Hi everyone. Just joined up. not sure if this is the right place for me. my psychologist suggested that i might have asperger's and we are investigating it together and seeing what happens.
I have always felt out of place from as far back as i remember but i was also very sick as a baby with encephalitis ( inflammation of the brain) and also grew up in an alcoholic family. hence i always attributed my differences as a combination of the encephalitis and living in a dysfunctional home.
Major challenges for me have been social interaction, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, numbness of feelings. and a few other things thrown in for good measure.
I was very bright in school with regards maths,accounting and science subjects anything with numbers and logic, anything with language was trickier for me to overcome and i was only average at.
I also had selective mutism till i was about 21/22 and would never talk to strangers only maybe one or 2 words just to avoid being impolite. i was always painfully shy and had to put a lot of energy into trying to be "normal" .
I always thought i had a good understanding of other peoples feelings and social cues. but to be honest i find it almost impossible to describe and name my own feelings. so maybe i am not as good as i thought i was. Maybe because i was so quiet that i spent most of my time watching people that i adapted and tried to learn how other people were and try to imitate them. but it always seems that what came so freely and normal for them took an awful lot of energy for me.
At first, i was surprised when my psychologist suggested aspergers . but i can see why she did. However i didn't instinctively feel like i identified with it. But i am on this journey of self discovery and my mind is open to all possibilities. so hopefully i can learn more about it and find out one way or the other.
Deep down i just want some tools to cope with life a bit better. try to understand myself more and hopefully make the second part of my life better than the first half. I'm 36 now. So probably a bit late to be diagnosed with asperger's but information is power and the logical side of me is always seeking answers.
Thanks for reading this far and hopefully in time i'll get to know ye all and myself a bit better.
12 Apr 2012, 5:03 am
