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Pandora
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20 Aug 2007, 7:13 am

It might even be worth going for the blunt approach and say "go away and leave me alone - I don't like you".


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BazzaMcKenzie
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20 Aug 2007, 6:16 pm

Ticker wrote:
PS: It's good to see you on here Bazza. It's been awhile since we talked. Hope things are going well on the other side of the world.

Hi Ticker.

Its all good here :D

I was thinking some more about you. Is this guy younger than you? I get that impression, so is his mother not a great deal older than you? Perhaps she fancies you? I bet if you asked her out on a date her son would start leaving you alone. :lol:

Hope you are well.


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thyme
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20 Aug 2007, 8:02 pm

Can't you just tell him your gay and not even interested in men?



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20 Aug 2007, 9:09 pm

I like Bazza's approach best. 8) :lol:

As a former stalkee, I chose the route of talking with the police and having them give a friendly visit to my stalker. That seemed to work for the most part.

Whatever way you choose, please be direct. Good luck with this!


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Ticker
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21 Aug 2007, 2:12 am

BazzaMcKenzie wrote:
Ticker wrote:
PS: It's good to see you on here Bazza. It's been awhile since we talked. Hope things are going well on the other side of the world.

Hi Ticker.

Its all good here :D

I was thinking some more about you. Is this guy younger than you? I get that impression, so is his mother not a great deal older than you? Perhaps she fancies you? I bet if you asked her out on a date her son would start leaving you alone. :lol:

Hope you are well.


Hiya Bazza

Yes this guy is much younger. I would guess about 23-ish. I'm almost 39. His mother looks in her late 50's, though its hard to tell because she is complete gray haired. I do not think she is gay. They come across as a very fundamentalist Christian family with a domineering mother who has sissy-fied her probable Aspie son. He told me in passing today he didn't go to church Sunday which is no surprise as I had told him ahead of time I wasn't going. See he makes his decisions concerning the church based on what I do. Good grief I feel like I have such power. I was in hurry to get to my desk so did not talk to him when I first got in to work. I saw him notice I was in the lunchroom though he could not bug me because my supervisor was also there having lunch. ha ha! I'm going to find a gay man at the church and ask him to sit with Patrick. That may make him have second thoughts on every thing.



Anubis
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21 Aug 2007, 9:53 am

Tell him that you're actually transsexual, and then bore him to death with pointless nonsense if he isn't deterred by that.


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thyme
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21 Aug 2007, 10:57 am

Or maybe you can ask one of the lesbians at the church you go to tell him you are a couple.



shopaholic
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23 Aug 2007, 6:56 am

Hi Ticker,

Just seen this & I sympathise - I am always finding myself in this kind of situation! In fact there is a guy I work with at the moment who is making moves on me. (Actually I quite liked him until last week when he waited until I was on my own and came and sat way too close and invaded my personal space even though I was obviously uncomfortable. I don't know if he is an Aspie, or just poking fun at me, because he was talking some very weird stuff....)

Anyway, back to your problem.

Have you ever thought that your guy may latch onto you because you are just about the only person who seems not to mind talking to him?

If I were in your shoes, I would make some way in the conversation to make clear my sexuality & how old I was, e.g. "When I was your age, I used to....." or "Yes, sure you can sit with us, but I wouldn't have thought a young lad like you would have had much in common with a bunch of X-year-old lesbians...."

That kind of thing. It has worked for me in the past. Of course, if you are wrong and he is not interested in a sexual relationship, but just wants a friend to spend time with him, shaking him off will be much harder to do.

I completely understand where you are coming from about not wanting to get him fired (I once got a guy fired from a temporary job, because it was either him or me and why should I get fired when he was the one harassing me and I had just very publicly told him to stop and was in trouble for causing a disturbance?)

In your case though I am sure your coworkers must know what he is like - is there no-one you can confide in & ask to come and interrupt you if they see he is alone with you? You could have a code signal meaning "Help - I need rescuing".

Anyway I hope you work this out.



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23 Aug 2007, 9:52 am

I would have thought being a lesbian would be an easier way to get rid of him.

Make a loud statement to your friends about how yuo find guys repulsive, or even a loud statement about him so he can hear saying "i'm not interested in him".



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23 Aug 2007, 3:20 pm

I've been talking to a friend about this guy and it occurred to her that yes he is a worse stalker than I anticipated. See I had been telling a couple people at nearby cubicles about the new church I had started attending because its pretty cool and this guy sits a few aisles away so he could have easily overheard. Then started attending the church because of me. See I had this happen before. This is gross but when I had a breast lump and had to have ultrasounds and a biopsy there was this bull dyke radiologist I dealt with. Her eyeballs nearly fell out of her head when she got to view and touch my large ahem bust. Well I had a Star of David necklace and she inquired what it meant. That was when I was attending a Jewish synagogue and guess what a few months later they had a new members class at the synagogue and guess who showed up? Her! And she was like "do you remember me?". I didn't show up for a few weeks after that and then she quit the conversion class. Suspicious huh? So it seems the same scenerio is happening again with this guy following me to a different church.

Something else has occurred to me. After I started bitching online about this guy he has quite bothering me. He knows I go online in the breakroom and he may be finding a way to backtrack on what I have viewed even though I am cautious to log off WP and my emails, etc. I wouldn't talk to him Monday other than to say "oh really" when he told me he had not gone to church Sunday. He also has stayed away from me at the computers when I'm busy but I had seen him look at me and he seems to make a point of going to get tea during my lunchbreak. There has been the same woman sitting beside me at break on the other computer so I think her presense is keeping him from pestering me. Which also lends to the idea that he knows he is stalking if he doesn't want others to witness him speaking to me. Unless my one friend at work that I told went and said something to him. Also my supervisor was talking with me in the lunchroom one night so that scared him off yet again. And the last two nights he has ceased waving like a 2 yr old at me as he leaves. Will be interesting to see if he approaches me at church this Sunday.



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23 Aug 2007, 9:06 pm

I think it's getting near the point where something needs to be said. This guy is harassing you. If his mother is encouraging him, shame on her. I don't think you should give stuff up because of him. If you can't do it yourself (and I could understand if thats the case) get someone else to say something to him.



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24 Aug 2007, 7:05 am

You need to be obvious with him. I would write it down. If he still persists I would contact the police.

This concerns me because my friend is in a similar situation but worse. He met this guy shortly after this guy was coming onto to him. My friend isn't even gay. The guy wouldn't take no for an answer, and is generally quite aggressive and wouldn't leave him alone. Apparently my friend got into an argument (hard to believe) with him and the guy appeared to be put off for a while. He doesn't really like this guy even as a friend but he has bad depression and can't spend any amount of time on his own, he has to go out every night. When he has panic attack he doesn’t take a rest he got back out the next night so has more and more panic attacks. So inevitably this guy has still hung around. His real friends said the guy was really odd and aggressive. Well 6 months later this guy has been acting really creepy calling up, calling him . Also he has been telling my friend to lighten up effectively trying groom him. Reluctantly my friend has agreed to go on this overnighter in Brighton (the gay capital of Britain). This is tomorrow! He doesn't want to go but can't say no to anything. He has been told that the party is in the hotel (yeah right) and it will be this guys friends and mentioned something about bringing coke. It sounds really dodgy, he is probably going to end up raped. My friend doesn't know Brighton and is misguided enough to think he can handle himself. He feels he can't not go and thinks he could get in an argument with this guy and that would the end of it. I don't think it works like that. My friend hasn't been able to stand up for himself so far. He has really bad self esteem. I think he is doing it as a sort of self harm.

Me and my other friend have been trying to get him to not go. I only found out about it yesterday. Really not sure if he is listening. I've invited him round to my place tomorrow so he can not go. He said he'll think about it. I don't really understand this NT psychology, to me it is a no brainier. He doesn't want anything to do with this guy yet he gets trapped in. He doesn't see that he can just walk out of this situation. The guy doesn't know where he lives or works. I'm really worried I don't know what to do. Tried reverse psychology everything. I said I'd call him today. But he might not pick up.

:!: :!: :!:



Ticker
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24 Aug 2007, 12:51 pm

Maybe your friend is gay and he is just not brave enough to admit it. If he is letting this gay guy lead him on then that is what it looks like. That is how a lot of young men get drawn into the gay lifestyle when they are bisexual, or just curious/questioning their own identity. My high school gay friend got drawn into the bar scene this way after a much older man got him alone and ass raped him. After that he felt he was dirtied or something so he went to bars and let people use him and he used them for money and for getting booze before he was of legal age. You need to stop your friend from going on that trip even if you need to get his parents involved. Does he have an older sibling you could go to first though?


Your friend should also know what goes on at the gay men's parties. At least this goes on in the US where they get the guy drugged and after they rape him they will do stuff like put lightbulbs, soda bottles and flashlights up the guy's butt which get stuck. My gay friend later worked in the emergency room and they were all the time having to do emergency surgery to remove items from guys. And don't think this is just something to laugh at. If the lightbulb shatters the glass is so sharp the person would bleed to death. Gay men are very cruel to one another.



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24 Aug 2007, 9:59 pm

Ticker wrote:

Your friend should also know what goes on at the gay men's parties. At least this goes on in the US where they get the guy drugged and after they rape him they will do stuff like put lightbulbs, soda bottles and flashlights up the guy's butt which get stuck. My gay friend later worked in the emergency room and they were all the time having to do emergency surgery to remove items from guys. And don't think this is just something to laugh at. If the lightbulb shatters the glass is so sharp the person would bleed to death. Gay men are very cruel to one another.


That isn't exclusive to homosexuals. Straight guys do it, too. They get sent to jail here.



Ticker
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25 Aug 2007, 3:50 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

That isn't exclusive to homosexuals. Straight guys do it, too. They get sent to jail here.


Do you mean they stick in other guys or they do it to girls? IMO any guy who is into anal stuff is probably gay or bi whether he admits to it or not.



BazzaMcKenzie
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25 Aug 2007, 5:24 pm

Ticker wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:

That isn't exclusive to homosexuals. Straight guys do it, too. They get sent to jail here.


Do you mean they stick in other guys or they do it to girls? IMO any guy who is into anal stuff is probably gay or bi whether he admits to it or not.

or do you mean its a form of poofter bashing?


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