21 May 2012, 1:20 pm
I'm really sorry SluvsK, this is going to have to wait for another day or so - I'm bloody knackered at the minute.
Hope you're getting on well though and I hope to respond to you soon. 
21 May 2012, 2:12 pm
21 May 2012, 2:18 pm
21 May 2012, 4:23 pm
21 May 2012, 4:31 pm
ForEverAutistic wrote:
hi and welcome to wrong planet
Hello, thank you!
21 May 2012, 4:44 pm
ur very welcome 
21 May 2012, 6:08 pm
21 May 2012, 6:36 pm
21 May 2012, 7:48 pm
SluvsK wrote:
Thank you for this perspective!
Absolutely no problem.
SluvsK wrote:
No, we don't live together. We don't live very far from each other, though - just 15 minutes or so.
We don't live very far from each other, though - just 15 minutes or so.By car or walking? I know you Seps don't walk a great deal but 15 minutes away by car from here definitely ain't walking distance material. 15 minutes by foot would be alright though.
SluvsK wrote:
Yes, that's pretty much how it happened.
Thought it might have been something along those lines.
SluvsK wrote:
I tried flirting with him but he didn't respond to that. For a while, I wasn't sure if he just didn't get it or if he wasn't interested. Eventually, I worked up the nerve to just say it straight out - "I have a crush on you!" He opened up to me very quickly after that.
I wish I could have been there to see it. I bet you could see the light being switched on in his head!
SluvsK wrote:
*blush* I suppose so! I can't help it, thoug.
No, 'tis OK.
SluvsK wrote:
lol
If you know what Tizer is (a red-coloured carbonated soft drink) and you know that it's damn sticky and a pain when you spill it.
SluvsK wrote:
This is a bit of a tricky question... I think that he has progressed very far with his social skills and I think, for the most part, he's capable of handling things himself.
Good for him.
SluvsK wrote:
But there are things that make me worry - like when a friend of his was putting pressure on him and he felt terribly guilty for upsetting the friend without any reason to feel that way.
To be honest, if this friend has a habit of making him feel like this (and he eventually realises it) then he could always give them the Order of the Boot.
SluvsK wrote:
The friend was ignoring him over a silly spat and I felt like the friend's actions were totally uncalled for, but all Kai (my boyfriend) could think about was how he had supposedly let the friend down. He even wrote something about how he always ruins friendships on his Facebook. I felt so bad for him and I didn't think he did anything wrong - he certainly didn't deserve the guilt trip.
It sounds like he could still be fairly easy to manipulate and use, then.
SluvsK wrote:
I think sometimes he worries about fitting in and people liking him, but he has told me recently that he's tired of trying to conform to what society thinks of as "the norm", and he's burnt out on not acting like himself while desperately trying to behave like the average person.
Eventually, that's the only real way for us. We realise we'll never fit in (I definitely won't, for numerous reasons) so we just decide to say "sod it" and go our own merry little way, on our own.
SluvsK wrote:
So I am hoping that he will grow stronger and more confident - I'm trying to boost his confidence any way that I can, and I've told him that I would rather he act naturally around me, without fear of judgment from me, so that I can just be with the real Kai, not the person he tries to force himself to be when he's around other people who aren't as understanding of his condition.
What was his reaction when you told him this? Was he easy or uneasy about it?
SluvsK wrote:
I think his family is great - his parents are very loving and he has two brothers and two sisters-in-law that he has a good relationship with. They don't live nearby, though - I think that's part of my worries.
Yes, I can understand this. If family live nearby and they were loving (and perceptive) they'd be able to tell.
SluvsK wrote:
He'd have to tell them if something bad were happening to him - they wouldn't be able to just drop by and notice that something is bothering him, you know?
And he might well not say anything to them, even if they noticed something 'off' about him on the occasional visit, yes?
SluvsK wrote:
Have I been rejected and teased? Yes, I was bullied a lot during my younger years.
I'm sorry to hear that.
SluvsK wrote:
I've never been rejected by someone I've been interested in, though.
Wow - that's at least one positive then! Most people don't get that luxury (I haven't, put it that way). I think it's far better to be rejected cleanly than to be teased and belitted by the person rejecting you, though. Especially when you're inexperienced, that could leave some nasty psychological scars.
SluvsK wrote:
He has told me stories about other people making him into an outcast and avoiding him because of his autism.
It's common for those of us with autism spectrum disorders. In a sense, many of us "take what we can get" when it comes to social interaction - even if that contact/friendship is unhealthy, coercive or abusive, because other people often don't show us that we deserve better.
SluvsK wrote:
Lots of people have never bothered to take the time to truly get to know him and his condition so that they could maintain a friendship with him.
A lot of people can't be bothered, or if they do they often tend to be health professionals or people who work with autistic people anyway. That's welcome, but not particularly helpful in dealing with the wider world.
SluvsK wrote:
He hasn't spoken to me at length about other women he's known, but I do know from bits and pieces of conversations that we've had that some women have not been very kind to him.
Yes, some of them do tend to be quite narcissistic and unkind to anyone who they don't see as matching up, and that especially includes men with disabilities. Feck 'em.
SluvsK wrote:
But oh well, their loss, my gain!
I'm sorry, I couldn't help but grin like a loon at this statement! Sorry.
SluvsK wrote:
That's sweet. I like that. I'll talk with him more about this.
Take yer time.
SluvsK wrote:
I guess you could say a mutual friend introduced us!
Good stuff.
SluvsK wrote:
We attend the same church, although he's been going for a couple of years longer than I have.
Is church mainly a social thing or something more than that? I speak as an agnostic in a very secular, non-believing country (the UK).
SluvsK wrote:
The friend said, "You have to meet Kai - you would like him a lot".
SluvsK wrote:
I saw his picture in the church directory booklet before I met him and I thought he was gorgeous - he had the cutest smile and I could just tell he was super sweet. He also has amazing blue eyes! I had friended a few other people from the church on Facebook and he was a friend of one of them. He commented on her status about something and I just decided to take the first step - I said, "Hi, blah blah blah, hope to see you around church some time," and he was very friendly. He responded to me immediately. We moved the conversation over to private messaging so we wouldn't fill up our friend's status with our messages, and then I asked him if it would be ok if I sent him a friend request. He said, "I've already sent it myself" and friend requested me. I happily accepted. Eventually I felt close enough to him to send him my phone number, and we have talked at least every other day since then.
That's very interesting. I can see how it's gradually blossomed. There's hope for tubby boy yet.
SluvsK wrote:
In late April I started flirting with him, just a little bit at first but then more and more.
How? Words? Gestures? Big, healthy dollops of cleavage? In fact, going by experience, that might not actually have worked for many Aspie males in that it would just make us feel uncomfortable, as though we we were being tested and mocked.
SluvsK wrote:
As I said before, I was confused at first - I wasn't sure if he just didn't like me back in that way or if he didn't realize that I was flirting. Finally I decided that I had to say something - I felt like he had to know. Once I finally told him, he was very receptive! I was so happy and relieved. He told me he had a crush on me, too, and that was that.
I'm glad to hear this.
SluvsK wrote:
How sweet! Thank you.
No problemo.
SluvsK wrote:
Oh no, it's alright. You haven't spoken anything but the truth!
I'm glad that you feel that way.
SluvsK wrote:
And he does care about my feelings. We're not in a one sided relationship. We were talking about the challenges we might face just recently, and he told me that he's glad that I realize it will be difficult for me, but he will try to make it as easy as he possibly can.
Good on him.
SluvsK wrote:
He does have some anxiety - thank you for that link!
No problem. It can be healthy to be with people of a like-mind. I'm a member of a UK social anxiety forum myself, as it happens.
SluvsK wrote:
Yes, you're right! I think a walk or going to a park would be a great idea for us.
I think a walk or going to a park would be a great idea for us.You can add things on to it, you know - get an ice cream as well, or something, if you want to make it a bit romantic. Other point to it as well is it's cheap as chips - you're not spending $15 each (after snacks) or whatever it is there to go to a cinema where you can't talk much anyway. It's summer after all, and it's ideal time to find a local park.
SluvsK wrote:
He has a dog and he loves animals.
The opposite of me then!
SluvsK wrote:
I think taking his dog out somewhere - like a dog park - would be a great thing. I'll ask him if he has any ideas about what he'd like to do the next time we get together.
Good job you don't mind dogs then, eh?
SluvsK wrote:
We've been discussing this more and more. He says that he likes a hug and a kiss, and a little bit of snuggling, but after that he has had enough of physical contact. He does want my affection but I think he feels trapped or restricted by it after a while and it bothers him. I told him I will be more considerate of this in the future, as well as ask permission before touching him.
I think personally I would be worried that it would feel a bit controlling or weird to have to ask permission to hug someone that you were in a relationsihp with, but I can understand how it's very necessary for a relationship such as yours. You seem to be on the right track though, deffo.
SluvsK wrote:
He seemed relieved and told me he appreciated that.
Good stuff.
SluvsK wrote:
:D Oh, you make me blush!
And I bet you he would be the same way too if he could.
SluvsK wrote:
That would be wonderful!
It sure would. It will happen, don't you worry about that.
SluvsK wrote:
Thank you so much! I know I've said this before but you're a really sweet person.
Thank you very much for the confidence boost!
SluvsK wrote:
I appreciate your attention and your advice.
No skin off my nose, Sarah.
SluvsK wrote:
And I don't think you're being nosey at all!
I'm glad to hear that.
21 May 2012, 7:49 pm
SluvsK wrote:
Oh. Ok!
He'll understand what was meant (he's from that part of the world where they speak like that all the time) but you probably won't - I meant that he's being a clown and trying to wind you up.
22 May 2012, 11:35 am
Tequila wrote:
SluvsK wrote:
ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Listen, have you any money?
Any money? Why do you ask?
Don't worry, he's being a tube. Don't take no notice of 'im.
31 May 2012, 12:47 pm
Hi Tequila,
I just wanted to check in with you and say hello. How are you doing? K has me going through a little bit of a rough time right now but I think it might be getting better! He is just plain confusing at times. I love him more than ever, though!
ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Tequila wrote:
SluvsK wrote:
ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:
Listen, have you any money?
Any money? Why do you ask?
Don't worry, he's being a tube. Don't take no notice of 'im.
LOL
31 May 2012, 1:36 pm
31 May 2012, 1:52 pm
de1ltron wrote:
Hey Sarah,
Just made my very first post a couple of minutes ago and when checking if it worked, I found out your thread. I have read bits and pieces of it and I guess that I might be able to give you some insight since I am an Aspie too, and your love just seems to feel pretty much as I used to, and still do sometimes.
I was really stuck in my head for a couple of years and some one exactly like you explained me many things which helped us communicate and understand each other much better. You've got the basis, it is patience, you can get a general idea on how we are in the forum, and I'd really like to help in any way I can so feel free to ask any question or doubt you have, I'm not very good at taking the initiative but I guess I would be pretty good at talking about my perception for specific questions. Just shoot =)
Even though this post won't help you understanding your boyfriend better, at least I hope it gave you some hope, yes it is possible to break some of the barriers that separate us Aspies from 'normal' people and you have exactly what it takes to break them, it is just a matter of getting to know your boyfriend and him getting to know you.
I wish you the very best and somehow I am a bit jealous of this guy, there's not that many ladies out there willing to take in such a mountain to climb. Thanks, people like you will make this world good to us in the future!
Just made my very first post a couple of minutes ago and when checking if it worked, I found out your thread. I have read bits and pieces of it and I guess that I might be able to give you some insight since I am an Aspie too, and your love just seems to feel pretty much as I used to, and still do sometimes.
I was really stuck in my head for a couple of years and some one exactly like you explained me many things which helped us communicate and understand each other much better. You've got the basis, it is patience, you can get a general idea on how we are in the forum, and I'd really like to help in any way I can so feel free to ask any question or doubt you have, I'm not very good at taking the initiative but I guess I would be pretty good at talking about my perception for specific questions. Just shoot =)
Even though this post won't help you understanding your boyfriend better, at least I hope it gave you some hope, yes it is possible to break some of the barriers that separate us Aspies from 'normal' people and you have exactly what it takes to break them, it is just a matter of getting to know your boyfriend and him getting to know you.
I wish you the very best and somehow I am a bit jealous of this guy, there's not that many ladies out there willing to take in such a mountain to climb. Thanks, people like you will make this world good to us in the future!
How sweet of you! Thank you so much!
It does give me hope.
I know that he wants to love and be loved, despite the challenges in our way. And I definitely love him, so much.
I will send you a message in a bit. Thanks again! ((hugs))
