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Fogman
Econo-class Iconoclast
Joined: Jun 20, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 2011
Location: SC, USA
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 Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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Oops! Please delete!
_________________
"Blessed are the Distinctly Alien, for they shall inherit the Earth." -- Genesis P. Orridge
Last edited by Fogman on Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Fogman
Econo-class Iconoclast
Joined: Jun 20, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 2011
Location: SC, USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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Oops three times, sorry!
_________________
"Blessed are the Distinctly Alien, for they shall inherit the Earth." -- Genesis P. Orridge |
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RaoulDuke
Raven
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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I honestly don't know how silly this piece is, but I was inspired to write it after seeing a new co-worker of mine at Blockbuster use all of the techniques outlined in the piece to sell a product. Any comments are appreciated.
Great American Cocksucker
| Quote: | In the tall grass and weeds, a rustling sound is heard. Shuttling itself through the fauna, a long, slender form propels itself across the damp mud. Invisible to anyone not located directly overhead, the figure stealthily slithers towards his prey; a vunerable, beautiful doe gently lapping at a cool stream. He approaches slowly and silently, waiting for the moment upon which he can strike at the doe’s neck, injecting her with his venom and bringing her down to the dirt, where he can make off with the spoils of her corpse.
This deceitful, stealthy predator is the Great American Cocksucker. Every day one can see him amongst the general populace, covering himself with the camouflage of politeness and pleasantry. His smile is wide and inviting, and his eyes never leave yours. His gestures are smooth and calming, and he exudes a vague air of authority. He uses flattering speech to make people feel at ease, and to trust him. If he can, he presents small gifts that further reduce the guard of the prey. Then he strikes.
A wary observer can point out all the characteristics of the Great American Cocksucker. But usually, it is difficult to poke through his shield of deception if he is directly encountered. Even the sharpest of minds can be drawn in, as his cloak is very thick, and constantly shifting. A key aspect of the Great American Cocksucker is that he relies upon the tendency for people to have poor memory. He can constantly change his shape, his background, his life; as long as people cannot remember what he said the week prior. One day he’s been in the army for four years, was a technician for Abrams, and just recently got discharged, returning himself to the working world to fund his college studies. The next day he is a budding writer, having interned at a publisher, and he’s finished a book about World War II medics that’s “in the publishing process” and that you should look for it on shelves at the beginning of the next fiscal quarter.
Be careful, however, as the Cocksucker does not enjoy having his cloak cast off when he is stalking his prey. A lucid watchdog who can point out a flaw in his guise might find himself in a whirlwind of vengeful rage, as the Cocksucker will strike with extreme contempt, embarrassed at being defrocked, his useless, naked form exposed. Any person with a sense of justice who comes upon a Great American Cocksucker should exercise caution, and attempt to remove the prey from the Cocksucker’s line of sight, rather than directly exposing him. Avoiding an encounter with the Cocksucker is strongly advised. |
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tinky
Bob the Llama's wingman
Joined: Mar 25, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6026
Location: en la luna bailando con las vacas
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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nice colorful word use!
i'm bored since i have nothing else to study for on my exams tomorrow...so, i wrote this thing
This I do bequeath to you
A little knowledge to get you through
Take care of those thoughts in your mind that have an unsettled rest
And don’t forget to do your best
Do not mind those who speak of lowly of you
For they surely speak of things without indication of knowledge
Please do take this solemn pledge
To dwell within yourself and find knowledgeable treasures otherwise unseen
With this comprehension you’ll sharpen your sword ever keen
And when the time comes to break through these walls that hold you,
You will get payments due.
it needs a couple modifications...
_________________
Tinky is currently in la la land frolicking with fairies in sun painted daffodils whislt "I Like Birds" gently fills the air.
you may tire of the world but the world will never tire of you.
I'm a girl, people!
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 20872
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates, somewhere in Canada :O)
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| Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:34 am Post subject: |
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Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why did I drink that coffee after supper, tonight? |
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skafather84
Platypus God
Joined: Mar 21, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 4725
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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| Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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Tiger, You Just Hit the Jackpot (3-25-07)
and in my mind you're all i need
you keep me high and my mind like a dream
from your lips to mine can make my day
even when treated bad from everyone in every way
and the nights are never lonely when you're around
my head in clouds and my feet off the ground
i always sleep like a baby with you
even stupid tv goes from bad to good
your smell makes me lose control
but what i love most is you're beautiful and natural |
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Juggernaut
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 05, 2006
Posts: 429
Location: America
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Wrote this for extra credit in english. Well I had a little bit of a poem and I based this off of it.
A blister on the sun burst
And bled from the torn sky
Ashes of a half-worn love
Drifted from on high
And though the sea may hold me above
As holding ashes which sink away.
Do I, for all I dare to hope
Feel the words I pray
Words carried by the breakers
Break upon the shore
As sounds my name in music
A torrential roar
Sounds of childrens laughter
I heard within the storm
Even as the clouds are torn
From horizon east to western ledge
A light behind dark curtains form.
The end of hope I hope to see
For when our hope becomes itself
Hope shall from its doubt be free
Truth as hope shall cease to be
And truth shall simply be.
I found not what I came to find
I came and found much more
I found a place with in my mind
Not the things I came here for
I came not for my reason at all
For my hope was here to stand
But instead I came to fall.
As I forget the place I left
Though home is far from me
I shall remember and be blessed
And I shall cross the sea.
Last edited by Juggernaut on Thu May 03, 2007 12:04 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Juggernaut
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 05, 2006
Posts: 429
Location: America
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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The following is a variation on the imagery and mood of the previous poem combined with imagery from the book of Revelation. It was orginally meant as a song for my guitar, though I have since forgotten the tune--I can't seem to find a tune to fit it, so I'm just leaving it as poetry. I don't think this one is as good or as poetic as the previous one, it is not as polished, but I like it because it is a bit more uplifting and relates in a spiritual and Biblical sense much more.
the ashes fell upon the sea
I sank deeper still
as the waves wash over me
Let the tide take me out
take me out to sea
let me watch the fire on high
the burning of the sky
and it shall burn away
burn away
like a scroll roll away
the voices of the lost cry out
to the darkness of the deep
and the light comes out
and they shall find sleep
with a voice like the sound of rushing water
he spoke words of many colors
do not fear
the end of the world
Empty dark spaces beyond
beyond the deep
many decades away
I shall sleep
the end of time
is not the end of mind
it is the place where you will know
what you came to find
and somewhere in the comfort of the that eternal place
you will find your face |
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cosmiccat
Supporting Member
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Posts: 1727
Location: In my body on my 66th trip around the sun
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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RaoulDuke,
I am an old lady who has wandered out of the old folk's home to come here and tell you this:
I loved your story "Jesus Christ is a Barber in Brooklyn". I will wander home now because I know you kids don't like old folks hanging around smelling up your place with our ancient peculiar odors. You have talent. Keep writing.
_________________
I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. Some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most. Bob Dylan |
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artsyfreak918
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 42
Location: Somewhere, Illinois
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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| CockneyRebel wrote: | Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why did I drink that coffee after supper, tonight? |
Yeah, why did you? 
_________________
Lost between music and reality..... |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 58
Posts: 3036
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 4:28 am Post subject: |
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Dangle
ear dangle chain, hears barred
reflected grace, faded pictures scarred
chords wailed
of feelings flailed
lightning dimmed
through amber skin
voice retched
of strokes that fetched
thunder kept
was never met
sleep that came
dreams end, the same
reflected grace, faded pictures scarred
ear dangle chain, hears barred
_________________
Advisory: The hero shoots a lot of people and doesn’t think much about it.
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Juggernaut
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 05, 2006
Posts: 429
Location: America
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 7:51 pm Post subject: |
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| postpaleo, that is really good! I love the wierd rythm to it. |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 58
Posts: 3036
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, still feels to long to me.
_________________
Advisory: The hero shoots a lot of people and doesn’t think much about it.
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greensocks
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 06, 2007
Posts: 48
Location: Brain Town
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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I'll share a poem.
The Valentine
Two hands embraced in candlelight
And silent everything in between them.
Two eyes, two lips, one voiceless offering.
Promise and suggestion
Slipped into the night and drifted;
Silent ghosts tinkling with wine and laughter
Dancing in a sea of stars
To the sound of the car radio.
The silver goddess smiled down and
Breathed winter whiteness over the silent world.
Wandering under the bare branches,
Frost flower carpets under a maiden's feet,
Soft syllables half formed fell dying
With the taste of cherry lip gloss
From her drunken mouth,
And he bowed before the grace
Of sweet Diana. |
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postpaleo
Huh?
Joined: Feb 22, 2007
Age: 58
Posts: 3036
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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I did one very similar, at least it was to me. Your's feels more to the point. Mine still feels abstract. Is that a known style? This isn't trying upstage you please don't take it that way. I find it very hard to know, in mine, what the reader takes away with them from it. Still having a horrible time with commas and periods to try and get my flow right. A simple letter added to a word can be grueling.
Covered Bridge
names traced in air.
She was heavy and I was thin.
bridge, mud, cows, barbed in.
water sights, entered and out.
night sounds, engulfed and in.
words written and secrets spoken,
of creeks and groans, we hint.
time was distance, lives entwined.
recognize, under cover bridge.
moon glowed life, with traces in.
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Advisory: The hero shoots a lot of people and doesn’t think much about it.
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