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Comkeen
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 16, 2005
Age: 25
Posts: 226
Location: San Francisco, CA
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 Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 1:40 am Post subject: |
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| One way or another, you need to learn how to socialize and make friends. Don't rely on online dating because having done so for a year, I've had extremely mixed results. Plus some of the girls on there are just flat out flaky or not sane. Hanging out with your friends will help you take your mind off on just obsessing for a girlfriend/relationship, it'll help build your confidence around people and make you more attractive and desirable to girls, and so on. Try going out with your co-workers if you haven't done so already. I can assume that you all have something in common since you're in the same job. |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:27 am Post subject: |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | SapphoWoman wrote: |
But here is my advice:
Learn to make friends. Learn to make friends FIRST,
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What a bore. I'd rather stay at home watching TV. |
But, if you wont have sex with the girl you date, you'd better have a real good friendship with her. You'd basicall be "best friends". |
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Eire
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 502
Location: California
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:36 am Post subject: |
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Based on the information you provided in this thread maybe I'd date you. It's hard to say for sure without meeting you. I'm kind of weird too and I've never had a boyfriend so it's a plus to me if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend. I don't want the levels of experience to be too vast in difference. However, based on some of your other threads no. I couldn't date a guy that didn't want to have sex with me.
edit: I just wanted to add that I just noticed how cool your avatar is. I was wondering how you could have two different avatars at the same time, then I realized the colors! |
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cerasela
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 17, 2007
Posts: 320
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 3:07 am Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Space wrote: | | Mw99 wrote: | | Space wrote: |
Some girls would date you, but you are going to have to go after girls that are either really off-beat and free thinkers, |
Where do I find them? |
Go to burning man. Or any folksy/hippie-ish music festivals. Lot of fine arts majors would fit this description too, so if you are into art and start meeting people in that scene, you would meet tons of those girls.
http://www.burningman.com/ |
Don't mean to be rude, but "go burn them" (I swear, that's what I read between lines, actually that's what I saw...) does not seem appropriate for him. What kind of advice is this, it can lead him to get sick or dissapointed...getting laid is not always the answer...you don't learn sh** actually and in the process you can get burned by karma or become a parent or G-d knows...that's my "fitty" (not fifty) cents from Detroit...
_________________
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama |
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EvilKimEvil
zoo-music girl
Joined: Sep 27, 2007
Posts: 3041
Location: highway to hell
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:47 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | straight, average height, about 40 pounds overweight. I'm one of those guys who wears the same shoes every single day of the week. I currently have a low-level white-collar job where I earn a below-average salary for the type of job that I do. I don't own a car. I spend most of my free time in front of my computer. |
The selected parts of your original post that I quoted are traits that you share with my boyfriend. (To be fair, he might not be 40 pounds overweight, but he is not as thin as he was in high school. And his job is technically "blue-collar", not "white-collar".) He's been pretty successful with girls. I think his secret is that he goes for girls who share his interests/obsessions. |
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beentheredonethat
Grouchy Old Man
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 703
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:53 pm Post subject: So let me get this straight |
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So let me get this straight. Tell me again why you wouldn't want to have sex with your girl-friend. Sex is fun. Sex is relaxing (if you both want the same thing), and it helps bring you closer together.
Maybe I'm really dense, but in my humble opinion, the women who responded to your post and said "no sex no deal," were right.
And that's my "fity" cents.
Beentheredonethat |
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cerasela
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 17, 2007
Posts: 320
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:52 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Mw99 wrote: | Mid 20s, straight, average height, about 40 pounds overweight. I suppose I was somewhat attractive during my high school years, since I got a healthy amount of attention from women, but that's not the case anymore though, and women have not demonstrated any interest in me in years. I'm one of those guys who wears the same shoes every single day of the week. I have a college degree and I currently have a low-level white-collar job where I earn a below-average salary for the type of job that I do. I live with my parents. I don't own a car. My interests don't require me to go out of the house. I spend most of my free time in front of my computer. I don't have friends. I have never had a girlfriend. I'm known for being "weird." I suffer from a variety of AS induced problems. I can't make small talk. I eschew social situations.
Based on the information I provided above, do you see yourself dating a person like I? Why or why not? And if the answer is "no" (which is what I expect all of you to answer), what do you think I can do to become a more suitable bachelor?  |
I think I made someone mad on this thread...maybe I am wrong.
OK, let me start over. If I meet a guy like you, that I feel strong for, I don't see the 40# being in the way. Or the fact that you live with your parents. Or the fact that you have not so huge income. But that's just me.
Women want to be married and to have kids, eventually. They want to be with someone that they are attracted to, so they can get it up...we women have to be aroused, too, in order to have sex, which is a big deal. The madness of being in love goes away in about 9 month. What is left is respect and being used with that person and feeling safe with them, being good friends, through thick and thin. And also, when you feel like that you can have a lot of orgasms, I am talking from a woman's point of view. (I hope again that we are on an adult thread, I don't know if we are or not, I don't want to say xrated stuff and get admonished from MO's). So that's all good. I don't want to hear the nayers saying "neeeeh!". It is true, everything I said until here.
Now, I understand the men's desire to have tons of sex, women have it, too, but we hold back because we have more consequences if we do it with whoever, wherever etc. But that doesn't mean that you have to go out there with the idea that you will screw all that is a woman. I am getting the idea that some people are encouraging you to do that. Most women don't like to be used and you will not like the feeling of changing women like that. I think that you are looking for a nice woman to love you. To be friends with you. I have AS and I FEAR change. I have my habits, my obsessions etc. Knowing that you said almost the same things, that you have a set up life the way it makes you comfortable, I don't see you going to wild parties etc. and "hooking up". You're better than that. Yes, I am sounding arrogant...
So I would say, pray about it, think about what you want and it will come. This is not stupid advice, it has been tested by me and it worked. If you see someone you really like, have the guts to say something to them. Try. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, it doesn't. At least you tried. This life is like the box of chocolates that Tom Hanks (?) was talking about. You don't know what you get...but you can try. Some will be bitter, some will be sweet, some will last little, some will last long, some will leave a bitter taste, some will leave a sweet feeling. And one or two etc. will stick around for a long long time.
I know you are a good person, if you wouldn't, you would not ask for advice here, you would be out there, "burning them" (I am obssessed now with the stupid expression I made up...  ). So I hope that you respect your body and soul and you will not give yourself up for experiments with women you don't like, just because you can't get any. Believe me, if you would have liked one a lot, you would have found a way of being with her and having her all for yourself. So I am confident that you will find a good one, just for yourself. Just take it easy and be friendly, as much as you can with AS (I am being over friendly sometimes with people in order to compensate for shyness and that's not good, either, because some people take it wrong), so be yourself, be nice, willing to put up with some women drama (we all do that, NT or AS  ) and most of all, respect yourself, your body is sacred and so is sex.
I have to add, I love geeks and people that keep for themselves (your description made me think you might be a little geeky and reserved). Nothing more sexy than a considerate, geeky (intelligent), reserved and a little shy man!!! Be patient and it will come.
Good luck!
Elena.
_________________
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama |
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Space
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2104
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:52 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| cerasela wrote: | | Space wrote: | | Mw99 wrote: | | Space wrote: |
Some girls would date you, but you are going to have to go after girls that are either really off-beat and free thinkers, |
Where do I find them? |
Go to burning man. Or any folksy/hippie-ish music festivals. Lot of fine arts majors would fit this description too, so if you are into art and start meeting people in that scene, you would meet tons of those girls.
http://www.burningman.com/ |
Don't mean to be rude, but "go burn them" (I swear, that's what I read between lines, actually that's what I saw...) does not seem appropriate for him. What kind of advice is this, it can lead him to get sick or dissapointed...getting laid is not always the answer...you don't learn sh** actually and in the process you can get burned by karma or become a parent or G-d knows...that's my "fitty" (not fifty) cents from Detroit... |
I think you misinterpreted my post. It was just a suggestion of where/how he could meet some women who might not be immediately repulsed by him. |
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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 1232
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:09 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Eire wrote: | Based on the information you provided in this thread maybe I'd date you. It's hard to say for sure without meeting you. I'm kind of weird too and I've never had a boyfriend so it's a plus to me if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend. I don't want the levels of experience to be too vast in difference. However, based on some of your other threads no. I couldn't date a guy that didn't want to have sex with me.
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Don't forget that for you to be able to date me I first have to let you.  I don't know what you look like, but you can be very sure it's highly unlikely I'd date you if you are unattractive or obese. That's just how shallow and stupid I am. I know I can't ask for much, so I settle for average looks.
Last edited by Mw99 on Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:20 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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Who_Am_I
stubbornness keeps me alive
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 25
Posts: 4779
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:16 pm Post subject: |
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You sound quite a lot like my last boyfriend. So yeah, I would go out with a guy like you.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I |
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Eire
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 502
Location: California
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:23 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | Eire wrote: | Based on the information you provided in this thread maybe I'd date you. It's hard to say for sure without meeting you. I'm kind of weird too and I've never had a boyfriend so it's a plus to me if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend. I don't want the levels of experience to be too vast in difference. However, based on some of your other threads no. I couldn't date a guy that didn't want to have sex with me.
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Don't forget that for you to be able to date me I first have to let you. I don't know what you look like, but you can be very sure it's highly unlikely I'd date you if you are unattractive or obese. That's just how shallow and stupid I am. I know I can't ask for much, so I settle for average looks. |
Except I wasn't the one asking if anyone would date someone like me. I'm not unattractive or obese and I wouldn't have a problem getting dates if I wasn't kind of weird. And I don't think it's shallow of you to have physical preferences for who you would date. I'm the same, I think most people are. I doubt anyone would want to date someone they weren't attracted to. |
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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 1232
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 11:11 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Eire wrote: | | Mw99 wrote: | | Eire wrote: | Based on the information you provided in this thread maybe I'd date you. It's hard to say for sure without meeting you. I'm kind of weird too and I've never had a boyfriend so it's a plus to me if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend. I don't want the levels of experience to be too vast in difference. However, based on some of your other threads no. I couldn't date a guy that didn't want to have sex with me.
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Don't forget that for you to be able to date me I first have to let you. I don't know what you look like, but you can be very sure it's highly unlikely I'd date you if you are unattractive or obese. That's just how shallow and stupid I am. I know I can't ask for much, so I settle for average looks. |
Except I wasn't the one asking if anyone would date someone like me. I'm not unattractive or obese and I wouldn't have a problem getting dates if I wasn't kind of weird. And I don't think it's shallow of you to have physical preferences for who you would date. I'm the same, I think most people are. I doubt anyone would want to date someone they weren't attracted to. |
What qualities would you be looking for if you met me in person? |
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Eire
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 502
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 12:04 am Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Mw99 wrote: |
What qualities would you be looking for if you met me in person? |
As far as looks go, I prefer white guys with longish hair. I'm 20 and wouldn't want to date anyone past their mid-twenties. Considering I'm not very outgoing, I would prefer a guy who didn't feel the need to be the life of the party either. I don't really have many specifics as far as personality, I mainly would want someone who was able to cope with me being socially awkward and be ok with the fact that I don't talk much and possibly be that way themselves. |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 7:59 am Post subject: |
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| To be honest, If you can, MW99, it would probably be best to look for an apartment within the next five years, simply because some women would like to be alone with their men, without the interference of parents. (it is possible that this may be a requirement with mainly NT women, only). They also see it as an act of independence and self reliance. If you are not able to do so for a physical reason, that's fine as long as she knows. But most women I know think that a guy living with his parents after 30 is not going to be able to do certain things (and I dont mean just sex). But, there are women out there who do understand and will be compassionate. However, if you are pulling women from the general public, they will want you to have your own place before you are 30. |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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To let girls evaluate you correctly here you still need to post:
-Your photo (face and full body is better)
-Your physical descriptions: ie. height and weight
-Your job position and salary
-Your beliefs(ie.religion)
-List of your talents and hobbies
ps:I guess living with parents is a big turn-off in your culture and you are perceived as 'loser' that can't afford to own his own house. |
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