Joined: Aug 15, 2008 Posts: 8361 Location: australia
Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 8:21 am Post subject:
elderwanda wrote:
b9 wrote:
i was assessed as having a "plateau of development" that was 14.5 years old.
But you were born on Leap Day, so for you, 14.5 years is actually 14.5 * 4 = 58 years. (Because it's your birthday only once every four years, instead of once every year like most people.)
That's my attempt at a joke.
it was a good joke i guess. it is better than i could think of.
but the doctor did not say 14.5 "birthdays".
she said 14.5 "years".
years happen even if i have no birthdate in them.
i guess she meant 14.5 solar orbits of the earth .
Joined: Feb 02, 2010 Posts: 7 Location: Washington, DC...ish
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:44 am Post subject: Re: Do you feel younger than your chronological age?
AspieInTraining wrote:
I have a theory about why I feel younger than my chronological age, and I think it applies to other aspies, as well (such as the person quoted above). As people achieve various milestones in their lives, they gain greater maturity, which makes them feel older. These milestones include completion of elementary school, middle school, high school, and (possibly) college. Becoming employed full-time (especially at a professional white-collar job, as opposed to a blue-collar factory-type job) and owning a home are also important milestones, which make the person feel more mature, and thus also older. Marriage, then having children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, further add to the person's maturity and sense of being older.
Many aspies, because of their social difficulties, have not achieved many of these milestones. So the age they feel may often correspond to the age they were when the last milestone was achieved in their life. For example, if they graduated from high school but never went to college, were never employed in a professional position, never owned their own home (perhaps they even still live with their parents), and never got married, they may still feel (even 10 to 30 years later) like they are still 18 (the age they were when they completed high school).
As for myself, I received my bachelor's degree at age 22, was employed in a professional job at age 25, and was married at age 28. But my husband and I have no children (by choice). So even though I'm now 53, I still feel like I'm about 28 (the age I was when I completed my last milestone, that of marriage). Fellow aspies, what do you think about this theory? Do you feel about the same age as you were when you completed your last milestone? Or are there other factors you feel influence the age you feel? I look forward to reading your input!
I like this theory, but I seem to be an exception. I've definitely achieved many of the milestones you mention, but still feel like I'm stuck at 16 emotionally, even though I'm presently 31. I was married young (17) and have 3 children, the oldest of which is now 12 (catching up with me!), and I have worked professionally in a steadily progressing career (IT) since I was 19. I've also owned two homes and after 11 years of taking classes part-time, finally finished by Bachelor's degree last Spring. Despite all these "milestones", I still feel incredibly immature, especially socially. I feel socially intimidated by people (usually men) who are much younger than me, and feel awkward around teenagers (the same way I felt when I was a teenager!) I also have trouble with "adult" responsibilities like paying bills and keeping up with housework, car maintenance, etc., so much so that I've had to turn over all household financial management to my wife and more often than not she has to remind me to get the oil changed or the safety inspections done. I also feel very intimidated by people who I percieve to be in a position of authority or are out to take something from me, especially bill collectors, salespeople or service providers like repair people, mechanics, etc. Most other adults I know handle themselves well around these types of people, but I am often very nervous and unsure of myself. The only people I seem to get along with are those who have similar interests, and who I work with. I have exactly 1 friend that I didn't meet in a workplace, and he and I have been tight since junior high. I went to a birthday party for one of my daughter's classmates a few weeks ago, and even though I was presented with multiple opportunities to socialize with other parents, I usually found myself shying away and feeling too intimidated to talk to anyone. I do much better at work; I think it's because I know what the expectations are. Out in the "real world", I am much less sure of myself and feel far younger than my actual age.
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 2:14 pm Post subject: Re: Do you feel younger than your chronological age?
ed78 wrote:
AspieInTraining wrote:
I have a theory about why I feel younger than my chronological age, and I think it applies to other aspies, as well (such as the person quoted above). As people achieve various milestones in their lives, they gain greater maturity, which makes them feel older. These milestones include completion of elementary school, middle school, high school, and (possibly) college. Becoming employed full-time (especially at a professional white-collar job, as opposed to a blue-collar factory-type job) and owning a home are also important milestones, which make the person feel more mature, and thus also older. Marriage, then having children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, further add to the person's maturity and sense of being older.
Many aspies, because of their social difficulties, have not achieved many of these milestones. So the age they feel may often correspond to the age they were when the last milestone was achieved in their life. For example, if they graduated from high school but never went to college, were never employed in a professional position, never owned their own home (perhaps they even still live with their parents), and never got married, they may still feel (even 10 to 30 years later) like they are still 18 (the age they were when they completed high school).
As for myself, I received my bachelor's degree at age 22, was employed in a professional job at age 25, and was married at age 28. But my husband and I have no children (by choice). So even though I'm now 53, I still feel like I'm about 28 (the age I was when I completed my last milestone, that of marriage). Fellow aspies, what do you think about this theory? Do you feel about the same age as you were when you completed your last milestone? Or are there other factors you feel influence the age you feel? I look forward to reading your input!
I like this theory, but I seem to be an exception. I've definitely achieved many of the milestones you mention, but still feel like I'm stuck at 16 emotionally, even though I'm presently 31. I was married young (17) and have 3 children, the oldest of which is now 12 (catching up with me!), and I have worked professionally in a steadily progressing career (IT) since I was 19. I've also owned two homes and after 11 years of taking classes part-time, finally finished by Bachelor's degree last Spring. Despite all these "milestones", I still feel incredibly immature, especially socially. I feel socially intimidated by people (usually men) who are much younger than me, and feel awkward around teenagers (the same way I felt when I was a teenager!) I also have trouble with "adult" responsibilities like paying bills and keeping up with housework, car maintenance, etc., so much so that I've had to turn over all household financial management to my wife and more often than not she has to remind me to get the oil changed or the safety inspections done. I also feel very intimidated by people who I percieve to be in a position of authority or are out to take something from me, especially bill collectors, salespeople or service providers like repair people, mechanics, etc. Most other adults I know handle themselves well around these types of people, but I am often very nervous and unsure of myself. The only people I seem to get along with are those who have similar interests, and who I work with. I have exactly 1 friend that I didn't meet in a workplace, and he and I have been tight since junior high. I went to a birthday party for one of my daughter's classmates a few weeks ago, and even though I was presented with multiple opportunities to socialize with other parents, I usually found myself shying away and feeling too intimidated to talk to anyone. I do much better at work; I think it's because I know what the expectations are. Out in the "real world", I am much less sure of myself and feel far younger than my actual age.
In my opinion, age 17 does seem like too young to get married, even for a neurotypical person who has great social skills and a level of maturity consistent with his or her age. But for an aspie, who has a maturity level of less than his or her age, it seems especially young. However, marriage at age 17 might be the right thing to do for some couples (especially if the couple has conceived a child prior to their marriage, and they want the child to be born into a good family, with a married mother and father). I'm not saying that Ed78 made a wrong choice by marrying so young (it might have been the right thing to do, given his circumstances). But the reason he is an "exception" to my theory (about the number of milestones affecting the chronological age he feels) may be due to the young age at which he married and started having children. For many people, graduation from high school, then graduation from college are milestones which help them gain the maturity necessary to be a mature and responsible adult after marriage. During college, they live away from home and learn to be independent (without constant supervision from parents) and learn to get along with same-gender roommates. Then, after college (and maybe after a few years of employment experience), they get married (usually between the ages of 20 and 30), with the maturity to be a good spouse and parent. In Ed78's situation, even though he did get his bachelor's degree later, after marriage and children, he did not have the prior experience of independent living and learning to relate to same-gender roommates, which may have helped him to enter marriage with a higher maturity level (a level where he would have felt older). The milestone of earning a college degree (after marriage and children) could have helped him to feel a little older, but perhaps (with the simultaneous responsibilities of a wife and children) he did not gain the maturing benefits of this milestone as much as he might have, if he had attended and graduated from college prior to marriage. That's my theory, anyway. How about it aspies? What do you think?
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:39 pm Post subject: Re: Do you feel younger than your chronological age?
Fort56 wrote:
Do you feel younger than your chronological age?
Yes. I feel like I am way too young to be about to turn 60. As for that theory on milestones, about the only one, that was listed, hasn't happened to me by now is having grandchildren. I don't know. All my adult life I have always appeared to be about 15 to 20 years younger than my age. At age 30 it wasn't an advantage to look 15. I grew my beard out because I was tired of being asked which high school I attended. I wonder if what age you feel has more to do with what you see looking back at you in the bathroom mirror.
Joined: Apr 15, 2005 Posts: 7577 Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:56 pm Post subject: Re: Do you feel younger than your chronological age?
willmark wrote:
All my adult life I have always appeared to be about 15 to 20 years younger than my age. At age 30 it wasn't an advantage to look 15. I grew my beard out because I was tired of being asked which high school I attended. I wonder if what age you feel has more to do with what you see looking back at you in the bathroom mirror.
Same here! I am in my early 50's, and still look about 15 years younger. I don't know why people think that looking younger than your real age is something good. I would much prefer, if I had the choice, to feel 15 years younger, and look my real age. _________________ Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
I suppose for me, it depends on what I'm doing. I have a very messed up foot that supposedly has needed surgery for about 2 years, and I don't have access. Also, I got a TBI two years ago, one of many, and left hemiparesis.
If I'm trying to walk. I hobble about a lot. But, I have an Autism horse, and grooming him has strengthened the left hemiparesis, though not the pain levels.
However, I also vigorously ride my Autism horse, and when I'm mounted, I don't feel a day over 20. But that's only because I am getting my fitness back (after the TBI - took a long time). My Autism horse stands when I mount, and bows to help me slide off without jamming my injured foot, but once I'm on, no problems.
Also, people tend to think I'm ancient when I'm hobbling around. But when I'm riding, twenty & thirty year olds tell me I ride better than them, and ask me to ride and train their horses.
Joined: Feb 02, 2010 Posts: 7 Location: Washington, DC...ish
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 9:21 pm Post subject: Re: Do you feel younger than your chronological age?
AspieInTraining wrote:
In my opinion, age 17 does seem like too young to get married, even for a neurotypical person who has great social skills and a level of maturity consistent with his or her age. But for an aspie, who has a maturity level of less than his or her age, it seems especially young. However, marriage at age 17 might be the right thing to do for some couples (especially if the couple has conceived a child prior to their marriage, and they want the child to be born into a good family, with a married mother and father). I'm not saying that Ed78 made a wrong choice by marrying so young (it might have been the right thing to do, given his circumstances). But the reason he is an "exception" to my theory (about the number of milestones affecting the chronological age he feels) may be due to the young age at which he married and started having children. For many people, graduation from high school, then graduation from college are milestones which help them gain the maturity necessary to be a mature and responsible adult after marriage. During college, they live away from home and learn to be independent (without constant supervision from parents) and learn to get along with same-gender roommates. Then, after college (and maybe after a few years of employment experience), they get married (usually between the ages of 20 and 30), with the maturity to be a good spouse and parent. In Ed78's situation, even though he did get his bachelor's degree later, after marriage and children, he did not have the prior experience of independent living and learning to relate to same-gender roommates, which may have helped him to enter marriage with a higher maturity level (a level where he would have felt older). The milestone of earning a college degree (after marriage and children) could have helped him to feel a little older, but perhaps (with the simultaneous responsibilities of a wife and children) he did not gain the maturing benefits of this milestone as much as he might have, if he had attended and graduated from college prior to marriage. That's my theory, anyway. How about it aspies? What do you think?
I think you nailed it! This is what I always say; my wife for some reason doesn't always want to agree with me, but I say that there is much value in being "single" and responsible for yourself as an independent adult before getting married. I would never support my children, for example, doing what I did. I totally agree that the maturing process needs to take its course through the milestones you outlined in the right order! to gain the full benefit. My college degree didn't even "feel" the same when I got it (I don't think), because it was so non-traditional, like I'd already been working in the field for over 10 years, it wasn't like I was about the "embark on a great adventure" or whatever they normally say at college graduations. Thanks for the thoughtful response.
in some ways yes and in some ways I was born about 45.
I think I do act and talk younger sometimes and then I can switch and be very clinical and cold sounding, when I am processing stuff through. I don't try to censor myself anymore, I just let whichever aspect out that I feel like at the moment. I do believe this is a developmental disability...because things have taken sooooooooo long to become clear to me which other people seemed to 'get' at like 20 or 25. And I'll have had the same revelation at 35 and be like 'oh', this is how they knew how to handle that situation, or whatever.
Joined: Jan 04, 2009 Age: 20 Posts: 9775 Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 6:32 pm Post subject:
I have always wanted to be seen as an adult for as long as I can remember but I have never even got close because I'm behind a few years emotionally, physically I'm a young adult but inside I'm anywhere between 11-14 (it can go to about 8 when I have tantrums in the house because I scream and everything.) And it makes me really frustrated, I just want to be mature and react to things in a way a young adult should but I'm not allowed because my mind won't let me and I have to be childish about everything. My friends are mostly younger than me and I'm more attracted to boys that are a few months-2 years younger than me.
When I was younger I would strive to look like an adult and I was basically obsessed with the idea of being grown up. That's basically impossible when I had explosive tantrums in public until I was in my early teens (now they're less obvious and frequent and it usually consists of me getting teary eyed and being defiant or saying the same thing over and over with an angry voice). I watched tv programmes that were meant for kids a lot younger than me. Played with dolls until I was 14-ish and still do now occasionally. Walk behind people like an obediant little puppy when I'm out and let them lead the way (still do). And a bunch of other things. I sometimes look up to people who are the same age as me as grown ups and see them as being really cool in their grown up high heels and smart clothes, I almost want to be looked after by them I know it sounds crazy but it's true
I've kind of learned to accept it now and will wait patiently until I'm mature enough to call myself an adult mentally and not just chronologically and physically. But for the meantime I'll have to make the most of my childlike personality and say atleast I will stay youthful for longer! _________________ The butterfly, the tiger, just another shadow in the stone
Flamingo future dinosaur underneath the urban sun
I have always wanted to be seen as an adult for as long as I can remember but I have never even got close because I'm behind a few years emotionally, physically I'm a young adult but inside I'm anywhere between 11-14 (it can go to about 8 when I have tantrums in the house because I scream and everything.) And it makes me really frustrated, I just want to be mature and react to things in a way a young adult should but I'm not allowed because my mind won't let me and I have to be childish about everything. My friends are mostly younger than me and I'm more attracted to boys that are a few months-2 years younger than me.
When I was younger I would strive to look like an adult and I was basically obsessed with the idea of being grown up. That's basically impossible when I had explosive tantrums in public until I was in my early teens (now they're less obvious and frequent and it usually consists of me getting teary eyed and being defiant or saying the same thing over and over with an angry voice). I watched tv programmes that were meant for kids a lot younger than me. Played with dolls until I was 14-ish and still do now occasionally. Walk behind people like an obediant little puppy when I'm out and let them lead the way (still do). And a bunch of other things. I sometimes look up to people who are the same age as me as grown ups and see them as being really cool in their grown up high heels and smart clothes, I almost want to be looked after by them I know it sounds crazy but it's true
I've kind of learned to accept it now and will wait patiently until I'm mature enough to call myself an adult mentally and not just chronologically and physically. But for the meantime I'll have to make the most of my childlike personality and say atleast I will stay youthful for longer!
Hey. You're 17. It's allowed at 17 to not feel mature. Many 17 year olds are convinced that they are mature when in fact they're not. When I was 17 I didn't think I was ready to go out and face the world on my own either. Shoot adolescence didn't even start for me until I was almost 16. I remember how children loved me, and I felt like I was a very tall child myself. I don't think you have anything to worry about, though it may seem like it sometimes. You'll get there when you're ready.
i feel old in the sense that i feel more mature than most my age, or perhaps a better way to put it is concerned with more mature issues, therefore cannot help have a leg up in terms of maturity.
but at the same time, i feel very young. i feel like life started once i stopped "acting" with others... once i started to break off with individuals who and organizations that didn't help my sanity. i feel like that is when i started living. i also feel like i missed childhood in a lot of ways and i make up for it now by not being a typical 33 year old and being very "immature" in a lot of ways.
so really, it depends a lot on the parameters and opinions /definitions of mature/immature, young/old.
As long as I keep my head shaved most people think I'm 10 years younger then I am.
When I'm with my kids people will ask them is that your dad but If I let the gray grow out on the sides they'll say is that your grandfather. Peoples perceptions are weird, and they say we look at thing differently.
But I bike commute to work 2-4 days a week year round (16 miles RT) and ride on week-ends and with having boys 5,10 and 11, I need to be able to keep up with them.
As long as I keep my head shaved most people think I'm 10 years younger then I am.
When I'm with my kids people will ask them is that your dad but If I let the gray grow out on the sides they'll say is that your grandfather. Peoples perceptions are weird, and they say we look at thing differently.
But I bike commute to work 2-4 days a week year round (16 miles RT) and ride on week-ends and with having boys 5,10 and 11, I need to be able to keep up with them.
People tell me that I look younger than my age (but not because I shave my head, since I'm a woman ). The beautician I visit every four months to get a haircut and a permanent says I'm lucky to have blonde hair (which doesn't go gray). I think my young-looking hair contributes to how young I look and feel. Since my beautician is my niece, she also does my sister-in-law's hair. This sister-in-law, Annette, who is about six months younger than me, is a brunette, and my niece has been coloring her gray hair for years! Because Annette has six children and several grandchildren, she seems older than me, probably because of the maturing experiences she has had while raising her children (while my husband and I have no children, by choice).
I don't hate children, but being around children is stressful for me, perhaps because I was teased relentlessly by other children when I was a child. So now, when I see children acting rude or teasing other children (or sometimes even teasing me), it reminds me of the way I was treated as a child, and I feel upset at the children I see acting this way (even though they are not the same children who teased me when I was a child). It seems strange that I feel this way. I realize that I should let go of the past and let go of my bad childhood memories, but when I see children misbehaving, all the bad memories come flooding back. That's one of the reasons I chose not to have children; I was afraid that if I had children of my own, I might mistreat them when they caused me this type of stress (although I would never want to hurt or abuse anyone, especially not a child). Maybe these types of feelings are a consequence of being an aspie, but I haven't read about any other aspies on this forum felling this way. If you are an aspie and have similar feelings of stress concerning children, I'd like to hear about your feelings and experiences.
). The beautician I visit every four months to get a haircut and a permanent says I'm lucky to have blonde hair (which doesn't go gray). I think my young-looking hair contributes to how young I look and feel. Since my beautician is my niece, she also does my sister-in-law's hair. This sister-in-law, Annette, who is about six months younger than me, is a brunette, and my niece has been coloring her gray hair for years! Because Annette has six children and several grandchildren, she seems older than me, probably because of the maturing experiences she has had while raising her children (while my husband and I have no children, by choice).
