Hello my name is dave i will be 34 in march
A little bit about me. I was adopted at the age of 2-3 my biological mother had me when she was 16. (removed due to abuse/neglect) i was raised and adopted by older people (50's when i was adopted) My mother believes strongly that i have aspergers. I currently am on disability due to a bad case of depression and what ive been told is OCD and something else i can not remember the name of.
First off i am going to be using a lot of cut and pasting here frankly because other people have put things into words better then i think i can.
Reasons I think I have aspergers
• Always had a sense of being different from most people
• Often do not understand the point of having conversations unless it’s for a purpose, i.e. to share information
• Can’t follow a conversation in a group with lots of people and when the topic changes rapidly
• Difficulty hearing people speak when there is a lot of background noise, e.g. in a group or a pub << this drives me nuts
• Feel the need to have gaps in conversations to process and have time to think
• Spent most of childhood feeling very awkward and embarrassed because I didn’t know how to act in social situations
• i view a phone call as you call someone tell them what you need to tell them and hang up. IE communicate the message and that is it.. I do not like talking on the phone at all.
• Have often been told I am very blunt in the way I speak and voice my opinions, even though I don’t feel I have been
• Get very stressed and anxious sometimes when there is a lot of noise going on, e.g. the TV on with music and a friend talking fast and excitedly
• love and feel connected to animals, sometimes feel disconnected from or hate people
• Don’t understand how to make friends.. even though i desperately want to interact with people.. Even though i tend to go to extremes and think most if not everyone is stupid.
• don’t tend to use gestures in conversation
• sometimes have difficulty knowing what is appropriate chat and small talk
• tendency to over analyse conversations afterwards..............
• Will spend long periods of time obsessing over or researching certain topics
• Enjoy logical things
• Difficulty with spontaneity in conversation, ... Can not easily switch topics (i can if i change the topic)
• Find it easier to communicate through writing rather than speaking.. that is when i bothered at all
• Sometimes clutter sentences or mispronounce a word, even when feeling comfortable
Always thing i have done something wrong.. or might do something wrong in social settings or conversations. I just can not tell
Was teased and attacked repeatedly in school, so much that i have blocked out most of my school time (basicaly most of my life before the age of 19-20). I did graduate with a 3.9 GPA though. Even though i flunked math. Just can not get my head around math. I can do a lot of math in my head though. Writing it all out and showing work etc is hard.
Hate sarcasm i do not understand it most of the time. Even though i try to use it myself (mainly online posts etc)
I constantly think something i am saying or doing is making someone angry etc with me.. My most asked question is "Is everything ok?" or "did i do something?"
I can handle crowded places.. But i do not enjoy it. I do not like crowds... I do not like driving.. At times when i am driving i can visualize being in a accident and it causes me to feel .. A electric kind of shock and i shudder.
Eye contact .. I do not seem to have a issue with eye contact but for the most part it seems i am over sensitive to peoples emotions or just flat out don't understand bodylaungage. Even though i try and pay close attention. Conversations where i can not see the person are extremely uncomfortable for me. I am a extreamly messy person, But this i believe is due to my self punishment i have imposed upon myself. I self analise quite a bit. .something being messy (my house) bothers me quite a bit but due to my cynicism i have basically given up.
Here it is in a nutshell .. My current philosophy on life/things.
What is the point ? Why bother doing anything ? In all seriusness the entire history of mankind is nothing more then a small blip in history. Mankind will die off sooner or later to be replaced by ether another organisim or nothing at all (see super nova, massive asteroid, basically end of the earth) So what is the point to everything ? I for one do not believe in god, the idea that a god (one that mankind claims exists) to me is self delusion. Putting a explanation to something that can not be explained. etc. In the grand schem of things all of earth history is nothing compared to what is going on out in the galaxy.
Some of that is due to my depression, some is from researching things online. and seeing how mankind brutalizes each other and the planet. I CARE greatly about things, i think sometimes i care too much and it has gotten to the point where i try not to think or remember anything because all it causes is pain and confusion and anger. I used to work in rest homes until my foster father passed away. Afterwords i just couldn't do it anymore. in the period when my fosterfather died from cancer (2-3 year period) 6-8 people in my family and people i knew all passed away.
I imagin at this point that many of you are tired of reading what i am saying here. I am sorry.. I tend to talk too much..
Thank you for reading this disjointed post.. Please reply with your thoughts
edit.. and here is my test results
Click here to share your EQ SQ scores on your blog.
Respondent Average EQ Average SQ Brain Type
Males 39.0 61.2 Systemizing
Females 48.0 51.7 Empathizing
Your Score 28 83 Extreme Systemizing
What does your score mean?
12 Jan 2010, 8:34 am
