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Crazygirl79
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 03, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 78
Location: Australia
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 Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: |
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It's not about being a perfectionist at all and yes I am well aware that everyone has these behaviours but like I've said in other posts we can generally tolerate and overlook most of these behaviours if they're in small doses and don't overpower and outweigh the good in that person however if it's in extremes then it can become a problem like I've also said before.
While I think animals are far better than people I haven't actually rejected humanity itself because I am aware there are good people out there.
As I mentioned in another post I also tolerate too much sh** from other people and I am learning to weigh up pros and cons of keeping particular types of friends, what I should tolerate from those friends, when I should attempt to fix a friendship if it's in trouble or whether I should move on because I no longer want to be a doormat, a punching bag, a scapegoat or anything else of the sort.
S | SpiritBlooms wrote: | Okay. But if you find someone who is never any of those things, please let me know. I want to meet this paragon of humanity. 
Come on, aren't you being a perfectionist? Some of these aren't really types at all but behaviors.
HUMAN BEINGS HAVE FLAWS. Accepting this means you also accept yourself and all your flaws. Also that people aren't right dismissing Aspies as flawed.
If you've been hurt by friends and no longer want to associate with them as individuals, that's one thing, but to list a lot of very human behaviors as types and say you reject them all means you reject most of humanity. |
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SpiritBlooms
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Crazygirl79 wrote: | It's not about being a perfectionist at all and yes I am well aware that everyone has these behaviours but like I've said in other posts we can generally tolerate and overlook most of these behaviours if they're in small doses and don't overpower and outweigh the good in that person however if it's in extremes then it can become a problem like I've also said before.
While I think animals are far better than people I haven't actually rejected humanity itself because I am aware there are good people out there.
As I mentioned in another post I also tolerate too much sh** from other people and I am learning to weigh up pros and cons of keeping particular types of friends, what I should tolerate from those friends, when I should attempt to fix a friendship if it's in trouble or whether I should move on because I no longer want to be a doormat, a punching bag, a scapegoat or anything else of the sort.
S | SpiritBlooms wrote: | Okay. But if you find someone who is never any of those things, please let me know. I want to meet this paragon of humanity.
Come on, aren't you being a perfectionist? Some of these aren't really types at all but behaviors.
HUMAN BEINGS HAVE FLAWS. Accepting this means you also accept yourself and all your flaws. Also that people aren't right dismissing Aspies as flawed.
If you've been hurt by friends and no longer want to associate with them as individuals, that's one thing, but to list a lot of very human behaviors as types and say you reject them all means you reject most of humanity. |
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I see, and I hadn't read the entire thread when I posted that. I'm sorry. It does sound a bit like me - that problem of putting up and putting up and finally realizing something has gone too far and this person isn't good for me. Good for you, figuring it out and getting some of the problems out of your life.  |
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tcorrielus
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 30, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 574
Location: Buffalo, NY
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 10:40 am Post subject: |
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I wanna say that there are no such thing as "bad friends" just like there are no such thing as "good enemies". If someone continually does something to hurt, vex, and take advantage of you, then he/she is NOT a friend.
IMO, the worst among the types of bad people in the list are leechers, selfish people, and the unreliable friends. I've had painful experiences in which I call people and ask them if we could meet somewhere and hang out. They would joyfully say yes. The next day, I call them again to make sure they're really gonna meet me somewhere, but they don't answer my calls. In other words, they've suddenly changed their plans without informing me. |
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1840
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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| tcorrielus wrote: | I
IMO, the worst among the types of bad people in the list are leechers, selfish people, and the unreliable friends. I've had painful experiences in which I call people and ask them if we could meet somewhere and hang out. They would joyfully say yes. The next day, I call them again to make sure they're really gonna meet me somewhere, but they don't answer my calls. In other words, they've suddenly changed their plans without informing me. |
ya i encountered such people
and i am surprised that such people exsist...............
this is not earth.......its a hell
its no fun living here 
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The only thing right in this wrong world is
WRONG PLANET |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 4:51 pm Post subject: |
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| namaste wrote: | | well if we judge people when will we love them..........because most of the people are like this we hardly have good people left to interact with. |
You can still care for the well-being of another person even though you have judged them to be unworthy as a friend in your life. You can also judge them to fall into one of the above categories, but not feel that it's worth discontinuing the friendship - it's just something to be weary of when dealing with that person. I always have hope that a person will change for the better, but that doesn't mean I always want them to do so anywhere near me. They can go do their changing over there -->> if it's really bad.
Yes, finding someone worthy is difficult, and it saddens me that this is the truth of the human race.
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Crazygirl79, what an amazing post. I really like how well you've categorized the bulk of the issues I've dealt with both with others and sometimes within myself. Thank you for such an insightful post. |
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Crazygirl79
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 03, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 78
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 12:41 am Post subject: |
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Yes you are right if someone continues to do those bad things then you would have to question your friendship with them along with their interpretation of friendship because everyone has a different idea of what a friendship is, sometimes even though you get one person who continually does sh** to you there may be cases where they aren't aware of the impact of their behaviour unless it's pointed out to them and if thats the case those people can be given another chance but if someone continues to do sh** to you and they are aware of it then you probably need to consider ending that friendship.
What I'm trying to say is it's not always straight forward in every case.
S | tcorrielus wrote: | I wanna say that there are no such thing as "bad friends" just like there are no such thing as "good enemies". If someone continually does something to hurt, vex, and take advantage of you, then he/she is NOT a friend.
IMO, the worst among the types of bad people in the list are leechers, selfish people, and the unreliable friends. I've had painful experiences in which I call people and ask them if we could meet somewhere and hang out. They would joyfully say yes. The next day, I call them again to make sure they're really gonna meet me somewhere, but they don't answer my calls. In other words, they've suddenly changed their plans without informing me. |
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Crazygirl79
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 03, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 78
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 12:52 am Post subject: |
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Well said NicoleG!!
I'll add more to that, even if you do decide to end a friendship with someone it doesn't automatically mean you'll stop caring for them or thinking about them because they had something that led you to develop a friendship with them at least in the beginning but somewhere along the way you have come across some qualities and/or repetitive bad behaviours in that person and one day you realise that you can no longer tolerate it anymore because it's having a negative impact on your life in someway and you know it's unlikely that this person will change anytime soon so you move on from the friendship.
My Swinger friend who I described earlier in this thread was a warm, intelligent and caring person as well as unique which led me to develop this friendship and for a while it worked out fine, we saw one another at college, I looked after her animals a couple of times and I visited her a few times but as time went along I was starting to see that she was someone who made all these wild arrangements but could never stick to them, I tolerated this because I am aware that she has Bipolar and that this sometimes impacts her life in different ways but when she became abusive towards me on Facebook just before I deactivated my account I decided around that time that as much as this person had attractive qualities I needed to move on from the friendship because all the depressing stuff she was going on about was bringing me down and the abuse just topped it off so to speak. Yes I was disappointed, yes I was a little bit hurt but it was for the best and I don't regret the decision.
S | NicoleG wrote: | | namaste wrote: | | well if we judge people when will we love them..........because most of the people are like this we hardly have good people left to interact with. |
You can still care for the well-being of another person even though you have judged them to be unworthy as a friend in your life. You can also judge them to fall into one of the above categories, but not feel that it's worth discontinuing the friendship - it's just something to be weary of when dealing with that person. I always have hope that a person will change for the better, but that doesn't mean I always want them to do so anywhere near me. They can go do their changing over there -->> if it's really bad.
Yes, finding someone worthy is difficult, and it saddens me that this is the truth of the human race.
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Crazygirl79, what an amazing post. I really like how well you've categorized the bulk of the issues I've dealt with both with others and sometimes within myself. Thank you for such an insightful post. |
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CaptainTrips222
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 31, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 3019
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:57 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | So what are good friends? because that kind of there just covered every type of personality but in a negative light. |
You know, I thought the same thing. What friend doesn't at least kinda fit into one of these categories?
But... yeah, all those things bother me too. I've even been a few of those. |
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rpcarnell
Toucan
Joined: Feb 16, 2011
Posts: 266
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 5:39 am Post subject: |
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I had a friend who couldn't stop giving me advices. I don't see him anymore thank goodness. Thing is, the guy was cheating on his wife with every woman he could get his hands on, and I said nothing to him. He also has a short attention span. I spoke to him and he was barely listening most of the time. But he was always giving me advices. I don't see him again, fortunately.
I have also had many friends who are going nowhere in life. You cannot start a business with them because they are lazy bums or won't commit to anything. This is the main reason why I am alone most of the time.
I have encountered the whiner. Always whining and bitching about everything, and I mean everything. I had a friend who wouldn't stop whining unless he had sex with a woman and then get drunk. He wouldn't be happy unless he woke up the next day totally hammered.
Personally, I am a mixture of the Whiner and the Paranoid. Can anyone blame me? I don't think so.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 163 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
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