 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
username88
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 10, 2007
Posts: 1820
|
 Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:21 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
| Im very much the opposite, Im more of the effectionate touch oriented kind of guy, think I said that already though. I know when its too much, for example I can stop myself if I feel the need to embrace for a long time if its not a good time to. My quirks always seem to be playful and harmless like that. I never turn down any kind of effection and Im always flattered if someone finds me attractive or whatever. I also fall for people a bit too easy, which freaks some of them out. For one of my quirks (when Im really alone) I tend to make generic heart shapes with my finger on something, like my bed if Im in it for example. I think this is because love is something that I really do NEED in my life but Im always being denied of it. And its my subconciousness talking to me or something Im not sure but its just one of my weirdest quirks I think. |
|
| Back to top |
|
xenu27
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 04, 2007
Posts: 27
|
| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
i do think relationships are possible. Im aspie and my gf is NT. Actually I think it is this relationship (of almost two years) that has brought me to my highest functioning in my life. Thanks to my gf I understand people so much better, she has taught me, unknowingly, a lot of things. And although for most of the time I try to avoid unnecesarry social interaction, I can handle most situations better than before. I can even see now in the past social interactions i had, and how awkardly i behaved at times, and either i blush or i laugh at these memories. That's a sign i understand them much better now, whereas at the time i didnt even notice i was doing something inappropiate.
as a funny sidenote, my girlfriend is very expressive with her body. She makes lots of faces, uses her hands, her body etc. totally opposite of what i think aspies do. I guess that is one of the things i like about her. |
|
| Back to top |
|
JDoherty
Toucan
Joined: Dec 12, 2006
Posts: 261
Location: Sydney, Australia
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:29 am Post subject: |
|
|
It depends on the type of person you/or your partner is.
I would love to maintain my relationship with my husband but I have to accept (that is if I know how to) that I cannot do so. I have a major problem with my moods and that could not be helped. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Stitch
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 06, 2006
Posts: 61
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:09 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" has a chapter on long-term relationships. I just read it, and got a bit spooked, as it sounds exactly like me and my wife. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Deathklaat
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 04, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 321
Location: Birmingham, AL
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject: Re: Are relationships possible??? |
|
|
| Marilyn wrote: | | Any thoughts?? |
Yeah, I got a few. I personally believe that any long-term relationship with somebody when you have AS is not humanly possible. It just doesn't work. Don't believe me? Try it some time and see how well you do. It's hard enough to talk to people when you have AS, let alone have a relationship with them. Sorry if I come off a bit angry, but I have 17 years of repressed anger built up inside of me. Death out. |
|
| Back to top |
|
insomniakat
Raven
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 120
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hrmm...funny (strange, not ha ha). I don't think that sort of thing would bother me. I'd probably just say "Hon, that's rude" so he'd stop the behavior and sit back down. I wouldn't be embarrassed by it though. And I'd assume he would want to know that he was making a mistake so he wouldn't offend people.
As for relationships, ALL relationships are hard work. I think people want to blame something when they aren't perfect, and AS is convenient. As for someone saying they don't want to try anymore, it's sad. It takes all kinds, ya know?
_________________
Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
-Terry Pratchett, Jingo - Discworld |
|
| Back to top |
|
NeantHumain
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 4057
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 10:37 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Marilyn wrote: | I can give alot of specific examples of his behaviour, but what it comes down to is a consistant child like attitude to adult situations. I notice it more around high stress social situations, like when he met my friends and family. He just lacks this ability to communicate on a deeper level. He'll make random & inapropriate statements. In a recent visit to a friends house (where he had never been before) he just got up from our conversation and started going through all of her kitchen cabinets. Luckily my friend didn't mind, but i was just really confused over how I should respond . do I stop him? Do I just let him go at it? I don't want to be his mother, but if he really needs help interacting socially, I want to help him.
He also has a strong sensitivity to sound and touch. This occcasionaly becomes a problem in intimate situations.
The most serious problem that I have with him though is a lack of communication. I would easily be able to handle everything else if we could just talk about it, if he could try to make me understand where he's coming from, but it's like talking to a wall. That's the main reason i came to the site. I just really need some help communicating with him.
Just to clarify, i in no way confuse the term "healthy" relationship and "perfect" relationship with each other. I'm too much of a realist. I expect to have fights and conflict, I actually welcome them as a way to grow and learn about each other.
but when it's just one person wanting to talk and comunicate about said problem, you get an un-balanced and un-healthy situation. |
He may have communication deficiencies, but that beats the crap most NTs dish out, expecting people with Asperger's syndrome (you know, the people this site was made for) to magically understand. |
|
| Back to top |
|
EvilKimEvil
zoo-music girl
Joined: Sep 27, 2007
Posts: 3041
Location: highway to hell
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Relationships have never been much of a problem for me. I find them easier than friendships. I've had some decent relationships with NT guys. The reasons they didn't work out probably didn't have anything to do with the guy being NT. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Danielismyname
Zombies ate my NT
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 8272
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 2:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Death is closer to the truth for the majority of people with AS/AD. Most don't ever form friendships, let alone romantic relationships. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Drool_Thingy
Hummingbird
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Posts: 22
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: Re: Are relationships possible??? |
|
|
| Deathklaat wrote: | | Marilyn wrote: | | Any thoughts?? |
Yeah, I got a few. I personally believe that any long-term relationship with somebody when you have AS is not humanly possible. It just doesn't work. Don't believe me? Try it some time and see how well you do. It's hard enough to talk to people when you have AS, let alone have a relationship with them. Sorry if I come off a bit angry, but I have 17 years of repressed anger built up inside of me. Death out. |
I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'll never have a meaningful relationship with anyone and thus have stopped looking. I feel free because of that, no need to try to impress anyone or worry about what to say next. I craved ending most of my relationships after about a week anyway. I couldn't handle the phone calls and other demands, and always knew I wouldn't be able to keep things going. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Deathklaat
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 04, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 321
Location: Birmingham, AL
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 9:55 am Post subject: Re: Are relationships possible??? |
|
|
| Drool_Thingy wrote: | | I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'll never have a meaningful relationship with anyone and thus have stopped looking. I feel free because of that, no need to try to impress anyone or worry about what to say next. I craved ending most of my relationships after about a week anyway. I couldn't handle the phone calls and other demands, and always knew I wouldn't be able to keep things going. |
Drool, how old are you? Phone calls are very easy to handle, imo. You have to try to keep things going. I learned that. Not trying to preach, just to advise. Death out.
_________________
"If at first you don't succeed...cheat." -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Death out. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Deathklaat
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 04, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 321
Location: Birmingham, AL
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:00 am Post subject: Death/me? |
|
|
| Danielismyname wrote: | | Death is closer to the truth for the majority of people with AS/AD. Most don't ever form friendships, let alone romantic relationships. |
By death, do you mean me, or death itself?
_________________
"If at first you don't succeed...cheat." -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Death out. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Jett
Raven
Joined: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 109
Location: Midwest
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:03 am Post subject: |
|
|
I have maintained a long term relationship with an NT, for 9 years now.
My previous relationship with an AS individual failed... but we are friends now. We are able to maintain our friendship because we both know that not returning each others calls does'nt have crap to do with whether we like each other as a person... LOL.
In any case, back to my relationship. I believe the only reason it makes it is that she is able to understand and mostly look past my differences, and actually appreciate some of them.
It has been very hard at times, we have seperated more than once... she has left me but returned.
I have had to explain many things to her, and explain again so she really understands... and then stop explaining because I can go on and on... and then apoligize for it... again...lol.
But I think the only reason we are making it is because I stopped trying to be someone I am not (NT), and started being myself more fully and proud of it.
It is f-n hard sometimes, and sometimes I just wonder if I would be better alone. But I am still in it to win and have not given in to that.
Truth is she keeps me going "out there" and I keep her grounded in my bubble a bit... that is probably good for each other. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Deathklaat
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 04, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 321
Location: Birmingham, AL
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Jett wrote: | | I have maintained a long term relationship with an NT, for 9 years now...But I think the only reason we are making it is because I stopped trying to be someone I am not (NT), and started being myself fully and proud of it. It is fn hard sometimes, and sometimes I just wonder if I would be better alone. But I am still in it to win and have not given in to that. Truth is she keeps me going "out there" and I keep her grounded in my bubble a bit... that is probably good for each other. |
I cannot express my admiration for you in words. Your relationship has lasted for 27X longer than my longest one has been. (4 months.) Kudos to you, Jett. Kudos.
_________________
"If at first you don't succeed...cheat." -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Death out. |
|
| Back to top |
|
ButchCoolidge
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 23, 2006
Posts: 469
Location: New York, New York
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
| To the original poster, it really depends on the people involved in the relationship - both you and him. Keep in mind that even for many NTs, a real relationship is impossible. In fact, I would argue that for at least 80% of NTs, a real intimate relationship is impossible. Real intimacy, real communication, is extraordinarily difficult for all humans. That said, a lot of aspies have an ever harder time. If your hearts are in the right place, if you can have fun together, respect each other, and communicate, then certainly success is possible. Without these qualities, though, any relationship is doomed to fail. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
