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techstepgenr8tion
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08 Jan 2009, 12:36 am

I think there are a handful of factors at play IMO that loosely fit together and I'll try to line it up as best I can:

1) The dating game, or even pre-dating, just sizing people up, is a call-and-response game. Ideally, both sexes, are really looking for someone who fits their needs (ie. the deal-breakers) as well as possible.

2) Certain gender traits, in excess, make either gender largely undatable by the other or unable to find any of the other gender who they can really be themselves around.

3). Being on spectrum seems to skew us all in a direction that seems, by society's standards, decidedly a stilted direction of male. Thus the call and response game works better for woman than men because your parallel with a part of male society that exists in fair enough numbers. Guys - way out in BFE.

*is that last point a generalization? Yes - HUGE. Seems like a factor of almost equal value is how emotional a person is outwardly; outwardly emotional females and males both do proportionately better than the reserved it seems.

4). Cerebral nature - its not intelligence so much as choice of balance between logical/analytican and emotional. Being cerebral is that setting where between showing emotion and logic outwardly you show more logic or seem to have your inner emotional world (as awe-inspiringly beautiful as it may be) rooted on logic and reason rather than the other way around. Its a rare quality and like intelligence really shrinks your pool of compatibility - like intelligence, like introversion.

5). The actual basis of emotional 'problems'. Both genders have similar dislikes. Recklessness is big, flakiness is big, someone who'll have your friends and family reprimanding you or asking you if you were drunk - also very big and those both genders agree don't work. So, if your *really* immature, being a member of neither gender would help (well, I take that back - attractive women could be far worse off in being slug-magnets; guys just get left out).

6). One problem where women have a disadvantage more so than guys - more guys will cover up who they are to get with a woman than vice versa. So, your odds of ending up in something f'd do take a healthy chunk of the glamor out of the 'yeah but you can get a guy anytime' factor; even when that's true. It could work that way if a guy's that GQ but, usually its less often and it takes one hell of a psycho ex to do much damage - unless we're talking after a wedding ring.

The real ugly part, the real unfairness factor (for both genders) - with who you are and your stack of emotional factors an autistic factors - are you who you visually look like you should be? Society can look at the same personality in two different male or female bodies practically and have night and day reactions. So much of whether a person is likeable, unlikeable, whether early on or to a degree even later, is deemed by their 'feng shu' so to speak. If your feng shu was off by society's standards - a lot of those change and smoothing behaviors as well will do you in; ie. you were either universally gross or had bipolar extrema of reaction (neither accurate or stable) from people before you started trying to regulate this effect and afterward, what your left with still seems - to close nonverbal and subconscious examination - appearing proper but really insincere, smashed down, or like your hiding something - and often enough people will go by what they visually see and almost feel a need to try and pull out of you what they feel your root behaviour should be; its creepy and very deterministic but I think its very natural/genetic as well. This really hits us up as it relates to functioning - ie. if your social skills are damaged or if you look like you should be goony, your going to be running into bad first impressions as a rule; very difficult to be confident at that point either which, fouls things up for men and women just as much. Its generally the flat personality factor or the 'he/she's gross' factor.


I think in the end; if there is an overall difference between who's better off its in with such a slew of messy factors and so close that its like trying to figure out who really won in Minnesota - Norm Coleman or Al Frankin; and, it likely will never really be known definitively. At least in the case of this argument, calling it a tie when its this negligible is an option.



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08 Jan 2009, 1:10 am

Thanks tech, that was enlightening.

I don't think either gender has it better off than the other. Hopefully this thread will help the male "ret*ds" here see that females don't have it so great either. I notice a lot of animosity from males towards females on this forum and it probably stems from jealousy and resentment. Maybe this is what turns a lot of male aspies gay. It's too much of a struggle to live up to a conventional male standard. They look around and see women getting by with being passive and it doesn't seem fair. Neither one really fairs better if they are adhering to a standard placed upon them that goes against their true nature. Passive women can easily become victimized.
However, passivity in women is typically considered to be a desirable feminine trait. Passivity is also a typical aspie trait. Of course there are plenty of aspie rebels too.

If we eliminated all of the expectations that society places on gender roles, perhaps we can free ourselves from a self made prison that keeps us from achieving a loving and honest relationship.


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techstepgenr8tion
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08 Jan 2009, 2:23 am

Magnus wrote:
If we eliminated all of the expectations that society places on gender roles, perhaps we can free ourselves from a self made prison that keeps us from achieving a loving and honest relationship.


That's one thing that I can't imagine happening. Almost anyone will admit that a large part of what they're stuck fighting within themselves is the unchangeable - not of the variety that they should let go of but that which is fouling up their lives and landing them on the human wreckage pile. The same thing that sadly drives pettiness is both necessity regarding accountability and of course necessity regarding natural law. Many people can be great and wonderful at the core but will never, by the intricacies of parenthood or being a spouse (required responsibility of adulthood) - as compared to their neural wiring and what it allows - will never be in their right to even be in relationships. What makes the demands so brutal are accountability not only for ourselves but for those around us and the appropriate development for those we're raising (will they be viable?). We're always play with fire and none of us have the option not to unless we just opt out and sit on the sidelines of life; and if society feels you aren't up to code, you sit on the sideline by public mandate.

I'm just saying that the games rigged from top to bottom to be extremely unfair by design. For us to stop being what we are and stop having a great many people who for no good reason at all end up having very lackluster even terrible lives sometimes, the only way you could hope to change that is change our basis from genetic to some kind of robotic; we'd have an easier time I think becoming dogs or cows than riding ourselves of this.



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08 Jan 2009, 2:36 am

I didn't say we need to change the world. Just change yourself by not accepting those standards and roles which are not natural.
I don't think society places realistic expectations on anyone and having an aspie who can't conform to these expectations no matter how hard they try is a losing battle. What I meant is that if you want to win, don't play the game and pretend to be something you're not. It may seem like you have to conform to land a mate but then eventually it will catch up to you. One can't put on an act forever.


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08 Jan 2009, 7:18 am

Magnus wrote:
Airborne wrote:
Quote:
Ok sorry, is that what you wanted? I was a walking zombie last night up tell 2:00AM and I think it got the message across quite clear, if not you can use your friend google. I would say my vocabulary and grammar skills is quite steler. Its not like I am talking in 1337.


I looked it up and didn't find anything at a quick glance. Internet jargon is a pet peeve of mine. It's way too cool for me. anyways...

I was a bit harsh and I apologize. I'm emotionally ret*d in a hypersensitive way. It just seemed like you were saying that as long as a female aspie who is emotionally ret*d is attractive it doesn't pose a problem. I think it's quite the opposite because as Miss Construe said, guys expect sex. This expectation is probably due to wrong signals that this particular type of female sends. Often times emotionally crippled people are that way because of neglect as children and so any attention is good attention. They attract the wrong attention like magnets attracting metal daggers.

I find the other comments here to be quite funny btw. :lol:

Ok, for the record I never said it posed a relationship problem, he said: "I'd say female, becaues as long as you aren't hideous, guys will try to pick you up anyway.
Saves all the work.
" Of course I know girls dont like be quote in quote "picked up" as that generally refers to a really shallow person do so. Fun? Maybe. Fun in the long run? Hell no unless both people somehow manage to keep from getting bored of the same shallow s**t for years.

Quote:
haha. you're an idiot.

Sarcasm? Or no. If no thats a bit harsh and unwarranted. I really dont think Im an idiot and I really dont think you are either, but you keep making remarks that dont really explain why, what or how. No offense.



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08 Jan 2009, 7:40 am

Airborne wrote:
" Of course I know girls dont like be quote in quote "picked up" as that generally refers to a really shallow person do so. Fun? Maybe.


I'm sorry but I had to correct this. I don't really think girls necessarily find being picked up fun. To me it feels like an unwelcome, unwarranted invasion that I have no control over, and forces me to go against my own nature and morals by hurting someone else's feelings just to escape it. Not my idea of "fun".


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techstepgenr8tion
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08 Jan 2009, 9:54 am

sunshower wrote:
I'm sorry but I had to correct this. I don't really think girls necessarily find being picked up fun. To me it feels like an unwelcome, unwarranted invasion that I have no control over, and forces me to go against my own nature and morals by hurting someone else's feelings just to escape it. Not my idea of "fun".


That's another thing that seems to change the way people think. I never had a full sense of both sides until I found myself in that position a handful of times - after that its also a lot harder to feel sorry for onesself.



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08 Jan 2009, 11:16 am

Airborne wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Airborne wrote:
anna-banana wrote:
zghost wrote:
I'd say female, becaues as long as you aren't hideous, guys will try to pick you up anyway.


...and then they'll start running as fast as they can once they've gotten to know your immaturity in every possible field.

No offense but thats exactly the response I was expecting to see in this thread. Im going to be blunt as Jack Nicholson said in a few good men "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!! !!". Its true if you cant handle it thats a shame. Guys are attracted to attractive woman, and while I totally object to viewing woman as an object, I think zghost was simply stating the obvious and you seam quite insecure.


Quote:
seam


Seam is spelled seem unless you mean a seam of a dress. IMO that's immature but no offense...

Also you probably shouldn't assume people are insecure if they have a different opinion from someone else or have had a different experience....

Im like a physic! I knew you (as in a person) would detract from the actual concept and Idea from my post solely so you would not have to answer. Also, in more cases that not, people act like that when there insecure. Also it would be in your best interest if you are trying to side with magnus to not use "IMO" as under his classification thats "robot talk". Kind of bad to contradict your allies....Also whats immature? My minor spelling errors come across as premature knowledge of the English language? Well first of, Im on the internet and while grammar is important on the internet I generally dont perfect every single error as I am actually focused on many things at a time, two Im 15...


so what is your concept genius? you seem to be the only person who knows what you're talking about. it seemed like you replied to my post yet what you wrote had nothing to do with what I wrote... you didn't get the meaning at all, instead you passed judgement on me (and on what basis? my post did not have a self-reference, I was generalising, know what that means?) and threw in a quote that didn't even mean anything in the context.

so what is it that we are all so insecure about? care to explain, or are you going to pass random judgements and go ahead with your agenda, no matter what other posters say here? try reading the post with some understanding before you reply. and quit acting like you know everything on the subject when clearly you only have theoretical knowledge because of your age.


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08 Jan 2009, 11:30 am

[ Female aspies who are immature seem to have traits which males are attracted to such as immature interests, simplicity, child like buoyancy, and such.


Yes, but "which males"? Aspie girls have to be careful of men with pedophilic tendencies! They won't find out about these tendencies until it's too late...like when their daughter tells them that "Daddy is bothering me where he's not supposed to." or if their husband gets arrested for messing around with a minor. Pedophiles indeed do marry for shelter so they can do what really turns them on without suspicion but they will ALWAYS get caught eventually.
Face it. They like kids, what better spouse will do? A childlike one until the novelty wears off and they go out cheatin' with a real, little kid. This is a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE thing to happen to anyone. A situation of incest is SOOO easy for these creeps but bewildering and VERY distructive to a child and the unknowing parent. Sometimes the unknowing parent will not even believe the child which is a TERRIBLE shame leading to "trapped" feelings on the victim's part. Some run away to things that are far worse. Some are even brutally murdered all because the parent wouldn't believe them to preserve their own fantasy of a good marriage that they probably longed for all their life. WHAT A SHAME! Preserve your fantasy with denial but destroy your own child. WHAT A PITY!!



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08 Jan 2009, 1:59 pm

anna-banana wrote:

so what is your concept genius? you seem to be the only person who knows what you're talking about. it seemed like you replied to my post yet what you wrote had nothing to do with what I wrote... you didn't get the meaning at all, instead you passed judgement on me (and on what basis? my post did not have a self-reference, I was generalising, know what that means?) and threw in a quote that didn't even mean anything in the context.

so what is it that we are all so insecure about? care to explain, or are you going to pass random judgements and go ahead with your agenda, no matter what other posters say here? try reading the post with some understanding before you reply. and quit acting like you know everything on the subject when clearly you only have theoretical knowledge because of your age.

Of course I dont know everything....like I said very clearly Im 15. But what I dont get is you dont explain your self, I honestly understand you side but I like details. I havent judged you I just meant that people who make quick remarks like that with no good supporting factors tend to be insecure about it. While your post didnt have a self reference is said allot about what you were thinking. Im not trying to insult people in here but I really just like to "get inside" peoples head so to speak.



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08 Jan 2009, 2:05 pm

Airborne wrote:
Of course I dont know everything....like I said very clearly Im 15. But what I dont get is you dont explain your self, I honestly understand you side but I like details. I havent judged you I just meant that people who make quick remarks like that with no good supporting factors tend to be insecure about it. While your post didnt have a self reference is said allot about what you were thinking. Im not trying to insult people in here but I really just like to "get inside" peoples head so to speak.


all I was saying was: "picking up" a woman or being picked up by a man does not equal holding a succesful relationship. you seem to be saying that if you can get picked up- as a woman -then you are fixed, and your partner will just ignore all aspects of your personality and, I don't know... look at you? was that what you were trying to say?


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08 Jan 2009, 2:08 pm

anna-banana wrote:
Airborne wrote:
Of course I dont know everything....like I said very clearly Im 15. But what I dont get is you dont explain your self, I honestly understand you side but I like details. I havent judged you I just meant that people who make quick remarks like that with no good supporting factors tend to be insecure about it. While your post didnt have a self reference is said allot about what you were thinking. Im not trying to insult people in here but I really just like to "get inside" peoples head so to speak.


all I was saying was: "picking up" a woman or being picked up by a man does not equal holding a successful relationship. you seem to be saying that if you can get picked up- as a woman -then you are fixed, and your partner will just ignore all aspects of your personality and, I don't know... look at you? was that what you were trying to say?

Polar opposite in fact. Of course not! Like I said thats very shallow and a shallow relationship wont ever last. Ignore all aspects of a personality? Oh God is that what you thought I meant and thought I thought was fine and dandy? If so you misunderstood my meaning, thats in fact the type of thing I avoid at all costs....last thing I need is more stress.



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08 Jan 2009, 2:19 pm

Airborne wrote:
anna-banana wrote:
Airborne wrote:
Of course I dont know everything....like I said very clearly Im 15. But what I dont get is you dont explain your self, I honestly understand you side but I like details. I havent judged you I just meant that people who make quick remarks like that with no good supporting factors tend to be insecure about it. While your post didnt have a self reference is said allot about what you were thinking. Im not trying to insult people in here but I really just like to "get inside" peoples head so to speak.


all I was saying was: "picking up" a woman or being picked up by a man does not equal holding a successful relationship. you seem to be saying that if you can get picked up- as a woman -then you are fixed, and your partner will just ignore all aspects of your personality and, I don't know... look at you? was that what you were trying to say?

Polar opposite in fact. Of course not! Like I said thats very shallow and a shallow relationship wont ever last. Ignore all aspects of a personality? Oh God is that what you thought I meant and thought I thought was fine and dandy? If so you misunderstood my meaning, thats in fact the type of thing I avoid at all costs....last thing I need is more stress.


then I don't understand why you even replied to my first post if you agree with the above and that's exactly what I said and meant

:shrug:


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08 Jan 2009, 3:23 pm

anna-banana wrote:
Airborne wrote:
anna-banana wrote:
Airborne wrote:
Of course I dont know everything....like I said very clearly Im 15. But what I dont get is you dont explain your self, I honestly understand you side but I like details. I havent judged you I just meant that people who make quick remarks like that with no good supporting factors tend to be insecure about it. While your post didnt have a self reference is said allot about what you were thinking. Im not trying to insult people in here but I really just like to "get inside" peoples head so to speak.


all I was saying was: "picking up" a woman or being picked up by a man does not equal holding a successful relationship. you seem to be saying that if you can get picked up- as a woman -then you are fixed, and your partner will just ignore all aspects of your personality and, I don't know... look at you? was that what you were trying to say?

Polar opposite in fact. Of course not! Like I said thats very shallow and a shallow relationship wont ever last. Ignore all aspects of a personality? Oh God is that what you thought I meant and thought I thought was fine and dandy? If so you misunderstood my meaning, thats in fact the type of thing I avoid at all costs....last thing I need is more stress.


then I don't understand why you even replied to my first post if you agree with the above and that's exactly what I said and meant

:shrug:

Because you pounced on another member when he was stating the obvious. He said it in a non-biased, non opinionated way.



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08 Jan 2009, 4:23 pm

^^I did no such thing.


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08 Jan 2009, 4:32 pm

anna-banana wrote:
^^I did no such thing.

anna-banana wrote:
zghost wrote:
I'd say female, becaues as long as you aren't hideous, guys will try to pick you up anyway.


...and then they'll start running as fast as they can once they've gotten to know your immaturity in every possible field.

I really am done with the whole fighting thing....plus I really feel like a jerk with each "submit" I hit even if Im trying to prove a point here....