How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?

WP Members: > 70,000

New Today: 17
New Yesterday: 28

Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 11, 12, 13 Next

Wrong Planet Autism Forum Index -> Love and Dating

edgewaters
hibernating
Phoenix

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario

Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 9:00 am Post subject:

ToughDiamond wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it..

It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint.

I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.

I'm utterly confused by this as well. How can you care about someone sexually, but at the same time not care about someone sexually?

I could kind of see if you had a thing for someone but for practical reasons wanted to keep things platonic but then it doesn't make sense to flirt with them.

I always figured it was mostly just brinksmanship. Like in the term "flirting with disaster".

poeticwrongplanet
Hummingbird

Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 24

Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 11:03 am Post subject:

Lots of women particularly younger women tend to flirt even if they don't really mean anything by it. The flirting can even be quite sexually suggestive/provocative, but she would still attach little to no meaning whatsoever to it. As has been said, women use this type of interaction as a social lubricant, to give/get a self-esteem boost, to encourage camaraderie among a group of co-workers etc. I know it's very hard for us to wrap our heads around the idea that women could do this "just for fun" and attach no meaning to it. But remember, it's similarly hard for them to wrap their heads around the idea that some people don't know how to flirt with no underlying meaning / or take flirting way too seriously. Both of us need to reach out to understand each other.

NicoleG
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth

Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 11:18 pm Post subject:

edgewaters wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it..

It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint.

I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.

I'm utterly confused by this as well. How can you care about someone sexually, but at the same time not care about someone sexually?

Try thinking of it not as "care about someone sexually," but "care about making someone else feel sexy about themselves." That's where the 'sexual' nature of it comes in to play.

rabbittss
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348

Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 11:56 pm Post subject:

NicoleG wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it..

It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint.

I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.

I'm utterly confused by this as well. How can you care about someone sexually, but at the same time not care about someone sexually?

Try thinking of it not as "care about someone sexually," but "care about making someone else feel sexy about themselves." That's where the 'sexual' nature of it comes in to play.

I never feel sexy about myself, and I don't want to "feel sexy" unless It's actually involving well.. sex.

spongy
...
Forum Moderator

Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7409
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 2:18 am Post subject:

In my experience it can usually be described by "there's many a true word spoken in jest". Some light jokes are usually a friendly sign but if a girl keeps making similar jokes that could be seen as light flirting a repeated amount of times over a short period chances are that they´ll say yes if you ask them out(provided that they are single). For other situations lookout for any "special treatment" from her. From making a point to go by your desk and talk to you quite frequently if she isnt doing the same thing with others surrounding you, to being in a group activity and her making sure that she spends most of the time talking to you on repeated occasions. Not saying any of this is a definite sign of flirting with any girl but if you see a girl doing this you may want to start paying closer attention to how she acts and look for any similar signs/ask her out eventually

edgewaters
hibernating
Phoenix

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 3:27 am Post subject:

NicoleG wrote:

Try thinking of it not as "care about someone sexually," but "care about making someone else feel sexy about themselves." That's where the 'sexual' nature of it comes in to play.

I think I get it a little better, but now like it even less. I used to be uncomfortable with it because of not knowing how to react, now I'm uncomfortable with what it means. I never thought of it as actual sexual commentary but lacking intent. I thought of it as witty banter/wordplay, or somtimes a game of brinksmanship, that could sometimes include a sort of ... feeling things out.

I think I'll try to forget that it actually is intended as sexual commentary. Now I'm going to feel really awkward with it. Maybe there are some things we're better off not knowing about women!

NicoleG
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 5:42 am Post subject:

edgewaters wrote:

Maybe there are some things we're better off not knowing about women!

Guys flirt, too. And for the same reason.

ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 7:04 am Post subject:

NicoleG wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it..

It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint.

I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.

I'm utterly confused by this as well. How can you care about someone sexually, but at the same time not care about someone sexually?

Try thinking of it not as "care about someone sexually," but "care about making someone else feel sexy about themselves." That's where the 'sexual' nature of it comes in to play.

ToughDiamond wrote:

Or do you just mean they're trying to tell you a benign white lie, that they think you're sexy, when in fact they don't, in the hope that it will boost your confidence?

So I guessed right, except for the idea that it's a lie, which I suppose it might not be?
What proportion of the population would you say used this way of trying to be nice? And do men do it as well as women?

NicoleG
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 3:09 pm Post subject:

ToughDiamond wrote:

Anyone can honestly want to make another person feel better about themselves and feel sexy without wanting to sleep with them.

I don't know about percentages. I know it's more prevalent in certain environments than others. When I worked in a predominantly female office, we would have salesmen visit and try to "flirt" their way into meeting someone who has buying authority regarding their product or service. Don't get me wrong - them having an ulterior motive doesn't automatically mean that they aren't also trying to be generally nice. I could be as friendly and polite as a receptionist turning them down. I never had to be rude.

ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 7:34 pm Post subject:

NicoleG wrote:

Anyone can honestly want to make another person feel better about themselves and feel sexy without wanting to sleep with them.

I suppose so........but I can't imagine myself giving such a compliment.

Quote:

When I worked in a predominantly female office, we would have salesmen visit and try to "flirt" their way into meeting someone who has buying authority regarding their product or service. Don't get me wrong - them having an ulterior motive doesn't automatically mean that they aren't also trying to be generally nice. I could be as friendly and polite as a receptionist turning them down. I never had to be rude.

Sales people are notorious for using the symbols of sex to sell their wares.

Adam82
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Jun 30, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 601

Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 6:26 pm Post subject:

It sounds rather dishonest to me, to make someone 'feel sexy' if they have no interest in you. In fact, upon finding out she was just being nice, it makes my self esteem a lot worse . I feel like she was just using me as an ego boost. God forbid, you know, someone could actually be interested in me

ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751

Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 7:44 pm Post subject:

This could take me a long time to work through. Currently I'm skeptical but also I get this feeling that there's something I'm not quite seeing. I seem to have a mental block about giving any kind of exaggerated compliment, sexual or not. So if somebody's fishing, I clam up because I can't usually think of a good one that's also squeaky clean honest, not in time anyway.

NicoleG
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth

Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 10:53 pm Post subject:

Adam82 wrote:

It sounds rather dishonest to me, to make someone 'feel sexy' if they have no interest in you. In fact, upon finding out she was just being nice, it makes my self esteem a lot worse . I feel like she was just using me as an ego boost. God forbid, you know, someone could actually be interested in me

There is that. If they are being flirty but not actually interested and you take it as an interest and find out later that it's not, it ends up backfiring and becoming detrimental to your self-esteem instead of helping it, as was hopefully the person's initial intent.

NicoleG
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth

Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 11:01 pm Post subject:

ToughDiamond wrote:

This could take me a long time to work through.

Currently I'm skeptical but also I get this feeling that there's something I'm not quite seeing.

I seem to have a mental block about giving any kind of exaggerated compliment, sexual or not. So if somebody's fishing, I clam up because I can't usually think of a good one that's also squeaky clean honest, not in time anyway.

I can't be flirty with words all that successfully, unless it's in written format like email or the forums. I can be flirty with my looks (like giving a nice smile to someone can be considered flirty if done right), but words and I don't really get along, and I'll inevitably stick my foot in my mouth and pull the trigger. Pew-pew.

(There's a Tim Minchin reference in there, if you are familiar with his work.)