Feel that you will never get a gf or a bf?

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chrissyrun
True love is rare, don't envy an illusion
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Joined: Oct 24, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 13788
Location: Hell :)

Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:48 pm Post subject:

TheKing wrote:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

i am the epitome of the stereotypical "Nice Guy" i am nice, caring, unassertive, and selfless(i used to have major anger issues before i became a pacifist and to not hurt anyone else i would hurt myself to release my anger) and i have noticed that women are hypocrites, they will tell you almost 100% of the time that they want a nice guy but given the choice between a nice guy and a bad boy they will ALWAYS go for the bad boy

Sometimes girls don't know who the bad guy is.

My ex (also known as scum) was a bad boy...but I was blinded by love and thought he was a good guy. Mad

It wasn't until he broke up and I learned stuff and I saw his actions for what they really were that I realized he was scum. Evil or Very Mad

So, it's not always being hypocritical....maybe sometimes we just don't know. shrug

maybe but most of the time girls are simply looking for a short term relationship, or simply a good time, im too uninteresting for a girl to be interested in me, i mean the only "bad" thing i do is marijuana and hallucinogens, im a Psychonaut(exploring my mind using mind expanding substances[i frown on the innacurate term mind altering]) and im a Stoner(i love the Cannabis Culture) and proud of it! other than that im extraordinarily boring

You're an athiest who does drugs....in my culture (church-oriented) that'd be a bad boy. My ex didn't do drugs or drink and he was a bad boy. Different cultures for different areas.

personality wise im the nice guy besides they the soft "good" drugs i use them spiritually except Cannabis because that is a social herb, it also helps autism btw thats why i use it, its a social leveler. its not like i smoke crack, or shoot up heroin hell no i don't even drink alcohol except when my mom lets me

Personality-wise...... chin

Because people don't assume things from their actions....they just "know" someone's personality.
Drugs are drugs are unless medically prescribed or available at any supermarket in legally doses are illegal drugs.

it's illogical to generalize drugs and say that smoking pot is as dangerous as smoking meth. there is no comparison there, not to mention most pharmaceutical drugs are worse than most illegal drugs, and Cannabis has been an important part of human life since the dawn of man. recent scientific evidence, trials in mice, show that Cannabis cures most forms of cancer by causing cancer cells to self destruct. and most of the hallucinogens i use like Salvia Divinorum, Datura Strammonium, and Calea Zacatachichi are 100% legal in most places of the world including California, i have 21 Datura plants that naturally grow throughout my neighborhood so there are very few laws i break, Ethnobotany is one of my main hobbies, i have done my research very well.

anyway i just had to quickly defend my honor and dignity now to get back on topic i generally just assume im unloveable and that all im allowed is unrequited love because that is all i know, honestly i have never felt romantic love directed at me ever and i have accepted my position in life to only love but to never be loved i gave up on finding love a few years ago

All I know is that any substance that alters your mind so you don't have control anymore is bad.
Ya know...as long as it's only a few laws. Rolling Eyes

Well, if you assume you are unloveable...people will treat you that way.
The number one thing that is important is confidence.

I will not give up on love because (ok, I'm a little bit shallow...I've seen uglier and fatter people have relationships...sorry) but I deserve love just as much as anyone else.

If you make a mistake, then laugh it off. People make mistakes....if they don't, then they aren't human and you don't want that anyways.

Haha, I am learning how to be relaxed around guys online....but I still am only comfortable around girls/family irl for the most part. It's a process. It's learning and growing.
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TheKing
Cosmic Engineer
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Age: 19
Posts: 1099
Location: Merced, California

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 1:18 pm Post subject:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

chrissyrun wrote:

TheKing wrote:

Sometimes girls don't know who the bad guy is.

My ex (also known as scum) was a bad boy...but I was blinded by love and thought he was a good guy. Mad

It wasn't until he broke up and I learned stuff and I saw his actions for what they really were that I realized he was scum. Evil or Very Mad

So, it's not always being hypocritical....maybe sometimes we just don't know. shrug

You're an athiest who does drugs....in my culture (church-oriented) that'd be a bad boy. My ex didn't do drugs or drink and he was a bad boy. Different cultures for different areas.

Personality-wise...... chin

All I know is that any substance that alters your mind so you don't have control anymore is bad.
Ya know...as long as it's only a few laws. Rolling Eyes

i love your optimism i really do, for me when i mess up it cuts pretty deep on my pride which doesnt help my confidence lol
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Ganondox
Visceral Diety
Phoenix

Joined: Oct 08, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 3598
Location: Indonesia

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:12 pm Post subject:

Tequila wrote:

Ganondox wrote:

I cannot see myself asking a girl out, its just not my nature, I'm too shy and unintrusive.

It must be bad for you if you live in a country like Brazil!

Brazilian girls seem to think I'm the most adorable thing in existance or something. Can you elaborate on the "must be bad"?
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TomboHikoki
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Nov 30, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 29
Location: Green Hill Town, USA

Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 12:53 pm Post subject:

Well, I've never dated anyone. Ever. Many of my friends haven't either, but out of my six eternally single NT girlfriends, three are from evangelical Christian backgrounds. I've never looked for a boyfriend online, and I have no desire to. I want to know for sure that he exists and/or isn't the next Craigslist killer, thank you very much. Frankly, my eternal singleness bothers me. I feel about mature enough to try out a teenage relationship. But let me put it this way: only three people have definitely had crushes on me in the seventeen years that I've been alive. One of them was when I was like seven, two of them had significant developmental disabilities (there's nothing wrong with that, but I wouldn't date anyone whose functioning level was significantly different than mine), and the last was just a stoner who thought I was a "sexy b***h" (his words, not mine).

vickypollard
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: Oct 02, 2011
Posts: 63

Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 9:10 pm Post subject:

I'm 18 and I've never had anything close to a boyfriend. I have kissed twice because I wanted to know what it was like (not very pleasant in my opinion), but I wasn't in love with those boys so it meant nothing and I truly regret giving away a special moment to someone I didn't love. I have now decided I'm NEVER going to kiss anyone again unless I know they love me and I love them. On the other hand, while I think I'm pretty good-looking and funny (I have enough self-confidence and all that), I'm still pretty convinced I'll never have a serious relationship because I always value my own feelings and wants/needs over those of others, including really close friends. I'm okay with this (being forever alone), I have nice friends and I like to go out sometimes but 75% of the time I'm basically a hermit. The only thing I really crave is sex, I desperately want to know how good that can feel (since I'm obviously a virgin), but a one night stand is not an option since I have issues with strangers and shiver at the thought of bringing some random guy home, into my room with all my stuff in it. So unless I find someone who wants a girlfriend he won't see very often I'll be dying alone as an old cat lady. _________________ "An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." - Edgar Wallace

Einfari
Velociraptor

Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 424

Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 2:06 am Post subject:

I feel the same way. I'm 17 and have never had a boyfriend. I went to a dance with a guy because I asked him. No guy has ever asked me anywhere. I think I scare guys away because I'm not interested in hobbies that most girls aren't in to. I run/exercise a lot and I'm not afraid of a little sweat/pain. I also love violent movies and video games. I'm extremely competitive and I think that also puts people off a little. A lot of girls I know seem to act purposely weak to get a guy's attention, and I find this pathetic. I guess I can come off a bit tough at times but I'll never intentionally hurt anyone. I'm also a biology and video game nerd which I am sure turns a lot of guys off. Honestly, I'd rather have my identity and interests than a boyfriend. I have learned not to bother with love. I have a lot of goals to keep up with between varsity sports, grades, and my work. This really doesn't allot me time to have a boyfriend. If I don't bother with love and don't focus on it, I won't be heartbroken if I never get into a romantic relationship. I'm not saying that I'm preventing myself from being in a relationship but I'm simply putting the idea aside. As and Aspie, focusing on finding love would cause me to be a heartbroken trainwreck waiting to happen...again. This has already happened in my life and I'm done with the experience. If I find someone someday that would be awesome but I'm not going to count on it. I wouldn't mind staying single because I already have a lot of good things in my life. Trust me, putting love aside is difficult, but in my situation, it is very practical.

Ganondox
Visceral Diety
Phoenix

Joined: Oct 08, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 3598
Location: Indonesia

Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 10:51 pm Post subject:

Einfari wrote:

I feel the same way. I'm 17 and have never had a boyfriend. I went to a dance with a guy because I asked him. No guy has ever asked me anywhere.

I think I scare guys away because I'm not interested in hobbies that most girls aren't in to. I run/exercise a lot and I'm not afraid of a little sweat/pain. I also love violent movies and video games. I'm extremely competitive and I think that also puts people off a little. A lot of girls I know seem to act purposely weak to get a guy's attention, and I find this pathetic. I guess I can come off a bit tough at times but I'll never intentionally hurt anyone. I'm also a biology and video game nerd which I am sure turns a lot of guys off. Honestly, I'd rather have my identity and interests than a boyfriend.

I have learned not to bother with love. I have a lot of goals to keep up with between varsity sports, grades, and my work. This really doesn't allot me time to have a boyfriend. If I don't bother with love and don't focus on it, I won't be heartbroken if I never get into a romantic relationship. I'm not saying that I'm preventing myself from being in a relationship but I'm simply putting the idea aside. As and Aspie, focusing on finding love would cause me to be a heartbroken trainwreck waiting to happen...again. This has already happened in my life and I'm done with the experience. If I find someone someday that would be awesome but I'm not going to count on it. I wouldn't mind staying single because I already have a lot of good things in my life. Trust me, putting love aside is difficult, but in my situation, it is very practical.

Biology and vido game nerd? Sounds like heaven to me.
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Softly Spoken lies
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Through other people's eyes

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cammyyy
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: Sep 18, 2009
Age: 20
Posts: 192
Location: Ontario

Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:24 pm Post subject:

Ganondox wrote:

Einfari wrote:

Biology and vido game nerd? Sounds like heaven to me.

That's what I thought.

Ysone
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: Dec 28, 2010
Posts: 58

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 6:47 am Post subject:

I keep attracting straight guys and even gay guys. I guess they feel like i think like them? It's nice to have people to like you, even though i know that i am just not attracted to them romantically. I try not to talk to straight girls cuz they tend to break my heart. I am attracted to lesbian girls but i get too awkward talking to them. So yeaaa. i think i understand.

AutibotXD
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 36

Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 7:52 am Post subject: Re: Feel that you will never get a gf or a bf?

I've only had one relationship so far and thats over i think weirded him out and unfortunatley there aren't many openly gay guys around my school and the one whom i know is just not my type. whith my autism and social awkwardness it feels like i'm never gonna get there but i wont give up hope P.S Do any of you find it anoying when people non-chalantley say they love you after the first date

ardentauthor
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 30
Location: Eastern U.S.

Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 6:22 pm Post subject:

The only 'boyfriend' I've ever had was, if it counts, in first grade. We were really good friends and hung out a lot during and after school. We connected in a way I never had before and have't felt again. But he moved. A part of me wants to be in a relationship, but a lot of the dating kids do nowadays just seems like some really arbitrary social construct that I'd rather not be a part of. It's just too complicated. Between the flirting and the actual asking out and the waiting to call, it's all just too much. I'm only going to date someone who I can enjoy a straightforward relationship with. If there's not a person out there that would be okay with being entirely candid, I would rather just stay single my whole life.

AutibotXD
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 36

Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:23 pm Post subject:

A part of me wants to be in a relationship, but a lot of the dating kids do nowadays just seems like some really arbitrary social construct that I'd rather not be a part of. It's just too complicated. Between the flirting and the actual asking out and the waiting to call, it's all just too much i Know it just seems completley ridiculous to me, at least half the time I didn't know what was going on and we were only dating for two weeks. why do people insist on trying to be subtle and drop hints when they know you have Asperger's (I only found out he was when he said "maybe you didn't get the hint" and then continued to explaine. my first thought was "duh " my second was "wow you weren't listening at all were you")

zzmondo
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 866
Location: Columbus, Ohio

Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:30 pm Post subject:

At first, I really didn't care about getting a gf in my elementary in middle school years because of neglect and I got a really hardened attitude to everybody in the school except for the few people I was close too. I used to not want friends either but it's something I want to do really but it felt I really found I was lying to myself. I was mostly imagining relationships with people and would just focus on sports and school. It's just something I feel I need to learn and work through. I still haven't dated or had a girlfriend yet, but I do want to know so I'm comfortable and meet somebody I will enjoy. When it comes to flirting though, I'm honestly not sure how I would react to some girl flirting with me and approach her. I remember I was at a Ski Trip in Pennsylvania and, long story short, there was a girl who had a friend that was about my age waving to my other friend I was going on the slopes with. Eventually, when we were supposed to wait for somebody at the bottom of the hill, he decided to go up the lift instead. I gave in and went up despite the fact I was supposed to wait for my other partner. I flipped out on the lift because I wasn't sure how long the partner would be waiting. The thing I didn't realize was the fact I was his wingman and that friend the girl had I could have had a chance with. I eventually got paranoid about meeting the partner and just went down the hill full speed (I snowboard btw) to meet my partner. I didn't bother going up to the girls with my friends. I eventually was told by my friend that I was his wingman (and ended up finding out what one was too) and that I had a chance with the other girl. Looking back now, that was a big missed chance but I was really nervous. I've learned from that mistake though now I feel. I really just don't know what to do, especially since being a guy that I have to be the one to approach and seek these girls (unless a girl approaches me which would be awesome). I think it just comes to me learning how to talk to girls for this really. I've known and talked to a few girls, but we were just friends. Also Einfari, I really understand where you are coming from. I was a second degree black belt and ran cross country and track in Middle School, so I was honestly more concerned about that. With all of what I have to do with school (I'm going to live on a college campus in summer for a few weeks eventually), college courses I'm taking, and work I'm not sure how I could handle both at this point. It's like I do want a relationship but I don't at the same time. I essentially mentioned why I would earlier. When I'm really into something that's important to me and will ultimately benefit later in life such as when I go to college and become a doctor, I really put my focus on that and find it is what's more important in the end at whatever moments or points in time. All of what you mentioned Einfari sounds like a kind of a girl I would be into, just saying. I've always liked girls that are tough and aren't afraid of sweating or pain and don't really act weak as you mentioned because it shows that you really stand up for themselves. On that note, I would want the person I'm dating to respect my interests because I know what you are saying too when it comes to still having your identity and interests. I wouldn't put those over love any day really and neither would I want the girl in the relationship too as well. I have had people call me cute and good-looking before though and that gives me some confidence. I feel that I may not be able to get one now, but it's just something I need to learn and work through. If I were to be in some romance though, I would definitely want someone I can talk too and we can understand each other and ultimately be comfortable with each other. _________________ Always open to PM's.

Albirea
MEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!
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Joined: Mar 16, 2011
Posts: 9767
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:54 am Post subject:

zzmondo wrote:

At first, I really didn't care about getting a gf in my elementary in middle school years because of neglect and I got a really hardened attitude to everybody in the school except for the few people I was close too. I used to not want friends either but it's something I want to do really but it felt I really found I was lying to myself. I was mostly imagining relationships with people and would just focus on sports and school. It's just something I feel I need to learn and work through.
I still haven't dated or had a girlfriend yet, but I do want to know so I'm comfortable and meet somebody I will enjoy. When it comes to flirting though, I'm honestly not sure how I would react to some girl flirting with me and approach her. I remember I was at a Ski Trip in Pennsylvania and, long story short, there was a girl who had a friend that was about my age waving to my other friend I was going on the slopes with. Eventually, when we were supposed to wait for somebody at the bottom of the hill, he decided to go up the lift instead. I gave in and went up despite the fact I was supposed to wait for my other partner. I flipped out on the lift because I wasn't sure how long the partner would be waiting. The thing I didn't realize was the fact I was his wingman and that friend the girl had I could have had a chance with. I eventually got paranoid about meeting the partner and just went down the hill full speed (I snowboard btw) to meet my partner. I didn't bother going up to the girls with my friends. I eventually was told by my friend that I was his wingman (and ended up finding out what one was too) and that I had a chance with the other girl. Looking back now, that was a big missed chance but I was really nervous. I've learned from that mistake though now I feel.
I really just don't know what to do, especially since being a guy that I have to be the one to approach and seek these girls (unless a girl approaches me which would be awesome). I think it just comes to me learning how to talk to girls for this really. I've known and talked to a few girls, but we were just friends.
Also Einfari, I really understand where you are coming from. I was a second degree black belt and ran cross country and track in Middle School, so I was honestly more concerned about that. With all of what I have to do with school (I'm going to live on a college campus in summer for a few weeks eventually), college courses I'm taking, and work I'm not sure how I could handle both at this point. It's like I do want a relationship but I don't at the same time. I essentially mentioned why I would earlier. When I'm really into something that's important to me and will ultimately benefit later in life such as when I go to college and become a doctor, I really put my focus on that and find it is what's more important in the end at whatever moments or points in time.
All of what you mentioned Einfari sounds like a kind of a girl I would be into, just saying. I've always liked girls that are tough and aren't afraid of sweating or pain and don't really act weak as you mentioned because it shows that you really stand up for themselves. On that note, I would want the person I'm dating to respect my interests because I know what you are saying too when it comes to still having your identity and interests. I wouldn't put those over love any day really and neither would I want the girl in the relationship too as well.
I have had people call me cute and good-looking before though and that gives me some confidence. I feel that I may not be able to get one now, but it's just something I need to learn and work through. If I were to be in some romance though, I would definitely want someone I can talk too and we can understand each other and ultimately be comfortable with each other.

It's all about confidence. Just don't get too cocky. Be both confident and sensitive. (Based on your posts, I'd say you have the "sensitive" part down already. Laughing

)
A huge reason that my friendcrush and I became friends is that I approached him to chat every day when I saw that he was sitting alone at lunch.

As for me, I've always liked the nerd type, probably because I'm kind of a nerd myself. Nerdy

And no, I've never dated before either, unless you count those two times that I went to school dances with my friendcrush "just as friends". He took me out to dinner and everything, but we just didn't dance together. Laughing

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SanityTheorist
Wandering Artist
Phoenix

Joined: Feb 14, 2012
Posts: 2097
Location: The Akuma Afterglow

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:42 pm Post subject:

Well there is one girl that I am being very diligent on forming a good relationship with in hopes she will someday return my affection. if that doesn't work I'm happy with knowing I have a very good friend out of it. I will likely end up dating a male, though (I am bi.) _________________ My music at: http://www.youtube.com/user/SanityTheorist5/videos Currently working on getting in a studio to record my solo album 40+ tracks written. Chatroom nicks: MetalFluttershy/MetalTwilight/SanityTheorist

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