Hello, I'm new with a 5 yr old daughter just diagonosed w AS

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Hello,

This site was recommended by someone I know that was diagnosed as an adult. I am having a hard time finding information about Aspergers in young girls. We had our youngest (5 total) tested on and off for the last couple of years and were blown off every time. Our pediatrician diagnosed her w/ ADHD & Bi-polar tendencies b/c of her "meltdowns". They put her on Intunive and it just made things worse( ie worsened her ticks). Most just counter her behavior as being the baby and either she gets in trouble for it or they baby her and tolerate.

She is very smart, started talking around 7 months. She didn't walk until she was almost 2. Her fine motor skills were incredible at a small age but her gross motor skills are still lacking. She has been in gymnastics for about 1 1/2 yrs and doing well but still cannot repeat the consept of pedaling a bike, jumping a rope, and other similar things that her older siblings had down by this age.

We aren't comparing her to them, just trying to see where she fits in as development age appropriate. I am a nurse and even though I worked with Autistic children during my rotations I have never met another little girl with Aspergers. We are at a complete loss right now on where to start. I work full-time on top of caring for our children.

My husband is in shock/denial right now and isn't much help. He has always been the one to baby her and bend when she wants something. If he says "No" she knows exactly what to do to get him to say "Yes" (as I said, extremely intelligent & some what manipulative)

Would like to know where to find information on Aspergers as it relates to little girls. Even our doctor said he has never diagnosed a little girl at this age. We were just on top of it since she changed b/t 2 1/2 & 3. Not taking NO for an answer, maybe my degree has something to do with that but I would like insight and input from others that have delt with this at such a young age. How do I prepare her for school? She started Pre-K this year & that was almost a shear disaster....Thank goodness for a GREAT teacher who w/o an IEP modified her work to accomodate her need to do things a "specific" way.

Thanks again for any advise in advance, it is greatly appreciated

To WrongPlanet!! !

21-year-old female with AS here. I was diagnosed two years ago, so I wasn't in the system around when it might have helped me (i.e. at a young age). As such, I guess my opinion is a bit influenced. I had gross motor problems at that age, too, and couldn't figure out bikes at all until I was 11 or so. Jump-rope... yeah, I couldn't do that either. That's okay. People don't really need to jump rope.

From my memories at that age, the most important thing is to support her and not let people treat her like she is "weird" or "different" or "special," whatever, in some fundamental way. I think letting her know that everyone has social difficulties when she has problems, and then helping her, is the best thing to do. Don't force her to do more than she can possibly do, but push her to be the best she can be, and don't coddle her too much. Every child has troubles, and the important thing is to treat her like a child, rather than a label. There will probably be things that she can do before your other kids could, and those should be celebrated as her achievements, rather than just something that came from her disorder. I think the worst thing about AS sometimes is that it robs you of the things you do right, while making the things you did wrong a lot more obvious. So try not to let that happen.

That is just what I think, though. You should get information from other people, too.

Be good at manipulation is unusual for autists/aspergers, particulary at such a young age. (To manipulate you need to "read" minds, which is harder for aspies.) Maybe you should look about giftedness. http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/overexcite.htm

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome!

Which city do you live in? You might try looking for psychologists / interventionists that work with children her age that are on the autism spectrum. One place to start might be to ask her teacher that works with her with her IEP.

I guess the best thing I would say is to emotionally be there for her - find out how she receives and gives love and connects with others. And use her special interests to teach her the things she needs to know. I wish someone would've done both these things for me when I was five. There are so many resources available. Special education sites and teachers might be a good resource. You might ask about resources for children with developmental disabilities again see if the school knows of other people in the district or outside agencies that might be able to be resources.

Welcome to wrong planet. You'll find good resources here.

The really good thing is that five is still early enough for intervention to make significant improvements. There are people in my home town here working with parents, children and video to review behaviour and structure alternatives, and the outcomes are good. Keep looking until you find something that helps.

Don't coddle her. Push her a little. My mother pushed me to do things that
would have been unthinkable for an NT kid, like drinking a few cans of beer
with my friends in my teens. I learned to solve my own problems. I though
of understanding the other kids as primatoligy and me as Jane Goodall observing.
From our point of view it is very like going into a gorillas nest and learning to
emulate them, but for me at least it can be fun.

There is a book called "Aspergers and Girls" by Tony Attwood (and six other contributing authors) that I would recommend. "Asperger Syndrome in the Family" by Liane Holliday Willey was also helpful for me. Temple Grandin has autisum and has written many books about her experiences that may also provide you with related perspectives as to what your daughter may be experiencing. It is also common that she may be several years behind in emotional maturity and development, as well as her interests. (i.e. playing with dolls several years after the neurotypical girl has moved on to other "normal" age related interests)

I am almost 36, and was not diagnosed until I was 32, but I can offer the perspective that what you see as a manipulative dynamic between your daughter and husband may simply be that he does not force her to be "normal" and she recognizes that. I am in no way condoning a child being spoiled but my father allowed me to be myself, eat what worked for me, and recognized that what other children enjoyed I did not so I felt more comfortable and safe with him.

My mother often accused me of being spoiled and difficult, and expressed resentment to my father for "spoiling" me. In reality the foods she would sometimes force me to eat tasted horrible and the textures made me uncomfortable (for example while some enjoy yogurt to me it is a cold slime sensation with bitter nauseating undertones), pressing metal against my skin felt like sharp ice cubes, and the clothes she would force me wear made my skin itch and hurt hence meltdowns.

My intent in this explanation is to help someone who does not have the disorder understand that what you may consider spoiled (or her meltdowns as tantrums) could actually be her avoiding amplified and extremely unpleasant sensations and simply being sensory overwhelmed without knowing how to explain it to you or even understand it fully herself. Change in patterns, routine, and diet can also be enormously stressful. One recommendation I can make is if you are going to make a change to explain what will be happening and why. I know that I tend to do far better when I understand something, even if I don't like it. You may also want to study nutrition in the autism spectrum as well as food allergies.

Hope this helps...good luck and welcome to Wrong Planet.