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I am a 38-year-old male. I have known all my life there is something wrong with my mental coding. I figured out that I probably has an ASD a few years ago when there was significant personal issues with my wife and I was blind to the warning signs because of my peculiar projects, lack of empathy and lack of communication. I found an online test which confirmed my suspicions, but I put it away because I did not want to believe it. I worked on some of my issues, but they did not take. I have slowly become even more isolated (my favorite time, not saying defiantly), less able to tolerate small talk and have more difficulty explaining myself orally. I reduced the amount of times, I express myself. When I do talk, I am aware of my tendencies to put my hand on my face, rub my forefinger with my thumb and it causes me to lose focus even more.

I do not have friends besides my wife. I am approachable, but prefer never to go on social events. I haven't had any for years (since I stopped going out and drinking). I've always had poor handwriting, poor balance, horrible joints, flat feet. Outside of my immediate family, I do not talk to anyone else, but I study genetics/genealogy 15+ hours/week.

My wife stuck with me and is accepting of my issues. Unfortunately, a few months ago, my kid let me know that he realizes I get anxious when people come over.

I have not come out with my suspected ASD until recently. I want to appear normal. It is just such an apparent red tape nightmare for an adult to get a new diagnosis it appears. I have an appointment with a therapist that doesn't specialize in like treatment. so it will be a waste of my time. I have been dealing with the coaching end of the empathy, social awkwardness and other related issues for a year. A person that is a therapist is just going to give me bologna that I can find on the internet (and probably used).

It took me a long time to face my reality. I do not want SSI or meds; I just want to verify my educated suspicion and get the appropriate counseling. What should I do next?

Here are my scores on tests I have taken on-line recently:

AQ 42/50

Aspie Quiz: Aspie 142/200 and NT Score: 67/200

Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised

Total = 208
Language = 15
Social Relatedness = 101
Sensory = 52
Circumscribed Interests = 40

I'm new around here too but for what its worth: welcome! If you have my luck you'll be getting a private message next promising eternal damnation which I found not at all cheerful. I ignored it

I can relate to all you write, as so many others here can and while I can understand the diagnosis can be startling the good part is you now know its not a deficiency in you or your character, its just the way your brain works. For my part I dislike having Aspergers but I like knowing I'm not alone. I am learning to embrace my pleasure in solitude and I've educated my wife about my need for alone time and my anxiety about social gatherings. I hope you can do the same perhaps with some help from the good people here.

Hi apequake,

your story sounds familiar. I was diagnosed earlier this year, and the whole idea does take some getting used to. It gives a whole new perspective to your difficulties in life and how you react to things.

A lot of people don't bother with official diagnosis if they don't see any actual benefit from it. As the condition is neurological it cannot be cured, all you can do is learn ways of dealing with it. You need to find what works best for you, whether it is going to therapy, or hanging out on WP and sharing stories with other Aspies.

You are lucky that you have a wife who sticks by you, it is hard to find someone patient enough to put up with an Aspie, but it is possible.

Welcome to WP.

Thank you for the well wishes. I guess I know what I am, so maybe seeking a full diagnosis maybe overblown. I guess I have trouble knowing that the help I may get will be 2nd rate because they do not have a specialist to work with people that may really understand my condition. I guess I may have to educate the therapist.

I was just frustrated with the whole thing. I prefer not to meet with people in the 1st place - in that type environment when talking about personal stuff, I just want to run away. I get even more frustrated when the person's "help ceiling" is very short.

My wife prefers a partner like me. She is very independent and also likes her alone time (she is not ASD, though). Since I have a few other hobbies, I am not "obsessive" with her. I am guilty of trying to transform myself to "what she wants" sometimes, though.

I have been a lot more forgiving of myself since I found out I have AS. I used to try to force myself to socialise, but now I accept that I am not good at it, and I don't enjoy it, so I am not so hard on myself now.

My husband is a lot more social than I am, but we have found a happy medium. About 90% of the time he will visit his friends on his own, and then the rest of the time I make an effort to go out and socialise.

I think there is a difference between trying to be something you are not to make someone happy, and making an effort to compromise and work together for the sake of your marriage.

If you stick around I am sure you will feel at home here, and find some good advice.

Thank you Moomingirl.

I really enjoy this forum. It feels that I am seeing a lot of information that relates to my mental wavelength which I can appreciate. I am also surprised that there is an acceptance for those that are self-diagnosed. I am aware that I have an ASD and have been dealing with this my entire life, but nobody here knows me. I believe that nobody in my real life would be at all surprised. To those couple I've confided in, they were very supportive and not at all surprised. I am glad there is a willingness not to toss out or haze those that have yet to have an "official" diagnosis.