Overpossessive BF.. Please tell me what to do

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divineangel
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29 Jun 2012, 1:47 am

Nikorvus wrote:
divineangel wrote:
Am i wrong to hang up the ph when he blurts abuses or keeps on accussing me and does not listen for a bit even as to what I have to say??


No. You are doing the exact right thing.

Further, I'd have one final conversation with him (Over the phone is first choice. Face-to-face in public is second. Face-to-face in private is bad. He's already proven to be physically violent). When he starts going on or change the topic or any other method of trying to control the conversation, don't play his game. Just stop talking and stare at him.

Basically, the conversation should consist of you saying something like "That is enough. This is not going anywhere. I'm sorry if you were hurt, but we are not compatible. We cannot make up or get past this. I won't be answering your phone calls or emails or texts. Goodbye." Then hang up or leave.

Then mean it. When he calls, don't answer. Don't open his emails. If he comes to your place and starts banging on the door, call the cops. Don't tell him you're calling the police, just call.

It's far, far better to be alone than to be abused.


He does not call me anymore. So am safe in that perspective,. He is too egoistic to even accept that his slap was a mistake. probably hefeels he is justified to do that.
You know till last year, i used to explain to him that its not possible for us to see each toher coz i cannot bemonitored all the time and its jus gonna hurt uys with each fight. He always apologized and promised he would never repeat it again. But the habit stayed.. and yes it got worse coz his demands were not ok.. I mean ok, its flattering to recieve so many calls from him, but when the motive behind it was merely to keep a track on me and my movements and who i was supposedly with, hurts me a lot coz it means there is no trust, and if there is no trust, abuse is just normal for him.



divineangel
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29 Jun 2012, 1:59 am

Zinia wrote:
I think it's impossible to reason with some people--like abusers (and I know I'm using that label). But someone who uses violence, verbal, and emotional abuse as a means of controlling their "loved one's" actions--that person isn't likely to be open to reasonable conversations.

All your explanations for your choices and feelings sound legitimate, and I'm sure most guys who were not abusive would be able to discuss them with you. But what is the point of arguing with someone who insists that they know your feelings, thoughts, and intentions, better than you do--even about basic freedoms like clothing and who you talk to?

Edit: I really think you should consider getting in touch with your local Domestic Violence Shelter, and asking them if they have counseling or support groups available. Abuse often leaves longer lasting marks on the inside than the outside.


I am capable of loving someone a lot if they treat me right.. Initially i felt a little weird when he wanted to monitor my moves by asking me to keep him informed of my wherabluts even when Iwas partying with all my friend.. He metioned once initially "y do u have to wear short clothes? y party so much"? i brushed those away and was defiant, but slowly i realized that he always wanted to control me, it was merely a facade he created of pretendending to be ok with my kinda lifestyle. No matter how much I would try to explain that m honest when he became fixated on the th*t that i was cheating on him, i simply clamped up and said i will not explain coz iuts of no use. He can think whatever he wants to..But the verbal abuse was so bad.. it hit me so hard that i made up my mind that i will still have the rigid wall infront of me. Coz anyoine who abuses me, and knows he is doing it, and repeats it, ds not love or respect me. An then the slap jus jolted me...



divineangel
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02 Jul 2012, 5:11 am

So that as*hole has moved on..has another gf.. so frikkin angry that he cud get away with it all..



ToughDiamond
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02 Jul 2012, 5:28 am

Oh well, in practical terms at least he's not likely to stalk you now, and you'll probably get him out of your head quicker now that he's made reconciliation even less possible than it was before.

Personally I think it's reckless of him to get a new partner so soon.......not so dangerous if it hasn't got sexual yet, but it's unusual for young people to wait long these days.

I make a point of keeping well away from ex partners if it's at all possible. If I follow their adventures, I'm likely to feel hurt if they find somebody else. I end up wanting them to make a mess of it, to prove they were wrong and I was right.........very immature of me, but I'm only human. So I just look the other way.



02 Jul 2012, 10:37 am

divineangel wrote:
Chris71 wrote:
There are lots of insecure people out there; he sounds like one of them.

His ex-gf apparently got engaged and told him after she got engaged about this. I told him to let go of hos past and trust me, but he says that he is out of it...when we started dating and i had to visit my parents, he actually told me that i think u r goin thre to get engaged to someone. I was dumbfounded and knew that he had his insecurities. He has repeatedly called me names on ph and frustrated that he cannot control my actions. Demanded that i dont even have a singlr drink on my B'day party. I am 27 for crying out loud, and tells me dont wear dresses that are revealing. Your pics on fb shud be removed too, not everyone shud have the right to see it in ur friend list. and apparently these are the ame pics he liked on fb..i am attractive, yes.. guys do get attracted to me..But am rigid and not the easy type at all. and i hate possessive ppl, thats y i broke off so many times. I miss his presense, yes, but he hit me, and am sure he may do it again.



You need to break up with him and keep him away from you by any means necessary. He's extremely insecure and can't handle his on feelings due to residual anger over his previous relationship. People like this need to seek therapy and work through their issues before they start to see other people.

BTW, did he ever say anything about him being an aspie?



Jediyoda
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02 Jul 2012, 3:30 pm

I had the same trouble. I had a boyfriend for a week until he started to become possessive of me. He told me that we had to focus 100 percent on each other and that I am not allowed to have anything to do with my male friends who I have known for many years and that he would tell my Mum off if she interfered in the relationship. I ended the relationship straight away, he did not like it and sent abusive, threatening sms messages threatening me to change my mind change my plans and go back to being his girlfriend or else.



divineangel
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03 Jul 2012, 12:55 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
Oh well, in practical terms at least he's not likely to stalk you now, and you'll probably get him out of your head quicker now that he's made reconciliation even less possible than it was before.

Personally I think it's reckless of him to get a new partner so soon.......not so dangerous if it hasn't got sexual yet, but it's unusual for young people to wait long these days.

I make a point of keeping well away from ex partners if it's at all possible. If I follow their adventures, I'm likely to feel hurt if they find somebody else. I end up wanting them to make a mess of it, to prove they were wrong and I was right.........very immature of me, but I'm only human. So I just look the other way.


Yes i realized that by trying to know what he is upto has only made me feel worse. I dont want to shed tears coz of him or what he is doing. The fact that he has a gf now, who apparently seems all too clear to cling to him, makes me feel irritated. However, an abuser is an abuser. There is no forgiveness here for him coz he actually needs therapy..I think its better that the sooner i accept the other girl in his life to be a fixture, the better it is. And he aint worth brooding over too right!!