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BokeKaeru
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 516
Location: Alternately Los Angeles, CA and Northampton, MA
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 Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:19 pm Post subject: |
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| And yet there are asexual guys out there. Not as many as asexual girls, but they are around, so there is hope yet for finding someone of a similar persuasion, however rare they might be. Just because most people of a certain type are one way doesn't mean all are. |
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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1318
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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| jkrane wrote: | | it's how the masculine brain works. |
No, it isn't. It's how your masculine brain works.
Though I must admit I've met a few girls who seem to like judging each other based on who gets "more action", which I find pretty disgusting. |
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crackedpleasures
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 14, 2007
Posts: 1793
Location: In between the bright lights and the far unlit unknown, CZ
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with what you write that sex is hugely overrated. I am not asexual though, I am straight. But I find it overrated because I do believe real love doesn't need sex in necessarity (at least a period without sex should not be an issue) and because people these days make a race out of doing it as much as possible. I reject casual sex and find sex not the most important thing or amongst the key elements of a relationship. But I do feel attracted to women and would like a girlfriend, once in a relationship occasional sex is part of it I guess, so I don't think I can classify as asexual.
I do like androgyny, hence my own make-up usage and general feminin attitude. I just like it a lot, even though the downside is that some people really start thinking I am gay while in fact I really long for a girlfriend. The problem would only be serious though if the single girls would not approach me because they wrongly think I am gay because of my appearance.
_________________
You did it again, yes, you in the mirror
You put your faith in a cruel world...
All my dead friends come to haunt, harm and hinder
Never letting go, here to drag me down to hell
(London After Midnight) |
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Zane
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 302
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 2:48 am Post subject: |
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| jkrane wrote: | | Personally, I don't see the whole point of wining and dining a girl, and going through all the trouble of building a relationship with her if she won't put out. I know it's an asshole thing to say, but I'm damn honest about it. I might as well put a fraction of the effort in and have a non-sexual relationship with a guy. |
That's what we're there for....non sexual companionship goes as far back as man does. But still never just have sex to have sex....its like abusing God's gift. You don't want to do that do you?
_________________
No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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Zane
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 302
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:12 am Post subject: |
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| Birdgirl wrote: | Jkrane, um... I feel awkward answering that question [it is a bit personal], though I will say that I can and have done such things-- but I'm more sensual than sexual, I think? I can't really explain, though I assure you I'm not declaring myself asexual due to a lack of experience! Though of course I'm only 19, so this could change, who knows [but it's unlikely]. As I said in the first post, I can be attracted to someone romantically-- just not so much sexually. I can do sexual things, I mean I'm not repulsed by it necessarily, but.. It's always been an odd (even dissociative) experience to me. I can still enjoy myself, I mean, I love the human body, I can touch and be touched (if it's the right person and circumstances), but...argh. Like BokeKaeru said it often feels invasive, especially since I'm a very private, solitary person to begin with.
I like intimacy, I just don't feel sexual attraction towards people.. it's more of a romantic/platonic type feeling like I said. Like the way I might feel towards a friend who I was very close to and loved. Is this making sense at all?
BokeKaeru: I completely agree. And I just found AVEN yesterday actually, it's great! I registered right away. I skimmed the forum and I could relate with all of it so much.
My main rant was just that it feels like I'm not allowed to be asexual, that it's my fault or something... or that I'm not entitled to have someone. It isn't as if I haven't TRIED to be normal and forced myself into acting the part of a..sexual person/whatever. It just doesn't work for me. And I told them this, before getting involved with them. And they don't listen. They're all, "Oh, that's OK no pressure"...then proceed to grope me 5 seconds later. And then THEY get frustrated with ME, even though I warned them beforehand...
So of course I've kind of stopped trying. I'm happy alone for the most part, for now anyway. |
Read what you wrote. Please READ what you wrote.....
You say things like ... Not allowed ... Forced.... not entitled ... and Just doesn't work for me ....
I understand not wanting to be alone. However, I also understand why you are typing on this forum.
Darling, you do not need validation whatsoever. You are a beautiful woman. That is all.
I may not have ever seen you in person but I read your words. They reeked of honesty and that is a quality most humanity lacks; I like AS for this fact.
We(AS nation) are so abused because of our uniquely genuine views on life.
There are certain obligations in social environments true, like bathing and not smelling like ass when you go out side....but there are also certain unneeded harms from being so cautious in life. By being yourself you open many doors.
Just because some one is different does not make them any less special; look at Elvira 
But what do you really want? A man to love? Then find him. Understand there is some guy out there who will give you exactly what you want/need and he very well might be on this forum.
But in reality he is probably in China sitting on a fence. Waiting for you to come by and pick him up off it. People don't just drop into our lives we have to find them.
I don't mean find find, I mean find find...as in go outside and do something.
Let's say theoretically you take a walk. Along the way you see a piece of trash and pick it up. As you pick up the trash you notice a guy in your line of sight. You can now either A: look past him and keep going or B: say Hi.
At the same time you are looking for "him" understand it is all about the little steps. You must first say Hi.
However, in my personal opinion you must first find yourself before you find love.
Today I met a girl but in the end I did not chase her at all. Why, because I realized something NOT ALL WOMEN were put on this Earth for me. Just my one. And eventually I will meet her. I have faith; that is all.
If you feel obligated to have sex then you are being mislead. For in reality you will know when it is time and when it is not time....you still did not answer my question. Have you had sex? And have you considered that maybe you feel "disassociated" or asexual because you are intelligent and do not seek validation through sex....as in maybe you want more....as in true unconditional love as opposed to "love, love". Personally I ask Karl these questions, constantly.
We are not a hollow shell like most people believe; in my opinion, quite the opposite. -Mack Rellenst
Do not be afraid to answer my question about sex. This country may have been founded by prudes but that doesn't mean we have to be....I have had sex once and only once. I have had three "girlfriends" and many dates...most my dates end in my crying....seriously, fo real. 
I am very emotional...but really I just need a good cry and girls seem to bring that out... 
In the end you can do one of two things....listen to yourself...or listen to us...the masses...and the "norm" ... personally for me I choose the latter.
-Zane
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No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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Birdgirl
Toucan
Joined: Dec 14, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 298
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 8:02 am Post subject: |
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Zane, thank you for your reply; you're very sweet.
I understand what you're saying.
I have actually had somewhat successful relationships, in the past.. Well, two. Two people I loved anyway, really loved, and was romantically very attracted to even (in my own way of course). But at the one-year mark (with both of them), it changed.. I still loved them, but in a different way. Maybe I'm not truly asexual, but just extremely picky? I don't know. It doesn't matter how good-looking the guy/girl? is-- there has to be a certain chemistry, and it's very rare... I've only found it in one person. Basically, for me to actually feel comfortable there has to be a fine balance.. between lust, affection, romantic love/passion and platonic love. In addition to that, there has to already be a strong connection between us. Otherwise it just feels off and, while not unbearable, I feel no passion or arousal.. It may feel nice physically (like in the way a back massage does), but that's it.
But even if I can enjoy it on a sexual level, on the very rare occasion that the circumstances are correct.. It doesn't last, things always revert back to a friend-type love. Again I like intimacy, but nothing more. Still, I -do- really need lots of privacy and alone time, so relationships have always been difficult because of that.
As for the sex thing.. Yes I have, more than once. And though I haven't been sexually abused or raped, I do have certain issues..I'm not comfortable discussing it on a public internet forum. Though I can say I don't think it has anything to do with my predicament.
And I can't honestly say what I want, because I have no idea. Not a single clue. Mainly I just over analyze these things to death, making it more complicated than it needs to be.. So I confuse desire with obligation and so on. There's a disconnection somewhere.. perhaps there's an event or time period it could be traced back to; maybe my having an eating disorder since the age of 13 has to do with it... I don't know.
I'm just venting mostly. And after all, like I said I'm only 19, barely even an adult... I mean, my brain isn't even finished developing yet, so who knows. I just don't want to be seen as a "prude", or told that I shouldn't even be with someone if I don't have sex with them immediately just to appease their friends.
Anyway I'm done rambling for now... I'm sure there's lots of typos but I'm too tired to check.
_________________
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. - -Shakespeare |
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Zane
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 302
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:00 am Post subject: |
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| jkrane wrote: | It will be very hard to find a guy who is really hardcore into the platonic love. Oddly enough, guys measure their self-worth against other guys to see who gets more action. Everyone used to rip on my friend, Richard, because he was in a relationship with this girl for months, and they never even kissed. He kept talking about some "emotional connection", and we were all like...WTF?
All the homies ripped on me, when I wasn't able to get my g/f (at the time) to have sex with me. Having a platonic g/f that doesn't put out makes a young man look like a pussy whipped bitch in the eyes of other young men.
It's about male pride, more than anything. I know this stuff sounds pretty sick, but it's how the masculine brain works. It's a competition. Who can get the most action?
It's the age-old story...a college boy just got laid, and all his buddies are high-fiving him and giving him a congratulatory pat on the back. He's a man. If he came out of the room and said "I had the loveliest time, we had great conversation, and such a deep emotional connection," all the homies would crack jokes, call him gay, laugh at him...etc.
Also, if the man doesn't get any action, he feels that he simply wasted his time, or he didn't do something right, and his self worth as a man plummets.
I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just telling you the 100% male perspective. |
And that is the difference between MEN and BOY's. Grow a pair friend and fast before it's too late and you reproduce another child into a broken home filled with ill intentions and lust....He comes after the children first.
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No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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Zane
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 302
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:06 am Post subject: |
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| crackedpleasures wrote: | I agree with what you write that sex is hugely overrated. I am not asexual though, I am straight. But I find it overrated because I do believe real love doesn't need sex in necessarity (at least a period without sex should not be an issue) and because people these days make a race out of doing it as much as possible. I reject casual sex and find sex not the most important thing or amongst the key elements of a relationship. But I do feel attracted to women and would like a girlfriend, once in a relationship occasional sex is part of it I guess, so I don't think I can classify as asexual.
I do like androgyny, hence my own make-up usage and general feminin attitude. I just like it a lot, even though the downside is that some people really start thinking I am gay while in fact I really long for a girlfriend. The problem would only be serious though if the single girls would not approach me because they wrongly think I am gay because of my appearance. |
You know who Eddie Izzard is? He's my favorite cross dresser. It's not androgynous to wear womens clothing. In fact from what I've been told it is quite popular in England.
_________________
No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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Zane
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 302
Location: Tempe, Arizona
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:24 am Post subject: |
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| Birdgirl wrote: | Zane, thank you for your reply; you're very sweet.
I understand what you're saying.
I have actually had somewhat successful relationships, in the past.. Well, two. Two people I loved anyway, really loved, and was romantically very attracted to even (in my own way of course). But at the one-year mark (with both of them), it changed.. I still loved them, but in a different way. Maybe I'm not truly asexual, but just extremely picky? I don't know. It doesn't matter how good-looking the guy/girl? is-- there has to be a certain chemistry, and it's very rare... I've only found it in one person. Basically, for me to actually feel comfortable there has to be a fine balance.. between lust, affection, romantic love/passion and platonic love. In addition to that, there has to already be a strong connection between us. Otherwise it just feels off and, while not unbearable, I feel no passion or arousal.. It may feel nice physically (like in the way a back massage does), but that's it.
But even if I can enjoy it on a sexual level, on the very rare occasion that the circumstances are correct.. It doesn't last, things always revert back to a friend-type love. Again I like intimacy, but nothing more. Still, I -do- really need lots of privacy and alone time, so relationships have always been difficult because of that.
As for the sex thing.. Yes I have, more than once. And though I haven't been sexually abused or raped, I do have certain issues..I'm not comfortable discussing it on a public internet forum. Though I can say I don't think it has anything to do with my predicament.
And I can't honestly say what I want, because I have no idea. Not a single clue. Mainly I just over analyze these things to death, making it more complicated than it needs to be.. So I confuse desire with obligation and so on. There's a disconnection somewhere.. perhaps there's an event or time period it could be traced back to; maybe my having an eating disorder since the age of 13 has to do with it... I don't know.
I'm just venting mostly. And after all, like I said I'm only 19, barely even an adult... I mean, my brain isn't even finished developing yet, so who knows. I just don't want to be seen as a "prude", or told that I shouldn't even be with someone if I don't have sex with them immediately just to appease their friends.
Anyway I'm done rambling for now... I'm sure there's lots of typos but I'm too tired to check. |
I am 22. Age means nothing to old souls. Or however they say that. I believe you are and always have been much more mature, thus the ability to have neutral love.
The reason I asked about sex was it is a first hand experience. Once we(AS Nation) have experienced something first had we never forget it. Might repress it but I don't think I will ever forget rabbit. Sadly because she became less beautiful in my eyes. Once we made it I lost all views on her....it was awful. I felt like less of a man and because of that I saw less in her. My affections grew less and less....I look back now and think nothing. However at the time it was very critical to me to have sex and learn about it.
A very good friend of mine Brett told me once that after four months we "know" wither a person is good for us or not. I am not sure what he meant might some day but as of right now I can not make it past 3 dates. Still the point remains, he told me people stay in relationships because of comfort. Or they truly are computable. (Typo, I know) ...
I say why stay in a relationship for comfort? You never grow when you are comfortable. In fact quite the opposite you grow weaker and stop doing thisng that are origionally good for you. I see many people growing fat and comfortable together.... as opposed to strong and healthy together. When you gain weight you lose your sex drive. Same goes for being malnourished
It seems to me you might have an issue with self image?
Only because of the Anorexia comment. Do you ever ask yourself why you feel poorly about yourself?
I like this prayer a lot. It might help you.
Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I can not change my eyes but I can change my view.
I can not change time but I can change how I use it.
I can not change women act but I can change how I act around them.
That kind of stuff.....
-Zane
_________________
No one grows by sitting at home; so get up, get out, and get a life. |
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Dracula
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 23, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 412
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:34 am Post subject: Re: Non Sexual |
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| Aspinator wrote: | | If a couple's relationship is solely physically based, there probably wasn't much there to begin with. If they abstain physically for awhile they could learn to see and respect each other as unique individuals. |
So you're saying that if a new couple isn't abstinent, they're relationship is solely physical? That's ridiculous. |
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jkrane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 510
Location: 39uqlksdj3ujadlskd
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Zane wrote: | | In fact from what I've been told it is quite popular in England. |
Here too. It's called, being scene. |
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Yupa
Avatar of Evil
Joined: May 15, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 1318
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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| jkrane wrote: | | Zane wrote: | | In fact from what I've been told it is quite popular in England. |
Here too. It's called, being scene. |
The "Scene" scene needs to die already...
Rarely have I ever encountered anything more retarded. |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 416
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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What jkrane said is basically true of a whole lot of guys (mostly the younger ones, like under 30).
I just wanted to say there are guys out there that aren't purely "all about the sex".
If your married, they will probably expect to have sex, but if your married you will probably be comfortable around them and it might not be an issue.
If the guys are going to make you feel bad for not "putting out" then they aren't your type anyways. It is those same types of guys that still dump you after you "put out" anyways, so it isn't as if your missing out on anything (except the sex, but you don't care about that which works out). Also, guys consider it to be the girls fault they aren't "getting any" because if they are like that, it is always the girl saying "No" (since they are willing, they are either having sex or getting a "No").
Nothing wrong with being asexual though. Just means there are things that are more important to you than 10 seconds of excitement every now and again.  |
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jkrane
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 11, 2007
Posts: 510
Location: 39uqlksdj3ujadlskd
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:17 am Post subject: |
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| Rynok wrote: | What jkrane said is basically true of a whole lot of guys (mostly the younger ones, like under 30).
I just wanted to say there are guys out there that aren't purely "all about the sex".
If your married, they will probably expect to have sex, but if your married you will probably be comfortable around them and it might not be an issue.
If the guys are going to make you feel bad for not "putting out" then they aren't your type anyways. It is those same types of guys that still dump you after you "put out" anyways, so it isn't as if your missing out on anything (except the sex, but you don't care about that which works out). Also, guys consider it to be the girls fault they aren't "getting any" because if they are like that, it is always the girl saying "No" (since they are willing, they are either having sex or getting a "No").
Nothing wrong with being asexual though. Just means there are things that are more important to you than 10 seconds of excitement every now and again. |
 Respect. |
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jizzatron
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 05, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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| [content edited by sinsboldly] |
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