How does a man attract a woman

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Fnord
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04 Jul 2013, 7:53 pm

Time for change.


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punkguy378
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04 Jul 2013, 7:58 pm

Fnord wrote:
punkguy378 wrote:
... I think people need to more understanding instead of rejecting me because they are insecure and shallow...

No.

Expecting other people to change for you or to simply understand you is a Sisyphean attitude - you will never attain that goal. Better to work on yourself, without relying upon the attitudes of others!

punkguy378 wrote:
If someone is feeling down you should not hate them. Those people are wrong for doing that. Nobody gives a damn about anyone else.

So?

That's human nature - no one gives a damn. Accept it and move on.

punkguy378 wrote:
It is abuse and all these people abused me and I am supposed to just let them walk all over me.

Indifference is not abuse. That's why I'm indifferent to other people's attitudes about me. No one can manipulate me any more with threats of personal rejection - I just don't care anymore.

punkguy378 wrote:
I have always stood up for myself at great cost to my well-being. Life is for me is not always fun and I am not always confident. I am flawed but people want to reject based on some selfish idea that they need to hate me.

One of the most common reasons to reject someone is that acceptance imposes more of a burden than does indifference.

If I choose to reject someone who is always whining and complaining about how no one loves them, then that means I am not being drawn into their metaphorical pit of despair. If people would stop complaining about how the world isn't interested in them, and instead make themselves interesting to the world, then they would be pleasantly surprised at how many friends they attract.

I met my second wife when I stopped complaining to everyone about my failed first marriage. Many people thought that she had changed me, when in reality it was I who changed so that she would like me. We've been married now for nearly a quarter-century.

Change begins with you, kid; and not with everybody else. If you want women to be attracted to you, then you must change to be attractive to them first.


Fine good for you. I mean but stop acting like you have never been in my position and talking to me like I am a child. Everyone does this to me and it is irritating. Sorry indifference is cruel and if you do not see this then you are like everyone else in this world. And what's with the carefree attitude. I am not like that and never will be. I cannot seem to let go of all this hatred for people that rejected me. I honestly end up wanting to make everyone else suffer because I think they deserve to feel as messed up as me. I guess I am just an abusive person it happen to people who are bullied growing up as much as I did. It is a fight or flight response.

Leave this backwards world to the NT scum. I can never wait to tell them to their face that I am not like them and I never will be like them. I do not want to be like them or learn their stupid customs. Screw them.

Fine I am venting because there is no way out of this. I have tried for twenty years. I have tried to change only to get kicked in the face and knocked down over and over.

One things for sure I need to get rid of all this anger because it is making impossible to get along.

I do not expect you to understand what I feel. You have no idea I think.



MR_BOGAN
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04 Jul 2013, 8:06 pm

punkguy378 wrote:
It seems to me half the people in here think that physical appearance is the main problem. I mean it is superficial and I am not interested in someone is so superficial that they need a body building douchebag. Sorry most of the guys at clubs and bars are idiotic neanderthals. I hate them. They are douchebags.

The kind of woman I am into is either punk or goth because that is what I am into. And sorry muscular punks and goths look stupid. I am skinny and I want to be like that. I mean the last woman I tried to date liked skinny guys and she was a punk.

Plus I have a mohawk and most women seem to hate it but I am not going to change it for anyone. No one is going to change me. Honestly my only option is a woman who wants someone who is different.

I don't care about plastic skinny blondes. Sorry I do not want to date a woman that looks like a little boy. I mean some of the women guys like are butt ugly in my mind. Totally uninteresting and plastic and tan and perfect looking. makes me wanna puke just looking at them. Perfect looking women are not beautiful.

I mean I remember high school and none of these types of girls gave me the time of day because they thought I was a freak. Screw them. I am looking for a girl who is not accepted, introverted, shy, or just plain unique and different.

Not trying to sound insensitive to anyone here. I am just being very direct about what I do not want and I want,.


The thing about you is that you don't like people conforming to a certain body image. Like you say body building is superficial.

But you are just as bad because you are conforming to punk culture and seem just as judgemental as the people you say are judgemental. :shrug:

I thought I'd point this out, you maybe don't realise it. :chin:


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Fnord
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04 Jul 2013, 8:07 pm

Okay, I can see that you are more into excuses than results.

Good luck with that.


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punkguy378
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04 Jul 2013, 8:10 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
punkguy378 wrote:
Honestly there is no point asking advice in here because no one here really knows everything about my life and what I am doing.


We can only provide advice factoring in the information provided. No one is going to have the ultimate answer usually either. You just have to cherry pick the advice that resonates with you. You actually seem to have a pretty good idea of what you need. Time for an action plan. :)


Yes I know and I am working with a behavior analyst to work on some things. Just started a few weeks back I just have endured a lot of pain in life. I mean what happens when an animal is wounded they are very angry and if you try to help them they bite you. I guess I can be a very aggressive person. Unlike many "aspies" who are more passive. I have a lot more issues besides AS.

The main thing I need to do is forgive all the people that have abused me in the past. Growing up I endured physical and verbal abuse from many individuals some even teachers at my schools, babysitters, and other students. I never knew how to handle the abuse and I learned to lash out at a young age. I am a very wounded person that has been used and abused by horrible people.

I am not expecting anyone to understand. Everyone deals with abuse in their own way. Some bury it, some lash out, some become abusers themselves. I can see the good in my me being twisted and corrupted. It is like the dark side I am not kidding. I twists and corrupts. What needs to be happen is the light of love needs to extinguish all that horrible.

I need to find love for myself and I did not deserve any of the abuse, They had no right yet in order to recover I need to accept the pain. And then find it in my heart to forgive a cruel world.



punkguy378
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04 Jul 2013, 8:13 pm

Fnord wrote:
Okay, I can see that you are more into excuses than results.

Good luck with that.


Not really. I am just speaking my mind. If you read my most recent post you will see that I am trying to talk about helping myself.

Honestly I have conflicting emotions right now. I need help so I am not sure why you are saying this message. I mean I have been nice to you I am not sure why you are trying to reject what I am saying because you are not listening.

Sorry just as bull headed as I am. You only want ot see your sidfe.

And I do not want any person that does not know me to do this whole tough love thing. You do not know me.
I apologize if I said anything against you.

I just feel that you are not listening to me.



punkguy378
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04 Jul 2013, 8:14 pm

Fnord wrote:
Okay, I can see that you are more into excuses than results.

Good luck with that.


No I want results I was just speaking my mind. I mean what do you suggest. I just do not understand what you want me to do that I am not doing? Please help me understand.



aspiemike
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04 Jul 2013, 8:14 pm

punkguy378 wrote:

Fine good for you. I mean but stop acting like you have never been in my position and talking to me like I am a child. Everyone does this to me and it is irritating. Sorry indifference is cruel and if you do not see this then you are like everyone else in this world. And what's with the carefree attitude. I am not like that and never will be. I cannot seem to let go of all this hatred for people that rejected me. I honestly end up wanting to make everyone else suffer because I think they deserve to feel as messed up as me. I guess I am just an abusive person it happen to people who are bullied growing up as much as I did. It is a fight or flight response.

Leave this backwards world to the NT scum. I can never wait to tell them to their face that I am not like them and I never will be like them. I do not want to be like them or learn their stupid customs. Screw them.

Fine I am venting because there is no way out of this. I have tried for twenty years. I have tried to change only to get kicked in the face and knocked down over and over.

One things for sure I need to get rid of all this anger because it is making impossible to get along.

I do not expect you to understand what I feel. You have no idea I think.


I think we all understand how you feel. You are feeling very frustrated as evidenced by your posts. It appears that your biggest frustration is injustice you have deal with at the hands of others. So what? We have all dealt with it. We just find ways to deal with it and move on no matter how hard it is and no matter how long it takes.

People judge and analyze others often. Is it fair? No. Is there anything you can do about it? No. Just stop giving a damn and start focusing on what you want to do and who you want to be.



wtfid2
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04 Jul 2013, 8:24 pm

punkguy378 wrote:
I se
Someone please help I am 33 years old and am still a virgin and have had zero aerious relationships. I am tired of all these 19 year olds complaining about when they are going to find a girlfriend. I am over ten years older than that and still have found no one who wants a long term relationship with me.

.
jsut because you have your issues doesnt mean the younger guys dont. You were 19 at one time as well. I'm nearly 24, and havent had any relationships with a girl period...so at 33 with your only prob being a lack of SERIOUS relationships, id argue you are in better shape than me.

With that being said, I wish you luck..it seems impossible to get a girlfriend now a days eight?


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Tequila
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04 Jul 2013, 8:28 pm

Fnord wrote:
If you want women to be attracted to you, then you must change to be attractive to them first.


How to do that? I lack interest in most things that used to interest me, and my interests and skills were never very good to begin with.

I used to travel (never on my own) but I've lost interest in that now. The only places I want to go to are where I've been before.

Time has stood still.

I wouldn't know where to start. Everything seems a blur.



Last edited by Tequila on 04 Jul 2013, 8:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aspiemike
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04 Jul 2013, 8:30 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
punkguy378 wrote:
I se
Someone please help I am 33 years old and am still a virgin and have had zero aerious relationships. I am tired of all these 19 year olds complaining about when they are going to find a girlfriend. I am over ten years older than that and still have found no one who wants a long term relationship with me.

.
jsut because you have your issues doesnt mean the younger guys dont. You were 19 at one time as well. I'm nearly 24, and havent had any relationships with a girl period...so at 33 with your only prob being a lack of SERIOUS relationships, id argue you are in better shape than me.

With that being said, I wish you luck..it seems impossible to get a girlfriend now a days eight?


If you want a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, it will be impossible to find and it will cause nothing but disappointment and frustration for you. I have been in and out of flings the last few months and decided to just change what is going on with me and remove people I didn't think will help me grow.



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04 Jul 2013, 8:35 pm

The Ultimate answer is Found within + without



Fnord
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04 Jul 2013, 8:38 pm

Tequila wrote:
Fnord wrote:
If you want women to be attracted to you, then you must change to be attractive to them first.
How to do that? I lack interest in most things that used to interest me, and my interests and skills were never very good to begin with. I used to travel (never on my own) but I've lost interest in that now. The only places I want to go to are where I've been before. Time has stood still. I wouldn't know where to start. Everything seems a blur.

I don't know what to tell you that hasn't already been said to others: To gain interest, be interesting; to attract others, be attractive.

Maybe if you were to find out what women are interested in, and then see if you can cultivate an interest in it, too.

For instance, if you know that a woman you like is interested in cats, attend a cat show or two. Church is a good place to meet women, too. maybe volunteer at a fundraiser doing behind-the-scenes work, or at the local garden club to do the lifting and digging.

I don't know, Teq; you always seemed to have a pretty good handle on things, and I sometimes look to your posts for advice.


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Tequila
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04 Jul 2013, 8:43 pm

Fnord wrote:
I don't know, Teq; you always seemed to have a pretty good handle on things, and I sometimes look to your posts for advice.


I am about to freak.

If only I was like this in anything other than on the Internet.

Imagine the Internet persona... the real life one is more or less the opposite.



Tequila
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04 Jul 2013, 8:45 pm

Fnord wrote:
For instance, if you know that a woman you like is interested in cats, attend a cat show or two.


I get this. I sometimes do it, though I've never done it with a woman. Never had the opportunity.

I don't get to speak to many women, and cold approaches would make me feel like a freak. I am so autocentric, repetitive and obsessive that I realise that I will be a turn-off sooner rather than later.

As for church... becoming a Christian?! Might as well go the whole way and suggest I get myself sectioned. (I'm sure there's good totty in there, too.)

I think my problem is that I am surprisingly disinterested in the world. Everything, as I've told you, seems... blurry.



punkguy378
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04 Jul 2013, 9:12 pm

aspiemike wrote:
punkguy378 wrote:

Fine good for you. I mean but stop acting like you have never been in my position and talking to me like I am a child. Everyone does this to me and it is irritating. Sorry indifference is cruel and if you do not see this then you are like everyone else in this world. And what's with the carefree attitude. I am not like that and never will be. I cannot seem to let go of all this hatred for people that rejected me. I honestly end up wanting to make everyone else suffer because I think they deserve to feel as messed up as me. I guess I am just an abusive person it happen to people who are bullied growing up as much as I did. It is a fight or flight response.

Leave this backwards world to the NT scum. I can never wait to tell them to their face that I am not like them and I never will be like them. I do not want to be like them or learn their stupid customs. Screw them.

Fine I am venting because there is no way out of this. I have tried for twenty years. I have tried to change only to get kicked in the face and knocked down over and over.

One things for sure I need to get rid of all this anger because it is making impossible to get along.

I do not expect you to understand what I feel. You have no idea I think.


I think we all understand how you feel. You are feeling very frustrated as evidenced by your posts. It appears that your biggest frustration is injustice you have deal with at the hands of others. So what? We have all dealt with it. We just find ways to deal with it and move on no matter how hard it is and no matter how long it takes.

People judge and analyze others often. Is it fair? No. Is there anything you can do about it? No. Just stop giving a damn and start focusing on what you want to do and who you want to be.


It is simple but not easy. Obviously I have other issues besides AS. I am an alcholic as well. I have not drank in 10 years but I stopped going to AA. Honestyl most unless they have been to AA and the read the AA book will not understand alcoholism and all the things that go along with it. Without a program my life is completely unmanageble. The only one who can manage my life is god. Basically I have to turn everything over and I have very difficult time turning over my will to something I cannot see or hear or touch. And not this is not a religious thing. I am talking about spiritualtiy and believing in a higher power. It is the only thing that can save me. I am beyond human aid the aid must come from a higher power. And I have lost my faith so the only thing that can bring me back is AA and as long as I do not do that I am screwed. I need to accept and then get the help I need. You do not need to understand what I am saying here unless you have an addiction.

Basically addiction is not about the substance you are doing it is about a lack of coping skills to deal with life. You go to AA to get those coping skills as long as you work the program. Which I need to stop being afraid and do it because only my mind is holding me back. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, spirit, and body. And this can only be helped by working a twelve step program and turning your will over to god. This is most likely a foreign concept for anyone who is not in recovery for alcoholism or drug addiction. I mean many people do just fine on their own without a higher power. But I cannot and I need to accept help from a sponsor in AA and a higher power. I do not believe in a christian god but I still use the term god loosely. Honestly I look at god as nature and the world around us. There is something there that you cannot see hear or touch but it is there. Just my belief. Wether anyone likes it or not we all are spiritual beings. Some people just do not consider because their mind is closed to the possibility. I am not saying you need a god because many of you probably just pulled yourself up by your own will.

And lastly this is not an excuse for bad behavior in any way. Also, I cannot use my disease a crutch. I am basically saying that I need to do something about it: AA.