Joined: Feb 18, 2011 Age: 23 Posts: 2971 Location: Kent, England
Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:51 am Post subject:
Actually change can help to an extent and it will help confidence. I don't understand why change is a negative term as people always think it involves compromise, change can improve your life and you don't need to make a total compromise of who you are.
Actually change can help to an extent and it will help confidence. I don't understand why change is a negative term as people always think it involves compromise, change can improve your life and you don't need to make a total compromise of who you are.
Me too, I mean everyone change a bit eventually with age.
I knew few people who were always invisible by the opposite sex until they have CHANGED.
and yes, extreme geeks/nerds need to change in order to get a better (or even some!!) social/love life.
Most people do some changes for increasing their mating chances, even unconsciously, NTs start going to gyms, parties and improving their social sense since their teen days, most girls in particular enter the beautification realm since they are young (ie. Kirsten story, wp homepage).
Then why the geeks/nerds shouldn't do such changes?
The problem with geeks that they are often rigid to change but this often doesn't help their mating chances.
And let's face it, geeks/nerds are portrayed very negatively in the media even to this day and they aren't usually the best-looking (or the best groomed), all this isn't helping.
If you are a geek/nerd and having success in dating then good for you, you're lucky.
If not and you're adult already, then it's time to change some things in yourself.
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on Tue May 08, 2012 5:55 am; edited 2 times in total
Joined: Feb 18, 2012 Age: 30 Posts: 5907 Location: Mountain View, California, United States
Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:35 pm Post subject:
I am Otaku >_< Otaku is nerd in Japanese. _________________ Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? http://www.anime44.com/anime-list
Actually change can help to an extent and it will help confidence. I don't understand why change is a negative term as people always think it involves compromise, change can improve your life and you don't need to make a total compromise of who you are.
If I can add, it's more about not putting yourself into a box. Two hobbies I recently picked up (well the first isn't that recent, but recent in comparison to anime, video games, etc) are cars and weightlifting. Initially I was offput by some of the people who did them. But, one thing led to another, and I was led to cars because of the anime Initial D, and weightlifting to train for ice skating, and here I am doing them. Me doing them doesn't make me a "jock" or whatever, I'm still me, the same Japanese music listening and Shenmue playing me, just that happens to lift weights and work on cars.
I think a lot of people just get bad connotations and go "screw that, that's for jocks/preps/*insert group*" and then won't do an activity they might actually have a desire to do. I think it's a reaction you do from ridicule you get for your other hobbies (ie, video games/etc) from other groups, you then don't want to associate yourself with "their" activities. An example of this was computers, computers used to be for "nerds" and "geeks" and whatever, but then once "normal people" figured out how useful they are, everyone uses computers now.
Basically, don't let the fact that someone you dislike does an activity stop you from doing something.
The example of Vin Diesel is a good one. He plays D&D. He doesn't let himself be defined as a "nerd" but at the same time, isn't ashamed of his "nerdy" activities. _________________ Too kawaii to live...
Too sugoi to die!
Joined: Feb 18, 2011 Age: 23 Posts: 2971 Location: Kent, England
Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 3:12 am Post subject:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Actually change can help to an extent and it will help confidence. I don't understand why change is a negative term as people always think it involves compromise, change can improve your life and you don't need to make a total compromise of who you are.
Me too, I mean everyone change a bit eventually with age.
I knew few people who were always invisible by the opposite until they have CHANGED.
and yes, extreme geeks/nerds need to change in order to get a better (or even some!!) social/love life.
Most people do some changes for increasing their mating chances, even unconsciously, NTs start going to gyms, parties and improving their social sense since their teen days, most girls in particular enter the beautification realm since they are young (ie. Kirsten story, wp homepage).
Then why the geeks/nerds shouldn't?
The problem with geeks that they are often rigid to change but this often doesn't help their mating chances.
And let's face it, geeks/nerds are portrayed very negatively in the media even to this day and they aren't usually the best-looking (or the best groomed), all this isn't helping.
If you are a geek/nerd and having success in dating then good for you, you're lucky.
If not and you're adult already, then it's time to change some things in yourself.
Exactly, I think another good thing to point out is that many people who do get into working out or improving themselves aesthetically and socially are likely to come from a background of low self esteem or insecurity, I know I did. I think the first step is creating a good first impression, talking to people on a basic level and understanding social norms. Many people might see that as putting up a front but a good percentage of the time, first impressions are what people judge others on.
Someone in may be perceived as cool when in reality he has several nerdy interests. However he will create a better first impression than the person that doesn't make an effort with their appearance or first impression.
Joined: Feb 18, 2011 Age: 23 Posts: 2971 Location: Kent, England
Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 3:17 am Post subject:
1000Knives wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Actually change can help to an extent and it will help confidence. I don't understand why change is a negative term as people always think it involves compromise, change can improve your life and you don't need to make a total compromise of who you are.
If I can add, it's more about not putting yourself into a box. Two hobbies I recently picked up (well the first isn't that recent, but recent in comparison to anime, video games, etc) are cars and weightlifting. Initially I was offput by some of the people who did them. But, one thing led to another, and I was led to cars because of the anime Initial D, and weightlifting to train for ice skating, and here I am doing them. Me doing them doesn't make me a "jock" or whatever, I'm still me, the same Japanese music listening and Shenmue playing me, just that happens to lift weights and work on cars.
I think a lot of people just get bad connotations and go "screw that, that's for jocks/preps/*insert group*" and then won't do an activity they might actually have a desire to do. I think it's a reaction you do from ridicule you get for your other hobbies (ie, video games/etc) from other groups, you then don't want to associate yourself with "their" activities. An example of this was computers, computers used to be for "nerds" and "geeks" and whatever, but then once "normal people" figured out how useful they are, everyone uses computers now.
Basically, don't let the fact that someone you dislike does an activity stop you from doing something.
The example of Vin Diesel is a good one. He plays D&D. He doesn't let himself be defined as a "nerd" but at the same time, isn't ashamed of his "nerdy" activities.
True, thinking outside of boxes and not rigidly placing yourself in one is the key. Again I think a person can do activities that are perceived as nerdy and still come across as confident and approachable if they make the effort to do so. Some introverted people come across as hostile or aloof and that can definitely turn people away from pursuing a friendship or relationship.
I think presentation is the key when it comes to getting dates and employment, most of it comes down to being able to create that good first impression and to show that you have value. It's more like a sales pitch and people on the spectrum are naturally bad at doing a sales pitch.
ok, a little change isn't the end of the world, but how about, don't compromise your principles, BE YOURSELF, and for GOODNESS SAKES, the most important part, DON"T SELL YOURSELF SHORT!
If that is the one and ONLY nerd thing anyone DOES need to change, it is SELLING YOURSELF SHORT!
Posted: Wed May 09, 2012 9:21 am Post subject: Re: Nerds rule so don't chang!
mellisamouse wrote:
The hottest, most attractive things in the world are honesty and integrity...
This. You're absolutely right! That is what my marriage is based on, but I can't see my husband right now. We had a lot of issues before he had to go to the hospital with an illness, and I have been having this huge crush on my boss lately. All I say is that it's biology. I can tell he likes me too just by the way he looks me in the eyes, but he has been nothing but professional with me. And that turns me on even more!!
Some stereotypical nerd activities are pretty cool, but physically looking like a nerd isn't cool at all. For example, I usually only wear my glasses certain times while I'm at home since my vision isn't that bad. I don't even wear them while driving.
Posted: Wed May 09, 2012 10:07 am Post subject: Re: Nerds rule so don't chang!
swilltastic wrote:
mellisamouse wrote:
The hottest, most attractive things in the world are honesty and integrity...
This. You're absolutely right! That is what my marriage is based on, but I can't see my husband right now. We had a lot of issues before he had to go to the hospital with an illness, and I have been having this huge crush on my boss lately. All I say is that it's biology. I can tell he likes me too just by the way he looks me in the eyes, but he has been nothing but professional with me. And that turns me on even more!!
So yes, you are so right... and good luck to you
and you.....are you being honest with your husband about your mental-cheating? Since you are so-oh-honesty supporter.
Joined: Nov 03, 2005 Age: 41 Posts: 476 Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
Posted: Wed May 09, 2012 10:52 pm Post subject: Re: Nerds rule so don't chang!
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
swilltastic wrote:
mellisamouse wrote:
The hottest, most attractive things in the world are honesty and integrity...
This. You're absolutely right! That is what my marriage is based on, but I can't see my husband right now. We had a lot of issues before he had to go to the hospital with an illness, and I have been having this huge crush on my boss lately. All I say is that it's biology. I can tell he likes me too just by the way he looks me in the eyes, but he has been nothing but professional with me. And that turns me on even more!!
So yes, you are so right... and good luck to you
and you.....are you being honest with your husband about your mental-cheating? Since you are so-oh-honesty supporter.
Ya, I have to concurr. You talk about how your marriage is basd on honesty and integrity and then how you have a crush and are turned on by your boss! This, in my eyes, is made worse by the fact that your HUSBAND is ill in the hospital! Why not just divorce him now and get the hard part out of the way?! _________________ We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
