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Hello! I am a 33 year old mom of a 13 year girl with asp. I am a super social person. Remember the group in highschool everyone hates - yeah I was in that. I have of course grown up a lot since I was 16, but I still find it hard to relate to my girl who has zero social skills and very few friends. Things she takes in stride would horrify me. I find that I try to push my ideals (clothes, hair, make-up, fitting in, etc...) on her and she wants nothing to do with those things. She likes her hair short so she doesn't have to deal with it, she likes chapstick and comfy clothes and she could careless about fitting in. It is like living with an alien - an amazing alien I love more than life it self - but an alien just the same. I guess that is why I have joined. I want to and need to understand her better, especially as we enter to the evil road of puberty.

First off, welcome to Wrong Planet, BreKmom!!

Something my mom and I did to try to understand each other better was we just sat down and talked. I explained how I see and interpret the world and she did the same; we may not have understood the other completely, but it really did help.

We do sit and talk. She is not really big on discussing herself though. I have made a point of reading the same books and that seems to be where we can connect the most. We are both insane readers.

Welcome to WP!

That sounds EXACTLY like me at that age!

Welcome to WP. I'm glad you found us.

I got through puberty, middle/high school, etc., because my mom supported my choices to be myself, no matter what.

I was bullied a lot in grade school, but by middle and high school I had learned how to become "invisible" to most people (except for the few friends I did make--mainly guys who acted like my brothers). I avoided all of the high school "drama" and was much happier for it.

My mom was up-front about the social jungle of school so I would know how to react (or not react, as the case sometimes was). She went to bat for me when I was being bullied, and taught me how to handle things later that were more "subtle." I became very good at ignoring snide remarks, etc.

If she's not big on talking about herself, just make sure she always knows you are there to listen if/when she needs you to. Your love and support are what will matter the most.

Again, welcome. Btw, I'm not a parent myself, but I do remember what it was like to be an "alien" at that age.

Thank you. I have no idea how to do things in here yet so I am just kinda replying. I do stand up for her - and when she asks me not to call the school I don't. She was surrounded by a group of boys who thought it was fun to throw foil balls at her. She said "can you believe how stupid and immature that is?" I was so dumbfounded and proud of her all at once. I do need to let things go and let her be herself. She is on the way to 8th grade and hs scares me. I hope she learns survival techniques like you did.

First of all, welcome! I am Kuramu, or Syd.

Now, keep in mind that I do not have a child - but, I am a teenager, and I am a female. The statement to follow is based off of things that I have been taught, or things that I have learned:

If your daughter doesn't want to wear make-up, or only wants to wear comfy clothes, then let her do so. She's just being herself, and nothing more (from my understanding). Put yourself in her shoes: How would you feel if someone tried to push fashion on you, and all you were doing was just being yourself?
Another thing, too is that, in the end, it's the content of someone's character that matters the most - not how they appear on the outside. A person could look like a total slob, but have a heart of absolute gold - same as how a person could look absolutely beautiful, but act absolutely terrible towards everyone and everything. Maybe you should pay attention more towards her character, and bring out ideals (things like honesty, as an example, and sticking towards your values) to help build onto that character?

As for getting around this place... well, I can help you with some of it. Send me a message if you have any trouble. I'll be more than happy to help. (:

Sounds like you're both doing fine. I'm proud of her too--that remark probably shocked them to no end.

I think she's already learning survival techniques, and you are doing exactly right--stand up for her when she needs/wants it, back off when she does not. That way, she knows she has your support, but you're not treating her like a baby.

As for "how to do things in here:" reply, start new threads, whatever--anything that helps you.

Take care, both of you.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello, BreKmom - and welcome to the WP forums.

Hello BreKmom, welcome,

I hope we can help you understand your daughter better.

Enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

Thanks everyone!