hey I'm new here, well kind off I've had an account for a while but i never actually posted, just lurked a little.
well about me I'm 20, soon to be 21 male, Australian and I was diagnosed with Aspergers when i was about 9 or 10. My early childhood was most likely allot like that of the typical Aspie (if such a thing even exists), and was full of confusion, loneliness, obsession and emotionally isolated. I was initially diagnosed with add (or as my mum called it a-d-little-h-d), and given drugs that were essentially speed (and they wondered why i would get hyperactive).
Anyway I eventually got properly diagnosed with Aspergers when my school councillor pointed out that my behavioural pattern were those of an Aspie, rather than those of someone with Add, so i got off the kiddy speed, got on some different medication, and things git a bit better i still felt isolated and alone but at least i knew why (not that it made much sense at the time).
high school was a bit better, i went to a small private school with only one class per year, the kids were nice i got along with them well enough when i tried, but I still never felt like i fit in, and i was never really interested so i got pretty terrible grades. I dropped out after year 10 worked for a bit, mainly in factories and retail, it helped me open up a bit and understand Nt's bit better, but i didn't want to be stuck doing it my whole life. So i went back and did my HSC (SAT's for you Americans, or A levels for the english kids). I was nervous at first because all my bad grades in high school had made me think i was stupid, which i came to realise i clearly wasn't, and i passed my HSC with high grades. going back to school did two major things for me, first It made me discover i was intact quite smart, and enjoyed learning, and secondly and probably more importantly it allowed me to fully come into my own, and discover who i really was, allowing me to make real friends for the first time.
After getting my Hsc i had completed the first part of my plan, the second part was to go to university and study animation. Ive just finished my first year, and universities been a really interesting experience so far. I moved out of home to go to uni so i experienced independents for the first time, which i really like unfortunately due to monetary issues I've had to move back with my parents for a while. the actually classes were also awesome and having discussions with professors and managing to maintain my end of the conversation, and raise good points was extremely satisfying. I also fell in love for the first time, sadly my heart was broken, and i was betrayed by someone i considered a god friend but at least i know i can feel that now.
Due partially to the heartbreak, but not completely I've started to feel more alone and isolated again, and thats the bit that is the most upsetting to me, I've learnt to manage my Aspergers to the extent that i can live alone, and have friends, and study, and maintain eye contact, but what really hurts, is the loneliness and isolation. i always thought it would go away, i always thought it would get better, but it never has, to this day i still feel disconnected from everyone around me.
And thats what brought me here, I thought here of all places i might be able to find some sort of connection someone to talk to who will understand.
anyway sorry for the wall of text, any one who read the whole things my hero,
_________________
its a fool's prerogative to utter truths no one else will speak
02 Feb 2013, 7:58 am
