How does a man attract a woman

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It is simple but not easy. Obviously I have other issues besides AS. I am an alcholic as well. I have not drank in 10 years but I stopped going to AA. Honestyl most unless they have been to AA and the read the AA book will not understand alcoholism and all the things that go along with it. Without a program my life is completely unmanageble. The only one who can manage my life is god. Basically I have to turn everything over and I have very difficult time turning over my will to something I cannot see or hear or touch. And not this is not a religious thing. I am talking about spiritualtiy and believing in a higher power. It is the only thing that can save me. I am beyond human aid the aid must come from a higher power. And I have lost my faith so the only thing that can bring me back is AA and as long as I do not do that I am screwed. I need to accept and then get the help I need. You do not need to understand what I am saying here unless you have an addiction.

Basically addiction is not about the substance you are doing it is about a lack of coping skills to deal with life. You go to AA to get those coping skills as long as you work the program. Which I need to stop being afraid and do it because only my mind is holding me back. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, spirit, and body. And this can only be helped by working a twelve step program and turning your will over to god. This is most likely a foreign concept for anyone who is not in recovery for alcoholism or drug addiction. I mean many people do just fine on their own without a higher power. But I cannot and I need to accept help from a sponsor in AA and a higher power. I do not believe in a christian god but I still use the term god loosely. Honestly I look at god as nature and the world around us. There is something there that you cannot see hear or touch but it is there. Just my belief. Wether anyone likes it or not we all are spiritual beings. Some people just do not consider because their mind is closed to the possibility. I am not saying you need a god because many of you probably just pulled yourself up by your own will.

And lastly this is not an excuse for bad behavior in any way. Also, I cannot use my disease a crutch. I am basically saying that I need to do something about it: AA.

People trying to impress with women with muscles is superficial. Outward appearances are not as important as I might be alluding to. Sometimes I just look like a regular person. Jeans and a t-shirt. I have no problem with poeple that are not unique. Many of my friends are not punk or goth and just normal people.

Okay I am into certain things and I just stated what I am into. It is what I believe. I am not implying or judging those people Ia m just stating an opionion that I do not like superficial people. Is their something wrong with that. Do you like superficial people? I mean I do not care what anyone else does I think you misinterpreted what I said.

Look I like a certain style and i like that in other people. I am not judging anyone else I just do not to talk to the other type of person. What is wrong with that. What I mean to say is normal people are fine but I prefer if they afre not since they are more likely to accept me. I mean people look at me with scorn because I look the way I do. Not sure if they are creeped out or what. But I am tired of those people putting me down because I do not fit with their societal ideal. Sorry not here to please them and I will dress how I want to dress.

Why do I need to change something that is who I am.

Lastly punk culture is not conformity I do not follow many of the rules of society and I wear what I like. You are not understanding what punk because you most likely do not know that much about it. In fact your statement is quite ignorant ina way. Not trying to be mean. Honestly it is not about conforming to anything because doing what you want or like has nothing to do with either conforming or non-conforming. I am a typical "aspie" I really do not fit in or conform to any standard. Maybe from my response you got this idea. But I would advise that you at least consider what I am saying. You are free to your own opinion about my post not saying you are wrong. Your intentions are good but a little misguided.

Well basically no one can really give me real advice since yiou do not know me personally. Maybe you think I am just some poser punk who saw it on MTV. Sorry punk has little to do with style anyways. Wearing the clothing does not necessarily mean that you are not true. CLothing is optional. But I actually like the clothing. And telling me to stop doing what I like is fascist and totalitarian.

Honestly I have no problem with body building just with people who use this a way to impress someone else. I would not mind lifting ways but I do not want to be buff. It is a choice.

Last edited by punkguy378 on 04 Jul 2013, 9:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

be nice to her, keep yourself trim but be confident.
Just keep talking to her, make sure though you don't become her girlfriend.. or she wont see you any differently.
most important point, you and her are equals.

Okay I tried the equal thing and then I am just a friend to her. I treat women exactly the same as everyone else. But I do show them respect and I tell them nice things because it is the right thing to do. Unfortunately some women wants you to be mean to oher people for teir sake. And sorry I do not do that kind of thing. I am going to be nice from the beginning because it feels good and it is the truth.

Basically this last girl I was very agreeable with most of what she said because we were almost the same. I mean I disagreed on a few things but I honestly was aggreeing with most of what she said.

Why do I need to pretend I do not agree because that is more attractive. So I guess being false is more attractive?
I mean the whole dating does not make sense. I mean why is being nice in the beginning a sign of being false if you actually are a nice person and agree with someone because it is the truth. Not sure why someone would think I am lying when I am actually being genuine. Sorry that is their problem if they have trust issues.

Your missing something man, smile and make eye contact.. You have to let her know your intentions, shes just as confused as you lol..
Girls don't want mean, maybe a little joke flirt or something

I mean I can come across as a jerk I was wrong I am sorry. I am just not in a really good mood today. It happens.

I agree with what you are saying but I am not sure how to apply all of it. I mean I guess made the wrong statements. I know exactly what I need to do it is just that I am having time understanding how to do it. I have to figure it out but I am having a hard time. I am sure you have been there before so a little understanding would go a long way. It seems no one wants to try to relate with what I am saying even if they have been there before.

Are you an expert on how fix problems? Are you a professional at it? I know I am not in the least. And some of what I say is probably wrong. See I just admitted it. I had to calm down and remove myself from this discussion to get clarity. I totally see what you are saying.

I am a very serious person. I find it hard especially when meeting someone new to flirt and be interesting because I get so stressed out it is hard to even be myself.

Any suggestions?

I do make my intentions known but it seems like they end up getting creeped out and run. I mean I am somewhat forward and I said to one that I wanted to know if she wanted more than friendship. Is that causing confusion. I couldn;t be any more clear and I expect people to be clear with me. Unfortuantely with NTs they are never completely crystal clear.

I mean she ended up lying to me just because she did not want to hurt my feelings. I am not some delicate flower. I will not wilt away if you have the decency to tell me the truth instead of hiding behind lying as a way to not be mean. There is no excuse for lying when I expect someone to be up front with me. I am not the one playing games in the situation.

I mean I am on an online dating site the point is to be more than friends. it seems once I raise the question it is like I am being too pushy even though I only asked a few times throughout two weeks. She originally told me she wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me. We were flirting she thought I was attrative. Not sure what happened the only thing I can figure is she was lying to me form the beginning. I think she used me because I said nice things to her and gave her feedback about her problems. I feel like I was used as a doormat.

Last edited by punkguy378 on 04 Jul 2013, 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i convince myself it doesnt matter.. i walk upto it as if it has no bearing on myself or my life

The French call it "Je ne sais quoi" ("I do not care"). It is the flip side of the American dating maxim "Never seem desperate".

But its hypocrisy.

Sorry I want a relationship and I do not know why I have to hide that fact. I mean what is going on. I just want to cry. I mean seriously I do not want to live anymore in a world that doesn't make sense. I mean I feel this way. I cannot actually do anything about this feeling though except try to pu it away.

The last woman I did not come across as desperate I played it cool and just talked to her as a person. It seems like this didn't work though. Well it worked until she changed her mind about me. I mean I asked what she wanted to do as far as us. She told me she likes me wants to pursue a relationship. The thing what do I do do I make a move. What?I am lost and confused.

I meanshe said we were making a connection is that not good enough reason to try to push it further. I was in the realm of doing what I was supposed to do to not come across desperate. Maybe she just did not want after awhile and had nothing to do with being too pushy. becauses I was not being pushy or desperate. I was going at the same speed she was going.

The problem was she hated herself and she made this clear. She was full of all kinds of doubt like that I would not like her. It sounds like it was more about her than what I was doing. I mean I did come across a little disinterested maybe that was the problem. I can seem somewhat aloof at times and maybe she had the feeling I was not really interested when I actyually was,.

Last edited by punkguy378 on 04 Jul 2013, 9:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It isn't Cmon lets do an exercise... Why does it matter if you get shot down, or why should you care?

I think it is because then I think it is because it is a personal attack on my character. I mean obviously I have become twisted.

How do you not think it is about you when you are rejeceted. I mean what is the secret. I do not understand how to not feel like it is about me. Am I just selfish and self-centered.

I do not know what to do. I am so confused. I feel like I am a child or twelve years old. I mean we all "aspies" have a developmental problem which means I probably the emotional person of a twelve year old. Could that be true? Some people may be further along developmenatally then me. I am developmentally challenged as I think all "aspies" are. My IQ is about 110 so I am almost just average in intelligence but my emotional aspect must be really low or not where it should be.

And dating for aspies is hard because we have a hard time connecting on an emotional level with others. I mean I show that I may lack empathy when I just do not know how to show it or something. I mean caring about others seems so wooden like to me.

ok but what is your train of thought. Do you just tell yurself happy thoughts. I always try it but it never works for me. I do not know what to do. I think I lack empathy and only feel for myself. It is hard for me to understand other people's emotions.

I mean if you are aspie then you must have this problme because it is common with AS. I mean theory of mind is a problem as well executive function, understanding your own feelings and behaviors is hard. These are alll true for me. I mean not all aspies have the same traits.

Honestly I feel like I am just going in circles talking to everyone on here. It is very difficult for me to understand you and it is hard for you to understand me. Are you all NTs? I am lost. You seem to be acting like normal NTs to me.

Yeah what I understand about punk is not conforming to the world etc. Being individual etc. But you see punk seems to have it's own fashion and culture like anything else. Like you having a mohawk is punk fashion and you are actually conforming to it.

Like say the sex pistols that kind of started it off. They were making a point about being individual etc. But you see everyone just copied how they dressed and followed them. Thus conformity.

Oh I'm not telling you to stop doing what you like. I think you are really interesting being a punk. I like that.

Hey sorry, I can understand how you will be a bit offended calling you a conformist, because that is the last thing that punk is about. But can you see my point though?