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Hi
I'm new to the site and recognising that I am highly probably an Aspie. (no formal diagnosis)

We have a 9 year old daughter, who is most probably Aspie. I never thought that there was anything "wrong" with her. My wife has done some research and knows some people with Aspie kids. Anyway, my wife suspected that I may also be Aspie. After I had read some subject matter and done some on line tests, it also happens that I am highly probably Aspie. I've been fairly sure now for just over a month. I had never suspected that I had a problem. I have always been successful at work and academically and I have a firm circle of friends, albeit remote at the moment as we have just moved to a new country. I do have many of the traits relating to Aspies, I very much enjoy self time, I become obsessed in things that I do, I don't pick up emotional signs (but I do empathise in that once I can see somebody’s pain or joy, I can feel it with them, probably too much for not having recognised the emotion in the first place), come accross as selfish and self opinionated, etc..

I am devastated with the realisation of how I have systematically hurt my wife, mainly emotionally, over the years. I never realised that there was anything wrong with me and I would never knowingly do anything to hurt anybody, especially my wife. My wife has always hoped secretly that I would change, when my job was a little less stressed, when the kids grew up, when we had more time for each other. Now that her suspicions about me being Aspie have been given some grounding, she has come to a realisation that I will never change and that I will never be able to return her love in the tender way that she needs. I do love my wife dearly but I don't know what I can do to make things bearable for her. I don't realise the hurt I cause until too late.

Any positive advice is greatly welcome.

Welcome to WP!

Before becoming hypocondriatic, I suggest your get yourself diagnosed properly. There are many parents active here, having children with autism and having it themselves or not and vica versa.

There is nothing wrong with your daughter having autism, she might sense a little different but that doesn't make her wrong or broken (talking in own experiences that aren't that well). As far as I know there is a presumed hereditary factor on autism, although not yet absolutely confirmed in genetics.

Sounds like a few factors for autism, but nothing definite - diagnosis gives certainty.

I have too little experience in relationships. Autism doesn't need to be the end a relationship, I wish you good luck on the coming times - On this part it is the moment I leave the stage and let the seasoned parents and elderly do the talking.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, BassMan_720.

Thanks for the welcome and the early advice.
As far as I am concerned, my daughter is a great 9 year old. She is a handful for my wife though. I do not see the point in having my daughter tested and risking her being stigmatized and labeled for life. With respect to myself, I don’t see the point. If I’m not an Aspie, I have all of the traits. If I am an Aspie, there is nothing that can be done. My wife and I are fairly sure I’m an Aspie. My wife has suspected for some time and all of the on line tests are fairly conclusive.
In terms of my relationship with my wife, while being an Aspie does not necessarily mean the end of our relationship, it does not help. My wife has found some kindred spirits here on a Christian wives website titled “living-with-a-husband-with-asperger’s” (I can’t post a link because I am too new). The web site is hard reading. We are not religious ourselves but there are many things in common with the way my wife tells me how she feels. I was never aware that I have caused so much distress and I would never knowingly hurt my wife. What is worse, I probably will never understand or know what it is I do to hurt her. She can’t explain, she only knows that I do and that I don’t make her feel loved. I’m having great difficulty with this.

Welcome!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome!

Ok, good to hear about the positive view. I do understand about the stigmatizing through labeling, this is something my parents didn't told me either because they afraid I would behave to the label (hypocondria) and see myself as wrong - I am happy they did to some extend.



I am not the person to take you of your convictions, it's just a friendly advice from my part - misdiagnosis can be made fairly quick since there is overlapse in autism and other mental variants.



Good to hear you two are managing .



It's the Globe-with-the-Chain-underneath icon in the message taskbar. There are no restriction on posting links for newcomers.



Well I hope someone can explain for you, my dad had the same problem with those as he called "blindspots" (has autism like me btw) and has managed to deal with them over last couple of years. Since the will is there, I think you are able to find a solution or atleast a workaround for the situation.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

A very special Welkome to WrongPlanet, with a K.

The WP Kink

Thanks again for the welcomes: especially Wallourdes for the positive advice.

For info, there is a limit to posting links - five posts + five days membersip. I'm still not up to either.