Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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 Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 12:01 am Post subject: |
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hadn't heard that term before
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Joker
Sinn Fein
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 7593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 12:01 am Post subject: |
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| Delphiki wrote: | | Joker you said women, which is plural. So I have discredited multiple women's opinions on WP? I haven't been a member very long, I must get around |
To be fair TM and AspieRouge have not been members that long either but discredit a lot of things female WP members have to say.
But I apologize sorry. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 12:03 am Post subject: |
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| Delphiki wrote: | | hadn't heard that term before |
it's one of the words that gets heavily thrown around on the site, along with "friendzone" and "nice guy". someone introduced it before me in the thread, so i was semi-referring to that.
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Shatbat
Fénix
Joined: Feb 20, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 3972
Location: South America
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 1:37 am Post subject: |
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Guess I should come around more often, it's the first time I hear that term.
And about the original post, if a woman LJBF's you (can I use that as a verb?  ) it doesn't necessarily mean she sees you as lower status. The no-chemistry excuse is valid to me for example, in my limited experience I can say that the two relationships I've been (and one of them still am) into have had quite a lot of chemistry, which was probably the deciding factor for both of us. A friend of mine is good enough at meeting and dating women for getting into relationships without actual chemistry, and two weeks into it he's already bored. And in a broader sense, if a woman just doesn't feel attracted to someone, why should she date him? Money? Pity? I'd rather be single.
Status, I've read, is one of the things that may make a man attractive in the eyes of women. Nevertheless, if someone gets rejected, it doesn't necessarily mean he's of low status, although...
Once a girl LJBF'ed me. It was hurtful, but initiated a change for the better. After some time I realized that I had gotten into an unhealthy relationship with her, where she flipped off easily at me, made hurtful comments, and generally made me feel bad. I think she got it in her mind that I'd always be around no matter what, taking me for granted, so she thought she could get away with it, which for some time she actually did. I strongly suspected she got an ego boost from that too. One fateful friday I told her that I didn't want to see her or talk to her anymore, because I thought she didn't respect me at all, and I kept my word until she initiated contact more than a month later. It went smoothly from there and... to say the truth we started dating some months after that.
Now this could be misinterpreted, so I'll say: this was a very specific situation where I got objective signs I was being (mildly) emotionally abused, and the thing you told about a girl acting with you a certain way because you're a friend certainly applies, as the one of having guys around to get an ego boost. So I'll give you the reason with that. Still, a woman may genuinely just want a normal, healthy friendship with you, and rejecting that would be a jerk thing to do in my opinion, unless it's the kind of situation where you're so smitten it hurts to be with her while not being her boyfriend.
I know there's more to a relationship than that but... if you're not looking for sex, what exactly are you looking for? Warmth and companionship? Deep emotional intimacy? None of the above? 
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 2:11 am Post subject: |
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If you feel like you're being disrespected, or just don't feel like you're getting any value added from being friends with a woman who won't sleep with you, DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH HER!
No one can make you be their friend.
If someone is making you feel bad about yourself, don't be around that person.
That said, not having sex with someone isn't inherently disrespectful.
You can have all the respect, adoration, and love in the word from someone and just not be sexually attracted to them. Sexual attraction is not fair.
In any case it doesn't matter why women date who they date, it doesn't matter why they won't date you, if they offer friendship you can accept it and be content or you can decline and go away.
They aren't physically forcing you to listen to their problems while laughing maniacally and rubbing their hand together while they carry out their evil plan to never touch your penis.
The fact that you see friendship as the proverbial "worst seat in the house" says a lot about what you value in women.
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 7:30 am Post subject: |
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| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: |
The fact that you see friendship as the proverbial "worst seat in the house" says a lot about what you value in women. |
That's not true and you know it. All it says is these guys are tired of getting sidelined, CONSTANTLY.
There seems to be this extreme disconnect between the male and female posters on this forum over what precisely is being complained about here. The guys all seem to understand one another, yet all the women seem to hear is "She's obligated to have sex with me because I'm nice to her!" when I've yet to see anyone say anything remotely similar to that.
I think this is just as much a flaw in the women's outlook about men as anything these threads say about the men's outlook on women.
Once again, These threads about freindzoning and LJBF are not complaints about not getting sex, they are complaints about having their advances, instead of ignored, sidelined into a dead end and then pulled out every time the woman needs an ego boost or validation, or just has nothing better to do on a Friday night, or needs a presentable guy to introduce to the parents. You are not her friend, though she might delude herself into thinking that you are, and that what she is doing isn't morally repugnant. This is about having your attraction towards another human being used to take advantage of you.
If you go into every potential relationship expecting sex right away then you delusional. I don't expect it at all, what I do expect is to be treated like a human being with emotions and not be taken advantage of as a a dumping ground for all of her problems, but the minute I bring up any of my problems I'm suddenly "Bringing her down" and she "Can't handle that right now". |
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Kurgan
I'm always right
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 1681
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 8:35 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | Delphiki wrote: | | Joker wrote: | | Delphiki wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
someone who actually wants to be a friend is not seeking an emotional tampon. successful friendships are mutual, with friends supporting each other. it is possible to remain friends (or become friends) after a rejection, but in my opinion it requires that both parties let go of some of their ego. |
 I like how you slide that into your serious comment |
I like how you will discredit anything women on WP have to say  |
Lol, what are you talking about? Oh... I guess by putting serious comment it sounds like I was being sarcastic, I was not. Hyperlexian does not appear to think I was discrediting her.
| hyperlexian wrote: | i cringe a little every time i read it.  |
not exactly sure what you mean |
the word "emotional tampon" is horrible. i don't think most women would stoop to that, except possibly narcissists or sociopaths, yet people on WP sometimes make it sound like a common occurrence. |
It's very common if a girl who wants an ego boost knows that you like her. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 9:29 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | DogsWithoutHorses wrote: |
The fact that you see friendship as the proverbial "worst seat in the house" says a lot about what you value in women. |
That's not true and you know it. All it says is these guys are tired of getting sidelined, CONSTANTLY.
There seems to be this extreme disconnect between the male and female posters on this forum over what precisely is being complained about here. The guys all seem to understand one another, yet all the women seem to hear is "She's obligated to have sex with me because I'm nice to her!" when I've yet to see anyone say anything remotely similar to that.
I think this is just as much a flaw in the women's outlook about men as anything these threads say about the men's outlook on women.
Once again, These threads about freindzoning and LJBF are not complaints about not getting sex, they are complaints about having their advances, instead of ignored, sidelined into a dead end and then pulled out every time the woman needs an ego boost or validation, or just has nothing better to do on a Friday night, or needs a presentable guy to introduce to the parents. You are not her friend, though she might delude herself into thinking that you are, and that what she is doing isn't morally repugnant. This is about having your attraction towards another human being used to take advantage of you.
If you go into every potential relationship expecting sex right away then you delusional. I don't expect it at all, what I do expect is to be treated like a human being with emotions and not be taken advantage of as a a dumping ground for all of her problems, but the minute I bring up any of my problems I'm suddenly "Bringing her down" and she "Can't handle that right now". |
There is a disconnect that's for sure.
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:08 am Post subject: |
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| Though clearly you still read my entire post as "Herp derp, bitter I didn't get to touch her tit" or you would have responded more in depth, thus, the disconnect remains. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:41 am Post subject: |
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| Kurgan wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | Delphiki wrote: | | Joker wrote: | | Delphiki wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
someone who actually wants to be a friend is not seeking an emotional tampon. successful friendships are mutual, with friends supporting each other. it is possible to remain friends (or become friends) after a rejection, but in my opinion it requires that both parties let go of some of their ego. |
I like how you slide that into your serious comment |
I like how you will discredit anything women on WP have to say |
Lol, what are you talking about? Oh... I guess by putting serious comment it sounds like I was being sarcastic, I was not. Hyperlexian does not appear to think I was discrediting her.
| hyperlexian wrote: | | i cringe a little every time i read it. |
not exactly sure what you mean |
the word "emotional tampon" is horrible. i don't think most women would stoop to that, except possibly narcissists or sociopaths, yet people on WP sometimes make it sound like a common occurrence. |
It's very common if a girl who wants an ego boost knows that you like her. |
"emotional tampon" is not a great term, it plays into some very icky sociological things about vaginas and women in culture, I know no one here originated it, or is intending it to be really offensive but it's pretty icky.
and bonus, it applies the gender neutral behavior "being a user" or having a one sided friendship you benefit from and implying that it's a women only thing, or that it's extra gross because women and their vaginas are involved.
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:47 am Post subject: |
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You know, oddly enough, I've never met a straight male who didn't love properly cared for Vaginas. I wonder sometimes if a lot of the concepts of "Fear" or "Dislike" or whatever is women projecting their own body dysmorphia onto men..
Freud is not a good basis for any kind of objective look at anything, he projected his own feelings onto all of his patients, and the sooner the world realizes his theories were worthless the better. |
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spongy
...
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7391
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:18 am Post subject: |
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Heres my take on LJBF that has been brought up by another member here a few times in the past:
- If it comes from someone that you were already familiar with and you talked to that person on frequent basis there shouldnt be a need to change the way you act around them. If you listened to their issues and you tried to help them feel free to keep doing that, however this person has made it clear that for whatever reasons they dont want a relationship with you so dont think that they owe you anything just because you made a choice to be there helping them even though they said they didnt want a relationship with you(sorry but I see this owing thing quite frequently so I feel it needed to be addressed).
If you think that you may need some time to focus on something else for a while and they were your friends to begin with they´ll understand so feel free to attempt to do whatever you think that could be helpful moving on.
-If it comes from someone that you barely know/werent even friends to begin with: question if you truly just want to be their friend because they are really nice/whatever or if you are just hoping for them to change their mind. If its the later Id encourage you to just tell the other person that theres no need to pretend that you are great friends considering that you barely know each other and you are a grown person and can handle rejection.
Now heres an interesting thing that hasnt been brought up by any user before: We all get friendzoned at some point.
Regardless of your gender/looks you will find some people that just dont want a relationship with you for one reason or another.
Nobody can expect everyone to like them and something that could probably help to those that are obsessed with the women are evil attitude displayed by some of the members on this thread is doing some research on the field.
I have seen it happen to the queen bee(helped one of those with English exams at one point and she helped me fit in at a new school and we got to talk) and I have seen it happen to average males so making this all a status/male thing is quite a big mistake imo.
A quick google search for "a guy friend zoned me" gives back over 35.000.000 results which goes to show how "rare" this situation is. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9276
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:43 am Post subject: |
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| I think I am an emotional condom, very emotionally flexible. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:59 am Post subject: |
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| Kurgan wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | Delphiki wrote: | | Joker wrote: | | Delphiki wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: |
someone who actually wants to be a friend is not seeking an emotional tampon. successful friendships are mutual, with friends supporting each other. it is possible to remain friends (or become friends) after a rejection, but in my opinion it requires that both parties let go of some of their ego. |
I like how you slide that into your serious comment |
I like how you will discredit anything women on WP have to say |
Lol, what are you talking about? Oh... I guess by putting serious comment it sounds like I was being sarcastic, I was not. Hyperlexian does not appear to think I was discrediting her.
| hyperlexian wrote: | | i cringe a little every time i read it. |
not exactly sure what you mean |
the word "emotional tampon" is horrible. i don't think most women would stoop to that, except possibly narcissists or sociopaths, yet people on WP sometimes make it sound like a common occurrence. |
It's very common if a girl who wants an ego boost knows that you like her. |
well, not many girls want an emotional tampon for an ego boost, so you are quite safe.
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Last edited by hyperlexian on Wed May 02, 2012 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | You know, oddly enough, I've never met a straight male who didn't love properly cared for Vaginas. I wonder sometimes if a lot of the concepts of "Fear" or "Dislike" or whatever is women projecting their own body dysmorphia onto men..
Freud is not a good basis for any kind of objective look at anything, he projected his own feelings onto all of his patients, and the sooner the world realizes his theories were worthless the better. |
what does "properly cared for" mean?
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