My Lovely Hubby

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Hi there everybody.

After oh so many years of getting incredibly frustrated with my husband, I have come to realise that he might very well have Asperger syndrome and now albeit I am still getting very frustrated, I am beginning to think that at least there might be a reason behind all the "Madness" and that with guidance I might be able to turn my frustration into something more positive or beneficial. I love him incredibly (25 years married) but there have been so many occassions I have just wanted to live on my own. Now is one of those times ( hence my hunting down this forum ).

Please help me. How do I deal with this correctly. He has no idea I even think he has Asperger, I don't know how to tell him my thoughts on this!

Frustrated but very loving wife

Welcome!

Welcome!

If he does have Aspergers, you undoubtedly have a very good idea of what he can and can't do. You should work as a team to take advantage of his strengths and avoid his weaknesses. We tend to have single track minds--being very good at doing something to completion, no matter how long it takes. Conversely, we aren't very good at multitasking. Similarly, we can work along for hours on end, while social interaction is a heavy drain on our resources. You can expect us to be tired and cranky after going to party or dinner. We often show up and leave early.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks for the "Welcomes"

Trying to assertain what is possibly Aspergers is sometimes so all consuming. I just don't know how to tell him that I think he possibly has it ( I am 100% sure ) I think he would be heart broken to know that I have even thought to consider it, though for me, that he has it, is not a problem. I just need to learn to understand it and deal with it in the correct way for him ! How do I get him to accept something that I think he would be too scared to confront ?
We need to confront it and get a happy plan in action, because at the moment our life is on a definate downward spiral that I cannot fix by myself ... I need him to help me fix it ... But when I really look at him, into him, to understand him, I don't actually know how much of it he can actually help me fix ............. Now I sound stupid and like I am rambling !
Who can I talk to?
How do I talk to him?
I think it is slowly getting worse, Can that happen? ........ or is it that I am only now, in this past year, really seeing him with my eyes really open?
He is a very lovely man. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. I don't want my life without him in it. But Agghhhhhhh, I don't have the strength to stop myself from nagging, moaning, shouting, crying, wanting to bash my head off a wall, wanting to bash his head off a wall ................ But ..... This forum is a little step I hope in the right direction, to ensuring that our marriage carries on happily. I want to stay married but I am really struggling !

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Aspergers typically does not get worse. However, we can forget what little social skills we have if we don't use them--just like people who have been married for 20 years can forget how to date.

It can also seem to get worse if our situation changes--changing to a job that requires significant social interaction can do this--an example might be someone who used to be a cook having to wait tables and interact with customers.

So many things have changed in the past year or so .... maybe because of this, I am now more aware of my immediate circumstances .... or mores to the point, because I now spend much more time one on one with my hubby, that it has become more obvious ! .... So yes, it maybe hasn't got worse, I am just seeing it now !

Welcome to Wrong Planet!