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Indeed, I rankle at the term "mild" - it demeans the disability we live with and the struggles and stresses and trauma we endure every f**king day of our lives. Just because I can HIDE my handicaps better than some, does not make them less severe.

Well said! For many years I've been wrestling with the diagnosis of mental illness. On the one hand, I am so much more sick than I allow others to know, hence I'm a fabulous actress at portraying a "normal" person. But then I question the validity of my mental illness, if I'm so high-functioning that I've kept everyone at bay to how sick I really am.

Am I mentally ill? AM I an Aspie? AM I a fraud?

I just don't like the term "mild autism" because it makes me sound unintelligent. "Aspergers Syndrome" though, has long been regarded as something "smart people" have.

Well, to clarify, I do think it's true that there are varying levels of severity along the autistic spectrum. I've seen a few Aspies (both online and in person) whose behavior is so extreme that I don't think their brains could allow them to act normal and hide their handicaps even if they spent years learning how to do so. So those who are described as "mild" are simply seen as more capable of functioning in society than these extreme cases.

However, that doesn't change the emotional impact. Mild Aspies are still often lonely and frustrated and prone to depression, and that's what makes it difficult to deal with experts telling them not to worry simply because their condition isn't severe.

Definitely. I've met someone who was diagnosed with full fledged autism. He was the son of my mother's friend; they came over for a barbecue once.

I felt sorry for him, because he was completely dependant on people looking after him, and couldn't have conversations with us at all. He simply watched the intros to videos the whole time he was there; he'd only watch the trademarks, like 20th Century Fox searchlights, or the Disney castle animated logo. Over and over again, that's all he'd watch.

How philosophical! This is the root of a great discussion... I have often thought it is ironic that my shrink sister (and others who claim to know me well) are far more willing to acknowledge my older diagnosis of bipolar disorder (which never felt accurate to me) than the Asperger's diagnosis (which felt so accurate it was creepy). Why is this? Why would people rather regard us as having a mental illness than a relatively stable (if sometimes disabling) condition? And better yet: why are we made to feel like "frauds" for trying to adapt and fit in when we need to do so, and are regarded as equally "fraudulent" when we can no longer put forth the effort to put on the act and our true selves start to slip into view???

I often hear Aspies (females especially) use the term "acting" when describing how Aspies behave from day to day. Perhaps it's just because I'm a male, but I don't really see it this way. Rather, I see it as using certain social skills I've developed in a natural -- albeit slower than normal -- manner over the years.

At some point in my early teens -- long before I had my diagnosis -- I made a conscious effort to not behave quite as strangely as I once did. I made this decision because I realized my behavior was turning some people off, and I wanted to make more friends. But I didn't view this change in behavior as "acting." I was still being myself; I was just being a more socially-developed version of myself.

Of course, the tricky part is finding the right balance and not giving in to TOO much pressure to conform. I do like being "weird" to some degree, and I'm proud of the characteristics that make me different from many others. But, I also like people and I like having friends. So, the key is to be "normal" enough to attract friends but still be unique enough to ensure that they're the right kind of friends you want to have.

I agree with you there Rolteg. I made that same decision. The first decision I made was to appear normal, which was when I was a lot younger.

When I left school, a few years later, I got tired of being invisible. I noticed most people knew me as the quite girl, who was nice, but otherwise uninteresting, and so I braved the next step. Rather than simply trying to appear normal, I attempted to push the boundaries further, and learn more difficult personality traits, such as being a leader, standing up to people, or standing up for people, I learned to negotiate, and even to ask people for what I really wanted.

It actually wasn't as bad as I had thought. Don't get me wrong, it was hard work, and took me years to learn (I'm still learning), but I recommend everyone try it. It's extremely liberating, and I no longer feel as though being in social situations is a drain on me. I actually enjoy being at parties now, as I use them as my testing grounds for my success; and I've learned to laugh at myself if I do in fact make a fool of myself

I like your perspective, Rolteg. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that females (AS or NT) are constantly bombarded with representations of what a "good girl" should be? I've always envied my male friends, because the concept I have of myself usually aligns more with the representations of males--I'm a "tomboy". Therefore, living up to the social expectations that exist for females requires a degree of self-denial. Add being an Aspie to that, and female Aspies probably do feel that they are not just adopting better social skills, but also "acting". It's really hard for some of us to maintain a strong sense of self when others are around.

It's refreshing to see that kind of attitude for a change. Too often I see Aspies take on a defeatist attitude of "Ehh, nobody likes me anyway, so why bother" when it comes to socializing. I think if they really made the effort to get out there and show themselves to the world, they'd find out that there are more people like them than they realize, and that those people really do care about them.

To quote Pink Floyd, "The ones who really love you walk up and down outside the wall."

Thanks Rotleg

That means a lot. I truly believe that in the long run, biting the bullet, is far less stressful than a lifetime of repression.

Well, the first way to get help would be to seek out a therapist. Your older brother no doubt means well, but he's not medically trained to confirm diagnosis of a neurological disorder.