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techstepgenr8tion
cleveland audio assassin
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 5737
Location: That's for me to know and for you to find out.
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 Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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ebec, back at your original post. Even if you were the same age as a lot more of the guys here - its hard in general. You could easily have your mailbox blown up with messages from all the wrong guys, a few right ones scattered in there but you wouldn't be able to tell. Its hard for anyone here I think just because we lack the face to face trust building that IRL gives the benefit of. Its great to get to know a person first but when a person's identity is a block of text and little more its very difficult at times I think to really see enough of what you need to in another person.
The good news is your still 16, still very young, and have more than enough time to make things happen (though unfortunately I'd imagine more peer pressure than most as well - that'll change). |
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DWill
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 20, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 135
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 12:11 am Post subject: Re: Will anybody ever like me? |
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| ebec11 wrote: | I just feel like nobody will take the time to get to know me...I'm a really good person, honest, serious, sweet...I know I'm insecure, and not many people like Autism...but I'm really nice
I just want a boyfriend that's loyal and likes me...is that so much to ask? |
Same situation. The girls who do like me are not attractive to me at all (super extroverted types). Oh well we gotta hang in there I guess. |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:47 am Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | ebec, back at your original post. Even if you were the same age as a lot more of the guys here - its hard in general. You could easily have your mailbox blown up with messages from all the wrong guys, a few right ones scattered in there but you wouldn't be able to tell. Its hard for anyone here I think just because we lack the face to face trust building that IRL gives the benefit of. Its great to get to know a person first but when a person's identity is a block of text and little more its very difficult at times I think to really see enough of what you need to in another person.
The good news is your still 16, still very young, and have more than enough time to make things happen (though unfortunately I'd imagine more peer pressure than most as well - that'll change). |
Thank you 
I do feel the peer pressure, though it's put on by myself from seeing my friends with nice guys and me...notta guy ever!
_________________
"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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Wilco
Toucan
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 281
Location: Netherlands, Noord-Holland
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:36 am Post subject: Re: Will anybody ever like me? |
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| ebec11 wrote: | I just feel like nobody will take the time to get to know me...I'm a really good person, honest, serious, sweet...I know I'm insecure, and not many people like Autism...but I'm really nice
I just want a boyfriend that's loyal and likes me...is that so much to ask? |
I like you so that's one  . and if one person can like you, so can 2, 3, 4 and 5 and so on .
And I feel the same about looking for a life partner. A friend of mine haas a new girl friend every two weeks. I really don't get him. If you ask me, I'd rather have no girlfriend then a new one every 2 weeks but that's me. Idk if I can even find a life partner at my age (15) but a serieus relationship is never too much to ask. You have a crush on a guy at your school? then I'd say go for it. Every man you meet can respond in a negative way when he finds out you have AS. Is that the kind of guy who you'd want a s a life partner? I know I wouldn't want that. So it's like a test. If they respond in a negative way I don't want to have anything to do with them. saves me a lot of trouble
remember that there are different kinds of people all over the world. If people around you don't like you for some reason then that's too bad. |
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chimpy
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 28, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 39
Location: Brno, Czech Republic
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 10:50 am Post subject: Looking for a friend |
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I'm about to say that I'm 10 years older, but now I start to understand that 10 years is nothing. As I've taught from my dating experience, my emotional behavior lags about 7 years behind...
My ex-girlfriend (she was 18 at the time we met) said that she would never believe that I was already 24, because I behave like a child. I couldn't complaint. She was right. Actually I've never believed that she really loved me. I guess she just wanted take advantage of my generosity. I shouldn't call her girlfriend, because she's never reached that status in NT terms. She would never call herself like that. But for me.. let's say it was an unique emotional experience and social exercise.
Actually, I've never had a real relationship and during all my life I've met only 3 real friends. I mean NT people who like me as I am for some reason. I put most of my effort into my work to give my unfortunate life a meaning; however, something is missing there... Nobody of those NT friends know anything about AS. They just understand me as "a genius" (no I'm not - I'm just average aspie, but I can imagine that some of my skills look extraordinary to NTs) and they just accept a fact that those people used to be weird.
Recently I met an extraordinary girl. She've behaved like she fully accepts me as I am and she even put much effort to reach status of "girlfriend" (in my point of view). Yesterday, she was in pretty bad mood and she told me all things she don't like on me. Basically, she listed all major symptoms of AS and at this moment I realized that it's high time to break up... She has found my behavior very odd and she asked me why I'm behaving like that. You should understand that AS is something completely unknown here in Central Europe and I was really in doubt whether she can accept the truth. However, she has superior social skills even in the NT world. For her, it was clear that I have an intension to tell her more, but I'm in doubt. I said that I cannot tell her the truth because I think she is not prepared to accept it. Then she laughed and said that she feels so superior to me that I simply cannot tell her anything she couldn't accept. At this moment I couldn't pedal back already and I told her the truth. Honestly, I'm convinced it was a mistake. She has indeed knew something about autism (actually, I'm afraid that she just saw "Rainman", but at least she tried to pretend that she know something about it); however, she has never heard of AS. After that, I said good bye to her and I hope she won't try to exploit it to taint my reputation in academia...
Actually this experience has convinced me that I really need a friend who can really understand my nature and problems I cope. My disadvantage is that I'm not beautiful or cute and I really envy those aspies who do not lack these inherited physical properties. |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1818
Location: England
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:40 pm Post subject: Re: Looking for a friend |
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| chimpy wrote: | | Then she laughed and said that she feels so superior to me that I simply cannot tell her anything she couldn't accept. At this moment I couldn't pedal back already and I told her the truth. Honestly, I'm convinced it was a mistake. She has indeed knew something about autism (actually, I'm afraid that she just saw "Rainman", but at least she tried to pretend that she know something about it); however, she has never heard of AS. After that, I said good bye to her and I hope she won't try to exploit it to taint my reputation in academia... |
I would have said goodbye then and there and not told her more.
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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matsuiny2004
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Posts: 1443
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:24 pm Post subject: Re: Will anybody ever like me? |
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| ebec11 wrote: | I just feel like nobody will take the time to get to know me...I'm a really good person, honest, serious, sweet...I know I'm insecure, and not many people like Autism...but I'm really nice
I just want a boyfriend that's loyal and likes me...is that so much to ask? |
there is nothing wrong with your goals. I have simmilar ones that you do. You are still young from how it seems. There is plenty of time to find a person you like.
_________________
A person that does not think he has problems already has one-Me |
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matsuiny2004
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Posts: 1443
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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| ebec11 wrote: | | techstepgenr8tion wrote: | ebec, back at your original post. Even if you were the same age as a lot more of the guys here - its hard in general. You could easily have your mailbox blown up with messages from all the wrong guys, a few right ones scattered in there but you wouldn't be able to tell. Its hard for anyone here I think just because we lack the face to face trust building that IRL gives the benefit of. Its great to get to know a person first but when a person's identity is a block of text and little more its very difficult at times I think to really see enough of what you need to in another person.
The good news is your still 16, still very young, and have more than enough time to make things happen (though unfortunately I'd imagine more peer pressure than most as well - that'll change). |
Thank you
I do feel the peer pressure, though it's put on by myself from seeing my friends with nice guys and me...notta guy ever! |
It was the same for me in school. From my knowledge most of the girls I knew were shallow anyway 
_________________
A person that does not think he has problems already has one-Me |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 1:47 am Post subject: Re: Will anybody ever like me? |
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| matsuiny2004 wrote: | | ebec11 wrote: | I just feel like nobody will take the time to get to know me...I'm a really good person, honest, serious, sweet...I know I'm insecure, and not many people like Autism...but I'm really nice
I just want a boyfriend that's loyal and likes me...is that so much to ask? |
there is nothing wrong with your goals. I have simmilar ones that you do. You are still young from how it seems. There is plenty of time to find a person you like. |
It's just hard because everybody around me's getting married, and I want to experience that bliss sometime...
_________________
"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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LabPet
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2007
Posts: 1829
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:16 am Post subject: |
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ebec11 - I am somewhat like you in that I crave the security. I am basically a loner, but not antisocial or asocial - and I love men. And sex. I don't have many social needs, but I want a man for (mostly) comfort. I am defintely attracted (always!) to older men - no surprise.
I don't mean to generalize, but lots of NT females just want fun; by this I mean they want fancy dates or going to some sleazy bar, drinking, party-stuff. Ultra social. For me, this is a combination of boring and scary! Maybe you're this way some, yes?
I do like to have fun! But NOT 'fun' like many NTs think 'fun.' I have a mischevious streak in me, but definitely in the safey confines. I am politically very liberal, and open minded, for sure, but weirdly, my behavior itself is almost ultra-conservative. I speak/write very formally, never curse words, etc. Even in my academic setting, this could be considered contrived. But for me, this is natural! I mean, how many people do you know use words like, 'indeed,' 'perhaps,' 'I shall,' etc.....I am not even aware this is odd until I am abruptly reminded. I am really painfully shy too, like it cannot get worse.
Sometimes I watch NTs, in their social world, I am just baffled! They're so fluent, like another language or a secret club with mysterious rules. And I'm not invited. They can be unpredictable, scary, even mean.
So, yes, I have it hard. I want a man that's, well...a gentleman. (Not my intent to offend anyone, I promise - I'm just stating what is true for me).
With certainty, there are those of us Autie/Aspies with my qualities (needing security, comfort, even parent-like figure). I don't want to label you as such, ebec11! I really don't classify, or have a need to, but I do read your words of wanting honesty, 'bliss,' security of companionship. You seem very....romantic (right word, yes)?
I think you have really good qualities! I know you'll find a bf, and fast! No worries. Choose someone who honors you, not taking advantage.
_________________
same nightmare, different nap
Lab Pet, therapist slayer
Lab Pet's video: Autism is Synonymous with Science: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYelVlA7kDw |
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lisa81
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Posts: 644
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:52 am Post subject: Re: Will anybody ever like me? |
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| ebec11 wrote: | I just feel like nobody will take the time to get to know me...I'm a really good person, honest, serious, sweet...I know I'm insecure, and not many people like Autism...but I'm really nice
I just want a boyfriend that's loyal and likes me...is that so much to ask? |
In this day in age.... yes it is. Not because you have autism. I have a real hard time finding a man.... mostly cause looks... if you're not blonde, weigh 120, a model, money, car and all sorts of stuff. This happens with anybody autistic or not. Don't let these people who judge you get the best of you. You know you're a good person then show that to the world and never let anyone knock ya down. They wanna discriminate and not want to get to know you... well it's their loss hunny. Chin up and smile
this is my honest whole hearted opinion, not cause I have an autistic child and understand where you're coming from. I go through the same and been around NT lifestyle all my life and it sucks. |
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PLA
Phoenix
Joined: May 11, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 575
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:33 am Post subject: |
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Caring makes many things difficult. For one who doesn't care, things are in general a lot easier.
For those who care, stuff is hard.
It's neccessary, not very avoidable.
Stop caring if you want an easy life.
Brace yourself if you'd rather care.
The choice is yours. I personally don't think much about it, but it just so happens that I often choose to brace myself.
This will be a bit cliché, yes, but: You are not alone, in your capacity of being alone.
For example, there are many loners, including me, trapped in their own isolation and arrogance.
I'm not helping. I'm just throwing out my thoughts on the web.
_________________
Everyone loves the dolphin. A bitter shark - emerging from it's cold depths - doesn't stand a chance.
"Run, Jump, Fall, Limp off, Try Harder." -Shamay
Navigare necesse est, vivere non est necesse. |
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patrick6
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 1901
Location: London, U.K.
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 12:59 pm Post subject: |
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| I like you already Ebec! |
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Brandon_M
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 326
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Sixteen is not that old, you have plenty of time. You're still young and i'm sure very beautiful. You seem to be intelligent, deep and loyal. You'll find someone, I wouldn't doubt it for a second! |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 1:33 pm Post subject: Re: Will anybody ever like me? |
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| Wilco wrote: | | ebec11 wrote: | I just feel like nobody will take the time to get to know me...I'm a really good person, honest, serious, sweet...I know I'm insecure, and not many people like Autism...but I'm really nice
I just want a boyfriend that's loyal and likes me...is that so much to ask? |
I like you so that's one . and if one person can like you, so can 2, 3, 4 and 5 and so on .
And I feel the same about looking for a life partner. A friend of mine haas a new girl friend every two weeks. I really don't get him. If you ask me, I'd rather have no girlfriend then a new one every 2 weeks but that's me. Idk if I can even find a life partner at my age (15) but a serieus relationship is never too much to ask. You have a crush on a guy at your school? then I'd say go for it. Every man you meet can respond in a negative way when he finds out you have AS. Is that the kind of guy who you'd want a s a life partner? I know I wouldn't want that. So it's like a test. If they respond in a negative way I don't want to have anything to do with them. saves me a lot of trouble
remember that there are different kinds of people all over the world. If people around you don't like you for some reason then that's too bad. |
I know, there's just a low ratio of guys to the amount of girls at my school, so I have very little fish to pick from if he rejects me. But I'm going to sign his yearbook and ask for his e-mail 
_________________
"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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