Hello, my name is Nick, I was diagnosed several years ago as an aspie and I'm honestly not sure why it took so long for me to sign up for a forum like this one, but I'm here now and that's what matters. I know these introductions tend to be fairly short but I just feel the need to spill my guts right now and basically explain the series of events that brought me here. I'll just go over my story starting from high school onward as what happened in the years prior does not relate as much to what is happening today.
Through high school, I was part of a close knit group of friends. I had tried to make other friends but for one reason or another, none of those potential friendships ever materialized; but there was always me and my three closest friends (We'll call them A, B, and C). Then by the time 11th grade rolled around, things started to change. 'A' would be the first of our group to get his driver's liscense and he would use it to go on weekend group road trips, the only problem is that both B and C were always invited on these road trips and I wasn't (except for once in a blue moon where I suspected they'd feel sorry for me and allow me to tag along). This happened constantly and sometimes they'd even invite somebody that none of them ever hung around with and then tell me later that they couldn't invite me because there was no room. To make things worse, B had told both me and C several times that he didn't even see A as a friend but was just using him because he had a car, and A was clearly trying to earn brownie points with B because he would do everything B asked him to do. After graduation we would all go out on the odd weekend and camp out, getting drunk and having fun, and this made me think that maybe things would be okay after all. B was going to university in the coming year and we'd all talk about going up to visit him on the odd weekend and A and C would make the 3 hour drive to pay him a visit about once every month never once taking me along. It was at about this point that A began to hang out with my younger brother because they were both into oline gaming and quite frankly, A has always been immature. C would get his driver's license a month before I would and his father would buy him a car immediately after, but once I passed my driver's test, I would recieve no car from my parents, I would not be able to buy a car as all my money would have to go to paying for university in the coming fall, and to add insult to injury, it has been 4 years since I got my license and I have not driven a vehicle since.
So that coming fall, I headed off to the same university that B had just apparently dropped out of and initially struggled with making friends. I went back home every couple of weekends for a little while, and would always attempt to call up C, with whom I had always considered the closest of my friends. Despite not having a job, C would constantly have an excuse as to why he couldn't hang out, such as "I have to help my uncle work on his boat", "I have to help my uncle get his boat in the water", and of course, "If we can't get the boat in the water this weekend, then we're goig to be trying again next weekend." After a while I just gave up and have not heard from him in over 3 years despite him living 5 minutes from my parents place. However, after a little while longer at university, I found myself as part of a new group of friends and for the 4 years up until I recieved my degree, I was making new friends each year while keeping in contact with friends from the previous years. These were people that I had more in common with, could have intelligent conversations with, have fun with on the weekends, and the best part of it all was that I was never given the cold shoulder like I was in the past.
However, after graduation, everything changed. Me and a number of university friends are still able to stay in contact through MSN but they are all either out in different parts of the world pursuing their life goals, or taking their masters degrees. I on the other hand am back in my old hometown without having hung out with anybody for the last year. I honestly feel that I've outgrown my old friends (not that I'd consider them friends anymore as it is).
'A' is best friends with my younger brother and despite now living 2 hours away, he will always come down on the weekends and hang out with my younger brother to insult 12 year olds while playing online war games; not to mention, my younger brother was able to buy his own car while I was at university, and he uses it to drive 2 hours and visit A every now and again. The most insulting part in that I know 'A' looks down on me for having no one to hang around with.
'B' has also become good friends with my brother through smoking pot and taking the same community college courses. Not to mention, he's also into online gaming basically every waking hour.
'C' has basically vanished off the face of the earth. All I know is that he enlisted in the same college courses as my brother and B and flunked out almost immediately as he apparently didn't even try. The last I seen of C was when my uncle's facebook page was tagged with a video of him and a group of high school kids goofing around, pushing each other down hills behind the mall in shopping carts.
Oh, did I mention that none of A, B, or C ever once visited me at university despite previously making visits to C at university a big priority.
I have no car, no job despite a degree, and nowone to go out with. Obviously, I can't go out on my own without a car, and even if I could, I'd have nowhere to go. I've basically forgotten how to communicate due to the circumstances. I live in a fairly small town where nearly everyone knows everyone, so going out and meeting new people isn't much of an option. Besides, I'm sure that the people I went to school with have preconceived notions about who I am based on what I used to be like. I plan to go back to school for either my master's or a teaching degree, but something inside tells me that I'm planning to do this for the wrong reasons. I'm seriously conflicted and am in limbo right now. I feel that whatever I do next, will become the starting point for the first day of the rest of my life. At this point in time, my extended family have become aware of the predicament I'm in, and my uncle is inviting me out on deliveries every weekend (he's a trucker), because he knows I have nowhere to go. I try not to feel sorry for myself but it's hard not to when everyone around me has taken it upon themselves to do it for me.
Thanks for listening and I hope to engage in some great discussions
12 Mar 2011, 2:05 am
