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VioletClementine
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 127
Location: New England, USA
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 Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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Yes...I mean, even as an Aspie female, I like to flirt with men and tease them. It's a new skill for me, so I'm really enjoying learning how it works.
I have a strict policy, though: I'll never lead a guy on out of boredom or desperation. If I'm flirting with him, it means I genuinely have feelings for him. |
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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 1589
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: |
so, if women do this to men, and men (I don't think I am going to get an arguement, here) do this to women, then it sounds like a PEOPLE thing.
personally, Limerence is the problem, here. Limerence or infatuation (crush) is a chemical reaction of pheremones and causes that lovely insanity of 'romantic love'. It is natures way of bonding a couple for the time it takes (18 months to three years) to raise a child until it can walk independently.
so. . screwed by wanting to screw, if you will pardon the vulgarity. . . |
Well, Men certainly Do do nasty things to women but when they do it tend to involve physical violence rather than emotional violence(like Rape for example). I however, do neither. But hearing about young women teasing and flirting with men
makes me want to learn the analogous skill for playing with women. Thats why I catcall girls in mini skirts and heels when Im in the car and their on foot  . Its very much a power thing and gives me that macho thrill, but its particularly fun when there's another car full of guys and we're all catcalling the same gal  . |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 5937
Location: The Emerald Forest
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject: |
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| NeantHumain wrote: | | sinsboldly wrote: | | so, if women do this to men, and men (I don't think I am going to get an argument, here) do this to women, then it sounds like a PEOPLE thing. |
I think you are going to get an argument. Generally, women are known in our culture for "playing games" more than men. |
to what culture do you refer, NeantHumain? What is 'our' culture when this is a world wide website. |
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EvilKimEvil
zoo-music girl
Joined: Sep 27, 2007
Posts: 3034
Location: CA
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 2:01 am Post subject: |
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| D1nk0 wrote: | EvilKimEvil: I acknowledge that there are many different kinds of women with different personality types....But what frustrates me is that you folks dont seem to get the point Im trying to make so I'll spell it out for you:
Dishonesty is NOT a personality trait! It is a LEARNED BEHAVIOUR!! I do realize there are some people who are compulsively dishonest but these people are by NO means the majority. People are dishonest because it WORKS! Dishonesty is am amazingly effective way to get what you want from people; especially since we live in a sociey where people arent allowed to take what they want from others by force(with some rare exceptions). I believe that men and women want the same things, but from what I see and hear they go about getting those things in different ways. Part of this is because society has a double standard when it comes to the sexes; in fact pretty much ALL cultures treat men and women differently and Ive yet to be convinced that its even possible to convince to get people to treat men and women exactly the same way. |
I didn't mean to imply that dishonesty is a personality trait. I don't know if I'd consider it one or not. I understand what motivates people to be dishonest.
My point was that there are always honest people out there. No matter where you are and what type of person you are looking for, it is possible to find one who is honest.
IMO, in this context, it doesn't matter why people are dishonest. It is unrealistic to expect to change someone. Therefore, if you dislike dishonesty, it is best to avoid dishonest people and associate only with honest people. This is what I do and it works well for me. |
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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 1589
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 2:07 am Post subject: |
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| The point that I was making is that TBPH(but not PC of course ) I notice that women tend to lie moreso than men when it comes to interpersonal affairs. This isnt because they're inherently dishonest by nature its because acting that way seems to be more effective for them at getting them what they want. There is a very strong correlation between honesty and directness, wouldnt you say? Well, women are MUCH less direct than men and that AFAIC is a probable explanation as to why they're more dishonest to men than men are to women. But you're right EvilKimEvil: you're NOT gonna get people to stop being that way if thats how they behave. |
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EvilKimEvil
zoo-music girl
Joined: Sep 27, 2007
Posts: 3034
Location: CA
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 2:16 am Post subject: |
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D1nk0, I think I agree with you, but I can't really say for sure. In my experience, women are more likely to be indirect and dishonest in a general sort of way socially. Maybe there are more women who tend to say what seems best socially as opposed to what they actually think.
Then I also have to wonder if men are just as dishonest but in different ways. Maybe men's dishonesty is more situationally specific, predictable, and obvious so it gets taken for granted and overlooked. You know - "I'll call you", "I want to take you out for a date", etc. when they really just want to spend one night with the girl and never see her again. That's a specific situation in which a lot of men (though certainly not all!) are often dishonest, and I'm sure there are more examples.
This is all speculation. I really do try to avoid dishonest people and only get close to honest ones, so my knowledge of the subject is based on casual interaction alone. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 5937
Location: The Emerald Forest
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 2:34 am Post subject: |
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| D1nk0 wrote: | | The point that I was making is that TBPH(but not PC of course ) I notice that women tend to lie moreso than men when it comes to interpersonal affairs. This isnt because they're inherently dishonest by nature its because acting that way seems to be more effective for them at getting them what they want. There is a very strong correlation between honesty and directness, wouldnt you say? Well, women are MUCH less direct than men and that AFAIC is a probable explanation as to why they're more dishonest to men than men are to women. But you're right EvilKimEvil: you're NOT gonna get people to stop being that way if thats how they behave. |
it's the term "women" as if they were inculcated in the womb to be liars, or something, that I object to. This is the same argument that is used to keep women in burkas in Muslim countries or Prairie dresses down in Texas. I just don't see how it affects one gender and not the other. I have seen some very disengenuious gay men in my time and that bends the gender even more, doesn't it?
Merle
Last edited by sinsboldly on Mon May 05, 2008 3:09 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Kalister1
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 09, 2007
Posts: 2882
Location: California
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 3:00 am Post subject: |
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Hehe, women train in secret training facilities to learn how to screw over men.
Its a conspiracy, seriously.
Next time you get dumped, blame it on the world wide network of WOMB (Woman Over Men Battalion)
_________________
Warghh!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Who_Am_I
Absurdist
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 2824
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:27 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | All women are demons from Hell that like to mess with men. |
Yes, yes we are. Just please don't tell anyone, otherwise we won't be able to exploit you any longer.
_________________
*expletive* the normal world. |
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catspurr
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 558
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:34 am Post subject: |
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| NeantHumain wrote: | | sinsboldly wrote: | | so, if women do this to men, and men (I don't think I am going to get an arguement, here) do this to women, then it sounds like a PEOPLE thing. |
I think you are going to get an argument. Generally, women are known in our culture for "playing games" more than men. |
Oh yeah!!? Well then explain Dungeons and Dragons, World of Warcraft, Starcraft... NeantHumain! |
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northern_light_girl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 29, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 7:42 am Post subject: Re: All women are demons from Hell that like to mess with me |
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| KenM wrote: | I posted this in another thread but I need to know why every women I have been interested in lately has done this crap to me.
I just broke it off with a girl I was seeing for like 6 months. After our first date, she told me that she just wanted to be friends, for now. That she has some issues she needed to work out and not ready for a reltionship. As we stay firends and hang out, she tells me about these other guys she is meeting and interested in but she gets upset when they tell her that they just want to be friends. I told her "i thought you just wanted to stay friends you were not ready, ect." Then she tells me that there is no spark between us and even before we went out, she already made up her mind that she was going to be just a friend with me. Not even considering me for a deeper relationship, even though I told her from the start I was looking for a reltionshiip.
I hope there is speical place in Hell for women like this. I was coming off another relationship where that girl sent me alot of mixed signals and this new girl did alot of damage to me. |
Don't wish Hell upon anybody.
If you were coming off another relationship, you should NOT have had such high expectations immediately to get into a new relationship. I keep hearing that when the wound of a previous relationship is still fresh, it's better to give it time, not complicate things with a new relationship. Time is needed to calm down, gather your strenghths, lick your wounds...
And then, if on the first date she told you she only wants to be friends...my questions:
1) why did yo stick around? Just friends is code for not wanting more.
2) not sure I unerstand the "breaking up." So if you were just friends, it wasn't a relationship..it was a friendship. No matter what you had hoped for, she had stated from the 1st day what it was.
I am sorry for what has happened. I hope you move on and not jump with high expectations into something new. Keep expectations low and realistic for at least a month into a new relationship, so that you just don't get hurt if things don't work out. And if you hear "just friends," and you're not lookin for this, don't stick around..move on.
Not trying to excuse anyone, but "just friends" is an indicator of what was on the girl's mind. If a guy told me he wanted to be just friends, I wouldn't have called him again  Or maybe just for a little time and if he still wasn't interested, I'd have moved on. Not sure it's about "games." Some people have no clue how or are feeling bad when they have to tell no to somebody. I agree, it's not nice to keep someone hanging around for 6 months...but again, "just friends" was pretty clear. It wasn't like she promised anything.
Hope you feel better soon. |
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slowmutant
Zen Master
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Posts: 3049
Location: The Great White North
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 8:01 am Post subject: |
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| I agree, Nothern Light Girl. |
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northern_light_girl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 29, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| D1nk0 wrote: | Here's a fundamental question which Ive been unable to answer myself or get an answer: WHY, yes Why do women play all these social/emotional/mind games? Especially the young ones  Is it because they havent figured out what they want? Is it cuz they often have conflicting impulses and feelings and they're trying not to be too blunt with people? Perhaps a better question is why are women so incredibly dishonest and disingenuous when it comes to relationships..............  |
Nothing more offensive than emotional uncertainty being labeled as "games." If that were true, what could men say of female aspies, who are even more confused about dating etiquette, relationship pacing, emotions etc?
I am baffled when I hear about games, especially since you guys are talking NOT about women that you have known for a while through work or friends...but DATES with NEW girls, whom you didn't know previously. Strangers!!!!!!!! Since when is a series of dates between strangers supposed to leave out any confusion? I don't get it HOW people who've just met can have EXPECTATIONS of one another...could expect the other to be clear on what's going on....after a few dates? Is that person NOT a stranger still? It takes months to scratch the surface and determine if you do like the other ENOUGH to call it a relationship. That's why going into a few dates with HIGH EXPECTATIONS is just not good...take them as dates, as opportunities to get to know the person but don't expect love or committment just yet.
I am not saying some women don't play games. I just want to point out that what to men looks like a game, to a woman it could be uncertainty about how she feels, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE GUY THAT WELL!!!!! What do you do when you don't know the person well, and have mixed feelings? How do you continue to get to know them? Is that a game...if you're interested and want to see if there's more...but then realize there isn't? That's what was good about the old times...there was a courtship period, no rush. People could talk and act decent and not expect too much for a while, THEN decide on a next step. Now, it's all so rushed: today we date, tomorrow you need to know exactly how the other is feeling etc. It's uncomfortable. |
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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 1589
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 10:32 am Post subject: |
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Nothern_light_girl, I really wasnt talking about this situation in particular as much as I was talkinb about my own experience with women I have actually KNOWN in the past. But the emotional uncertainty of women seems to be much greater and more common than emotional uncertainty in men. BTW Merle:I TOO have come across some VERY disingenuous, dishonest, passive-aggressive gay men. But I never implied that women are inculculated in the womb to be dishonest. Im saying the learn that dishonesty is a useful way to get what they want from men.
Last edited by D1nk0 on Mon May 05, 2008 10:40 am; edited 1 time in total |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2355
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 10:37 am Post subject: |
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| demons are so hot and so horny. |
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