edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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 Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | Generally some people do put their preferred gender into the friend zone if they seem them as "lesser" or "not their type". |
Yeah but what's really wrong with that? It's not really "lesser" it's just a question of preference. A woman could be very attractive by general standards, and just not appeal to me. There are points where my standards and everyone elses converge, and points where they don't. I assume the same is true for females. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | I dunno, I will say though that I never sought to gain a female friend.. it just sort of happens.. when other things don't happen. Sometimes we can "Just be friends" and other times it's to awkward and we never talk again.
Honestly I kind of prefer the "never talk again" thing.. since then I don't have to listen to them insufferably trying to hook me up with their less attractive friends.. all the while conveniently sidestepping the fact the only reason I'm friends with them is that I asked them out.. It's almost like a subtle put down "well you aren't good enough for *ME* but you are good enough for my chunky friend I take out with me to make me look better ". |
Is it though? What do things look like from the perspective of the "chunky friend"? Who's putting who down, who's getting tossed on the rubbish heap here? Your friend may not think you are unattractive in any objective sense, just not suited to her personal preferences. It could be that you're the only one thinking of anyone else being objectively attractive or unattractive. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | I dunno, I will say though that I never sought to gain a female friend.. it just sort of happens.. when other things don't happen. Sometimes we can "Just be friends" and other times it's to awkward and we never talk again.
Honestly I kind of prefer the "never talk again" thing.. since then I don't have to listen to them insufferably trying to hook me up with their less attractive friends.. all the while conveniently sidestepping the fact the only reason I'm friends with them is that I asked them out.. It's almost like a subtle put down "well you aren't good enough for *ME* but you are good enough for my chunky friend I take out with me to make me look better ". |
Is it though? What do things look like from the perspective of the "chunky friend"? Who's putting who down, who's getting tossed on the rubbish heap here? Your friend may not think you are unattractive in any objective sense, just not suited to her personal preferences. It could be that you're the only one thinking of anyone else being objectively attractive or unattractive. |
Possible, but not likely. I don't want or need consolation prizes. This particular thing has lead to the breaking off of quite a few "Friendships" with girls in the past.. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | Possible, but not likely. I don't want or need consolation prizes. This particular thing has lead to the breaking off of quite a few "Friendships" with girls in the past.. |
So ... you're defining this person as a "chunky friend" and a "consolation prize" while complaining how unfair and shallow the mating game is. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | Possible, but not likely. I don't want or need consolation prizes. This particular thing has lead to the breaking off of quite a few "Friendships" with girls in the past.. |
So ... you're defining this person as a "chunky friend" and a "consolation prize" while complaining how unfair and shallow the mating game is. |
Not complaining per say, just saying I don't feel any desire to fight below my "weight" to use a boxing term.. I expect everyone to be shallow, people who aren't tend to be desperate for some sort of gratification, either an ego boost, or sexual, or what have you. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | I expect everyone to be shallow, people who aren't tend to be desperate for some sort of gratification, either an ego boost, or sexual, or what have you. |
That's basically the definition of shallow.
Honestly I think that if it's all dog eat dog to you and you think that's ok, then you haven't got anything to complain about, you should be happy with your treatment because if the way you see things is true, then everyone is getting exactly what they deserve at all times. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | I expect everyone to be shallow, people who aren't tend to be desperate for some sort of gratification, either an ego boost, or sexual, or what have you. |
That's basically the definition of shallow.
Honestly I think that if it's all dog eat dog to you and you think that's ok, then you haven't got anything to complain about, you should be happy with your treatment because if the way you see things is true, then everyone is getting exactly what they deserve at all times. |
I never said anything about it being Dog eat Dog. I simply said I didn't have any intention on settling for a "lesser", especially not one who the girl i actually was interested in wants to set me up with.. I'll avoid her friend to spite her. If I wanted to date her friend, I'd have asked her out. Thats like getting the bronze medal at the Olympics.. sure you placed but no one really cares... unless you're from a shithole. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | I never said anything about it being Dog eat Dog. I simply said I didn't have any intention on settling for a "lesser", especially not one who the girl i actually was interested in wants to set me up with.. I'll avoid her friend to spite her. If I wanted to date her friend, I'd have asked her out. Thats like getting the bronze medal at the Olympics.. sure you placed but no one really cares... unless you're from a shithole. |
She's beneath you, I see. What were you complaining about with regards to the first girl, again? |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | I never said anything about it being Dog eat Dog. I simply said I didn't have any intention on settling for a "lesser", especially not one who the girl i actually was interested in wants to set me up with.. I'll avoid her friend to spite her. If I wanted to date her friend, I'd have asked her out. Thats like getting the bronze medal at the Olympics.. sure you placed but no one really cares... unless you're from a shithole. |
She's beneath you, I see. What were you complaining about with regards to the first girl, again? |
This is obviously getting nowhere. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | I expect everyone to be shallow, people who aren't tend to be desperate for some sort of gratification, either an ego boost, or sexual, or what have you. |
That's basically the definition of shallow.
Honestly I think that if it's all dog eat dog to you and you think that's ok, then you haven't got anything to complain about, you should be happy with your treatment because if the way you see things is true, then everyone is getting exactly what they deserve at all times. |
I never said anything about it being Dog eat Dog. I simply said I didn't have any intention on settling for a "lesser", especially not one who the girl i actually was interested in wants to set me up with.. I'll avoid her friend to spite her. If I wanted to date her friend, I'd have asked her out. Thats like getting the bronze medal at the Olympics.. sure you placed but no one really cares... unless you're from a shithole. |
At least you admit you're being spiteful.
It's cool to not be interested in someone, for whatever reason, it's not so cool to deem them a "lesser" [person]
I think it's generally rude to discuss sexual/partner preferences unless it's the topic of conversation. I think of those comments as unsolicited penis/pants updates. If it's about how people who look like me are cute, it's a little creepy, if it's about how people who look like me are not cute, it's a little tactless to throw it out while I'm around. But mostly i'm just not that interested in what my platonic friends are into sexually. Even if there is nothing else wrong with it it's still TMI.
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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rabbittss
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Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:18 am Post subject: |
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| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | I expect everyone to be shallow, people who aren't tend to be desperate for some sort of gratification, either an ego boost, or sexual, or what have you. |
That's basically the definition of shallow.
Honestly I think that if it's all dog eat dog to you and you think that's ok, then you haven't got anything to complain about, you should be happy with your treatment because if the way you see things is true, then everyone is getting exactly what they deserve at all times. |
I never said anything about it being Dog eat Dog. I simply said I didn't have any intention on settling for a "lesser", especially not one who the girl i actually was interested in wants to set me up with.. I'll avoid her friend to spite her. If I wanted to date her friend, I'd have asked her out. Thats like getting the bronze medal at the Olympics.. sure you placed but no one really cares... unless you're from a shithole. |
At least you admit you're being spiteful.
It's cool to not be interested in someone, for whatever reason, it's not so cool to deem them a "lesser" [person]
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Everyone has their betters and their lessers.. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:21 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: |
Everyone has their betters and their lessers.. |
I disagree, but if that were true, you would not be the judge.
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:54 am Post subject: |
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| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
Everyone has their betters and their lessers.. |
I disagree, but if that were true, you would not be the judge. |
We have a class system in America, people choose not to see it. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9272
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:36 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | Mmm, bacon pizza.
I do see some relation, Boo. Generally some people do put their preferred gender into the friend zone if they seem them as "lesser" or "not their type". I wouldn't stand for anyone who told me to my face though that they find guys that look like me hideous or unattractive. A person talking about their preferences though is a bit different if you ask me, as everyone has different tastes. It's when they diss on your look it's wrong, good friends don't do that. |
Ideally yes, but that means I'v never found a good friend hence every single of them has, whether seriously or joking, dissed my appearance somehow (particulary my height), it was always that inevitable and if you show them you're upset they'd tell you have napoleon complex, so the best strategy I found out is playing it cool and diss back at a faulty trait they have, that makes them stop for good. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 6:33 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
Everyone has their betters and their lessers.. |
I disagree, but if that were true, you would not be the judge. |
We have a class system in America, people choose not to see it. |
Yes and its nepotistic and therefore not meritocratic - so after just 1 generation, it has nothing to do with who is inherently more capable. This is why so many of the people running the show are completely incompetent. |
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