 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
zen_mistress
In Pursuit of a Peaceful Life
Joined: Jun 12, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1132
|
 Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
It can also depend a lot on what happens to you. I had very little growth in empathy up till the age of 16, when I lost my dog, and then my grandfather, and it changed things for me a bit. When I turned 20 though suddenly I started losing colleagues and relatives, it seemed that every year or 18 months there would be someone else, and many of them were young or only in their 40s.
It changed things a lot for me, as people who I had once thought about and had nearby were suddenly gone, and something about life started to darken. So, for me, it is not only spending time around NTs and trying to learn social skills, but also the losses of people I know taught me empathy. But not an NT empathy, it is sort of an AS empathy, where I know what I would feel if I wasnt on the spectrum, but instead feel something else, my own version of empathy. It has to be good enough because it is what I have.
_________________
Glory be to God for dappled things,
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow,
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls, finches’ wings.
~ Gerard Manley Hopkins
|
|
| Back to top |
|
archdude
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 155
Location: Southeasten Pennsylvania
|
| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
"Empathy is the capacity to recognize or understand another's state of mind or emotion."- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy
"Empathy: Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives." - http://www.answers.com/topic/empathy?cat=health
Note that empathy means understanding other people's emotions, in other words being able to "read" them. This is very difficult for most Aspies, though it can get better with practice. Neither of these definitions implies that lack of empathy means not caring about, loving, and wanting to help others. So lack of empathy, but not lack of goodness or kindness, is probably the default state for people with AS.
I guess Danielismyname basically said the same thing when he said, | Quote: | | I don't have empathy--I have care, compassion and guilt however (much like most people with ASDs), all of which are absent from Sociopaths, so those who equate ASDs to being a Sociopath are in error. |
but if there was anyone confused by that, hopefully the definitions will make it clearer. |
|
| Back to top |
|
tharn
Toucan
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 255
Location: Iowa
|
| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Perhaps our difficulties with empathy aren't simply because of how our brains are wired, but (at least in part) because of our experiences.
If a kid grows up with an aversion to being around total strangers, he or she wouldn't feel much in common with strangers as an adult, right? And he or she wouldn't have had as many opportunities to learn the social rules about reacting to strangers' emotions, yes?
I suspect that at least some the misunderstanding is because we simply lack hands-on experience with the social customs surrounding empathy, which NT's get in abundance throughout their childhoods. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Silke
Hummingbird
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 24
|
| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 6:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I used to think that I was very empathetic - always an open ear and a word of advise for friends and strangers alike. now I realize that I'm just very analytical and I like to problem solve and help. maybe because I'm NOT empathetic and therefore relatively detached I am good at giving advise? Who knows. I get outraged at injustice and annoyed at the government or disheartened with society etc. The list is endless. But there was one thing that had always confused me: I am incapable of feeling grief it seems.
I was only 7 when my grandma died and I could see my mum was upset and I didn't know how to react. I mean I was upset to see her upset but I wasn't "really" upset. And I didn't feel no grief at all. And even worse when my mum died I tried my hardest to react as was expected of me but I couldn't help feeling a fake. Then recently a good friend of us died and everybody was in bits and even though I could "intellectually" understand why they were upset I couldn't feel it. Everybody was commenting on how "strong" I was but the truth was that even though I miss our friend in my own special way and I have very fond memories of him I have never felt grief. If somebody from mars would ask me to describe the feeling grief I couldn't do it.
Another thing is missing people i.e. not being able to see them or speak to them. It doesn't matter much to me. I have moved to england from germany some 8 years ago and left all my friends and family behind but it rarely enters my head to phone them or write or visit and when I do phone then its more because I feel it is expected and I feel guilty for not keeping in touch but fact is that I just don't need to stay in contact to know that I love people if that makes sense?! It doesn't mean I don't care - I care a lot and I cry easily at the most silly things (I guess I'm just easily overwhelmed with situations and when theres no way out or I don't know what to do or say I cry) but often I just don't know how to react and I feel awkward when others are upset and likewise I don't like anybody to see me upset or react to it. I'd rather crawl under a stone and hide until the feelings have passed. I hate it when people try and hug me in moments like that - even though I know they mean well. I dunno - before I came here and read what others have said I thought I was just plain weird. |
|
| Back to top |
|
SamAckary
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Mar 29, 2007
Posts: 184
Location: Berkshire
|
| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I have empathy, but not for humans, i don't like humans, thats why i class my self and aspies as well.....aliens, easiest option by my standards, so all i usually care for is animals, any animals too whether they be dangerous to my life or not, and besides i often laugh at people dieing, it sounds cruel but its just the way my brain calculates the world i guess
_________________
"When I Die, I Rot"-Bertrand Russell
"War does not prove who is right, only who is left"-Also Russell
"Religion is the Opium of the Masses" -Karl Marx, Father of Communism |
|
| Back to top |
|
marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1512
Location: North West United States
|
| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 7:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I can easily empathize when I can relate to someone. I know that I feel profound empathy when I see a loner being verbally abused by a group. I always have the urge to defend the loner rather than the group even if the individual may not be completely in the right. I have a strong anti-bullying instinct. |
|
| Back to top |
|
demoluca
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 17, 2007
Posts: 590
|
| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 10:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
45 out of 80.
I'm like right in the middle.^^
_________________
.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. |
|
| Back to top |
|
catspurr
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 781
|
| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 5:53 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Fred54 wrote: | I guess yes, but I think a lot of us
lack some empathy. There is even an "Empathy Quotient"
that you can calculate for you or your friend
http://homepage.mac.com/lpetrich/Asperger/Index.html
I scored 12 and I think it's correct, I have
a lot of difficulty with empathy. |
Your Autism Quotient (AQ) is 44 out of 50
Your Empathy Quotient (EQ) is 24 out of 80
Your Friendship and Relationship Quotient (FQ) is 48 out of 135
Your Systematizing Quotient (SQ) is 49 out of 80 |
|
| Back to top |
|
Featherways
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 06, 2005
Posts: 128
|
| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 12:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
FQ 50, SQ-R 118, EQ 10, AQ 42
People think we cannot be empathetic. We can be, but it's a different sort of empathy - based on logic, past experience and people saying how they feel, rather than us guessing. Otherwise it's like putting a blind person in a room with someone who's looking upset and then saying "oooo - you're not empathising - can't you see they're upset?" No, I can't, actually. I need them to say. |
|
| Back to top |
|
tharn
Toucan
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 255
Location: Iowa
|
| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 9:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Featherways wrote: | | FQ 50, SQ-R 118, EQ 10, AQ 42 |
OMG awesome! It looks like roleplaying stats  If you have a high enough "EQ", you can learn to communicate telepathically with animals! Personally, I put all my points into Charisma (CHA) so I can seduce strange women at the tavern. Pity my Strength (STR) is so low, but whatchya gonna do? I'll just find a barbarian to lift heavy stuff, and duck behind a bush if we get ambushed by orcs
Autism: -10 to Empathy. -2 to save against bright lights and loud noises! |
|
| Back to top |
|
Confused-Fish
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 737
Location: Bournemouth, England
|
| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 9:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
is empathy like when say your sat in a room and someone walks in not saying anything and you can tell without looking at them that their sad, like you feel the sadness but its not your own feeling, like the feelings not coming from inside you? i always thought that was what empathy was but some people are making it sound like its about putting yourself in other peoples shoes, which i always thought was called sympathy.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
catspurr
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 781
|
| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 10:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| tharn wrote: | | Featherways wrote: | | FQ 50, SQ-R 118, EQ 10, AQ 42 |
OMG awesome! It looks like roleplaying stats If you have a high enough "EQ", you can learn to communicate telepathically with animals! Personally, I put all my points into Charisma (CHA) so I can seduce strange women at the tavern. Pity my Strength (STR) is so low, but whatchya gonna do? I'll just find a barbarian to lift heavy stuff, and duck behind a bush if we get ambushed by orcs
Autism: -10 to Empathy. -2 to save against bright lights and loud noises! |
Are you sure you aren't a sociopath? |
|
| Back to top |
|
qaliqo
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Posts: 181
Location: SW Ohio
|
| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 10:45 pm Post subject: Shows What I Know... |
|
|
I was going to say yes, of course, we just don't express it, so I went ahead and took the EQ... 6 out of 80. Ouch. That's even below Asperger's Syndrome range. I guess the numbers don't lie.
_________________
q/p |
|
| Back to top |
|
tharn
Toucan
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 255
Location: Iowa
|
| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 1:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
| catspurr wrote: | | tharn wrote: | | Featherways wrote: | | FQ 50, SQ-R 118, EQ 10, AQ 42 |
OMG awesome! It looks like roleplaying stats If you have a high enough "EQ", you can learn to communicate telepathically with animals! Personally, I put all my points into Charisma (CHA) so I can seduce strange women at the tavern. Pity my Strength (STR) is so low, but whatchya gonna do? I'll just find a barbarian to lift heavy stuff, and duck behind a bush if we get ambushed by orcs
Autism: -10 to Empathy. -2 to save against bright lights and loud noises! |
Are you sure you aren't a sociopath? |
Sociopath? You must have me mixed up with someone else. :/ I was only amused by the way Featherways presented the numbers, and of the notion that people's personalities and abilities were just a matter of successive dice rolls. 
If someone were to roleplay an autistic character, wouldn't they get a penalty to save against bright lights and loud noises?  |
|
| Back to top |
|
Social_Fantom
Unmasked
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 11727
Location: Dobson, North Carolina
|
| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 2:37 am Post subject: |
|
|
I wasn't empathetic as a child but now I may be overly empathetic.
_________________
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
