flyingladybird
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 10, 2009
Posts: 21
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 Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:08 am Post subject: |
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I'm mid-40s.
I think it's important to look after one's appearance.
Mother used to tell me she looks after herself for no one else but herself.
when I'm not looking after myself that well, I notice I'm not really well or feeling down and things tend to spiral down.
sometimes, I "cannot be bothered" and people notice.
as others had said, in our age (40 upwards), health is so important as I also have got medical conditions. exercise and diet being part of health.
I also got recently married (again, second time around). it's important to care about a lot of things including one's appearance. I like, in my age, being normal, at least on the surface, though not quite normal inside lol is also important.
everyone's different obviously.  |
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MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 8:43 am Post subject: |
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I've always felt invisible so I'm probably not going to be to be as bothered when I hit 35 or 40. I have no idea what it's like to get a lot of male attention unless it's derogatory or for the wrong reasons.
There is something to be said for girls who only base their happiness on youth and looks alone.
_________________
Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine
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Trinny
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 20, 2009
Posts: 32
Location: London, UK
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| Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 6:56 am Post subject: |
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I’m so different of you.
Am I mad or is it Asperger’s?
i’d loved to be invisible! What a pleasure if people are not staring at you. I used to dress badly just to avoid any attention. Walking in the streets alone is a constant pain, I have warm feelings towards people who leave me alone, are not interested in me, respect my privacy.
I fall in love with men I know I never get. I’m always in love with someone, but never in a lasting relationship.
If someone comes closer, I don’t like him anymore.
I’m 32.
Of course it’s opposite with my opinions. I would hate if no one is listening. |
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MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 11:07 am Post subject: |
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| Trinny wrote: | I’m so different of you.
Am I mad or is it Asperger’s?
i’d loved to be invisible! What a pleasure if people are not staring at you. I used to dress badly just to avoid any attention. Walking in the streets alone is a constant pain, I have warm feelings towards people who leave me alone, are not interested in me, respect my privacy.
I fall in love with men I know I never get. I’m always in love with someone, but never in a lasting relationship.
If someone comes closer, I don’t like him anymore.
I’m 32.
Of course it’s opposite with my opinions. I would hate if no one is listening. |
I sort of feel the same way depending.
The only attention I seem to attract are guys who come off overly agressive and I don't even try to flirt or look at these guys. So I guess it all depends on who you'd want to be invisible too.
I strongly relate to feeling like my opinions or anything concerning social interaction with people are avoided. I've had this problem all my life and I know it has a lot to do with my akward social skills.
Anyway, I forgot to mention on here that I knew a lady who took motivational speaking for this purpose. Not so much invisible romantically but being heard. She told me they found statistics showing that men who speak in public are more likely to be heard by both men and women than women who speak in public. I assume it's because women have softer voices and in classes where they train you to speak motively, there is the emphasis to speak loud and use subtle fluctuation in the voice when emphasize something of importance. Of course...I took the class with her and I was no good at it...go figure.
But if you look good...yeah you're more likely to recieve attention whether or not you're a good speaker.
_________________
Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine
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Ralou
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 24, 2009
Posts: 72
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| Posted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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I'm 37 and fat, so I'm invisible now. I definately feel like an unperson. Both my grandmothers divorced and never remarried, and my memories of both of them are contained in their roomfulls of books. I always saw them both as very solitary people. I was horrifed until recently at the thought of ending up like them, now I want just that. To be alone, with books, a cat or two, a computer, and maybe a television, as long as I can get Discovery and History channels. My mother is divorced too, she doesn't date, and I doubt she'll ever remarry. I've never married and now I don't think I ever will.
I hate how rude some people are because I'm not attractive anymore. Cut in front of you in line at the store (I'm not kidding, they do!) and just not see you at all (hey, bishes, I'm fat now, there's more of me to see, and even though I don't want your eyes crawling on me, I'm still puzzled at being invisible)!
What bothers me now is, I have accomplished nothing. I've written several novels, short stories, and a screenplay, but the vast majority of my writing is unpublishable, and I'm starting to think that making it as a fiction writer when I don't even understand real people is a pipe dream. I have no career, and not much hope of finding one. It's like I don't exist, or shouldn't. And since my social life is not (and except in the narrow realm of romantic relationships never has been) my main source of happiness and sense of self, I desperately want to 'make it' in a field. But not just any field. Being the best toilet scrubber, burger flipper, or floor sweeper on earth won't make me happy, it would make me horribly suicidal and ashamed. |
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mgran
Phoenix
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Joined: May 23, 2009
Posts: 1864
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| Posted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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| I was always invisible. As I get older, I get crankier... someone might even see me in the next few years, if I kick up enough fuss! |
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AnotherOne
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 453
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| Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 1:27 pm Post subject: for all of you |
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who would like some attention may I recommend hardware stores. Basically it is a matter of competition, there are not many women who get in there so one automatically stands out. I was hit on 2 times in 2 days in paint stores. It was so unexpected that I had to laugh.
Also dressing properly (for your body type) can do wonders. Watch "what not to wear", they have some good suggestions. |
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AnotherOne
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 453
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| Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 1:59 pm Post subject: ups |
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and i have to add that i think i got attention from men couple of times due to my brains, well not brains as much as my phd. somehow that turns them on. it is mostly engineering types, and around my age (3 . younger guys that are around just view me as a natural disaster.
also it depends on the community, latino guys never see me as attractive. |
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CRD
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 07, 2009
Age: 36
Posts: 704
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| Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 1:59 pm Post subject: Re: for all of you |
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| AnotherOne wrote: | who would like some attention may I recommend hardware stores. Basically it is a matter of competition, there are not many women who get in there so one automatically stands out. I was hit on 2 times in 2 days in paint stores. It was so unexpected that I had to laugh.
Also dressing properly (for your body type) can do wonders. Watch "what not to wear", they have some good suggestions. |
Always start your outfit like a building with good a foundation. The right bra and some spanks do wonders for what ever your wearing . |
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Stassia_Florine
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Aug 27, 2009
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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| My boyfriend is almost 35 (he's 32) and I don't imagine he was any different when he was 20, and I don't imagine he will be any different when he is 80. If he is perfect for you he will not become invisible, and if you are perfect for him you won't. I'm sure I would still have fallen for this man whether he was 85 or 15. |
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DirkWillems
Raven
Joined: Aug 30, 2009
Posts: 110
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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Consider this: Maybe when you were in your teens or early 20s there were many guys who were attracted to you based on looks, personality, mentality, whatever.
Do you mean to say you gave every guy who showed interest in you the time of day? Were there not guys you might not even make eye contact with and pretend as if he were a helpless disoriented drunk bum begging for change on the corner the hookers hang out on?
It's just devil's advocate. You say you feel judged, you feel older and look older and are self-conscious because people look at you differently than perhaps 10 or 15 years ago. But think about the people you may have treated that way. I'm not saying you have but knowing humanity the way I do I think it's fair to say most of us have done that.
You're not at the age where you can be promiscuous with the most attractive specimens of the human species now. If you haven't found love and all you see is skin deep then you likely never will. Now is the time to examine what is on the inside and the people you will find you care about most will look at you the same way. |
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SINsister
Childlike Empress
Joined: May 26, 2005
Age: 45
Posts: 1435
Location: Pandaria
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| Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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I'm 41; at 6'1", I'm always "invisible." Ahhh, the irony. No, seriously - I can be grocery shopping, and people will walk right into me. "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there!" Ummm, ok - did they think they'd bumped into a tree growing in the middle of the produce section?! The invisibility to men I find attractive kills me, though - always has, and probably always will. I'm not an ugly girl, and yet I've always been treated as such. 
_________________
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
~Steve Jobs |
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melissa17b
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 20, 2008
Age: 53
Posts: 513
Location: A long way from home, wherever home is
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| Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:08 am Post subject: |
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I find just the opposite. At 45, I have something I never did untile recently - a modicum of self-confidence - and that (I've been told) translates into a presence that most people find difficult to not notice, even though don't try to deliberately draw attention. Wherever I go, I always have a "not from around here" look. People seem to at as minimum want to investigate, and usually are at least somewhat intrigued. Being 175cm (5-9) with long red hair will attract attention most anywhere, and being size 18 doesn't seem to put too many people off - the intrigue occurs at a different level, apparently. I look and feel best wearing red, and will dress in red more than half the time. I don't consider myself particularly attractive, but a considerable number of people treat me at though I am.
In some places, very prominently in Asia and somewhat less so in eastern Europe, I appear so different from the general population that it is uncommon for me to walk down the street for more than a few minutes, either in a small village or a large city, without someone I don't know stopping me for some purpose or other.
I have always been noticeably different, sometimes more subtly, other times unmistakably, but over the years I have gone from being embarrassed and ashamed to understanding my differences and making the most of them - and even enjoying it. |
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AnotherOne
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 453
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| Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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| SINsister wrote: | | I'm 41; at 6'1", I'm always "invisible." Ahhh, the irony. No, seriously - I can be grocery shopping, and people will walk right into me. "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there!" Ummm, ok - did they think they'd bumped into a tree growing in the middle of the produce section?! The invisibility to men I find attractive kills me, though - always has, and probably always will. I'm not an ugly girl, and yet I've always been treated as such. |
sinster, you sound great, can not imagine why people treat you that way. did you try attractive clothing/makeup? i mean being a decorated tree  could help. |
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TurboGirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 28, 2008
Age: 48
Posts: 69
Location: Middle Englandshire
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| Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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I'm another 6 foot redhead and a bonny lassie! I wasn't invisible but would often be shunned by folk I wanted to approve of me until i had a truly beautiful freind, 6', tawny golden hair like a lions mane... and it made her life soooo hard. Our 'social disability' is nothing compared to the trauma her beauty gave her- everyone wanted her on their own terms, if she rejected them kindly they'd often stalk her or take her anyhow. Baaaad.
I love the pagan way of looking at female aging- each stage of our lives holds beauty for many beyond a physical aspect. Anyone with kids has felt unconditional love and admiration far outweighing what an attracted, stimulated idealising potential partner can offer- anyone who has ever spread the love by helping someone has recieved the regard and gratitude from a far purer source than the fountain of pretend youth offered by 'medicine'.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.... |
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