DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9295
Location: Northern California
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 Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | While I see what you are saying. The fact I asked *Her* out and not her friend, or a girl who looked like her friend, is the missing clue. Once you have that, you can easily gain the rest of the information needed. |
How? It's a single point on a scale. She has no idea where she even is on that scale, except that she's above some certain minimum. There is absolutely no way to even guess where anyone else could possibly place. Perhaps from just general intuition, she could have guessed that her friend occupied a less desirable position, but there's no way to tell whether it met the minimum or not. Theoretically, it would even be possible for her friend to be higher on the scale - it stands to reason that you'd be aiming somewhere around the middle.
Most women don't think in terms of the chunky scale or whatever you want to call what you're operating by. They think more along the lines of personalities that will get along, chemistry, that sort of thing. The concept of some sort of hierarchical scale of partners based on physical attributes is generally alien to them (outside of cardboard representations, i.e. in the real world), and generally its an idea most women would be repulsed by. You've got to appreciate she'd have to assign qualities (that she considers extremely negative) to your personality, to even grasp your scale criteria. Maybe she didn't think of you that way. |
I don't believe that fairytale wishy washy crap. Girls all have the "less hot" friend who they take with them places to make themselves look better. Thought granted it may be subconscious, You can see it all the time. Some girls even make it a point to ONLY associate with unattractive girls so they are the BEST looking in the group.
I think what you seem to be missing is, if I asked her out, the logical assumption is I found her to be attractive and therefore another girl who is at least as attractive as her would be the ideal replacement. not a girl who is multiple levels below her. |
There is no "all" here. And, in fact, I disagree that it would even be most. In my experience, women tend to go on the prowl with women of similar attractiveness, which is actually more successful in general. Just because YOU see one hot girl in the group, does not mean SHE sees herself that way, OR that a different guy will pick the SAME woman as being the most attractive. You are far too hung up on the idea that there is one universal scale and that everyone knows what it is. That just is not the way it works.
In my single years, there were two groups I had gone out socially with. Early on, was the group created by my tiny, cute, blond friend. That was a such a dud for me, because despite the fact that I do not think my friend is particulary pretty, she is a prime flirt and men tend to think based on her looks that she is the sweetest thing ever to walk this earth, and there wasn't much group interaction. And, no one ever ended up dating, not even her, given that 99% of the time she passed over a fake phone number. Later, I went out with a group of diverse personailties and look types, no one stunning and no one who looked like a charity case, and it was easier to interact with groups of guys where one found himself drawn to A, another drawn to B, and so on. That results in dates. Point being, women aren't dumb, and few are going to stick with the arrangement you described long, so even though it probably does happen, it is NOT "all." You only think it is because, perhaps, at this point in your life, you only have eyes for those kinds of women.
In the end, of course, I didn't end up married to anyone from any of that. I married my sister's very good male friend. So old fashioned 
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Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Last edited by DW_a_mom on Mon May 07, 2012 1:03 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Kurgan
I'm always right
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 1681
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:06 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | While I see what you are saying. The fact I asked *Her* out and not her friend, or a girl who looked like her friend, is the missing clue. Once you have that, you can easily gain the rest of the information needed. |
How? It's a single point on a scale. She has no idea where she even is on that scale, except that she's above some certain minimum. There is absolutely no way to even guess where anyone else could possibly place. Perhaps from just general intuition, she could have guessed that her friend occupied a less desirable position, but there's no way to tell whether it met the minimum or not. Theoretically, it would even be possible for her friend to be higher on the scale - it stands to reason that you'd be aiming somewhere around the middle.
Most women don't think in terms of the chunky scale or whatever you want to call what you're operating by. They think more along the lines of personalities that will get along, chemistry, that sort of thing. The concept of some sort of hierarchical scale of partners based on physical attributes is generally alien to them (outside of cardboard representations, i.e. in the real world), and generally its an idea most women would be repulsed by. You've got to appreciate she'd have to assign qualities (that she considers extremely negative) to your personality, to even grasp your scale criteria. Maybe she didn't think of you that way. |
I don't believe that fairytale wishy washy crap. Girls all have the "less hot" friend who they take with them places to make themselves look better. Thought granted it may be subconscious, You can see it all the time. Some girls even make it a point to ONLY associate with unattractive girls so they are the BEST looking in the group.
I think what you seem to be missing is, if I asked her out, the logical assumption is I found her to be attractive and therefore another girl who is at least as attractive as her would be the ideal replacement. not a girl who is multiple levels below her. |
For once, I disagree with you. Pretty girls have pretty friends and ugly girls have ugly friends. I see this at my university more or less everyday. |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9295
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | MXH wrote: | | Yep, that part was very true. It seems your ration only goes down with time, never up |
With that pic
And i bet it won't change much.
I did according to hyper's link, i didn't smile, I am looking away but .... Lol |
Can I say this as a piece of advice? WHY do you take your pictures looking up at your face? It is sooo unflattering, everything is out of proportion. If you want the best results, find the most flattering angle for YOU, and forget all the stats.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12469
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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| DW_a_mom wrote: | | MXH wrote: | | DW_a_mom wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: |
Most women don't think in terms of the chunky scale or whatever you want to call what you're operating by. They think more along the lines of personalities that will get along, chemistry, that sort of thing. The concept of some sort of hierarchical scale of partners based on physical attributes is generally alien to them (outside of cardboard representations, i.e. in the real world), and generally its an idea most women would be repulsed by. You've got to appreciate she'd have to assign qualities (that she considers extremely negative) to your personality, to even grasp your scale criteria. Maybe she didn't think of you that way. |
Agreed. |
i think this is incorrect, while personality does play a role I do notice most women start off of physical looks and then hope theres personality behind them |
We're tasking quite specifically here about match making, and he is right about how women match make. How we select mates, that has been beaten to death, and a lot of it may be subconscious. In that case, it varies. |
Then specify that. Dont assume that women dont like eye candy and that a great personality is all thats needed. Sure it helps, but its not going to open doors, rather just keep them open.
Im quite sure that finding someone by looks and then seeing if they have personality is exactly how men operate. |
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Zinia
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 344
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Kurgan wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | While I see what you are saying. The fact I asked *Her* out and not her friend, or a girl who looked like her friend, is the missing clue. Once you have that, you can easily gain the rest of the information needed. |
How? It's a single point on a scale. She has no idea where she even is on that scale, except that she's above some certain minimum. There is absolutely no way to even guess where anyone else could possibly place. Perhaps from just general intuition, she could have guessed that her friend occupied a less desirable position, but there's no way to tell whether it met the minimum or not. Theoretically, it would even be possible for her friend to be higher on the scale - it stands to reason that you'd be aiming somewhere around the middle.
Most women don't think in terms of the chunky scale or whatever you want to call what you're operating by. They think more along the lines of personalities that will get along, chemistry, that sort of thing. The concept of some sort of hierarchical scale of partners based on physical attributes is generally alien to them (outside of cardboard representations, i.e. in the real world), and generally its an idea most women would be repulsed by. You've got to appreciate she'd have to assign qualities (that she considers extremely negative) to your personality, to even grasp your scale criteria. Maybe she didn't think of you that way. |
I don't believe that fairytale wishy washy crap. Girls all have the "less hot" friend who they take with them places to make themselves look better. Thought granted it may be subconscious, You can see it all the time. Some girls even make it a point to ONLY associate with unattractive girls so they are the BEST looking in the group.
I think what you seem to be missing is, if I asked her out, the logical assumption is I found her to be attractive and therefore another girl who is at least as attractive as her would be the ideal replacement. not a girl who is multiple levels below her. |
For once, I disagree with you. Pretty girls have pretty friends and ugly girls have ugly friends. I see this at my university more or less everyday. |
I think there is slight truth in this, as people tend to group together by interest/upbringing. SO if you're into women with gobs and gobs of makeup dripping off their faces, and hair that has been bleached to oblivion, you're likely to see them grouped together b/c they share a common interest: makeup. Or, girls who are very athletic may go out with other athletic girls because they all do their karate class/weight lifting together. Very affluent girls will flock together, and they will obviously have more access to plastic surgery than someone from the working class. People don't do this intentionally, IMO, and only rarely will one girl be manipulative enough to purposefully bring a girl she thinks is "ugly" with her to pick up people. Of course, girls, just like men, come in all shapes and flavors--manipulative or genuine. Plus, there are always people who make friendships with people who are very different from them in appearance or personality--although it is common for groups to form around similarities.
Also, ethnic backgrounds often tend to flock together, not intentionally. My best friend in grade school was Greek/Mexican Indian. My best friend in high school was German/Latino. I'm English/Mexican Indian, and we just happened to get along together, not because we purposefully chose out people who looked the same--but it ended up that we did have a similar Anglo Euro/Latino Indigenous background.
Ultimately though--beauty is subjective. Who you find beautiful will not always find herself beautiful, nor will she be seen as beautiful by every guy. This is the truth I will definitely stand by. |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9295
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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I'm thinking I'm not organizing my thoughts all that well and, to be honest, I'm not really enjoying putting my head back into the dating world. It isn't the happiest place for me; too much guessing what other people think and most people getting it wrong (nothing personal to anyone, but that IS the world of dating). I just get this funny idea sometimes that I can help someone short cut some of the learning process and get better results ... Well, like I said, it's a funny idea.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9295
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Zinia wrote: |
Ultimately though--beauty is subjective. Who you find beautiful will not always find herself beautiful, nor will she be seen as beautiful by every guy. This is the truth I will definitely stand by. |
Yes. I'll stand by that one, too.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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| DW_a_mom wrote: | | I'm thinking I'm not organizing my thoughts all that well and, to be honest, I'm not really enjoying putting my head back into the dating world. It isn't the happiest place for me; too much guessing what other people think and most people getting it wrong (nothing personal to anyone, but that IS the world of dating). I just get this funny idea sometimes that I can help someone short cut some of the learning process and get better results ... Well, like I said, it's a funny idea. |
DW_a_mom, I get the impression that the differentials here are generation-based, too. I'm older (in 40's) and single, so *technically* in the dating world (though not dating at the moment) and I don't identify with most of the stereotypes being thrown around here. I just sit back and read and shake my head, 'cause it seems like such a very long time ago that I was capable of seeing the world is such dismal, rigid ways. |
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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I think it is mostly that the more out there views/ stereotypes that are controverisal are said more often, or are remembered more
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Delphiki wrote: | | I think it is mostly that the more out there views/ stereotypes that are controverisal are said more often, or are remembered more |
Oh, I think you're right, at least as it applies to me. Definite memory bias on my part.  |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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So, so SO sick of people presuming to speak for an entire sex of people,
or claim that because they notice (in all their psychologically UN-primed objectivity) XYZ social phenomenon, it's how humans operate, full stop.
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"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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agree with the above. it would not be so bad if those generalisations were occasionally correct, but they stand out to me because of their blatant inaccuracy and lack of regard for individuality.
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12469
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | agree with the above. it would not be so bad if those generalisations were occasionally correct, but they stand out to me because of their blatant inaccuracy and lack of regard for individuality. |
Generalizations both negative and positive (which i see plenty of for both genders) always miss this. But you do have to agree that as individuals theres a point where a lot of people will have the same XXXXX, if that grows large enough it can become a generalization and if it grows more it can become expected out of people |
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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| MXH wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | agree with the above. it would not be so bad if those generalisations were occasionally correct, but they stand out to me because of their blatant inaccuracy and lack of regard for individuality. |
Generalizations both negative and positive (which i see plenty of for both genders) always miss this. But you do have to agree that as individuals theres a point where a lot of people will have the same XXXXX, if that grows large enough it can become a generalization and if it grows more it can become expected out of people |
That sounds inappropriate 
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Trolls exist! They steal your socks, but only the left ones. I wonder what is up with that?
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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| MXH wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | agree with the above. it would not be so bad if those generalisations were occasionally correct, but they stand out to me because of their blatant inaccuracy and lack of regard for individuality. |
Generalizations both negative and positive (which i see plenty of for both genders) always miss this. But you do have to agree that as individuals theres a point where a lot of people will have the same XXXXX, if that grows large enough it can become a generalization and if it grows more it can become expected out of people |
No.
No, no, no.
Subjectively-"large" numbers of a class who can be stereotyped do not constitute REPRESENTATIVE trends.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
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They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
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