Hello,
I have been reading the comments posted here for a while now but this is post one for me.
I learned of AS a couple of years ago talking with a therapist experienced in dealing with it. It made sense and served to explain much about myself.
Struggling all my life against what seemed an invisible current and not having an understanding of what I was dealing with, I simply assumed I was socially cursed -an anomaly. I suffered for my dysfunction and for the depression and loneliness as a result. Having an understanding of AS as a reason now at this point in my life seems to have at least offered some relief from the pressure and stress I placed on myself for the way I am.
Despite the challenges associated with the condition I have been able to achieve success out in the world. I make a comfortable living; have a beautiful home, cars, etc. But of course I am oddly disconnected from the society I am forced to interact with every day. Operating within the corporate environment is challenging for anyone and for the person with AS its killer for all the obvious reasons -every day wondering just how much more I can take. But it is better than the alternative so I continue to fake it with my academy award caliber portrayal of a normal well-adjusted NT and for that performance I pay a huge price as the resulting exhaustion is legendary.
My one friend in this world is my Ex. The years we were together helped create the illusion of normalcy for me and opened up my world though I always shied away from social situations content to be only with her. I feel fortunate to have had that time which helped me feel closer to being real and added quality to life. Having been alone now for a few of years it’s like I am disappearing more every day.
I find it has helped reading a lot of your thoughts and I see much of myself in them. Perhaps I too can help by sharing a few of my own from time to time.
31 May 2012, 7:19 pm
