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| Wise Decision |
| Yes |
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48% |
[ 14 ] |
| No |
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24% |
[ 7 ] |
| Maybe |
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27% |
[ 8 ] |
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| Total Votes : 29 |
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Sargon
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 248
Location: Fairfax, VA
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 Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Basically, he said all love is is "reverse valuation" (he claims to have actually told his wife that he "reverse values her" when they got married). Normally, when you value something, you say how much it is worth to you and how much better it will make you off. To reverse value means you view that item as how much better off can you make it. In other words, o reverse value someone, you value their happiness and well being greater than your own. Many people who claim to love do not actually reverse value and as such do not really love the other person (interestingly or not, I've personally noticed many people appear to reverse value their children, but not their partner). An application of this one of my other professors noticed noticed is you should ask yourself if you are capable of reverse valuing someone; if presently you think not, then actively seeking "love" will likely end in disappointment (of course this requires being very unbiased). |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8480
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Sargon wrote: | | Basically, he said all love is is "reverse valuation" (he claims to have actually told his wife that he "reverse values her" when they got married). Normally, when you value something, you say how much it is worth to you and how much better it will make you off. To reverse value means you view that item as how much better off can you make it. In other words, o reverse value someone, you value their happiness and well being greater than your own. Many people who claim to love do not actually reverse value and as such do not really love the other person (interestingly or not, I've personally noticed many people appear to reverse value their children, but not their partner). An application of this one of my other professors noticed noticed is you should ask yourself if you are capable of reverse valuing someone; if presently you think not, then actively seeking "love" will likely end in disappointment (of course this requires being very unbiased). |
Personally I have my own system and Dr. Rustici has some good points there.
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
Last edited by JerryHatake on Sat May 03, 2008 12:09 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Sargon
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 248
Location: Fairfax, VA
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Personally I have my own system and Rustici has some good points there. I reserve value love more than likely because happiness and well being are more important than yourself. I do with some of my friends as well through friendship. |
Just to clarify, reverse valuation is love. |
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Zara
Master of Unlocking
Joined: Jun 24, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1430
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject: Re: Finding Love |
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| JerryHatake wrote: | | I made the decision to let love find me while I'm working on my education at Mason. I believe its a smart move on my account for many good reasons. I can also talk with my friend Michelle if I need advice since she recently got back together with her ex and she very helpful and understand what I'm going through sometimes. Education first love second is the best decision I went with in my love life ever. Don't you all agree? |
I don't know if I'll agree with that...
It's the waiting for love thing.
Let's see...
Times I've gotten a GF by doing nothing about it: 0
Times I've gotten a GF by making an effort: 1, and close a couple other times
I think the latter strategy shows more hope of having a partner.
_________________
Current obsessions: Whatever...
Currently playing: Final Fantasy IV DS
Current Anime watching: Cromartie High School
Currently building: RX-78-2 Ver BTS
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8480
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject: Re: Finding Love |
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| Zara wrote: | | JerryHatake wrote: | | I made the decision to let love find me while I'm working on my education at Mason. I believe its a smart move on my account for many good reasons. I can also talk with my friend Michelle if I need advice since she recently got back together with her ex and she very helpful and understand what I'm going through sometimes. Education first love second is the best decision I went with in my love life ever. Don't you all agree? |
I don't know if I'll agree with that...
It's the waiting for love thing.
Let's see...
Times I've gotten a GF by doing nothing about it: 0
Times I've gotten a GF by making an effort: 1, and close a couple other times
I think the latter strategy shows more hope of having a partner. |
Everyone is different and so is their dating styling.
Same thing with effort here as well.
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1425
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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| psychedelic wrote: | | I don't know what to do. I usually don't do anything. |
Well, I'd probably say that's your problem. |
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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 1589
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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I remain exceedingly skeptical of this theory of "reverse valuation"  . To love is care about someone As Much as yourself. Valueing someone MORE than yourself is obsequious and codependent. Women seem to be Really turned off by such men. They see guys like that as needy and lacking self-respect. |
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Sargon
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 248
Location: Fairfax, VA
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I remain exceedingly skeptical of this theory of "reverse valuation" Confused . To love is care about someone As Much as yourself. Valueing someone MORE than yourself is obsequious and codependent. Women seem to be Really turned off by such men. They see guys like that as needy and lacking self-respect. |
Reverse valuation is not the same thing as being needy or codependent. A good example is probably more on the lines of willing to trade your life for theirs if it comes down to it type of thing (something most needy guys probably would not do). Many people who are "in love" will do something that their partner wants to do (even if they don't) because they reverse value them (of course it normally goes both ways). I've seen girls reverse value guys (my coworker has a few girls pursing him), and they are not needy nor lack self-respect (quite the opposite in most cases); however, he doesn't reverse value any of them which is probably why he hasn't acted on it (as he says he could have a "good time" with some of them, but that isn't his goal). |
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Poeticromance
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 11, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 154
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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I have to ask JarryHatake...
Do you like Kakashi!? |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8480
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Poeticromance wrote: | I have to ask JarryHatake...
Do you like Kakashi!? |
Used to but this was a name of a character I made for a book.
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
Last edited by JerryHatake on Sun May 04, 2008 9:38 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Thomas1138
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 454
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | It would only work if you go to a place where women outnumber men by at least 3 to 1... |
Pfft, I've been in the Education AND Psychology programs and it still ain't working. |
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Tohlagos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 842
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 12:11 am Post subject: |
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Jerry, the opinion that matters the most about your decision is you. If you feel right with it, then go with it.
I feel you are being wise. Relationships can come and go, but once school is done, it is done.
Hope school is going well for you.
_________________
Ah yes... that hurricane of hate and anger still swirls with reckless abandon within the recess of my soul... may the peace and light in the center of that never-ending storm lead me to that promised paradise... I only have faith in what I know. |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8480
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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I apparently I still have feelings for my friend, Michelle. Though she with her ex again, I just can't get rid of them. We're friends and all. Maybe she realize something about our friendship when we get together over the summer break. It is a hopeful chance for it to happen. I'll take a shot there if something happen between us like that.
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8480
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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Should I even tell her yet about these feelings?
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
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