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RogueProcess
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 190
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 Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:02 am Post subject: |
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Uhmm, one of the main problems I have is that I find it very difficult to differentiate between typical 'NT' behaviours and my own. It was only when my friends started pointing it out to me recently.
So my honest answer is that I don't have a clue!  |
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Tahitiii
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Age: 52
Posts: 817
Location: NJ, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | | All I need to do to fake my way through is compliment others. |
I know that one, but I keep forgetting. It just feels so wrong. Like using a pair of left-handed scissors. I can do it if I have to, but it's awkward, inefficient, seems like such a waste... The truth is, I usually don't care about your hair, clothes or whatever. And I don't respond when others do it to me. It's usually so transparent. I am more likely to fall for it if it's layered or indirect or has some sneaky angle. ("Where did you get that shirt" rather than "That's a nice shirt.") It just feels dishonest.
You're right, of course. Such objections are silly and miss the point. But I still need to go through them every time and, in some cases, by the time I get there, the moment is lost. Timing is everything. If you sound like you're reading a script, it can do more harm than good. |
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TRUE
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 21, 2007
Posts: 710
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:40 pm Post subject: |
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I'd stay away from the compliments, as it will be a big turn off to those who see through it.
Some ridiculous woman I had been talking to on the phone ended up saying "I love bony fingers" after I had said something about my bony fingers.
She had also said "I envy you", which I skipped over and she interrupted "Did you hear what I said?" and I said "yes".
But it was so incredibly PHONY.
I could have said I have oozing sores and flailing tentacles and she would have said "Oooh, I love oozing sores and flailing tentacles".
It was repulsive. The complimenting, because it was not meant and was clearly being used to manipulate and suck up. She does that with everyone.
ON the other hand, when I do a compliment, I pretty much GUSH with enthusiasm, because it is very much real.
Do NOT say it if you do not mean it. |
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BakaBomber
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Jul 19, 2008
Posts: 43
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, I have tried to act like a normal, sociable human being once, back when I was a teenager in junior high.
The act was winning them over at first when they thought my mannerisms were funny, but the end-result of my facade completely and mercilessly destroyed any shred of self-confidence I once had, to this day. I ran away from their abuse all too late, and foolishly also ran away from the few people who actually accepted me as a friend in the process, just because they were their friends too. |
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TRUE
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 21, 2007
Posts: 710
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| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:01 am Post subject: |
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| BakaBomber wrote: | Yes, I have tried to act like a normal, sociable human being once, back when I was a teenager in junior high.
The act was winning them over at first when they thought my mannerisms were funny, but the end-result of my facade completely and mercilessly destroyed any shred of self-confidence I once had, to this day. I ran away from their abuse all too late, and foolishly also ran away from the few people who actually accepted me as a friend in the process, just because they were their friends too. |
And I'm STILL doing the same thing you do. At nearly 50 years old. Everyone finds the Aspie point of view to be funny, if we are being funny.
We can be hilarious. Why?
Well, if you are like me, you have problems with language.
The problem I have is that I have to sort through ALL the meanings of the words individually and collectively to discern the meaning and intent of the author.
So I have to figure out if they are trying to be funny or serious (I botch that up all the time). I have to figure out if they are talking to me, or about me, or if it is something I can comment on, or I'm not supposed to comment.
And in the process of sorting meanings and intents, I run into combinations that are funny. I know that the person does NOT mean those funny things, but if I point them out, or respond as if the person DID mean those funny things, then it is VERY funny to everyone else.
It's playing with language. With meanings. Swapping words for other words to make something silly.
Or stating what to me is an obvious thing. I have to guess that NT folks automatically buy into things and never question.
It seems to be OK to question other things, but if someone within the group is questioned for their own actions, they freak out.
And so do I, except that I am always the outsider of the group. The weird one.
And I just left groups where I had enjoyed the company of some people, while others are just disgusting.
I don't understand how the disgusting behaviour can be acceptable. And I don't understand how I can be criticized for posting a lot, when the first page of message on that section are primarily ANOTHER PERSON.
It's somehow OK if it's THAT person, but not OK if it's me. Hypocrisy! |
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kerrissteen
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 28, 2008
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:20 am Post subject: |
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| i'm NT and i find NTs boring |
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Tahitiii
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Age: 52
Posts: 817
Location: NJ, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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Approaching any subject from a different point of view.
It work every time.
Professional comedians do that, except that they know when to quit.
Anthropologists do it, but they don't expect their subjects to understand.
Shrinks do it, but they take themselves too seriously and rush to crazy conclusions. |
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LolaGranola
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Willard wrote: | | What exactly is 'acting NT'? Is that greeting people with a smile and making eye contact, at least breifly to acknowledge someone's presence? Is it making pointless and idle small talk about the weather to avoid the uncomfortable silences of having co workers think you're intentionally and rudely ignoring them? If that's what you mean, I can take it or leave it, but I understand the value of these behaviors when it comes to things like keeping your job and being able to get cooperation from others when you need it. |
That's pretty much what I do. And if someone starts talking, I try to keep the conversation towards them so I don't have to do too much.
_________________
"The winds of change consume the land while we remain in the shadow of summers now past" - Dead Can Dance
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roygerdodger
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Age: 17
Posts: 1159
Location: High Point, NC
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IdahoRose
Tailor Made
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 4731
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:28 am Post subject: |
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| I'm going to try my hardest to pass for NT when I meet my future boyfriend/husband. I know that he'll eventually find out about my Asperger's, especially when we move in together; but by then he will love me so much it won't matter to him. |
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Kilroy
Establishment knows whats best
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 10475
Location: Driving the Last Spike
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:10 am Post subject: |
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I try but I fail...AS is like a curse or something
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Hail Saltandor
supporter for the cure |
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Nutterbug
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 05, 2008
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 3:04 am Post subject: |
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| IdahoRose wrote: | | I'm going to try my hardest to pass for NT when I meet my future boyfriend/husband. I know that he'll eventually find out about my Asperger's, especially when we move in together; but by then he will love me so much it won't matter to him. |
An Aspie boyfriend/husband just won't do?
Come to think of it, it might make sense that you might want to pick as your other half somebody who will complement you with the intuition and senses that you're lacking yourself. Makes for a stronger and more complete partnership that way, right?
Mind you, I still maintain it's easier for an Aspie woman to do than an Aspie guy. |
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DemonAbyss10
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 9:50 am Post subject: |
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Im like an exact 50/50 mix of AS and NT, so i get the best and worst of both sides.
THe worst thing is my degree of social obliviousness. a good example that has plagued me is as follows, and still makes it overtly difficult to even get a girlfriend.
I cant even remotely tell if a woman likes me or not, or is even flirting, so i tend to be sexually indifferent, and by the time i realized that the woman liked me or whatever, its far to late to even persue a relationship  And so far, i have been unable to learn it to the point where i can figure it out while its happening. Ive lost a many good looking woman to this problem.
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Is the self-proclaimed metalhead king. |
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Keith
Guarding my post here
Joined: Aug 13, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1143
Location: East Sussex, UK
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:26 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm still learning social skills that kids have by whatever age it is when they get them. I think I pass as NT. I think I have never acted NT, but I have tried to learn very hard to fit in. Sometimes the simple question "How are you?" comes up and I go over board. When I realise I'm doing it I just say to them if they ask, "Sorry, but you know why I do that, can't help myself" |
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zeichner
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 11, 2008
Age: 50
Posts: 157
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 12:44 am Post subject: |
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Have I ever tried acting NT?
All my life - considering that I grew up in the '60s & '70s, there was really no other option for me. Not that I succeeded - as much as I wanted to fit in with all the people around me, there was no question that I was different.
I mastered eye contact & most of the formal social skills - but the more intimate social skills (making friends, etc.) continue to elude me.
There are times in my life when I actually did feel like I fit in, but they were mainly the result of my being a good musician. Looking back, I think it was more that people respected my talent, than that they accepted me as a person.
But I have to say that when I make an effort to act NT, the people around me are more comfortable - even if I'm not. But when they are more comfortable, they tend to treat me better.
_________________
"I am likely to miss the main event, if I stop to cry & complain again.
So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me" |
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