Is it possible for a girl to become an Asperger obsession?

Page 1 of 3 [ 41 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Shadow50
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Sep 2008
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 195
Location: Australia (Freeburgh, Vic)

01 Jan 2009, 4:35 am

sunshower wrote:
I want to know - why is it that if a guy does this it's "creepy", whereas if a girl does this it seems to be either a genuine asperger issue, or "loyal/cute". I feel like there are some double standards going on here.


Maybe there is a perception that a male is more likely to become a stalker (or similar annoying nuisance) in this situation, than a female? Just a guess.


_________________
No person can tell another what to do ... but here is what I think ... (Cheyenne Wisdom)


sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 124
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

01 Jan 2009, 5:05 am

Shadow50 wrote:
sunshower wrote:
I want to know - why is it that if a guy does this it's "creepy", whereas if a girl does this it seems to be either a genuine asperger issue, or "loyal/cute". I feel like there are some double standards going on here.


Maybe there is a perception that a male is more likely to become a stalker (or similar annoying nuisance) in this situation, than a female? Just a guess.


That's a good guess actually. The perception does seem strange to me because I do think females can be equally likely to become stalkers as males.


_________________
Into the dark...


Hector
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,493

01 Jan 2009, 10:08 am

This may be compounded by the (admittedly correct) perception that men are more likely to commit sexual assault, and the (harmful and misleading) perception that women are unable to commit sexual assault. So if a guy obsesses over you, it's worrying, if a girl obsesses over you, it's harmless.



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 124
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

01 Jan 2009, 9:15 pm

Hector wrote:
This may be compounded by the (admittedly correct) perception that men are more likely to commit sexual assault, and the (harmful and misleading) perception that women are unable to commit sexual assault. So if a guy obsesses over you, it's worrying, if a girl obsesses over you, it's harmless.


I think that pretty much sums it up really. It's pretty unfair on the guys, though.


_________________
Into the dark...


billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

05 Jan 2009, 1:23 pm

sunshower wrote:
Hector wrote:
This may be compounded by the (admittedly correct) perception that men are more likely to commit sexual assault, and the (harmful and misleading) perception that women are unable to commit sexual assault. So if a guy obsesses over you, it's worrying, if a girl obsesses over you, it's harmless.


I think that pretty much sums it up really. It's pretty unfair on the guys, though.


Well, generally the worst-case scenarios aren't as bad. Humans are sexually dimorphic (one gender tends to be bigger than the other, statistically), with men being far larger in some cases (I'm actually twice the mass of my wife). So big crazy stalker guy is more able to indulge his sick whims than smaller female stalker lady, in general. Exceptions? Sure. The norm -- nope.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,472
Location: Houston, Texas

05 Jan 2009, 1:29 pm

Story of my life.



j5689
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 304
Location: Riva, MD

05 Jan 2009, 7:09 pm

A lot of people I talked to about this said I should keep "ignoring" her until she starts initiating conversation with me since it yielded decent results in December. I don't know how much longer I can do it without worrying myself but am I doing the right thing or should I talk to her?



mitharatowen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,675
Location: Arizona

05 Jan 2009, 7:31 pm

In my experience, people you like can definately be AS obsessions.



j5689
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 304
Location: Riva, MD

05 Jan 2009, 9:54 pm

I think I'm just gonna talk to her. I'm tired of just screwing around like this and it hurts too much.



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 124
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

06 Jan 2009, 9:21 am

j5689 wrote:
I think I'm just gonna talk to her. I'm tired of just screwing around like this and it hurts too much.


Good luck!! ! I ended up arriving at the same conclusion, and it turned out he only liked me as a friend, but I never regretted taking the bull by the horns so to speak.


_________________
Into the dark...


j5689
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 304
Location: Riva, MD

07 Jan 2009, 2:53 pm

I didn't talk to her and she looks at me less often as the time goes by. In addition to that, I'm not supposed to be on the computer because of my bad grades. Everything just gets worse day by day. 2009 is clearly going to suck.



mitharatowen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,675
Location: Arizona

07 Jan 2009, 3:08 pm

I may have missed something - Why do you not talk to her?



j5689
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 304
Location: Riva, MD

07 Jan 2009, 3:46 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I may have missed something - Why do you not talk to her?
Perhaps I left out that detail accidentally. Sometimes I go over and talk to her the class I have with her, and then I say something stupid and lose all my confidence and then she doesn't try to continue the conversation. And I often don't know what to talk about anyway a with her. Also some people I told this about say I should keep ignoring her until tuesday because that makes girls want you more. It seems to be making her not like me though, which I am terrified of.

And sorry if that took me a while, I'm doing everything from my iPod Touch.



robo37
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 516

07 Jan 2009, 4:17 pm

I can't even talk to anyone except when it's my mum/dad or sometimes my friends. I like this girl but I could never mention it to anyone, especially since she's my friend’s sister.



mitharatowen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,675
Location: Arizona

07 Jan 2009, 5:07 pm

j5689 wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
I may have missed something - Why do you not talk to her?
Perhaps I left out that detail accidentally. Sometimes I go over and talk to her the class I have with her, and then I say something stupid and lose all my confidence and then she doesn't try to continue the conversation. And I often don't know what to talk about anyway a with her. Also some people I told this about say I should keep ignoring her until tuesday because that makes girls want you more. It seems to be making her not like me though, which I am terrified of.

And sorry if that took me a while, I'm doing everything from my iPod Touch.


Well I can understand if you feel awkward with her but definately don't hold off from talking to her just because your friends say so! No idea if it works with NT girls or not but it seems to me it might just make her think you don't like her. Personally, I hate stupid games. I say just be yourself. She may like you or she may not but to find out either way you need to be yourself.



j5689
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 304
Location: Riva, MD

07 Jan 2009, 5:52 pm

It does or at least did work. Check the third or fourth post in this thread for the results. That's the first hug I ever got from her, that is most definately because I ignored her for week. Honestly I haven't been doing it recently because I've been so worried for whatever reason that she would stop likin me, so I started looking into her eyes again in the lunchroom and it feels like I'm doing something wrong now.

At my comp now so I can quote again and here it is:

j5689 wrote:
At the moment, she seems to be interested but what would I know?

I've known her for a year already but I don't feel like posting any mini-novels at the moment. I do still need help in assessing this, which happened last Monday:

Here, I'll copy my post from another forum about it:

_j5689_ wrote:
It's a long story but here goes:

That girl I was talking about, well I talked to her on last Monday morning and asked what my friend (her ex) was actually saying when he said he would talk to her for me. Then I thought that what I had asked was really really stupid and I just went back to my seat, almost cried, and then forgot about it and her and was happy for the rest of the day. I didn't talk to her or even look at her in the eyes for the rest of the week except a couple times at lunch on Friday, normally I do it almost all the time.

Then today, my friend (her ex) and I were waiting near his locker, because he was going to introduce me to this other girl that can help me with my Asperger syndrome social problems. Amazingly this happens:

I see the girl that I like in front of him and she just keeps looking at me for a few seconds and waves to us both and then she comes up with a hugging motion and me and my friend both think it's for him, but she pushes him aside and says no and then gives ME a hug. The first time that she has ever hugged me as a matter of fact.

What might have been a reason for this hug?

Is it that thing where you stop showing a girl attention and suddenly she reallys wants you?


Other relevant info:

Last year, it always seemed like she have him more attention than me, this is why it seemed really out of place for this to happen.

She doesn't initiate conversation with me.

She looks at me sometimes.

Also, the following day, I was walking back to class from lunch and then I turn around and see her with her arm locked around this guys arm, with another girl on his left arm. I turned back forward immediately and she bumped into me really hard.

Does this all mean she likes me, and if so, how much?