoys me. I would give my child a demonstration if the child was cognitive enough to understand. I would scream and yell to mirror the child to show the child how others feel. This is a technique called mirroring.
With the kid in the car I would have picked his ass up and put his ass in the car myself. I would use a similar mirroing techique on this kid especially since he is autistic. Whether he is autistic or not he can't be allowed to scream and yell and disturb everyone around him. It's disrespect to the general peace. |
I so agree. But I know it's an unpopular opinion so I dare to not express it. Lot of parents of special needs kids are like "So we should leave him at home and never take him out?" Nope, no one said that. They are saying remove them from the situation if they can't behave. Plus parents of autistic kids are like "But they need to learn to deal with being in public or they will never learn" "If I remove them every time they have a tantrum/meltdown, then they are going to think it's okay and just do it when they don't want to be there." Parents of NT kids say the same thing too about their little ones.
But luckily it happened out in the parking lot, not indoors. |
I would ground them for 3-3.5 maybe 4 months with no tv, no books, and no form of entertainment. The only thing they would have is school textbooks to do their homework and maybe a bible. I would go overboard and be extreme like this. This is only if they had the cognitive ability to understand and change their own behavior. I would explain why they were on this strict punishment and that if they want to avoid punishments such as this they need to behave in public. If they were old enough I may make them copy the words and definitions out of the dictionary every day they had this punishment.
The only time I may use spanking is either for dangerous situations or if they hit other kids. |
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