ThinkingMonkey
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 147
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 Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 10:25 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | Personal questions that are all along a similar line.
If they ask only one or two..wouldn't take any notice of it. Just breaking the ice or engaging in small talk. If they are asking a lot of personal questions, they are probably interested in you  |
One of the girls that I "think" was flirting with me, was asking me a lot of questions. So, I was not entirely wrong. |
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ThinkingMonkey
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 147
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 10:26 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | They're your friends. I think the OP's referring to first encounters. |
yes, first encounter. As well as how to know whether a friend is flirting or not. |
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ThinkingMonkey
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 147
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 10:31 am Post subject: |
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| TechnoDog wrote: | Actually females tease people for the fun of it.
Without actually having any feelings towards you.
Ask her what she thinks of a quiet person. |
| edgewaters wrote: |
Right. And whats really complicated is that even blatant flirting and innuendo directed at someone doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. From what I can tell it looks like a game or sport that is only sometimes played for stakes. Other times it's for comedic effect, social lubrication, as friendly ribbing, as malicious ribbing, for fun/amusement, a status display, or any one of many other reasons. I think the whole thing is meant to be so you can never quite tell if it's for stakes or not, to make you curious without exposing the other person to any risk or vulnerability. The fact that it's sometimes not played for stakes is what camouflages the times when it is. |
If they do not mean it, then why the hell do they do it?
This obscures everything and makes flirting almost unrecognisable. |
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ThinkingMonkey
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 147
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 10:41 am Post subject: |
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| Chris71 wrote: | I read the book "No more Mr Nice Guy" back in my earlier years and it changed me for the better. Instead of coming across as a pushover, you need to come over as someone with your own mind, your own presence, and not being a pushover you gain respect. In fact, being an arrogant a-hole creates a feeling of attraction in many young women, less so when they're above 30, but still everyone is different. I wouldn't recommend being an arrogant a-hole because although you might attract good-looking girls they aren't likely to be so nice on the inside. You need to come across as having a presence, a look of confidence, not showing too much interest in any particular girl (or you'll be a pushover). If you really like someone then you need to mention something to her, stay for max 1-2 minutes, act like you are a busy man, and make excuses to move on (ensuring that you can come back later). Then she thinks "does he find me attractive or not?".
The other thing to remember is that in places like clubs and bars, most of the good-looking girls will have their "b*tch-shield" raised so there's not much point approaching them. The typical 20-something girls in groups will typically play the "points game" (very important to know). They want to be seen in front of their girl friends to be attractive to lots of people so it gives the impression they could take their pick from anyone, but they choose not to take any of the guys because they want to be seen as (a) not an easy girl, and (b) being able to command high standards. It's competition between girls. Many dumbass guys with big muscles who think they are "god's gift" will approach them, but they end up by giving away all their points to the girl because the girl just thinks it's funny, she gets flattered in front of her friends and she has scored more points from him. But if the girl goes home with a guy, then she has lost all her points to him, so loses.
Your mission, is not to waste all your points by giving attention to one of those girls. That is why it is better to avoid approaching a girl who is in a large group. Girls who are in couples would be better, because she's likely to be just out with her very best friend, who is not going to judge her if she does end up exchanging phone numbers with you ( or going further ).
Better places are theatres (preferably not of the movie theatre or cinema kind) ; during the breaks around the bar area, the clientele is much more approachable, you won't have to shout over loud music. Art museums also good. You don't have to be into art. |
I definitely am no more a Mr Nice Guy neither am I arrogant. If I feel like I am getting agitated I usually bow out of the conversation/social situation before I say something offensive. I do not go to clubs/bars. Thanks for your insight. |
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ThinkingMonkey
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 147
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 10:45 am Post subject: Re: How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you? |
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| Blownmind wrote: | | ThinkingMonkey wrote: | | Blownmind wrote: | Date online, and look for "  ". |
What do you mean by look for a wink? |
When you date online, you write, and when you write, you can make smileys, and when you flirt, you make "winkeys". |
oh ok. got it.. is the winky smiley. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 10:54 am Post subject: |
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| ThinkingMonkey wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | They're your friends. I think the OP's referring to first encounters. |
yes, first encounter. As well as how to know whether a friend is flirting or not. |
No worries, I think Bob was a little confused. There's a world of difference between a girl touching you while you are chatting and hugs as a greeting. |
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kudujongen
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 30, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 11:19 am Post subject: |
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| you don't know, that a girl gives you certain signs, doesn't mean you must interpret it as flirting. |
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minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 11:59 am Post subject: |
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| Some girls are just playful and flirty to friends. Some of my female friends, we tease each other, playfully slap each other and get playfully touchy, but it's just friendship - nothing more. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:40 pm Post subject: |
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| minervx wrote: | | Some girls are just playful and flirty to friends. Some of my female friends, we tease each other, playfully slap each other and get playfully touchy, but it's just friendship - nothing more. |
Yes, it's important to see how they act around other people. If they're "flirty" with a lot of people, they probably just have that kind of bubbly personality and it doesn't mean anything. If they're just "flirty" with you, it's likely she is actually flirting with you.
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I guess it's an age thing, I know I wouldn't touch any of my female friends and vice versa. Not to say it hasn't happened after a few drinks once or twice, but a line would be crossed. |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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| minervx wrote: | | Some girls are just playful and flirty to friends. Some of my female friends, we tease each other, playfully slap each other and get playfully touchy, but it's just friendship - nothing more. |
I always think of flirty and bubbly and teasing as being three different things. What close friends do comes off as teasing to me, although someone else watching might think it's flirting. Bubbly is someone who is excessively outgoing with everyone but isn't meaning to flirt at all. Flirty is someone actually flirting, but not really serious about a relationship. That leaves actual flirting, which is someone being flirty but specifically trying to initiate a relationship.
I just read The Chatterlings Saturday night, and it focuses on how different words have different meanings. Yeah, yeah, Aspie trait to over think things aside, I enjoy creating these kinds of categories in my mind sometimes. Who knows - the distinctions might help others who have difficulty with them, or maybe someone else has their own categorical ways of thinking about it. |
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Adam82
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 30, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 601
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 4:15 am Post subject: |
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| ThinkingMonkey wrote: | | TechnoDog wrote: | Actually females tease people for the fun of it.
Without actually having any feelings towards you.
Ask her what she thinks of a quiet person. |
| edgewaters wrote: |
Right. And whats really complicated is that even blatant flirting and innuendo directed at someone doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. From what I can tell it looks like a game or sport that is only sometimes played for stakes. Other times it's for comedic effect, social lubrication, as friendly ribbing, as malicious ribbing, for fun/amusement, a status display, or any one of many other reasons. I think the whole thing is meant to be so you can never quite tell if it's for stakes or not, to make you curious without exposing the other person to any risk or vulnerability. The fact that it's sometimes not played for stakes is what camouflages the times when it is. |
If they do not mean it, then why the hell do they do it?
This obscures everything and makes flirting almost unrecognisable. |
This is the eternal mystery of women, to me. I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it. It makes things a lot more complicated than they should be, especially for an Aspie, who has trouble reading social cues as it is. |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 8:39 am Post subject: |
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| Adam82 wrote: | | This is the eternal mystery of women, to me. I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it. It makes things a lot more complicated than they should be, especially for an Aspie, who has trouble reading social cues as it is. |
Men and women both do it - it's not just women. The act of being flirty serves a couple of purposes. It can relax any tension that's in the air, it can put someone in a good mood, and in some cases it can make the other person get a little self-esteem lift. It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint. It can get confusing if you are unsure of how to handle it when someone else does it or you take the cues to be more serious than they were intended to be by the other person. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 8:45 am Post subject: |
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| ThinkingMonkey wrote: | If they do not mean it, then why the hell do they do it?
This obscures everything and makes flirting almost unrecognisable. |
I think that's the point. Because if you could tell for sure, then it wouldn't be flirting, it would be a blatant come-on, or a compliment, or banter, or whatever it actually is. The point, when it's done with serious intent, I think is to create curiousity and/or investigate someone's reaction without risking rejection.
It is confusing for sure. I am never sure how to respond to it, or at least, not in a realtime conversation. |
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 8:58 am Post subject: |
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| NicoleG wrote: | | Adam82 wrote: | | I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it.. |
It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint. |
I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.  Or do you just mean they're trying to tell you a benign white lie, that they think you're sexy, when in fact they don't, in the hope that it will boost your confidence? |
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