Society makes me sick

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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:59 am Post subject:

NTAndrew wrote:

I think there is a difference of opinion on whether PTSD can be "cured". It can be treated to where it doesn't rule one's life anymore. I've seen the alternative to treatment. A friend of mine had an uncle who was suffering the effects of PTSD from things he saw in the Pacific Theater during World War 2. Fifty years later he was still suffering, and he didn't want to do anything about it because he was afraid he would remember memories his mind had suppressed. Treatment for PTSD isn't fun. It generally means expiencing that anxiety again and again. The anxiety is not the thing that paralyzes a person. It is the fear of that anxiety that can keep a person stuck. An ex-girlfriend of mine had agoraphobia. She feared having panic attacks as much as anything. During a panic attack, she felt sure she was going to die. It was no wonder she had diificulty leaving her apartment.

I already experiance the anxiety again and again, and what it does to the brain and body is exuasting and pretty unhealthy as in can cause brain damage according to everything I've read. So therapy that tries to trigger the symptoms would only cause that state of extreme stress which is very, very hard on the body and brain there is no way I could willingly let someone trigger my symptoms and risk brain damage from the bodys release of certain chemicals or whatever......Thing is I can't take it, I litterally go off the deep end when its triggered. I thought therapy was about feeling better not having the therapists drive you over the edge repeatedly.

I'm burnt out and the pain just really sucks....and I want room to breath you know, some space not bombardment from therapists triggering me to have flash backs and panic attacks with the theory I can just think my way out of it. I mean that would be like telling someone hyped up on some hard drug to just think their way out of the damaging physiological effects. I mean maybe there are people with this terrible mental disorder who have something left to save...but I'm not thinking I'm one of them. I mean there is no coming back there was never a place for me to begin with as far as I can tell. As for getting help I will give it a try but my main concern would be getting something for the anxiety so maybe I can function on a job...without being concerned about freaking out and having nothing to stop it.
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edgewaters
hibernating
Phoenix

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:23 am Post subject:

Mankey wrote:

One warning about jobs though is you need to realize, its high school for adults 90% of the time, 10% work. That's the one thing they don't tell you in school, you'll never escape the childish games

Office work, perhaps. There are lots and lots of jobs where things are moving much too fast for people to have any time for that sort of thing.

OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Phoenix

Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6783
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 3:40 am Post subject:

I just thought of something for you. Last spring one of the kids friends (he's 23) was going on a road trip. No destination in mind, taking a little pocket money with him with plans to earn more on the way finding day labor work, and camping at night in a tent. He had read way too much Ken Kesey and Jack Kerouac, really, he talked about them all the time. That's not what I'm going to suggest for you though, that's the backstory. He needed camping equipment and asked me to post something on Freecycle asking for any old tents, sleeping bags etc for him. The one response I got was from a guy maybe 60 years old who had a bunch of stuff to give away and he asked me about the guys trip because I had mentioned it in my post. He suggested that the guy visit this place he knew of that was an organic farm. They let people come and live there in exchange for working on the farm. It's like a Kibbutz/commune. He said they will teach you anything you want to know about organic farming and even teach you how to grow weed lol! He gave me the name of it and I gave it to the boy and he did go there during his Great Adventure On The Road To Find Himself. He said it was great. He told me all about it, but I really didn't pay attention, I just acted interested and said the appropriate things so that I didn't hurt his feelings. It's basically a group of likeminded people who end up there, and they are mainly hippy or alternative types. (This boy is a hippy type) You can stay for a few days, weeks, months, etc as long as you pull your weight. They find you a job there and teach you how to do it if you don't know. They find something that suits you. I think they also give you pocket money and I believe there are other opportunities to earn money in that area, like doing extra work there or working for someone else part time. Anyway, if that sounds at all like something you would be interested in let me know and I'll get the specifics from him. Maybe it would be a lot of folks that you would fit in with. More laid back types thats for sure, at least thats what he told me. Just let me know if you want the info and I'll find it out for you. If I don't respond on this thread that means I didn't look at it. My arrows that show threads with unread posts in them aren't working so I may miss a lot of things. PM me if I don't answer on the thread, or just PM me anyway to ask me and I'll get right on it. I see the guy every day. He's still friends with my kids and hangs out with my daughter and her fiance and they go play disk golf and he spends a very large amount of time playing video games with my 17 yo son. He still doesn't have a job nor did he go back to college (he wants to be a teacher) and he lives with his parents and does odd jobs for his dads company occasionally, for money. He's a really nice boy though and we have known him for about 8 years and like him very much, he's part of the family pretty much. However, I will say that if he went on the road to find himself, the self he found is the exact same self that was him in 10th grade. It's still a nice self though, but I'd like to see him grow up soon and get on with his life. Video games, bike riding, skateboarding and disk golf aren't going to go very far in supporting him, especially when he's in his late 20's. But, hit me up if you are interested in that farm. _________________ Frances What if Jessie's girl was Stacy's mom and her number was 867-5309?

Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:35 pm Post subject:

Thanks for that, sounds like an intresting idea...though for now I think I really need to try and do something about this PTSD.....I mean its really gotten pretty bad so I don't know how good I'd be with going to somewhere new and leaving what has become the only comfort zone I really have and then being able to pull my weight. But maybe when I can reach a better place mentally that would be something to consider. _________________ It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.

unduki
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Oct 22, 2011
Posts: 651

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:23 pm Post subject:

I live with a Vietnam vet who suffers from PTSD still, but nothing like you describe, Sweetleaf. He was drafted and forced to kill people he didn't know. He was also hunted and shot up himself. When he came home, he isolated himself for awhile and then tried to find his place, which was hard because there were lots of haters at the time. He became an electrical contractor. He does perfect work and works by himself for the most part. He's a real go-getter, always has been, but he has his moments. He smokes pot to deal with the pressures. I'm wondering; were you high when you were at your friend's house having an episode? Drugs can work both ways and each individual has their own set of reactions. Roommate avoids indica strains. Do you find peace in writing? Also, I'm thinking that if you were in a school situation when you were traumatized, you might try going back to that school and asking for their help in getting some kind of treatment. If they refuse, you may have legal recourse if it wasn't too long ago - like less than 10 years. Do you have a legal aid center near you? _________________ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 2:16 pm Post subject:

unduki wrote:

I live with a Vietnam vet who suffers from PTSD still, but nothing like you describe, Sweetleaf. He was drafted and forced to kill people he didn't know. He was also hunted and shot up himself. When he came home, he isolated himself for awhile and then tried to find his place, which was hard because there were lots of haters at the time. He became an electrical contractor. He does perfect work and works by himself for the most part. He's a real go-getter, always has been, but he has his moments. He smokes pot to deal with the pressures.

Well obviously that is quite a bit more terrible, initial experiance to go through...but yeah I isolate myself to a painful extent but at this point I am more at the point of figuring out if there is any way to move past it...I don't know what will come of that. and why do you think I smoke pot?...but yeah I guess the main difference I see is you say he was a 'real go-getter', I never even developed any self confidence...I mean for example my sister has PTSD from this crap I am not at liberty to discuss on a public forum. And she works, has a car and is pretty self sufficient except she has an odd living situation like me...then again she also drinks to much sometimes I wish she would smoke pot instead, but she says she doesn't like it. She had friends growing up, has always been more confident than me in general and much smoother at social interaction......I was kind of the opposite so of course the disorder wont effect us the same.

I'm wondering; were you high when you were at your friend's house having an episode? Drugs can work both ways and each individual has their own set of reactions. Roommate avoids indica strains.

No actually I wasn't because I wanted to try and handle it without that, because I was thinking if I get a job I will have to be able to keep it under control without anything(which I don't know if I can)....but when that did not work and I was on the verge of destroying things I smoked to try and calm myself. and I would think it makes more sense to avoid sativias because indicas are usually more sedative.

Do you find peace in writing?

Not particularly, but I havn't tried in a while so its worth a try I suppose.

Also, I'm thinking that if you were in a school situation when you were traumatized, you might try going back to that school and asking for their help in getting some kind of treatment. If they refuse, you may have legal recourse if it wasn't too long ago - like less than 10 years. Do you have a legal aid center near you?

I already did and they paid for me to go to a therapist but the money they gave me for that ran out before I really got anywhere with that therapist. Also I have enough trouble if I have to see the school just driving by it let alone trying to face the people who run it......again. Though it would help my case if i had proof of that one school counseler telling me 'not to worry' about my PTSD symptoms not exactly the best advice...but yeah I don't know how I would handle the stress of trying to handle a bunch of legal crap.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.

unduki
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Oct 22, 2011
Posts: 651

Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 1:52 am Post subject:

I've read other posts where you were discussing cannabis. I only brought it up to get you to think about cause and affect you might not have considered. It's a shame there hasn't been more study of cannabis because we're left to gauge our own treatment and we (all self-medicators collectively) are often impaired, in one way or another, so, logically, we may not be the best judges of what's working, at least not solo. Sometimes we don't realize what we think is helping is actually hurting. Were you aware that some strains, if used for long periods, actually cause neck and should tightness and pain? Stuff like that. I guess it would be best to go to a dispensary that analyzes it's product. ...in a perfect world. As for the school not providing you with adequate counseling... my attitude is, No. They don't get to dump you because they think they've spent enough on you. Damage was done and adequate reparations must be made. I'm not sue-happy but you really ought to see a lawyer - of course... you'd have to see a psychiatrist, first, to prove you're dysfunctional enough - so we're back at square one. Something's gotta give. _________________ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 3:47 am Post subject:

unduki wrote:

I've read other posts where you were discussing cannabis. I only brought it up to get you to think about cause and affect you might not have considered. It's a shame there hasn't been more study of cannabis because we're left to gauge our own treatment and we (all self-medicators collectively) are often impaired, in one way or another, so, logically, we may not be the best judges of what's working, at least not solo. Sometimes we don't realize what we think is helping is actually hurting. Were you aware that some strains, if used for long periods, actually cause neck and should tightness and pain? Stuff like that. I guess it would be best to go to a dispensary that analyzes it's product.

Well I haven't looked into that, but I'd have a hard time smoking the same strain for long periods anyways....but that is intresting I suppose worth looking up. But yeah honestly if it wasn't for the cannabis I'd probably be drinking more to make up for it and I already drink quite enough as is, I don't want to drink like I used to.

...in a perfect world.

As for the school not providing you with adequate counseling... my attitude is, No. They don't get to dump you because they think they've spent enough on you. Damage was done and adequate reparations must be made. I'm not sue-happy but you really ought to see a lawyer - of course... you'd have to see a psychiatrist, first, to prove you're dysfunctional enough - so we're back at square one. Something's gotta give.

Well apparently they do get to because they did, they gave me a fixed amount and once it ran out that was it. And what would I sue them for even? I mean technically its not their fault what happened.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.

zombiegirl2010
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Age: 34
Posts: 273
Location: edge of sanity and bliss

Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:58 pm Post subject:

Society makes me sick as well. Last night was the first time in about a month or more that I've had the courage/strength to go see a movie. I was all excited, because I've been waiting to see The Raven for quite a while. I love LOVE LOVE everything Edgar Allan Poe! Well, we go and there is this guy sitting at the end of our row cough/gagging on loads of phlegm all throughout the movie!!! It kept distracting me horribly and grossing me out. He ruined the movie/experience for me.

Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 1:09 pm Post subject:

zombiegirl2010 wrote:

Society makes me sick as well. Last night was the first time in about a month or more that I've had the courage/strength to go see a movie. I was all excited, because I've been waiting to see The Raven for quite a while. I love LOVE LOVE everything Edgar Allan Poe! Well, we go and there is this guy sitting at the end of our row cough/gagging on loads of phlegm all throughout the movie!!! It kept distracting me horribly and grossing me out. He ruined the movie/experience for me. Sad

Damn that sucks...I probably would have ended up leaving that one and possibly going into another movie that started at the same time. And if the first movie was one I really wanted to see I might even see if I could pull off going back into that one in the next showing if possible.
_________________
It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.